Good idea to be close friends with ex???

[Bogo123]

Me and my ex of almost 5 years broke up about a month ago. Im really going through a tough time right now and ive written her a letter and also sent her some flowers to get her back. Im sending her more flowers and if all this doesnt change her mind, i was thinking of just staying close friends and see what happens.

 

Will hanging out alot and sleeping over and cuddling be a bad thing for our future? She just wants to be alone right now. I was thinking if we start hanging out again, she'll get the "old feelings" back and give me a chance. Or should I just cut off all contact? the only problem with that is I know if I do, we will drift apart and probly never see each other again.

[girliegurl66]

Me and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up about 10 months ago and I would always try to convince him of giving me another chance, but he didn't want to and just wanted to be single and enjoy life. I was friends with him for a little while, we would go out, watch movies and just hang out. But i felt that i couldn't just be his friends. I still had feelings for him, and I felt that if he didn't want to give me another chance, i felt it's useless being his friend and just waiting for him to come back to me, so i cut all contacts with him and haven't talked to him for 2 months already. I changed my cell number, and everything. So if he wants to talk to me and come back to me he can call my home number. So I feel it's not a good idea to be friends if you still are having feelings for her/him. Thats just my opinion.

[KitWalker]

GirlieGurl, has he tried to contact you in any way do you know? eg. asked ur friends etc? Cutting all ties from him, does it work?

[stewh]

I split with my girlfriend in March this year. We had been together for 9 years and it was for both of us our first long term relationship. She started seeing somebody else very soon after. I tried to do everything I could to get her back (i didn't do anything to try and split them up as I wanted her to come back for me) but have ultimately not been able to do so. She has consistently tried to keep being "friends" when she has felt like it but I know this is only when she feels low and wants to make herself feel better. Sometimes she tells me that she misses me, feels suicidal and that she doesn't know whether we may eventually get back together. These are words and her actions speak far louder with her still being with him. The other week we went out for the night and had some drinks, amazingly she had told the new fella (how many of you would let your current partners go out with there ex's?), which surprised me and we had a good night out. We got onto the subject of us and in the end she basically said that she couldn't leave him yet because she still had feelings for him. I thought enough was enough and on the way home said that this was it. I can't be friends with her and watch her be with someone else. I still love her and care about her deeply. I think what finally made me snap was her selfishness. She had what she wanted and she knew what I wanted. it didn't matter to her how i felt or if it hurt me. So long as she got the contact with me she needed she was fine. It was very cruel by someone I had known and been close to for so long.

 

Since this night I have been a whole lot better. I think because I finally let her know that she couldn't keep playing me like this and keeping me around in case she actually did want to come back or things didn't work out. I have blocked her email addresses and removed everything I had of her and put it all in a box under the bed. I am ready now to move on and am looking forward to meeting someone special again and see what happens, you never know I may completely forget about the ex then altogether.

 

I'm not experienced at this but my answer is that if you are dumped then you need to cut contact with the other altogether and move on. Took me a long time and a lot of soul searching to see this. They will just play you for what they need, when they need it. And I think everybody on this earth deserves better than that whoever they are!

[Slacker]

My ex of 8.5 years split up with me 3 months ago,she has now got a new bloke or boy should i say,now i was doing all the same things that you all where,buying flowers,writing letters but nothing worked.I would go see he friends and family to pick there brains but this just made it harder for me.i was really having trouble letting go just hanging in like you all were.This dont work though as we are all starting to realise.I have just started to let go now but i have no choice,as she told me last week she is 8 weeks pregnant by this bloke who is only 18,oh what a mess.You really need to cut all ties, if that person truly loves you what ever you do what make them change there mind just give them space and time,they wont forget you,if they do they never loved you.And if its ment to be they will be back......