SmartassbrattJd Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Hi, I would love any advice anyone can give me here. My G/f and I met online over two years ago. I am orginally from the UK and she is from NY. We'd been 'together' for about a year and we'd met a few times. Things were great and now I live with her in New York. To begin with things were a dream here, as much as I missed all my family and friends, she was the one I wanted to be with and I left my life back in England to be with her. Actually, it was a childhood dream to move to New York, but she washed away any doubts and I moved here. She is a lovely lady and I love her to bits. The problem is, she spends almost all her time online playing games and neglects my feelings when she does this. When I ask her to spend time with me, she says she will, but it's short lived. I have spoken to het about how I feel as she also most of the time makes excuses to come here me for any kind of effection. It was a huge move for me as I come from a tight family and my best friends are my family. This move has been hard enough as it is without them, but I have no support from her emtionally or mentally. I have been here now three months and problems started to occur in the 2nd month. I am not currently working but will start this week, I am hoping this will things as maybe she will apprecaite me more. I cook and cleaing as I didnt want her to work when she came back from a hard days work. She also has a daughter whom I have been looking after while shes been working. I feel like she is taking me for granted and I feel as though she is getting too comfortable with idea that I am here forever. She spends ALL her spare time online and I am beginning to think she maybe has a online intrest. Considering that is how we met, I am more afraid. She stays online until 4 Am sometimes and then runs late for work in the mornings. If she is not online, she will be on the phone with family members. She has no time for me and it is causing a lot of problems between us. Pls advise me or tell me what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
aiwdbo Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 confront her Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I think you need to sit her down and have a frank discussion about why you're in New York, and what you're looking for in a relationship. Moreover, from your description it sounds like her online habit is detrimental to many aspects of her life: work, lack of sleep. And what about her child? Starting your new job ought to help you out -- broaden your social horizons, etc. -- but it won't solve the problem you're trying to address, which is a) her excessive time online and on the telephone, and b) her lack of regard for you. A few years ago I left New York to spend the summer with my then-boyfriend in Jerusalem, where he was working at the time. We were supposed to be talking about our relationship and deciding whether we were going to make our relationship permanent. I was looking forward to spending some real time with him, after doing a long-distance relationship for more than a year. But when I got there, there was always something more important that he had to be doing, so we actually didn't spend lots of time together. And we never talked about our relationship. After a month of hanging around the house, cooking, doing laundry and trying to be helpful however I could, I was bored, isolated, and very frustrated. But I didn't say too much, because I thought he knew what he was doing, that his "important" things really were important ... and that if there was a problem he would surely tell me. I was wrong. At the end of the summer, when I pressed him to tell me what he thought about our relationship, he told me that he couldn't commit to marrying me, and so we ought to break up. And you know what, I should have seen that coming -- I did see it in fact, after a month. I just ignored it and hoped that it wasn't as I feared. I think you should tell your girlfriend that you find her online activities to be alarming and problematic. It sounds like she has a problem, and she needs a reality check. If she refuses to discuss it with you, and persists as she has been, I think you ought to start looking into other options, whether they're in New York or back in the UK. Maybe stay for a year in New York and work at your job, but get your own place (or share an apt. with a roommate). You don't have to put up with a neglectful partner who's more interested in her virtual relationships than she is in her lover and her child. You're not a babysitter and bedwarmer. You're her boyfriend. If she can't manage to treat you like one, you shouldn't stay with her. Link to post Share on other sites
ncguy34 Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I think she is taking you for granted. It sounds very dubious that she is online until 4 a.m. You can only surf the web for so long and the only thing that keeps you up that late is an online chat. Have you walked in on her and seen her change the screen? I am not suggesting checking her e-mail but ask her what she is doing and why a keyboard and screen are more important than you. Your going to have to make some big decisions but I think her interest in you is slipping. Have you every been to the web site called AskMen.com. It has articles on how to judge a women's interest etc. Good luck and keep us posted on the site. Link to post Share on other sites
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