My girlfriend wants to take a break, not willing to work things out or see me again.

[meanon]

If you feel strong enough to try and put this relationship behind you then this will be better for you. If you don't feel strong enough then try to avoid contact with her for a month and meet her as a friend later. As to trying to get her back why not see how you feel when the situation arises? You just need to do whatever helps you cope the best and let the future take care of itself. Wishing you all the best - let us know how you get on.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Ary, I was 17 years old when I lost my boyfriend of 3 years, and I thought no one could top him. When he and I broke up, I cried and cried and cried because the pain was so intense I just shut myself out from everyone else, lost friends and everything. I went through a serious withdrawal. I was wonder should I have done this or should I have done that, or maybe if I did this more things would have worked or maybe if I done this less things would have worked. But you can't go back in time. All you can do is move on from your mistakes and your failures, and you won't be able to do that unless you humbly admit to yourself that you are going to make mistakes in life, you're going to be rejected in life (even without it being your fault), and somethings you do in life are going to fail or not work out (even then it may not be your fault). All those things are a part of life, and we can not grow or become successful if we never go through them. No one does everything right 100% of the time. In fact, there's a saying that you cannot have success unless you fail. I know it hurts, and it going to take time to get over and the pain is unbearable at times, don't run away from it, just live in the moment, and eventually the pain will pass.

 

One thing that's really holding you back from moving on is your belief that you didn't choose to love her, and that it was something that just happened. For one, your belief is hypocritical because you're making a conscious decision to continue to love only her and wait for her. So since this is something you're knowingly and actively doing, it's the same way with falling in love. You did it because you were attracted to her, and eventually you and gradually you wanted to love her. I'm sure she didn't put a gun to your head and told you to do it. While what we do for a person plays a huge part in them being attracted to us or loving us in return, people love one another because they WANT to. They choose to, and they can choose to stop loving you regardless of all the good things you do for them. So if regardless of the changes you made for her, she still wanted to end it, it's because she wanted to. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you did or what you didn't do. That being said, you could buy her all the gifts in the world and write all the poems and tell her you love her 1,000 times a day, it will not make her come back to you because she doesn't WANT to be there. All of what everyone is saying to you through these postings seems to be getting lose through your head. Alot of people on this website are older than you are have been through what you're going through or worst and have made it through to the other side. There is a lot more now that you know at 16 years old that you didn't know when you were 6 years old. And there will be alot more you will know at 20, 24, or 26 than you know right now at 16. Take it from all of us.....we know, because we've been there.

[AryReisin]

Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

Ary, I was 17 years old when I lost my boyfriend of 3 years, and I thought no one could top him. When he and I broke up, I cried and cried and cried because the pain was so intense I just shut myself out from everyone else, lost friends and everything. I went through a serious withdrawal. I was wonder should I have done this or should I have done that, or maybe if I did this more things would have worked or maybe if I done this less things would have worked. But you can't go back in time. All you can do is move on from your mistakes and your failures, and you won't be able to do that unless you humbly admit to yourself that you are going to make mistakes in life, you're going to be rejected in life (even without it being your fault), and somethings you do in life are going to fail or not work out (even then it may not be your fault). All those things are a part of life, and we can not grow or become successful if we never go through them. No one does everything right 100% of the time. In fact, there's a saying that you cannot have success unless you fail. I know it hurts, and it going to take time to get over and the pain is unbearable at times, don't run away from it, just live in the moment, and eventually the pain will pass.

 

One thing that's really holding you back from moving on is your belief that you didn't choose to love her, and that it was something that just happened. For one, your belief is hypocritical because you're making a conscious decision to continue to love only her and wait for her. So since this is something you're knowingly and actively doing, it's the same way with falling in love. You did it because you were attracted to her, and eventually you and gradually you wanted to love her. I'm sure she didn't put a gun to your head and told you to do it. While what we do for a person plays a huge part in them being attracted to us or loving us in return, people love one another because they WANT to. They choose to, and they can choose to stop loving you regardless of all the good things you do for them. So if regardless of the changes you made for her, she still wanted to end it, it's because she wanted to. It doesn't necessarily have to do with what you did or what you didn't do. That being said, you could buy her all the gifts in the world and write all the poems and tell her you love her 1,000 times a day, it will not make her come back to you because she doesn't WANT to be there. All of what everyone is saying to you through these postings seems to be getting lose through your head. Alot of people on this website are older than you are have been through what you're going through or worst and have made it through to the other side. There is a lot more now that you know at 16 years old that you didn't know when you were 6 years old. And there will be alot more you will know at 20, 24, or 26 than you know right now at 16. Take it from all of us.....we know, because we've been there.

You are wrong, I don't choose to keep on loving her. I choose to try to do things and look for help. My thoughts can't change my feelings. It is the way it is, the only tool I have is thought, like trying to be with friends and looking for help, but thought can't change feelings.

