Lauriebell82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Ok only thing I can say in defence of the couple who put down comforter on their list is that I have been to weddings where a group of friends will put in $100 each and get the couple something "bigger" rather than lots of smaller, cheaper gifts. We did this with one couple who we knew wanted a particular kind of free-standing mirror, but it was too expensive for us to get on our own so we pitched in with a few other couples. We also did the same for another couple who wanted a BBQ etc etc. BUT BUT BUT! NOT putting cheaper, more affordable gifts on the registry is rude IMO. At recent weddings I have been to I have bought vouchers for certain stores(or for the store they have their register at), or have just gone completely off the register and bought something like a yearly magazine subscription or something like that. So don't worry if people don't want to buy stuff off your register- if they don't, they wont- its not like you can tell them off for it! One thing I noticed about receiving wedding gifts is some people are very very generous and others are not so generous- and its often not who you expect. Some people don't even buy a gift- and there is nothing you can do about it. Good wedding etiquette dictates you must thank each and every person who gave you a gift- regardless of what the gift....... Good post, lots of helpful points. I don't even know what to put on our register because we have nowhere to put everything. We live in a small apartment with limited storage. I'm not real sure what to do about that actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Good post, lots of helpful points. I don't even know what to put on our register because we have nowhere to put everything. We live in a small apartment with limited storage. I'm not real sure what to do about that actually. IMO, you should be planning on living in a house shortly before or after getting married. Priorities, priorities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Ok only thing I can say in defence of the couple who put down comforter on their list is that I have been to weddings where a group of friends will put in $100 each and get the couple something "bigger" rather than lots of smaller, cheaper gifts. Fair enough. If you all want to chip in, FANTASTIC! That's a great idea, too. I suppose I just expect those sorts of big ticket items to be left off a registry, that ALL guests will be viewing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 IMO, you should be planning on living in a house shortly before or after getting married. Priorities, priorities. Well, since we are chipping in for our wedding it will take a little longer to save for a house. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Fair enough. If you all want to chip in, FANTASTIC! That's a great idea, too. I suppose I just expect those sorts of big ticket items to be left off a registry, that ALL guests will be viewing. EXACTLY! I'd be embarrassed to put something like that on there knowing others would be talking behind my back about how tacky it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Well, since we are chipping in for our wedding it will take a little longer to save for a house. You don't have to own one, but you should have a home... your own space as a couple to make into a real home, not a tiny apartment. Your wedding expenses should not be impacting your living arrangements like that. It sounds like your priorities are a little... off, as though the wedding is more important than the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 You know Touche, I'm starting to think your "theory" may be true... Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 You don't have to own one, but you should have a home... your own space as a couple to make into a real home, not a tiny apartment. Your wedding expenses should not be impacting your living arrangements like that. It sounds like your priorities are a little... off, as though the wedding is more important than the marriage. We have a home. A very nice one in fact. And your comment is completely rediculous. You know Touche, I'm starting to think your "theory" may be true... Man, you don't ever give up do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 It sounds like your priorities are a little... off, as though the wedding is more important than the marriage. And we're back to page 1! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 And we're back to page 1! Haha, yeah. Judgemental comments aren't really relevant to the topic though... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 You know Touche, I'm starting to think your "theory" may be true... As for the whole priority thing...I do agree. Why do you think I don't have a diamond engagement ring? It was one of our first fights. But I said NO! He had some debt due to his divorce, etc. and I wanted a "real" honeymoon (which I didn't have in my first marriage due to MIL being ill.) So he finally agreed to let me get whatever "fake" ring I wanted and we took the honeymoon. He said we'd replace the ring one day. But every anniversary has come and gone and I said NO because there were always things I'd rather do with the money...including SAVING it (there's a concept.) And yeah, we could afford a very decent sized ring...even bigger than I'd ever want. But yeah, as you said, it's all about priorities. And I'm not saying this is LB's situation but I STRONGLY advise against starting a marriage off with debt. Just throwing that out there. