DOES HE TRULY LIKE ME?

[DARCY]

I met a great man online & after sending each other e-mails for 3 weeks, we finally met. He more than exceeded my expectations. He gave me the impression that he was also pleased with me (we had already seen each others pics on the computer), but besides his euphoric mood, he never actually said anything to me in person about my looks or that I had exceeded his expectations. We have planned to go out again & speak on the phone everyday. Here's my problem--he is widowed (about 6 months ago) and was previously married for 15 years. He recently told me over the phone that he was so lonely after his wife died & it's the worse feeling to be with someone for so many years & then suddenly be alone again. So, my question is this--can I truly trust that he really likes me and is not just jumping at the first opportunity he has to be with someone so that he is not alone anymore? I am feeling that maybe he is being so nice and attentive because he is so desperately alone that he needs a woman in his life. Is there any way for me to know?

[Miranda]

Darcy, he sounds like he likes you, but 6 months is a short time to mourn. There's no set mourning period (My Mother was widowed and didn't date for 5 years), it could be less than 6 months.

 

He may feel confused about his feelings, or even feel guilty for wanting to be with or being attracted to another woman. He may not want to emotionally invest in someone who may leave (or die) yet. It's hard to tell what he is thinking.

 

You don't want to rush anything. Please take your time.

 

He may not be the type of man who compliments a lot, so I wouldn't worry about that. I know your heart may say one thing, but please step back and go slow. If he's truly ready for a relationship, he should give you better signals.

[Tony T]

He has basically told you about his feelings of loneliness after his wife died. There is no rule on the length of time required for mourning but my guess is he still is not over his wife...and it may take him a very long time to completely heal from such a tragic loss.

 

However, there is no reason why you should not go out with him, have fun, and persue something with this man. You and you alone will be able to judge his motives during your time with him. I truly hate to be the first one to tell you this...but EVERY SINGLE TIME A MALE AND FEMALE GET TOGETHER, THERE IS A MOTIVE. Some people are for sex, some are after companionship, some men are looking for a mother to do their laundry, some women are looking for a man to sweep them off their feet and pay off their Master Card.

 

Altruistic relationships really don't exist. There is some sort of payoff in every case. So if he meets some needs you have and you are able to help him not be so lonely, why should you be so concerned? Again, you will know very quickly where his head is at. If he keeps bringing up the subject of his deceased wife, let him know right away that you sympathize with his loss but this matter is in the past and may not be incorporated into his relationship with you.

 

If you allow him to cry on your shoulder about his wife's death, anything you may have with him in the future is doomed.

 

So, move forward, be alert, and be ready to end it if you find his agenda is not compatible with yours. Otherwise, he may be in just a place to really appreciate a lady like you and give you exactly what you've always been looking for in a man.