! I can't figure whats going on with her.

[badmotor]

I am in my thirties and I recently reconnected online with a girl that I went out with in high school. I spent most of my life trying to find someone like her and failing miserably. Then all of a sudden she comes waltzing back into my life. Our conversations started out platonic and became more and more intense over the course of a few months. Even though we still haven't seen each other in person recently, we have grown very attached to each other. We regularly spend 6 hours on the phone together, weekends SightSpeeding (which can get very intense emotionally and sexually).(Dont get grossed out people, she was a Miss Hawiian Tropic and I am no slouch myself) She and I both admitted we love each other and agree that we don't know how it's possible...but we do. She is coming to see me in 7 days. We used to talk about all of the things we would do like running off the plane and jumping into my arms. She also used to tell me how much she couldn't stop thinking about me. Now, the closer to the time of her arrival, her calls have become almost non-existant. I don't hear from her how she feels. She seems to be having second thoughts. She is still saying she is coming but I am wondering "why bother?". It really seems like her feelings have sort of faded as of recent. Could she be scared? Worried she doesn't look like she did in high school? Did she just want some kind of online fantasy? or is it something else I am missing.

[hopefulInFuture]

sorry man but this all seems so unreal to me... I know you've known her in high school but so much time passed since then. You talk a lot but always online or on the phone. The issue is that this is not real life. You are both still imagining what your meeting could be like. I think the best thing you both could do take it as it comes. Don't force feelings on each other. It takes months and years to truly love someone and long-distance does not really help. Chill down a little. Since she's still coming, you don't have much to worry about. I think she might be a bit worried about what if she does not feel like she thought she would when she sees you? The same could happen to you. Just take this opportunity to get to really know each other and take it slowly

[hoping2heal]

Why not just ask her? I know we all only mean well when we give others a scenario and ask for their input; but in reality we're not that person. We can certainly spout out ideas, but we may or may not be correct and I believe the peace of mind you seek lies within what SHE has to say, not what we THINK may be going on based on information provided.

 

I would tell her the changes you've noticed and ask her what's up. Sure; maybe her looks have changed and she's concerned all of a sudden, Sure ; maybe she's just nervous, Sure ; maybe she's having second thoughts. Those are all VARIABLES. You need to talk to her to know what's going on.

[Island Girl]

If she is saying she is still coming -- that is a lot. Remember she is blindly getting on a plane and putting her faith in you. That is a big step.

 

You have talked about all of these scenarios where she runs off the plane into your arms, etc. and really that puts a lot of pressure on the first meeting.

 

Yes, you have seen each other in person before but that was quite a while ago.

 

Sometimes the chemistry isn't there in person. It's nobody's fault but it is necessary for romance.

 

When things move that fast sometimes they aren't grounded in anything. Building a foundation takes time.

 

You are already talking about giving up when you have hit a hitch. All relationships take effort and LDRs take more than most. That doesn't speak much for how you view this relationship or your exchanges of that love word.

 

Maybe you should have a conversation with her and talk about having less pressure on the meeting and taking it as it comes. It may reveal what she is thinking about all of it too. If it doesn't you can always mention it - just don't talk about it in such a way to increase the pressure (i.e. have your feelings changed?, etc).

 

Just try to remember you could meet in person and have sparks fly. And you don't want to kill that possibility either so try to keep things light if you do talk about it all.

[KikiW]

IG is always on the money with advice...

 

Personally, I think she is getting very nervous. I was in a similar situation right before I met my LDR, but I was lucky to have someone encouraging here in person. If she has friends who aren't all that supportive, she may be freaking out wondering if she's doing the right thing or being silly.

 

You have GOT to talk to her. Openly and honestly. Ask her what's going on, and offer to ease up on the intense talk if she is feeling a little swept away.

 

Good luck.