lesoiseaux Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Next spring I will be studying abroad in France and will be 5000 miles apart (or a 9-hour time difference) from my boyfriend . But to avoid going into details...how do all of you deal with significant time differences and keeping up with communication? Ideally I would love to be able to talk to my boyfriend every day while away, but I'm so anxious and nervous as to whether or not that can actually work. That in addition to very demanding school work on both ends only adds to my anxieties. Do you just rely more on written words (letters, emails, etc.) as opposed to spoken words (Skype, phone, etc.)? I'm so nervous! I'm turning to you since so many of you have been through this and I'm sure you can help me . I appreciate all your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Bf and I currently have a 12 hour time difference. So when I am winding up! He is worn out and tired. When he's bubbly! I'm falling asleep. It doesn't happen like that all the time, but slightly over half the time I'd say that's about the norm for us. That said, I don't know, we just make it work . I have to juggle a lot of things around and he takes top priority and he's oh so worth it. I guess you're going to have to be ready to sacrifice and adapt. It's do able, and you can still be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
princess4ever Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I am going through this right now with a 6hr diff. It is hard but we work it out. He comes home from work and it is still morning for me and we chat a bit then he goes to sleep and sets the alarm and wakes up early morning to talk to me again and it is night for me. So we usually talk for a few hrs and say good night so he sleeps again before waking up for work. Well that was while i was going to school but now that i'm not, we changed it up. He comes from work, we chat until he falls asleep and then I stay up til early morning and he wakes up a little early for work and we talk a bit more before he leaves for work. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 We have a 20 to 21 hour time difference. Initially I worked early hours which made things VERY difficult. I worked 5am to 2pm. So that was 1am to 10am his time. He could talk after 5pm his time and that was 9pm for me and I needed sleep! We always seemed to work something out either by talking at his lunch time or me sacrificing some sleep. Weekends were where we made the most of the time because I would stay up late. But because he is a day ahead we would run into problems on Saturday (his Sunday -- and the whole country observes Sunday as church/family day). Letters served us well because when we wished we could talk we'd each take those opportunities to write anything and everything to each other. Those boosts that would come from receiving those letters really helped during these awkward times. Like another poster said - it will work itself out and you both will find away if each is willing! Hold tight - hold fast - and do not lose sight of the bigger picture. Then you will make it through. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower89 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Me and my boyfriend have 8 hours between us. It's not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's workable. We leave skype on 24/7 so even if I come home and he's sleeping I feel like I'm close to him and fall asleep to the sound of him sleeping and he does likewise. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 IMO the best solution is not to go thousands of miles from your partner. If it's essential, the things like skype, email and the telephone help make the distance less. The trouble with distance is the lack of physical contact and sex. It really increases the chance of one or both partners cheating. Long-distance relationships are unnatural. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 IMO the best solution is not to go thousands of miles from your partner. Thank you, Captain Obvious!!! You have TOTALLY enlightened us! All of us in LDR's are not doing this b/c we enjoy being far apart...it's b/c we HAVE to be far apart for one reason or another. OP, you've just got to make it work. You'll have to make some sacrifices, but it's doable, just like others have said! Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I guess I win the luckiest in the thread award this time, because even though he and I are 1000 miles apart, we're still in the same timezone. I really don't know what I'd do if I were in any of your shoes. You guys are awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Fortunately for me the time difference isn't that severe -- I just kinda got used to it over the months. He leaves the cam on 24/7, I can't because my computer overheats VERY easily with the cam on, and the climate is hot. He understands though. IMO the best solution is not to go thousands of miles from your partner. If it's essential, the things like skype, email and the telephone help make the distance less. The trouble with distance is the lack of physical contact and sex. It really increases the chance of one or both partners cheating. Long-distance relationships are unnatural. Yeah man, we totally go away because it's fun, ya know? We love being miles apart. It's an emotional masochist thingy, kay? We could have solved it by not moving but we just didn't want to! