How much do parents get to control the wedding?

[Trialbyfire]

Traditionally, the bridal party necessities, are paid for by the wedding party. Dresses and tuxes are part of this.

 

Makeup, hair and shoes, aren't part of the traditional scenario but it's reliant on the couple, to decide if they're willing to pay for them, since it's reliant on them, how uniform they want everyone to look. IMO, it's unfair to expect uniformity, then expect the bridal party to pay for this.

Oops, I meant the wedding budget! Sheesh...

[Chocolat]

I'm only kidding. She said she is never getting married anyway. She thinks boys are dumb.

 

All my 10yo's best friends are boys! She's a tomboy - always on her bike, skateboard or ripstick.

[Touche]

I'm only kidding. She said she is never getting married anyway. She thinks boys are dumb.

 

Sounds like a few posters around here lately! Only your daughter is 10. OMG, I'm laughing over here.

 

For some reason, whenever I hear the phrase "bridal party" I think of the lyrics from The Twelve Days of Christmas -- Lords a'Leaping and Drummers Drumming and all that jazz. I am secretly hoping my kids all elope and then we'll just have a wonderful, relaxed, party afterwards.

 

So funny! And all the silly rituals make me laugh too.

 

And what's up with the ushers? WTF is up with that? It's so big that you need special people to tell you where to SIT? Heavens!

 

I know what you mean. Well luckily we have two boys so I ain't gettin' involved!:bunny:

 

Ok, I've been thinking more about my theory. If you have to have ushers in your wedding then you won't last more than 3 years.

 

And the length of the marriage is in direct proportion to how many bridesmaids you have. The more you have, the shorter the marriage.

 

But having just ONE bridesmaid, reduces your success of having a good marriage.

 

Ok, also...the amount of tiers in your cake says a lot. Anything more than two is trouble.

 

Hmmmm, I should start a "guide" like we're famous for here on LS. Chocolat you can co-write it.

[Lauriebell82]

You don't neccessarily get divorced because you have a big wedding. You get divorced because you aren't compatible and don't get along. Maybe with bigger weddings couples argue more over wedding plans, therefore the marriage has started off rocky. That just means they shouldn't be getting married in the first place. But if you are compatible and have a good relationship then you shouldn't be arguing over wedding details, whether or not the wedding is big. Luckily that is not the case for me.

 

But couples get divorced who have small weddings, I actually know a couple. Another one of my friends has been happily married for 3 years and they had a huge wedding. So kind of blows away the theory there.

[Touche]

You don't neccessarily get divorced because you have a big wedding. You get divorced because you aren't compatible and don't get along. Maybe with bigger weddings couples argue more over wedding plans, therefore the marriage has started off rocky. That just means they shouldn't be getting married in the first place. But if you are compatible and have a good relationship then you shouldn't be arguing over wedding details, whether or not the wedding is big. Luckily that is not the case for me.

 

But couples get divorced who have small weddings, I actually know a couple. Another one of my friends has been happily married for 3 years and they had a huge wedding. So kind of blows away the theory there.

 

No, you get divorced automatically if you have a big wedding. Sorry, but you don't get to tell me what my stupid theory is. The theory is, again, that the bigger the wedding the bigger the chance the marriage will fail. It doesn't matter if you fought or not over the wedding. More than likely, if a couple has a big wedding, the spouse has little to no say in it anyway. (and they'll have little to no say in anything else after the I do's.)

 

It's MY theory and I'm sticking to it. I'm waiting to see an exception to my theory and I haven't yet. I'm sure there are a few out there though.

 

Nope, you dont blow my theory at all. I laughed at your comment about the couple who had the huge wedding but are happily married for 3 years now. A WHOLE three years, LB? Wow! There goes my theory!

 

Oh and to edit...about the small wedding couple who divorced..what you call "small" and what I call small are probably different things. You thought a $10,000 wedding was very inexpensive after all.

 

Nice try though.

[Lauriebell82]

No, you get divorced automatically if you have a big wedding. Sorry, but you don't get to tell me what my stupid theory is. The theory is, again, that the bigger the wedding the bigger the chance the marriage will fail. It doesn't matter if you fought or not over the wedding. More than likely, if a couple has a big wedding, the spouse has little to no say in it anyway. (and they'll have little to no say in anything else after the I do's.)

