Apart and shaken

[lupa]

Ok, all...here goes, because I'm guessing you folks have been through this already.

 

She sent me a text message this morning saying, "Hope you're ok."

 

I waited a few hours and wrote back, "I'm fine."

 

I know Gunny is going to tell me to man up and get tough......and he's probably right, but I thought that was a fine enough response without completely ignoring her.

 

Now, of course, because I have yet to man up and get tough, I want to send her a message later asking how she is.

 

Is this just stoopid?

[Gunny376]

How in the Hell can you give her the "gift of missing" you if your always in your face?

 

You want her chasing after you and desiring you! Not the otherway around.

 

Its basic Pysch101. Too much of a good thing? Anyone gets tired of it after awhile (Personally IMHO, I believe that's the No. #1 reason couple breakup? They just get tired of one another? Its a balance or trying to achieve one of being there and not? I call it my "Rubberband" theory.

 

I think you handled it just right! :bunny:

 

The less said? the best said!

 

You want her to get her to thinking about what your thinking, and who your thinking about? What are you doing with your time and who your spending it with!

 

In short? Get a life already!

 

If she comes back, she comes back on your terms, not hers. You've got the supply and she's got the demand.

 

Meanwhile your working on yourself, improving any and every aspect of your life. Your getting stronger and better with each passing day. Your doing this for yourself and no one else!

 

"How are you doing?" is "How are you doing and who are you doing with it with?"

 

If you don't have someone, get someone?

 

When she walked out? She gave up any and all rights and say about how you spend your time with and who you spend it with? Along with any rights to complain about it?

 

Look at PSWX2 thread? His threads been going on for two years? As soon as he got it together and got busy living his life and moving on, went out and found himself someone new? Guess who got re-interested in him?

 

People want what other people want? Why would they want someone that no one else wants? I'm saying go out and find someone and use them to make her jealous, ......................I am saying GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!

[lupa]

So, for our "time apart" she was supposed to have space and time to think about life and things she wants. Fine. She was supposed to stay at her parents' place and work things out. We had a "separation" within our place that lasted for a couple of weeks, and then the other night she made the official move out.

 

Within 48 hours she went to our "friend's" brother's house who is at the route of what I would call an emotional affair (the friend, not the brother, but the friend was there) tonight, two days after officially taking her time and space.

 

Two ****ing days. I sent out a congratulatory text to my phone list for the Penguins' Stanley Cup win, and she wrote back, "can't talk, nothing personal, with people."

 

I knew instantly what that meant. So, I came home, and started removing her clothing and things from our bedroom. I found letters written to me that were never delivered, I found a playlist in this guy's writing for the iPod I got her for Christmas, I found a breakdown of everything in the house, obviously for a divorce split.

 

I've changed the garage code, and if I had a different front door lock, it would be changed as well.

 

In my moment of weakness, I called her and read one of the letters. She said, "I'm not doing this now." I said, "you went right out with him within two days of the 'official' time apart" I think you can do this now. She said "leave my things alone, half of the stuff in that house is mine." I will bury her ass in the divorce.

 

I know I ratcheted up the tension in all of this, but I'm f'ing done. That voice that keeps hoping for her to come back...he's still there. I'm not going to lie. He's still there, but I'm so mad at her...

 

On a side note, I have a date on Sunday night. At first it was going to be a "let's hang out and be friends" but in my mind it just changed.

 

I know I shouldn't have called her tonight, but this is ridiculous. I've offered (weeks ago) to try again, to start anew, to show her that I can express those feelings. But I'm not so insecure as she is, so maybe this just isn't meant to be. I tried to show her the other side, but she didn't want to see it because she is holding on to so much anger right now.

 

I tried to make it work, it has been killing me. I don't think I want her back. I know I do, but now I'm starting to think I don't.

 

Tonight was the turning point...I'm putting my foot down. This is going to hurt worse than anything ever, but I've never been so betrayed in my entire life.

 

F this. F her. F this life. I'm done.

[Gunny376]

No, this is the first day of your life as a MAN!

 

You think joining the military, going into combat makes you a man?

 

Well it doesn't

 

You think drinking whiskey makes you a man? It doesn't!

 

You think doing anything traditionally associated with being a man makes you a man?

 

Nope!

 

You get your heart broken by some little 110 pound gal, that brings you to you knees, begging before God and praying before Jesus?

 

You survive that **** Jack?

 

Your a MAN!

 

Now?

 

Its time to "man-up!"

 

Do what you've got to do! Do what you need to do! Do what you've got to do!

 

Do what's right for you!

 

Be a man!

 

(And NO! That does not include going homicidal, suicidial, etc! It means getting on with your LIFE! Getting busy with living your life! There's not one single person ~ let alone a skirt worth going to prison over!)

[Chrome Barracuda]

Stay the course, get your mind right, and stay focused on your future for you, of course she's cheating because that's what they say when they say I need space. 90% of the time, there is someone else already waiting in the wings.

 

Get her stuff in boxes and see a lawyer because changing the house locks so quick might be a problem, hopefully her name isnt on a deed or anything of the house is it?