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lesoiseaux Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 Strangely enough, though, what makes it seem even more terrible is that I technically don't HAVE to go study abroad...I could choose to stay at school, although as a French major it is probably a wise choice to go abroad. I just wish I didn't have to All this advice is truly very helpful and encouraging, but I am still so worried. My worrying gets out of control when I, well, can't control certain factors...I wish I knew what both our schedules will be like but I won't even be able to know until I'm actually there. I'll have to be able to "make it work" but there's nothing I can plan as of now, so it's hard for me. The thought of not being able to talk to him my first night in France kills me! I know there probably hundreds of threads like this in this forum, but how DO you keep on keeping on? Like Island Girl said I know I need to keep the bigger picture in mind, but it's so hard when I invest so much in how much we can actually talk to one another. Please calm my worried soul! And thank you again Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 The trouble with distance is the lack of physical contact and sex. It really increases the chance of one or both partners cheating. Long-distance relationships are unnatural. Don't you think it's funny how people who aren't in LDRs seem to think that lack of sex and somebody cheating is the biggest problem?!!!!!!! If only! *sigh* lesoiseaux, please try to not worry about things before you have to. You will find a way to cope with whatever adjustments you need to make. It isn't easy, but you will. My hubby and I are 3000 miles apart but only two hours time difference (three in the Winter as I'm in the UK). It doesn't sound like much but our daily work schedules don't match so it makes getting together online really difficult sometimes. We try to plan ahead for the next day but it doesn't always work out and very occasionally we miss each other. It's a real downer when that happens but then he'll send me a text to say goodnight, which always cheers me up. Sometimes he has to stay up late just so we can get 20 minutes to chat. I do feel a bit guilty keeping him up but he seems ok with it. Other times we've got a two hour window - I love it when that happens. It may take a little time for you guys to settle into the new routine but I'm sure you will manage to work it out somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Strangely enough, though, what makes it seem even more terrible is that I technically don't HAVE to go study abroad...I could choose to stay at school, although as a French major it is probably a wise choice to go abroad. I just wish I didn't have to All this advice is truly very helpful and encouraging, but I am still so worried. My worrying gets out of control when I, well, can't control certain factors...I wish I knew what both our schedules will be like but I won't even be able to know until I'm actually there. I'll have to be able to "make it work" but there's nothing I can plan as of now, so it's hard for me. The thought of not being able to talk to him my first night in France kills me! I know there probably hundreds of threads like this in this forum, but how DO you keep on keeping on? Like Island Girl said I know I need to keep the bigger picture in mind, but it's so hard when I invest so much in how much we can actually talk to one another. Please calm my worried soul! And thank you again I have a bachelor's degree in Spanish, and I went to Spain for 6 weeks, and I have absolutely NO regrets. It was one of the best times of my life and I soooo wish I could have stayed longer! My Spanish is way better than it was after even having taken 3 years in high school and at least 7 semesters in college. Plus, being in a place where everyone speaks the language you're studying, and where you truly have to rely on that language is an incredible rush! So I say go go go!! As for the boy thing, I'm sure that he would be excited for you to go! Okay, he'll probably also say that it would really suck not to have you around for that period of time as well. But hopefully he'd say both of those things. Don't worry about not being able to talk to him on your first night there. If you don't get to call him or skype him that night, then send him an e-mail with pictures from your first day there, and tell him how you wish he could be there to share your experiences. He'll love to see where you've been, and will be happy to know that you're thinking about him. In regards to time differences, my guy and I are 7 hours apart. My schedule has changed a few times since December, but we always find time to talk via skype. We love the webcam, 'cause we can see and hear each other. Now I have a schedule where I work 6:30 to 2:30 and get home at 3:00, then he signs on at my 4pm (his 11pm) and we talk until he has to go to bed. It's perfect because we can both go about our daily activities, hang out with friends, work, study, etc and we still have time to "be together" every day. Like everyone else in this thread has said, you can make it work. I hope that helps you feel a bit better, but your nerves probably won't be completely calm until you get there and figure out how your schedules line up. Oh, I'm so excited for you! Go to France and have SO much fun! Then you could come home with a sexy accent for your boy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lesoiseaux Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 You all are right...things will work itself out. I'm such a planner that I wish I could plan things out now, but that is just not possible at the moment! At times I just get overwhelmed with a need to sort things out now so my worries will go away. I really do just need people explicitly telling me NOT TO WORRY. And carvidep, your post was especially helpful because I do think that sometimes I forget that I will be going to FRANCE, the one place I would absolutely looooooove to go. There's a reason I'm majoring in French, non? And my boyfriend is very encouraging of me going, so that is definitely very good Link to post Share on other sites
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