She kisses me and then dumps me?

[hurtandconfused]

I posted this in another forum but i want to get as much help as possible. So let me start from the beggining. I am 24 and she is 19. I have been seeing her for a few weeks and things have been going great. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because, as she put it, he did too many drugs and never had a job, life, ect. Well, anyway, I told her that I would let her make the first move since she wasnt sure if she was ready for another relationship or not.

 

Then Wednesday she did it. I was driving her back to her house after our date and she grabbed my hand and so we held hands all the way back to her place. (move #1) When we got there we talked for a few minutes then did our normal hug and goodbyes. Then she kissed me on the lips. (move #2) So naturally I feel everythings going good and strong and leave on cloud 9.

 

Now heres where the problem starts. I call he up Thursday night to talk to her to see how things are going and to make plans and she tells me she doesnt think she can handle an emotional relationship right now and just wants to be friends. She says shes still not over her ex and still thinks about him and stuff. Dumbfounded I just say ok, ok, ok, sure i understand, ect, to get off the phone.

 

So I go over to her house Friday, hoping it was all a bad dream. We talk for about an hour and I finally realize its over. I tell her I'll be here when shes ready, and she says she doesnt want me to wait for her cause she doesnt know how long its going to take, ect.

 

She admits having feelings for me and I for her so thats the reason I'm writing. My friends tell me that she will come back when shes ready but I dont know. I know its only been a few weeks that we've been going out but really, really, like her. She says she didnt know I would take it this hard but how can I not? So will she be back or does she just not want to see me anymore or what? And why did she make moves when she was gonna drop me the next day or did she even know that she would? Please any help would be greatly appreciated.

[meanon]

how can I not?

If she seems suprised by the strength of your reaction maybe she does not expect people to like her that much - this is more about her than you but it will do her good to know you care.

 

So will she be back

Don't think anyone knows the answer

 

does she just not want to see me anymore or what?

This isn't what she said I would listen to her

 

why did she make moves when she was gonna drop me the next day or did she even know that she would?

Sounds like she didn't know she would.

 

She may come back - 4 years is a long time she may need some recovery time. It sounds like she wants to be ready to move on but maybe she was taken aback by how odd it felt to be with somone else. If she is 19 he may have been the only man she has been with. I think she likes you but maybe she needs time or she isn't sure about risking her heart again so soon or maybe she would enjoy being single and dating lots of men for a while. Only time will tell.

[yes]

let her know that if she ever wants to get in touch, you'll be glad to hear from her. then, stop calling her/visiting her/IMing her - just leave her alone.

 

she may or may not come around later ... so keep on dating, and if you're free WHEN/IF she comes around, give it a shot if you still feel like it.

 

it really sux when you really like someone and their head is completely elsewhere, but at least she was honest with you.

 

good luck,

-yes

[hurtandconfused]

Well, to my surprise, she just called me and we talked for 15 minutes. We just talked about the normal stuff, movies, work, etc. But she said a couple of times that she just wanted to see how I was doing. So is this a good thing or is she still sorting things out? I'm sure shes the only one that can answer that but anyone that has gone through this care to respond? And yes I'm aware that 3 days wont totally cure her from what we just went through ( and still are) but is it a step in the right direction?

[Dreamgirl03]

I was in kindof the same situation recently..i was with my ex fiancee for just over 2 years..then just 5 days after our 2nd anni, he drops me..and i was hurt very badly..the breakup was very painful, and even though it was oly 6 months ago, i am still in pain. And I am also involved with another guy now..i really really like him...so much. Yet i still have feelings for my ex..he still comes around to talk to me even. Both guys know i am still in love with my ex..it feels so wierd..like i`m almost cheating on my new man or something.

But..she`ll come around when she`s ready...ya know..4 years to be with someone is a LONG time..she needs time to heal..but it sounds like she really likes you, so she`ll come back around when she heals a bit.

[hurtandconfused]

I realize its been a while since I posted last but heres an update. We have gone out twice since she pulled away from me and talked on the phone a few times also. But there is still a problem. She seems really distant, emotionally-wise. She says were "just friends", but while we were at a movie the other day and on the way home, out of the corner of my eye, I could see her looking at me. I would look back at her and she would look straight ahead and giggle and shake her head. I would ask her what is funny and she would say "nothing". I kinda get the impression that she wants something to be here but shes either scared or not ready. It may just be me though.

 

Is it possible to ever get back where we were before the "kiss"? Before that things were alot smoother but now I can feel some tension between us. Or at least on my end I can. Or am I in the dreaded "friend zone" where thats as far as she wants to go with me. I'm sure some of you women have been in this position before and would really appreciate your input. Even if its not what you think I want to hear, I would accept any and all advice.

[Jilly]

Well, I am old enough to be your mum, so I can see a lot here that perhaps you can't. My opinion is: walk away. Heartbreaking as it is, she has made it as clear as she can that she wants to finish your relationship.

 

Your age is imaterial - jeez, I was 16 once! - you have had a deep and meaningful relationship, but she obviously is not ready to settle down with one bloke. Treasure it, draw on it, and most important of all, learn from it.

 

All the best to you.

[UCFKevin]

Oh man...I've been there once. THe girl leading you on but then not being over the ex, leaves you in the dust.

 

If my history is any example, move on. Nothing's going to happen except for your hopes to be brought up then crash down. It's best to walk away, as hard as it might be. I went nuts when it happened to me, it was horrendous. This girl was AMAZING. Ugh.