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 But yeah, as you said, it's all about priorities. And I'm not saying this is LB's situation but I STRONGLY advise against starting a marriage off with debt. Just throwing that out there. When I see how much people spend on weddings, I can't help calculate in my head, wow, that would be 6 months or a year's worth of mortgage payments! All for just one day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 We have a home. A very nice one in fact. And your comment is completely rediculous. My opinion is no more ridiculous than yours, LB. You yourself called your apartment a "small apartment" that doesn't even have room for gifts you'd receive from a registry. IMO, a couple should have a home, a house, a place that's all their own where they're not on top of each other, prior to spending large amounts of money on a wedding. You're choosing to spend money on a wedding, rather than building a home. Therefore, you're putting your wedding - a party - ahead of your domestic bliss. IMO, your priorities are thus off. Man, you don't ever give up do you? Judgemental comments aren't really relevant to the topic though... Who said I was talking about you? This is MY thread, it doesn't revolve around you, LB. And comments about costs of weddings and how they impact the marriage ARE relevant to the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 And I'm not saying this is LB's situation but I STRONGLY advise against starting a marriage off with debt. Just throwing that out there. I agree with you. As far as spending a lot of money on a wedding, I don't think you should have to SAVE for it. You either have it to spend, or you don't. Otherwise you're starting out on very rocky territory. When I see how much people spend on weddings, I can't help calculate in my head, wow, that would be 6 months or a year's worth of mortgage payments! All for just one day! Agreed. However, if you have it to spend, I don't see the problem. But I don't think a couple should ever put their wedding before other expenses and financial commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 When I see how much people spend on weddings, I can't help calculate in my head, wow, that would be 6 months or a year's worth of mortgage payments! All for just one day! I know. Isn't it insane? And come on, the "happiness level" is the same whether you go big and ostentatious or small and intimate. It's still the happiest day of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I know. Isn't it insane? And come on, the "happiness level" is the same whether you go big and ostentatious or small and intimate. It's still the happiest day of your life. Simply from a stress standpoint, the bigger the wedding, the more likely things will go wrong. I prefer the KISS way of doing things. It's funny, because when comparing my BF's brother and his fiance, and their (er, HER) wedding planning, to what my BF and I would do (we've very loosely talked about it), it's like night and day. She's having a 250+ wedding with a huge ball gown in a marble reception hall. I, on the other hand, would prefer a simple white dress, and a ceremony/reception dinner of only about 20-25 people in Hawaii (we'd pay for everyone's transportation). The relationships are equally different. Hence why I'm starting to see your theory's possible accuracy... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 My opinion is no more ridiculous than yours, LB. You yourself called your apartment a "small apartment" that doesn't even have room for gifts you'd receive from a registry. IMO, a couple should have a home, a house, a place that's all their own where they're not on top of each other, prior to spending large amounts of money on a wedding. You're choosing to spend money on a wedding, rather than building a home. Therefore, you're putting your wedding - a party - ahead of your domestic bliss. IMO, your priorities are thus off. Man, you don't ever give up do you? Who said I was talking about you? This is MY thread, it doesn't revolve around you, LB. And comments about costs of weddings and how they impact the marriage ARE relevant to the topic. While I 100% agree with the bolded part, SG who can say what another couple's priorities should be except for them? Maybe to them that ONE day is worth sacrificing for. It wouldn't work for me, that's for sure. I'd give up the big wedding for even having a rental house myself. But that's just me. We can't dictate another couple's priorities based on what ours would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 When I see how much people spend on weddings, I can't help calculate in my head, wow, that would be 6 months or a year's worth of mortgage payments! All for just one day! Yeah, we won't be going into debt though. We can afford to chip in for the wedding and buy a house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 While I 100% agree with the bolded part, SG who can say what another couple's priorities should be except for them? That's why I said it was MY opinion. I didn't say LB should follow my lead. But that doesn't mean I don't think she should. Maybe to them that ONE day is worth sacrificing for. I hear you, but to me, it's not. And to put ONE DAY well before critical components of a relationship just seems bizarre to me. After all, one of the leading causes of divorce is money issues... creating money issues before you're even married seems self-defeating to me. It wouldn't work for me, that's for sure. I'd give up the big wedding for even having a rental house myself. But that's just me. We can't dictate another couple's priorities based on what ours would be. We agree. And of course I cannot dictate another couple's priorities based on what ours would be. But I can still opine about them, can't I? I mean, I can opine about the importance of monogamy, financial stability, emotional stability, maturity, and any other number of priorities for me... and you're right, it doesn't mean that LB, or anyone else, has to also have those qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Simply from a stress standpoint, the bigger the wedding, the