Too Many Variables - Where do I start?

[workingman]

some background-

I have dated her for almost 2 years now, we have recently moved in(6mos) and have no plans of immediate marriage/children (yikes!). We get along very well most of the time, and if we do fight it ultimately stems from paranoia/insecurity on her part as a result of a nasty Ex, or insensitivity on my part because I have a low tolerance for stress at home because my work is demanding. more often than not we work through our problems after a bit of bickering, realize where our faults lie, apologize respectively, and all is well in the universe.

 

a month ago, she went to china to study abroad for two weeks. her class visited a local university and paired up with their nursing students to see how things go across the pacific. I have a friend travis(understatement - more like a brother) who attends the same university my lady does, and their class was also visiting, albeit on a different trip and for business school rather than nursing. Our only communication option was skype, a sort of video phone. The time difference allowed us to talk once a day, either when she was waking and i went to bed or vice versa.

 

This is where things get complicated. I visited my brother to catch up and opted not to tell her about it, probably a damning mistake but my reasoning was whenever I visit him, she gets nervous (he's a lady killer) and we fight for a week and she doesn't need that when she's in a foreign country. In a subsequent conversation I slipped up and then admitted that I went to visit and told her why I omitted that. obviously and deservedly she was upset. We talked about it a while and I felt somewhat satisfied that she understood, but was still upset - after all, it kind of was an atack on the way she acts at times. she said she was going to visit with travis since they just got to china, they were going to go out as a group to a bar and blow off some steam. we talked the next day and everything seemed ok, she went out and vented a bit, I was apologetic, everything ok now.

 

Long story short everything was fine until the night before she would travel to the airport to return home, I accidentally overslept an hour when we had plans to talk because i set my alarm for PM not AM. I awake to 5 progressively more drunken voice messages. I get on skype to talk and she is in travis and his room-mates room. Mind you Travis is not the issue here. Travis is a old family friend and has a serious girlfriend of his own. My lady opted to call me with the camers half on herself and half on this random guy. She was drunk and began making catty and derogatory comments about me. Not about to put up with that, I tried my best to change the subject, or get her to talk about what kind of things they did that day. I was having a hard time understanding/hearing her and was frankly a bit pissed off, so I said goodnight, see you at the airport. The next morning I get a message from her, but it is from the strange guys, computer, not hers. She has since come back and acts as if nothing is wrong.

 

My dilemma - I know she is in the wrong. I may have told a white lie, but she stayed the night, while intoxicated, in another man's hotel room. I almost don't want to ask her because I don't want to know, but at times it eats away at me and I feel awful about it. She knows I'm on to something but has opted for silence. - HELP!

[workingman]

just realized this is a bit one- sided at some points - during The last communication, I was immediately suspiciuous, and in turn was a bit curt with her. regardless I still want to be with her no matter what happens, I just don't know what to do......

[lostsunsets]

You have to be bold. Don't mention it to her, until you see her face to face, Then ask her outright " Did you screw that guy that you slept over with while you were in China" Look right in her eyes. If she loves you, there is a good chance she won't be able to lie to you. If your still concerned, ask her to take a polygraph. If she say no, bet on the fact that she did screw him.