 

Let the new OM take her out, buy her stuff, let her live with him, then after a while let's see what she says.

 

Also on the dating tip, dont sleep with the women yet, if that's the case, file first and work through your issues , then move on. You dont want the ex to come back beforehand screwing up your momentum.

[lupa]

yeah, changing locks would be a bad thing right now, I guess. Her clothes are all sitting in the living room, folded, with a box of garbage bags next to them. It is her move, the ball is in her court.

 

I guess as I was writing the post last night she sent me a long text last night saying I was writing my own ticket. That is so ridiculous it isn't even funny.

 

No woman is worth this.

 

The problem is that in this transition from hurt to angry, I still didn't get any sleep. I look like hell. The twenty pounds I've lost in the last 7 weeks is fine, it had to go anyway, but I just want to sleep.

 

I'm not going to show her any anger, I'm going to be cordial, but I'm not going to get kicked around any more. I was willing to give her the space to "figure this out" but when the first thing she does is go WAY out of her way from a night out with the girls to this guy's house out in the sticks...dammit I'm an idiot. They both think it is strictly platonic...that is the part that blows my mind.

 

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Fortunately I didn't set fire to her things, I had the wherewithal to just stack them neatly on the floor. Today is going to be a cluster of a day when she calls.

[Gunny376]

yeah, changing locks would be a bad thing right now, I guess. Her clothes are all sitting in the living room, folded, with a box of garbage bags next to them. It is her move, the ball is in her court.

 

I guess as I was writing the post last night she sent me a long text last night saying I was writing my own ticket. That is so ridiculous it isn't even funny.

 

No woman is worth this.

 

The problem is that in this transition from hurt to angry, I still didn't get any sleep. I look like hell. The twenty pounds I've lost in the last 7 weeks is fine, it had to go anyway, but I just want to sleep.

 

I'm not going to show her any anger, I'm going to be cordial, but I'm not going to get kicked around any more. I was willing to give her the space to "figure this out" but when the first thing she does is go WAY out of her way from a night out with the girls to this guy's house out in the sticks...dammit I'm an idiot. They both think it is strictly platonic...that is the part that blows my mind.

 

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Fortunately I didn't set fire to her things, I had the wherewithal to just stack them neatly on the floor. Today is going to be a cluster of a day when she calls.

 

Your such a sweet and nice guy!

 

I'd get myself a quart or two of Clorox bleach, a fifth of twelve year old Scothch and have myself a 'tie-dye' party and then put her 'trash' to the curb and tell her to come and get it!

[lupa]

Your such a sweet and nice guy!

Mocking me doesn't make it any better (though I did laugh)...

I'd get myself a quart or two of Clorox bleach, a fifth of twelve year old Scothch and have myself a 'tie-dye' party and then put her 'trash' to the curb and tell her to come and get it!

I don't want to start a war. I want to get control of myself.

 

I just wrote myself three pages of a letter telling me start living my life and to let go. Every time I am hurting or want to call her, which is like always, I'm going to reread the letter.

 

This is so confusing. I have to start seeing her for the selfish person she is, because I've gone overboard for the last two months to try to demonstrate that even though I didn't show it all the time, I did love her.

 

I have to accept it is over.

[tojaz]

Lupa,

 

I was where you are not to long ago, still am in a lot of ways.

My Story>> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190291/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t191655/

Take the advice your getting. Read the posts in mine, see what s coming around the bend. I'm not going t say give up hope, I haven't, but do it for you. Be healthy, be happy, get out of the house! I was an emotional wreck, and I still have bad days (waking up alone is a killer) but it gets easier. Read books, learn about yourself, and about your relationship. Whatever happens, what you don't resolve here will be carried to the next one or to your reconcilliation. It will get harder before it gets easier, thats a guarantee, but it will get easier, and you'll be stronger for it. Keep posting, it helps alot to vent. I'll be watching for ya.

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

I'm an @zzhole.

 

Thing is?

 

I KNOW that I am one! Most people don't realize they are one!

 

So I try hard and work hard not to be one? Because there's too many of them in the world already! World's covered up with them!

 

Get a book titled "Me Five Years From Now"

 

Its not a book you read?

 

Its a book of questions about yourself that you write!

 

Work on your personal finances.

 

I'm a finance major, but for the average Joe?

 

Read Mary Hunt's "DebtProof Living" and Dave Ramsey's "Complete Money Makeover" just all the financial advice you'll ever need. (Dave's got a daily radioshow you might want to tune into? Google it!)

 

Begin a life long study of the two subjects that's not taught at any level of our education system?

 

Personal Finance

 

Interpersonal Relationships

 

Google

 

Body language

 

AND

 

EQ ~ Emotional Intellegence. This one single subject more than anything else determines one's sucess in life. More so than a college degree, your IQ, your professional knowledge?

 

Get physical, be proactive in your health management. The best way to be healthy in your 70's/80's is to be so in your 20's! Go to the gym for six to nine months, 5X's a week, and thereafter? You'll be miserable if you don't go!