 

It's MY theory and I'm sticking to it. I'm waiting to see an exception to my theory and I haven't yet. I'm sure there are a few out there though.

 

Nope, you dont blow my theory at all. I laughed at your comment about the couple who had the huge wedding but are happily married for 3 years now. A WHOLE three years, LB? Wow! There goes my theory!

 

Wow, chill out! I wasn't directly attacking you, I was stating MY theory. Others are allowed to disagree with your theory, freedom of speech. You disagree with me, I disagree with you.

 

And disagreeing with you on the point that you said about that the spouse has little or no say in the wedding. I'm sure it probably happens, but I would be the exception there. My fiance ALWAYS has a say. He has actually told me that he agrees with me on several points. We compromised about wedding dates, flowers, ect. We both saw each other's views. So we are having a big wedding and neither of us have little or no say. I'm not trying to argue with you, you just told me that you wanted an exception.

 

What's wrong with 3 years? I'm only 26 I don't have any friends who have been married for 20 + years. Oh, but come to think of it, my parents have been married for 32 years and they had a big Catholic wedding in their early 20's. So that might qualify for an exception as well.

[Lauriebell82]

 

Oh and to edit...about the small wedding couple who divorced..what you call "small" and what I call small are probably different things. You thought a $10,000 wedding was very inexpensive after all.

 

Nice try though.

 

For a big wedding $10,000 is inexpensive. Our venue alone, just the rental is $2,600.

[Trialbyfire]

Okay, time for some wedding statistics!!!!

 

The average spent on weddings in 2006 is $27,852.

The average number of wedding guests is 165.

The average age of the bride is 27 years old.

The groom, 29 years old.

Etc...

 

http://money.cnn.com/2006/02/10/pf/weddings_costs/index.htm

[Touche]

Wow, chill out! I wasn't directly attacking you, I was stating MY theory. Others are allowed to disagree with your theory, freedom of speech. You disagree with me, I disagree with you.

 

It was tongue in cheek, LB. Sorry it didn't come across that way. I'm laughing. I'm even calling my own theory stupid. Did I not? I thought that would have given away the fact that its tongue in cheek...but yeah, I do think there's something to it. Oh and I'm chillin.

 

And disagreeing with you on the point that you said about that the spouse has little or no say in the wedding. I'm sure it probably happens, but I would be the exception there. My fiance ALWAYS has a say. He has actually told me that he agrees with me on several points. We compromised about wedding dates, flowers, ect. We both saw each other's views. So we are having a big wedding and neither of us have little or no say. I'm not trying to argue with you, you just told me that you wanted an exception.

 

Ok, LB. If you say so. You're the exception...frankly it's a little to premature for you to say that, with all due respect. And I do hope you[re the exception as far as my theory goes. But we don't know that yet, do we?

 

What's wrong with 3 years? I'm only 26 I don't have any friends who have been married for 20 + years. Oh, but come to think of it, my parents have been married for 32 years and they had a big Catholic wedding in their early 20's. So that might qualify for an exception as well.

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with 3 years, LB. But 3 years is not what I'd call long-term success. I mean come on...you know what I meant. Whether they make it or not, remains to be seen now doen't it? Get back to me in about 5 even and we'll see.

 

My theory (and I'm still honing it) doesn't apply to Catholic weddings from 20+ years ago.

[Touche]

For a big wedding $10,000 is inexpensive. Our venue alone, just the rental is $2,600.

 

Ok, great but you totally missed my point on that, LB.

 

And as for those statistics...phew! I always knew I wasn't "average" and that proves it. Who wants to fit the average anything? Not me.

 

On and edited to add that the "average" marriage probably ends in divorce.

[Trialbyfire]

Ok, great but you totally missed my point on that, LB.

 

And as for those statistics...phew! I always knew I wasn't "average" and that proves it. Who wants to fit the average anything? Not me.

 

On and edited to add that the "average" marriage probably ends in divorce.

You were married a long time ago, so the amount of money you spent back in the dark ages, is equal to a lot more nowadays!