more likely things will go wrong. I prefer the KISS way of doing things. It's funny, because when comparing my BF's brother and his fiance, and their (er, HER) wedding planning, to what my BF and I would do (we've very loosely talked about it), it's like night and day. She's having a 250+ wedding with a huge ball gown in a marble reception hall. I, on the other hand, would prefer a simple white dress, and a ceremony/reception dinner of only about 20-25 people in Hawaii (we'd pay for everyone's transportation). The relationships are equally different. Hence why I'm starting to see your theory's possible accuracy... See? I'm telling you! Yeah, we won't be going into debt though. We can afford to chip in for the wedding and buy a house. I thought you just said you couldn't afford the house since you're chipping for the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 That's why I said it was MY opinion. I didn't say LB should follow my lead. But that doesn't mean I don't think she should. I hear you, but to me, it's not. And to put ONE DAY well before critical components of a relationship just seems bizarre to me. After all, one of the leading causes of divorce is money issues... creating money issues before you're even married seems self-defeating to me. We agree. And of course I cannot dictate another couple's priorities based on what ours would be. But I can still opine about them, can't I? I mean, I can opine about the importance of monogamy, financial stability, emotional stability, maturity, and any other number of priorities for me... and you're right, it doesn't mean that LB, or anyone else, has to also have those qualities. Yes, yes, yes. I agree 100%. Don't take it personally, LB OK? It's just opinion on our parts. If you're both ok with things, then so be it. But yeah, I see it exactly as stated here. Especially the bolded part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 See? I'm telling you! Yeah, and I started thinking about other relationships I know of as well. While they're only 2-8 years in to their marriages, the relationships that are rock solid are, admittedly, those who had more casual affairs. I'm using "casual" rather than "small," and "fancy schmancy" in lieu of ""HUGE"!" Hahaha. Conversely, those who had "fancy" weddings (think princess wedding, complete with the big dress) have rockier relationships. I thought you just said you couldn't afford the house since you're chipping for the wedding. She did, otherwise I wouldn't have commented as I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Yeah, and I started thinking about other relationships I know of as well. While they're only 2-8 years in to their marriages, the relationships that are rock solid are, admittedly, those who had more casual affairs. I'm using "casual" rather than "small," and "fancy schmancy" in lieu of ""HUGE"!" Hahaha. Conversely, those who had "fancy" weddings (think princess wedding, complete with the big dress) have rockier relationships. Yep, I know. It's crazy and maybe dumb but that's been my observation around me. She did, otherwise I wouldn't have commented as I did. I know. So why go back and change what you said, LB? If that's what you want, so be it. But realize the cost (and I'm not just talking about the financial one.) You're postponing getting a nice roomy place to start out your married life for one day. Fine. Own it. I would respect that more than your trying to change your story minutes later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 By way of example, a LARGE 4 bedroom house in LB's town is only $189,000 to $269,900. A 3 bedroom house averages $135,000. A 2 bedroom condo is less than $85K. (Boy, what I would do to have that kind of market where I live....) LB herself said that the rental fee alone on her wedding location is $2,600, and that she will be spending more than $10,000 on her wedding. Do you realize what that kind of money can do by way of real estate for her and her fiance? It just doesn't make sense. Now, for someone else in a more expensive market, they might not be able to own a home, but they should still be able to rent one. But in this case, I just cannot fathom putting serious money into the HOME, rather than the wedding. *shrug* I'm beating a dead horse now, aren't I? To each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 By way of example, a LARGE 4 bedroom house in LB's town is only $189,000 to $269,900. A 3 bedroom house averages $135,000. A 2 bedroom condo is less than $85K. (Boy, what I would do to have that kind of market where I live....) LB herself said that the rental fee alone on her wedding location is $2,600, and that she will be spending more than $10,000 on her wedding. Do you realize what that kind of money can do by way of real estate for her and her fiance? It just doesn't make sense. Now, for someone else in a more expensive market, they might not be able to own a home, but they should still be able to rent one. But in this case, I just cannot fathom putting serious money into the HOME, rather than the wedding. *shrug* I'm beating a dead horse now, aren't I? To each their own. I hear you. I do. It makes no sense to me either. But I guess to others it's all about that ONE day! I'll never get that. I'd rather have a nice small "casual" wedding and start off my marriage with a new "nest"...a nice house or even condo to call our own rather than nothing really (other than some photos that you'd have anyway with a smaller wedding) to show for it. I'd want to have something that would at least have room for my wedding gifts! But again, that's me. And that was us. We defined our priorities. oh and P.S. if this is not the PERFECT time to buy a house I don't know when would be. And she's marrying an accountant! Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
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