How to Deal?

[Kaybear]

Hi everyone, I'm relatively new here. Actually fresh to the thread today. I actually looked up a board for this particular reason, for finding people who live in LDR and how they strive and make things work. I hate to say I'm young (19, Boyfriend is 20), but in truth I am. So if your here to point out that, please don't. You can't put an age on love, and I learned that the hard way.

 

I've been in my LDR for almost four months now. My boyfriend lives in NC and while I'm in MD. It's not far of a drive you might say. Seven hours, tops. But with the economy how it is today, I find it easier to travel by Grayhound, or plane.

 

Now, I still live at home. I'm graduating from High School, finally this year {two days,actually!}. I had to go into homeschool because of a heart condition I have earlier the past year, and that had succeed in sucessfully ruining my social life, etc. My ex was cheating on me, and then the distance became too much even if it was 20 miles for him and he left. My friends, they had lifes to live, and I just didn't fit into the regular high school atmosphere anymore. I fit into reality, and had to grow up pretty quickly to start take care of myself.

 

Now, my mother is fully behind me and supporting me. She doesn't think he's the type who would come and be a serial killer, and he's nothing but sweet and caring. He pulled me out of my issues with trust, and he has always been there for me when I needed him, even with his work and life where he is. He's made a commitment to me, as I have him. I just wish I could offer more.

 

I understand with my condition, I don't do much. It mimics critical fatique, and I'm quite scared that when he comes to visit in three weeks, hopefully if all goes good, that he'll be disappointed. It has made me gain weight, my ability to excerise has gone down, and it just makes me so tired and aggrivated on somedays, I just crawl into a ball and cry. Yet, his words are inspiration and I finally snap into an optimistic mood and smile. How anyone could be so special, I've no idea.

 

So how do I deal with the idea? How do you gain self-motivation in this situation? How do you stop stressing, and try to make this positive for them, try to create something and not push yourself?

 

I love him. And he has told me he'd love me flaws and all, knowing full well the problems I have. But, I still feel that ting of "he's not going to like me".

 

Sorry for the Wall-O-Text.

 

-Kaybear

[hoping2heal]

Hello KB,

 

Thanks for sharing with us . As for your situation; it's funny how once we've made up our mind about ourselves, we find it absolutely IMPOSSIBLE that someone would feel any other way. I.e once we have found our flaws to be unlovable, it's hard to believe another person could possibly be aware of them and still love us.

 

However, thankfully our quirks and flaws are embraced and loved by others. If this man knows everything up front and is accepting of it, then I wouldn't worry (although I know you will, oh hell I guess I would too ). I guess you will just have to stay positive and when the bad thoughts creep in; re affirm that "he knows everything, he still wants to meet, he's accepting of me as I am".

 

Best of luck with everything .

[Island Girl]

You are enough. The you inside your head that is unique and different -- that has been shaped genetically and environmentally -- is enough.

 

My husband is 5600 miles away and has been for 6+ years.

There are plenty of women who are there physically. They can do those things that I can't.

Is he with any of them? Is he chasing after the physicality aspect because I can not fulfill that part? NO.

 

Because the way I am - who I am and how we relate to each other - is unique and he knows just as I do that you can not replace ANY of that.

 

He is attracted to you. Your brain and the way it works, how you interact with him, etc.

He knows what you look like but those things can and do go sweetheart. People end up in wheelchairs, etc. What we all want is to find someone who loves who we are INSIDE not the outside. Because that will always - ALWAYS - be who we are.

 

It is easy to worry about these things but pointless.

 

You are off to a marvelous start. Don't kick yourself or worry about things that he already knows and has accepted. Trust him and trust in yourself.

 

And welcome to our little place at The Shack.