 

50% of marriages end in divorce. Both you and I have one, under our belts.

[Touche]

You were married a long time ago, so the amount of money you spent back in the dark ages, is equal to a lot more nowadays!

 

50% of marriages end in divorce. Both you and I have one, under our belts.

 

Dark ages? I guess 1991 was the dark ages. And yeah, you have a point but still even compared to today's numbers we spent well below the average. I mean we had less than 10 people! So that balances that out...remember I said quality over quantity in ALL things, including guests.

 

Yep, 50% of marriages end in divorce and I have a failed one under my belt. (That lasted a WHOLE THREE YEARS!) but sorry, I missed your point on that.

[Star Gazer]

T, what's your theory on teeny tiny wedding, huge reception? A reception is, afterall, just a party. You can't honestly think that a couple who throws a big party is doomed, well, "just 'cuz."

[Trialbyfire]

Dark ages? I guess 1991 was the dark ages. And yeah, you have a point but still even compared to today's numbers we spent well below the average. I mean we had less than 10 people! So that balances that out...remember I said quality over quantity in ALL things, including guests.

I look at my friends and family. The smallest wedding was around 75, the largest, over a 1000. If you include me, all except 2, are still together.

 

Yep, 50% of marriages end in divorce and I have a failed one under my belt. (That lasted a WHOLE THREE YEARS!) but sorry, I missed your point on that.

Divorce has nothing to do with the size of the wedding, it's to do with making the right choice for a partner. If both of you want a big wedding and can afford it without going into debt, then go for it. If not, not a good idea, at least from the perspective of fiscal responsibility.

[Touche]

T, what's your theory on teeny tiny wedding, huge reception? A reception is, afterall, just a party. You can't honestly think that a couple who throws a big party is doomed, well, "just 'cuz."

 

Hmmm, I have to think about that one.

 

Ok, thought about it. I tend to think of the wedding/reception as one. So yeah, big party = doomed. If the big party is on another day, not the same day as the wedding, maybe not doomed.

 

Hey, it's MY stupid theory! I'm telling you...think about the people you know/have known and tell me if this doesn't apply for the most part. And no, THREE years is not an indicator of a long-term marriage. Puhleeze. Long-term for me would be over 10 years. If they're miserable though it doesn't count. They have to be happy.

[Touche]

I look at my friends and family. The smallest wedding was around 75, the largest, over a 1000. If you include me, all except 2, are still together.

 

Yeah, but for how long? And, a THOUSAND? HOLY molly! That's not a wedding that's a circus!

 

Divorce has nothing to do with the size of the wedding, it's to do with making the right choice for a partner. If both of you want a big wedding and can afford it without going into debt, then go for it. If not, not a good idea, at least from the perspective of fiscal responsibility.

 

No, it has to do with the size of the wedding. I'm telling you. Ok, don't believe me then!

[Touche]

Look, to a certain extent I'm joking obviously but I really, really think there's something to my theory.

 

Think about it...with large weddings often come unrealistic expectations about marriage. Wouldn't you agree. It's the whole "fairy tale" mentality and dreaming about your wedding since you're a little girl thing. And I swear I'm not putting down anyone's dream or anything but do you see what I'm saying?

 

Plus, it's like I said..many times the groom gets pushed in the background. That's just a crummy way to start a marriage. And it spills over into other areas in life.

 

I could go on and on about this. It's just my silly superstition/theory and most laugh at it. You guys can laugh at it too. I won't take it personally.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, but for how long? And, a THOUSAND? HOLY molly! That's not a wedding that's a circus!

They range from around 60 years to 5 years, of which the majority are over a decade.

 

Haha...I agree that 1000+ is insane. She had a group of wedding planners helping, who were hands on, instead of solely instructional and advice driven. Her wedding party was worked to the bone. And yes, they're still happily married after 11 years.

No, it has to do with the size of the wedding. I'm telling you. Ok, don't believe me then!

I don't!

[Star Gazer]

T, another question: What constitutes a "large" wedding to you, both in number and cost?

[sb129]

I agree with this bottom line. If I pay for my daughters' weddings, I do not plan to ignore their wishes but I also do not expect them to ignore mine. After all, parents are "buying" the wedding for their children out of love, not as part of some arms-length financial arrangement.