If she really doesn't want to be anymore in the future, not even as friends, then I will see if I want to keep living or not. By now I know I have all my life to kill myself or get depressed. But I don't have all my life to get her back. So what is important now is to make her think I am ok, fine, only want to be friends, and don't love her. Maybe in a month she will accept to see each other. I have to be strong if she is dating someone, but by now she is single and wants to be alone. The hardest thing right now is to do my activities completely and well.

I don't think I am like everybody, many reasons I have. Anyway thanks for your interest.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Ary

 

You don't sound like you love her at all. It sounds like you're obsessed, and contrary to what you believe your thoughts can change your feelings as you will find out as you get older. The problem is you don't want to accept that and you don't want to accept that she doesn't want you...so who sounds narcissistic now? A narcissistic person is not just a person who love themselves, it is also someone who always feels they have to have things there way or always have to have the upper hand, or always put themselves first before others. This is what you are doing now because you clearly have no regards for how your ex is feeling. You are bent on having her back, hence, having things your way, because it's clearly not the way she wants things to be. You would rather die than live happily and in peace with both of you going your separate ways and honoring her feelings. That's what true love is, knowing when and how to let go and not keep somebody by your side (who doesn't want to be there anymore) just to make YOU happy. Obviously you did all you could and it didn't work because she doesn't want it to work. She doesn't want to be there anymore. I can understand feeling down after a breakup, but from the things you say, I suggest you talk with your parents about going to a counselor, because you're feelings are not healthy at all.

[AryReisin]

Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

Ary

 

You don't sound like you love her at all. It sounds like you're obsessed, and contrary to what you believe your thoughts can change your feelings as you will find out as you get older. The problem is you don't want to accept that and you don't want to accept that she doesn't want you...so who sounds narcissistic now? A narcissistic person is not just a person who love themselves, it is also someone who always feels they have to have things there way or always have to have the upper hand, or always put themselves first before others. This is what you are doing now because you clearly have no regards for how your ex is feeling. You are bent on having her back, hence, having things your way, because it's clearly not the way she wants things to be. You would rather die than live happily and in peace with both of you going your separate ways and honoring her feelings. That's what true love is, knowing when and how to let go and not keep somebody by your side (who doesn't want to be there anymore) just to make YOU happy. Obviously you did all you could and it didn't work because she doesn't want it to work. She doesn't want to be there anymore. I can understand feeling down after a breakup, but from the things you say, I suggest you talk with your parents about going to a counselor, because you're feelings are not healthy at all.

Bravo, you realised my feelings aren't heathy. Regarding love, you think that to love someones is to give they what they want or need and thats it. That is your interpretation of love and its ok for you. My concept of love is it is a feeling of intensity and security, where one wants the other person to be very well, happy, but including one. I don't think that love is : do whatever you want that makes you happy even if that doesn't include me. No sir. I think it is: Do whatever you need and you want, but please don't reject me like that, because I love you and want to be with you, and if you don't want me then tell me why I bother or hurt you. If I see I am a threat to your well being, then I would step away. But as I don't see I am a threat, then I want to be with you, of course without making you feel bad.

I don't love myself and of course I put myself first. IT IS THE EGO, dont you see it???? Everyone is egocentric, selfcentered, and that is not the same as narcissistic. I don't love myself, and I don't hate myself. What are you trying to say here? That I have to take your advice because you have experience? I thank your knowledge, too bad is not helping. That is way I keep asking for help, because I didn't get enough. And if someone tells me help must come from inside, then I will tell them I am failing to help myself succesfully.

[Air Head]

I agree with ThisGirlNameKD on this one Ary, you seem to be stopping yourself from moving on.

 

I am in a similar situation to yours, to an extent, and the way I have been coping (or trying to cope) is to have fun with my friends, and do the things that I couldn't do when I was with my ex. I still think about him, almost all the time, but if you keep busy you will find yourself thinking about them less and less, or so I am told. I'm not quite there yet.

 

The thing that gets me through is thinking that if you two are truly meant to be together (and I believe my ex and I are), then you will get together again, some day, some how. When you are 16 (which is how old I am too) its difficult to settle down, as eventually most people start to think that they are missing something by being in a relationship, which is why my ex broke up with me. He is now going out with his friends and flirting with other girls, but when he realises that the grass isn't always greener on the other side he will come back if it is meant to be. But young people need these experiences to find out about life in general, and what is out there in the big wide world. And this knowledge will probably end up making future relationships (possibly ones with your ex) even better than had you not had some time to be single and have no commitments.

 

I know that you will likely be thinking, "but I never stopped her going out", I think that all the time, but I have come to realise that a sense of freedom makes things feel different somehow. Sometimes you just have to let people you love get on with what they want to do. If you're soulmates, she'll come back sooner or later.

 

And surely, if you really do love her, you want her to be happy? If being single makes her happy, let her be that way.