Question for older professional men

[uncertain at work]

I met this man (late 50's) through work but we do not work in the same office. I see him occasionally and want to get to know him better, I am 40.

 

I am not necessarily looking to date him but I do want to get to know him better. He flirts with me on the phone and in person. On the phone he makes statements like my calls to him brighten his day or that he was disappointed he missed my call. In person he touches my shoulder or puts his arm around my shoulder. He has walked me to my car etc... but twice now I have hinted that we should have dinner. Each time he said he is interested but the timing isn't right. The first time he had to work late (this was true) the second we were leaving together and as we were leaving I kind of blirted out "well I thought I might get you to ask me to dinner" and he responded with "well you have to give me more notice" (I did take him off guard and we were both on our way home). Both times I suggested dinner it was in person and very spur of the moment almost like a light hearted joke but I think I have made it clear I would like to get to know him better.

 

Is he interested in lunch/dinner, ..... is he shy ..... or is he just being flirtatious? Please guys help explain this behavior. I am feeling like I should just back off and keep eveything professional because it seems to me if he wanted to get to know me better he would have taken me up on dinner???? What are your thoughts??

[GorillaTheater]

I'm 46 and a lawyer. I'm also married. I suspect he is too.

[Lucky_One]

My first thought is that he needs more advance notice so that he can come up with a plausible story about an important client dinner for his wife.

[Trialbyfire]

There are plenty of men who are flirtatious, sometimes meaningless, sometimes meaningful.

 

You were pretty forward with your comments, which can cause men who are accustomed to pursuing, to back off and re-evaluate.

 

IF someone this bold hasn't already asked you out, he's someone with low interest, probably just flirting for the sake of being friendly. This doesn't mean he won't "do" you, if given the easy opportunity.

 

I also think you should be more careful, in case he's previously committed, whether by marriage or LTR.

[stillafool]

Do you ask him if he is married or do you know?

 

I think that by your asking him twice about "dinner" if he were interested he would have asked for your number and made plans. You made it clear that you were interested in him.

[nobody's girl]

I feel for ya! I've been dealing with a similar situation for over six months now. Only see him in a business capacity and only every 6-8 weeks or so. There's been plenty of physical contact, a kiss, and vague references (from him) regarding going out for dinner. Six months and we've yet to actually see each other outside of business. And I know he's not married.

 

I drove myself nuts for over six months. Finally decided I was making myself crazy over nothing. Either he had to "man up" and follow through or I write him off as a creepy guy looking for a cheap thrill. Seems like creepy guy won out. I still see him in a business capacity, still share a hug, but if he wants anything more he's got to quit screwing around. I may not have a whole lot of self esteem (thanks mom & dad), but I have enough to know I'm not going to waste my time on this foolishness.

 

The way I see it, you've made it known how you feel. It's up to him to make the next move. If he doesn't, then don't waste your time. Find somebody who will appreciate you.

[uncertain at work]

You were right on, he is married. My guess is that it was harmless flirting and I scared him when I made a suggestion to take it outside of work (dinner). Since my last dinner invite we spoke on the phone and he asked me to bring some things to his office. He could have easily asked someone else to bring these but he specifically asked me; however, when I arrived he was conviently out of the office. Not sure what type of game this is but if he didn't want to see me why would he have asked me to bring these things to his office? I am a flirt but usually people don't take me seriously and I have never "hooked" up with anyone from work and don't intend to start now, I really just wanted to get to know him better. Geeze I could have even become friends with him and his wife.

[2sure]

I'm 46 and a lawyer. I'm also married. I suspect he is too.

 

Knew it. And I know who all the engineers are here too.

 

OP - You have indicated your intererest to him - either he unavailable or uninterested. If there is still a reason you just dont feel sure - give him your phone number.

 

Just read the update.

 

Too bad. Kind of a jerk.

[uncertain at work]

Honestly I am attracted to him and I did flirt pretty bad but if I scared him off why on earth would he request that I bring these things to his office and then not be there??

 

The project we were working on is now over the things I took to his office were to tie things up so he knew that would be the last time I would be there.

 

I know I know he's married so why should I care ...... I don't know why I care but it does bother me that he would request I come to his office and then not be there.

[grogster]

As a card carrying OPM ("Older Professional Man"), I suspect he's married or involved with someone else. Perhaps both.

 

He's married and just flirting.

 

Let the OPM pretend he's single.

 

You move on to greener (or at least younger) pastures.

[norajane]

Geeze I could have even become friends with him and his wife.

 

And that is his worst nightmare. The last thing he wants is to introduce his wife to a woman he's been flirting with!

 

As to the office thing, he had second thoughts after he called you.

[uncertain at work]

Yea you guys are all correct .... thanks for your input. I have a feeling I was getting myself into an uncomfortable spot anyway.

[uncertain at work]

You're open to the possibility of becomeing the other woman, the MISTRESS? What kind of person are you? What kind of woman are you?

 

 

Hey Brown relax, just because one person is attracted to another does not mean they are going to jump in the sack with them. Some of us use restraint. What type of person must you be that you would assume that just because a person asks a question on here that they are "open" to acting on the thoughts they have.

 

A little hint for you ..... we can have thoughts and feelings that we do not act on. Oh yea and just in case it got past you ... this discussion was complete and resolved before your comment so move along.

[carhill]

OP, any thoughts as to how you'll shut down his flirting/physical touching, should it happen again?

 

Shall I presume he's another married man with an allergy to gold wedding bands?