 

Communication, communication and compromise!

 

I think thats a fair enough statement.

 

I'm curious though - do bridesmaids pay for their own dresses or is that included in the budget of the wedding?

 

I paid for my BMs entire oufits- and when I was a BM they paid for mine. I also paid for my own dress/ outfit etc (off the rack!) and we just asked the groomsmen to wear their own dark suits. We also paid for the rings, the printing costs, the decorations (candles in paper bags !) and our honeymoon which we actually had before the wedding.

 

T, another question: What constitutes a "large" wedding to you, both in number and cost?

 

I would be interested to know this too. We had 135 people and I thought that was more than enough, in fact I would have been happier with fewer people but my parents invited some of their friends which was fair enough seeing as they paid for the reception.

[Touche]

They range from around 60 years to 5 years, of which the majority are over a decade.

 

Haha...I agree that 1000+ is insane. She had a group of wedding planners helping, who were hands on, instead of solely instructional and advice driven. Her wedding party was worked to the bone. And yes, they're still happily married after 11 years.

I don't!

 

OMG, that''s so crazy. But ok, there ARE exceptions to the rule..but very few I think. I'm serious. How do you know they're not really miserable behind closed doors?

 

T, another question: What constitutes a "large" wedding to you, both in number and cost?

 

Ok, that's a fair question but I'm not going to answer it as it's subjective. It has do to with whether the parties in question think it's big or not.

 

To use an example: LB said her ring was HUGE. Ok, so I'm picturing a HUGE ring in my mind. Turns out the ring is one carat. To her that's HUGE. To me, it's not. (Oh and before everyone goes jumping down my throat, I opted for a one carat marquis with two baguettes on either side...NOT GENUINE. So I could have gotten ANY size.) So while I think one carat is a very nice size (the very size I chose) by no means would I have described my ring to anyone as HUGE and can be seen across a room..unless it's a teeny, room maybe. Maybe in a walk in closet? LOL

 

Ok, so see why I won't say? The couple in question has to decide if it's a "huge" wedding or not. And if it is, then I'd seriously re-think it. I'm not kidding...whether they can afford it or not.

[Star Gazer]

Ok, that's a fair question but I'm not going to answer it as it's subjective. It has do to with whether the parties in question think it's big or not.

 

To use an example: LB said her ring was HUGE. Ok, so I'm picturing a HUGE ring in my mind. Turns out the ring is one carat. To her that's HUGE. To me, it's not. (Oh and before everyone goes jumping down my throat, I opted for a one carat marquis with two baguettes on either side...NOT GENUINE. So I could have gotten ANY size.) So while I think one carat is a very nice size (the very size I chose) by no means would I have described my ring to anyone as HUGE and can be seen across a room..unless it's a teeny, room maybe.

 

I gotcha.

 

BTW: I don't think 1 carat is HUGE either, not by a long shot.

 

The couple in question has to decide if it's a "huge" wedding or not. And if it is, then I'd seriously re-think it. I'm not kidding...whether they can afford it or not.

 

To me, a tiny wedding is less than 20, a modest wedding is less than 75. A normal wedding is around 125-150, and a "huge" wedding is like 180+.

 

I can't really factor in cost, because I figure I'll have a set overall budget, and then make it fit the number of guests. So if I have a tiny wedding, it'll probably still be on the pricier side for a tiny wedding, because it will probably be abroad.

[sb129]

I think we all agree that 1000 is a HUGE wedding.

 

That is insane IMO. But, each to their own.

[amaysngrace]

I think we all agree that 1000 is a HUGE wedding.

 

That is insane IMO. But, each to their own.

 

I can totally see Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson hitting that.

[Chocolat]

Hmmmm, I should start a "guide" like we're famous for here on LS. Chocolat you can co-write it.

 

Gee, I dunno any more. Looks like our theory got shot to pieces. I mean, here I've been thinking that there was some definitive cause-and-effect thing going on between wedding size and odds of divorce and LB came along and just said point blank that you don't have to get divorced just because you had a big wedding.

 

Maybe if we agree that her wedding will be the exception to the rule she'll let us have our theory back!