Goatsbreath Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 What is that? I need to find myself. I have encountered this in my current dissolving relationship and in some others. I just wonder what it means. I never understood it really. When I ask what it means, she don't know. It seems her whole life is a vague outline of saddness. Like I say- whats wrong and she dont even know- shes just sad. Everything is just a vague concept of miserable with no root to grasp onto and say....oh, well maybe if....bla bla bla. Like we do here. We help each other with specific situations but with her- its like the situation is invisible. Shes on anti- depressants....could this be why? Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Let me translate the term "I need to find myself" for you............. It means, "I'm bored with this relationship and want to see what else is out there. There's not really anything in particular you've done and I'm truly not trying to hurt you, which is why I won't come out and tell you the truth. I still want you to be around for me in case I get horny again and haven't found a replacement, or if I find myself lonely, bored, or insecure. So please sit quietly on the back burner while I go on my quest for something more exciting than you. Don't call me, I'll call you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goatsbreath Posted October 26, 2003 Author Share Posted October 26, 2003 Ha ha, yup, thats what I thought it meant. Damn it! Oh well- atleast I laughed for a second even tough its not funny. I guess you have to laugh at the bad stuff sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 i agree with the above translation EXCEPT she's on anti-depressants, right? meaning she's clinically depressed? meaning she's likely unexcited about things she would find exciting if she were healthy. so once/if she's cured, she MAY see the r/s differently. the question is whether you're willing to wait around for that. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I agree would normally mean she wants out but she is very unlikely to be happy with relationship if she is ill. Most unhappy people with no insight will blame it on relationship or feel they have to change their life and can't see how to do it without ditching partner. Once well she will realise happiness comes from within whoever she chooses to be with. Ask her what changes she wants to make - it may be that if she finds out they are ones you can live with she may choose to stay with you. If you want to make it work she needs to feel you are part of the solution not the problem. Maybe you could offer to go to couples counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
feelinghispain Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Socrates taught to "know thyself". If she needs to find herself...that is what it means. If we cannot find happiness within us...we will never find it. There are many sites on the internet to help us really analyze ourselves and face those difficult questions that always seem to dampen our happiness. I guess you need to ask yourself if you want to help her find herself? Do you want to invest your time and energy? Is she worth it to you? If so, Ask her what you can do to help her? and don't pout if she says nothing. If she is on anti-depressants, sometimes life is hell for the depressed. Maybe suggest a counselor to help her in her voyage of self-discovery. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 'i need to find myself' can also mean: 1) I feel hurt & need some time to recover because you have mistreated me or i feel slighted and i need have some recovery time before i can see past it - to what i really want 2) I have lost sight of who i am & I need to gain my own identity 3) I feel things are moving too quickly, i just need a bit of space as the eternal optimist, all of my versions include the suffix 'and when i am through this, i will know if i really do want you' in your case goats, i agree with meanon & feelinghispain, she does need some time, but she needs time on her own, which shes just not getting when theres this other dude on the scene, she wont get better if she doesnt take this time, with no distractions, to deal with her problems, if she doesnt do that, which she isnt doing, she wont change and my question to you is, do you want to be with her if she doesnt change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goatsbreath Posted October 28, 2003 Author Share Posted October 28, 2003 Hey bigbelm- thanks for visiting my corner of misery. The answer to your question is No. I do not want to be with this person if she is not a different person. I can not handle the way she treats me. As of this day forward I am not calling anymore. Infact- I have vowed to take this further. I will not even take her calls for atleast 3 months. I think 3 months is enough time to really step away from the situation and see what direction to go. We may never get back together but I think even if it was a few weeks and she called- it would just be a call of lonelyness- not a true call of establishing anything real. Im moving on- the future is open! Hope I have the conviction Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 Goatsbreath, you need to print this thread (and your other thread) out and keep it by your phone. Refer to it if your phone rings or if you feel the compulsion to call her. What you just said is very sound and wise. Keep reinforcing your determination! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goatsbreath Posted October 28, 2003 Author Share Posted October 28, 2003 You are right fancy, thanks for the tip. Im going to print it now and tape it on to my phone. Maybe I should just tape it everywhere, My car steering wheel, the fridge, the cealing above my bed, the bathroom mirror, the tv. Then when my friends came over they would think I had lost my mind. Maybe I will just stick with the phone idea. Thanks fancy Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 You're most welcome! Just remember, although you may feel like it, you're not alone. You mentioned that this isn't a person you can have a future with. Keep reminding yourself of this. Look beyond today and the pain you're in. Before you know it, you'll be smiling again and feeling strong. Link to post Share on other sites
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