czombie Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Okay I don't know where this came from but my wife called me today and asked if she could rent a room from me. We've been seperated for about a month now.....Is this an attempt to reconcile without admitting she does, or is she possibly just seeing if I would say yes so that she can then say nevermind.... I told her that I would have to think about it and she begged me to give it some good thought....... what do yall think her intentions are...? she is very stubborn like me and I'm kinda confused.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 What do you want? For you two to work on the marriage, do counselling together? Or do you want a divorce? Is your daughter living with you, or is she with your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 She wants to get back in the marital home so she can have better standing in the divorce. I would tell her hell no. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 gotta agree "hell no",there's a method to her madness,why be part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Montclair0011 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Need more information to make an informed decision. Please provide more details. But based on what has been given so far, No F****ing way. I agree with above posters. Sounds like a trap. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Not a good move. Legally, and of course mentally. If she's a tenant, paying rent... she's got every right to bring home fresh sausage to ride and you can't do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 She wants to get back in the marital home so she can have better standing in the divorce. I would tell her hell no. exactly, sounds like someone is "coaching" her. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Did you ask her why? What's the point, she just moved out on you. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Did you ask her why? What's the point, she just moved out on you. Yeah, need to do some investigating before making your decision. If she wants to repair and work on the marriage I say yeh. If she's going through a rough patch and needs a cheap place to stay, I say too bad, so sad my dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I'd tell her to kick rocks!!!! especially if she left you heartbroken on some dumb crap, females be doing crazy things because they're emotions cant be controlled, they dont lead with both they only lead with one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author czombie Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 well I ended up telling her no anyways....If she wants to reconcile she needs to come out and admit to it....I can tell something is bothering her but like I said she is stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author czombie Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 I'd tell her to kick rocks!!!! especially if she left you heartbroken on some dumb crap, females be doing crazy things because they're emotions cant be controlled, they dont lead with both they only lead with one. Nah she didn't leave me heartbroken by no means.....I told her I wanted the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 well I ended up telling her no anyways....If she wants to reconcile she needs to come out and admit to it....I can tell something is bothering her but like I said she is stubborn. DAMINIT! I was so looking forward to seeing this on COPS on the FOX channel! Dumb-ass XH lets wife back into house, wife calls cops, screams domestic violance, H gets hauled away in COP car! XW gets everything worth stealing in divorce court! Link to post Share on other sites
Author czombie Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 DAMINIT! I was so looking forward to seeing this on COPS on the FOX channel! Dumb-ass XH lets wife back into house, wife calls cops, screams domestic violance, H gets hauled away in COP car! XW gets everything worth stealing in divorce court! lol.....I've got two good friends that are both cops that know our situation, so I'm covered to an extent... Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Now that you are separated, do the work to rebuild the marriage. Then "IF" that works & "IF" that is what you want tell her down the road she can move back in as your wife, not as a roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author czombie Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Now that you are separated, do the work to rebuild the marriage. Then "IF" that works & "IF" that is what you want tell her down the road she can move back in as your wife, not as a roommate. This post makes a ton of sense and is to the point..... My wife called yesterday very upset and crying...She asked if we could hang out and watch a movie together when I got off work and I said yes. She came over, we talked alot about things we've wanted to tell each other, but never really did before I asked for the divorce (amazing how communication works...lol) anyways we ended up watching a movie then sleeping together (not sex) I just cuddled with her. Which I failed to do during the last couple mos of our marriage (including sex)....this is her main issue with me...she started feeling unloved. Anywho we had a good nite together, no bickering, just good ole fashioned talking....The next morning she said she was gonna start moving her stuff back in but when I got home, nothing had changed, she hadn't moved anything....I texted her and she replied back that she was getting nervous because she didn't want to get hurt again. I left it at that then realized that I didn't want her to change her mind again 2-3 days down the road and ask again.....ya either want to work things out or ya don't I liked what you posted and that is exactly what I told her...I'm sure it threw her for a loop...Either way only good will come out of this...We will either get back together or we won't and we will move on. