Thank you and on to a new chapter

[bentnotbroken]

Yes, I know God's blessings can't be changed - I didn't mean it in that sense, I meant it more from a well-wisher point of view that stood out because you mentioned Him, and I am, in spite of the many things I do that are wrong, a very spiritual person (was raised in church and come from a family with bishops, deacons, pastors, ministers etc.).

 

I too was raised in this type of situation, it meant nothing when I was intent on doing what I wanted regardless of the consequences. We all do numerous things that aren't pleasing to God. What I have come to learn is that religion, spirituality and a relationship with God are all different things to different people.

 

I never say I am religious. For me that implies that I only follow the rules of a particular denomination, most of which were added by the people who started this particular sect, not necessarily God. Following these rules will change some actions, but not the heart. Spirituality says to me that there is a belief in a higher power, something greater than ourselves. A particular sect isn't necessarily held up or adhered to, but they try to live their lives with integrity, dignity, and respect. But a relationship with God changes from within. The Holy Spirit doesn't let us feel comfortable or not have regrets for something we know we shouldn't have done. When I have made the (never ending:o)mistake of going off on some tangent about nothing, it no longer sits well in my heart. It no longer can be justified by my saying, "I couldn't help how I felt." I couldn't help the feeling, but I could control the action.

 

What I have said is not to beat you, it is to clarify my view of the way I post and why I truly believe if it from the Holy Spirit, you can't help but be uncomfortable until things are made right.

[NoIDidn't]

Jackpot on the bolded part.

 

While during the affair I could only go on what he told me, I now can believe a lot of what he said in the past because of what came out of this that has even shocked him. I will never know the entire truth, but at least I know that for the things that mattered to me, he was honest, even though I had my doubts on some things.

 

Its not uncommon for the WS to be surprised that their BS was actually out-smarting them in some things. This is just a general statement. It might not apply to this situation. But I have found that cheating men are typically very surprised to find out they got played at their own game: finding out about transferred money (when they spent marital assets on another woman), finding out about a boyfriend (when they had a girlfriend), finding out about faked illnesses for cover (when they've been claiming hard times at work for their attitude), etc..

 

Like the movie said "Two Can Play That Game".

 

I am not sure about the "she's in the same boat" comment. Does that mean that she lost custody? Confused.

[complicatedlife]

What I have said is not to beat you, it is to clarify my view of the way I post and why I truly believe if it from the Holy Spirit, you can't help but be uncomfortable until things are made right.

I know what you wrote is not meant to attack me - what I get from it is a subtle "let the Spirit convict and guide you to the right way/towards the right path". I agree wholeheartedly, and I appreciate you posting all that you have in this thread. Thank you.

[complicatedlife]

Its not uncommon for the WS to be surprised that their BS was actually out-smarting them in some things. This is just a general statement. It might not apply to this situation. But I have found that cheating men are typically very surprised to find out they got played at their own game: finding out about transferred money (when they spent marital assets on another woman), finding out about a boyfriend (when they had a girlfriend), finding out about faked illnesses for cover (when they've been claiming hard times at work for their attitude), etc..

 

Like the movie said "Two Can Play That Game".

 

I am not sure about the "she's in the same boat" comment. Does that mean that she lost custody? Confused.

 

I'm not sure if he feels that he's been beat at his own game, he seems more surprised about the intentional malicious way she went about things and her treatment of the children who at one time she seemed as if she would die without them; apparently, that's not the case. She didn't lose custody - it's 60/40 custody, with the 60% awarded on MM's side.