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I don't know if you are a Christian but if you are I would highly recommend a Christian counselor. When I started to see a Christian counselor on my own I was very surprised to hear him say what I shared with you. My former W & I were already separated & she had asked for a divorce so I figured the counselor would say; oh do everything you can to get back together because that is what the bible says, but instead he told me to work on me, then work on the marriage & then maybe in a year we could move back in. Even though she was the one that moved out he had me make a list of things I would need in a partner & things I felt she would need to work on before I would take her back. Now the tables had turned & I was in control of my life. For me it didn't work, but every situation is different.....Funny thing is now she is finding out that grass isn't as green on the other side & she doesn't seem happy.... I would like to suggest one thing. 1) Don't have sex with her because that will just confuse everything. I know it is hard especially when you two start getting closer if that happens. 2) Try & figure out what happened. Most of the time there is something from your past or something else besides this; I love you but I'm not in love with you crap I hear all the time that is the cause of the bad marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I don't know if you are a Christian but if you are I would highly recommend a Christian counselor. When I started to see a Christian counselor on my own I was very surprised to hear him say what I shared with you. My former W & I were already separated & she had asked for a divorce so I figured the counselor would say; oh do everything you can to get back together because that is what the bible says, but instead he told me to work on me, then work on the marriage & then maybe in a year we could move back in. Even though she was the one that moved out he had me make a list of things I would need in a partner & things I felt she would need to work on before I would take her back. Now the tables had turned & I was in control of my life. For me it didn't work, but every situation is different.....Funny thing is now she is finding out that grass isn't as green on the other side & she doesn't seem happy.... I would like to suggest one thing. 1) Don't have sex with her because that will just confuse everything. I know it is hard especially when you two start getting closer if that happens. 2) Try & figure out what happened. Most of the time there is something from your past or something else besides this; I love you but I'm not in love with you crap I hear all the time that is the cause of the bad marriage. You have just realized what she needs when she left and started providing for her emotional and physical needs due to the fact she left. What happens when she moves back in and you become complacent again? What happens when you feel incapable of providing for her needs? What's the rush? Are you committed? Is she committed? Than give it time. Working on a marriage is not about talking and discussing issues rapid fire. It's also about building positive interactions. If the current environment is ideal to "working" on it. Why change it? Especially if she's tied into a lease. So many people reconcile and fail, because they never addressed the cause of the problems, rather the symptoms. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 slow it down!! why the hurry? just take it nice and slow and see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Author czombie Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 damn...I hate it when yall are right....lol....now everything she has said is starting to make sense.... I told her that she needed to decide if she wanted to be with me or not because I was ready to move on with or without her. She said she misses me and loves me and wants to start fresh with me by dating, etc....She said she is nervous and scared that we will end up bitter all over again if we jump right back into things....She said that I really hurt her with some of the things I said, etc. I did say some really awful things to her...She wants to take baby steps. Is she being genuine or is she just trying to keep me around until some other guy comes along. I'm just a very impatient person... In a way I just want to tell her its either all or nothing, but I guess that would be the absolute wrong thing to say...Right..? Yall women are damn complicated.......lol Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I think she might want to turn things around, I see where she's coming from. And IF there is no OM or OW in the picture on her side, if you still have feelings for her, then try it out, she didnt cheat on you right, alienate you? Things could work out. who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 as you said, you're a very impatient person.so i guess you're gonna have to learn to be patient.try REALLY listening to her,cause i truely do think she wants to get back together,but she wants the man you were when you two met. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Patience; is an EVIL word.....I hate that word.....:D:D I feel this is something you need to work on, just like they said you need to be able to listen to what she is saying. There is a difference between hearing & listening. This is a BIG problem I have. I always want to fix what is wrong & sometimes they just want us to listen..... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I think you should agree to date her but not let her move back in until she is 100% ready again to commit to the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 There is a difference between hearing & listening. Don't hold back! Stand up and testify! Infer? Imply? Its all about coummuication! Link to post Share on other sites
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