[lupa]

Folks, I'm definitely all over the map here. We had a blowout about last night, and I know I acted immaturely...justified, but immature. So I called today and said, "Look, I'm hurt and confused, and clearing out all your drawers in the bedroom made me feel better at the time. I've put all the clothes back in the bedroom, but not in the drawers, do with them as you see fit." She said, "I appreciate that."

 

I have a date tomorrow...I wouldn't call it a "dating" date, but it is someone I met online and have emailed and spoken with over the phone. I don't know what I want to accomplish here. This girl seems nice, definitely witty and quirky, and her pic looks cute enough, but I don't know what I'm actually doing. I don't plan on cheating, but my actions feel justified, and for a few hours the other day and yesterday, I didn't think every waking minute about my marriage that is falling apart, because I had a distraction.

 

Whatever happens, I plan on being 100% honest with this other girl, telling her I'm in the middle of a lot of sh*t, don't really know what is up, but wanted to get out and do some things I used to enjoy.

 

I feel guilty that I'm doing this now...but this is within 18 hours of her going to hang out at our "friend's" brother's house with a big group of people.

 

I know folks here will say it is physical...I don't think so...but it is emotional, and it is more her than him from what I can tell. Regardless, I have to accept that it isn't going to stop because I want it to.

 

So why do I feel guilty? Why can't I get out there (prematurely, no doubt) and meet new folks?

 

All you guys (tojaz's story is like mine to a T) are great, and are a good outlet for my pain...but NC is hard. All I want to do is invite her dinner at our old favorite restaurant. I want to have the good times again.

 

I guess every time I want to talk to her, like right now I'll read that letter I wrote to myself (alot of Gunny's words in it...frightening, really) and if that doesn't work, I'll just keep bumping this thread.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Biggie25x]

Be careful dating again so soon after you go through all this. While it might seem like you are okay now, you're not. I am going through all this now, read my thread if you want, and I met an ex-girlfriend from high school. Trust me when I say you need time to grieve.

 

What she does is besides the point. She can be as shallow as she wants. You be who you are. It will be a while until your emotions start to work themselves out. Everything will be going fine and than bam you will be back in the crap.

 

Take some time, work on yourself. Focus on repairing the emptiness inside you. That way when the next one comes along you are whole and complete.

 

There comes a point when you realize all you can do is say "NEXT"

 

But first you have to repair yourself.

[lupa]

Be careful dating again so soon after you go through all this. While it might seem like you are okay now, you're not. I am going through all this now, read my thread if you want, and I met an ex-girlfriend from high school. Trust me when I say you need time to grieve.

 

What she does is besides the point. She can be as shallow as she wants. You be who you are. It will be a while until your emotions start to work themselves out. Everything will be going fine and than bam you will be back in the crap.

 

Take some time, work on yourself. Focus on repairing the emptiness inside you. That way when the next one comes along you are whole and complete.

 

There comes a point when you realize all you can do is say "NEXT"

 

But first you have to repair yourself.

You know, people say that...but I have learned over the last few months what needs a-fixin'. What I need right now is a way to turn this off for a while.

 

How do you become able to think about this without reliving it, every second? My blood pressure goes up, I get a squeezing feeling in my chest. I'm a golfer...a decent one at that (2.3 handicap index). I used to love to go out and play. I haven't shot under 80 in weeks because I can't turn this off. I can't play soccer any more because of knee surgeries...that was when I used to get my brain quiet. The only activity I can come up with right now that could at least distract me is going out and meeting new people.

 

I know this isn't the right path for the long term, but I need to turn off the noise for a while, it is killing me.

[daddyB]

I am new to this, all of this, the board, and getting separated/divorced. All I can say for sure is you need to accept the reality, and deal with the pain. And the longer you fight the reality, the longer you will be forced to deal with the pain. I'm living it, so I'm trying to follow my own advise.

 

Married for 10 years, three young children. My wife and I separated a month ago. I fought hard against the idea, but in my heart I always knew it was a lost cause. Most of us know early on....... but we play it out hoping to find a way. Add children and it becomes complicated. Very! If you don't have children, and you are trying to save a marriage....... STOP. If your spouse is not meeting you half way, get the F out! Live needs to be lived, not salvaged from a bad relationship. It's going to happen sooner, or later..... make it sooner. Get out, get on, and go live your life. You should NEVER want to be with someone that does not want you.

[lupa]

Thank you for your input...here's the thing. I don't know in my heart it is a lost cause. She still does things that shows she cares...but at the same time she holds on to this idea of me as a cold person who doesn't understand her feelings. That isn't the case...I was mad at her for so many things over time, and I'm sure it showed, but it didn't mean I didn't love her. Her claim is that she needs time away to sort her head out. She lost her job in december and we talked about her starting a company. I could afford it, but I was working hard to make it happen. I'd come home tired and crabby, and fall asleep on the couch. Its not like I abused her or yelled or anything, I was just distant.

 

Evidently, that hurt her a lot, and now seeing me try to show some support and emotion just pushes her further away because she is projecting all of her fears and anguish and insecurities onto me. She is getting complete support from our douchebag friend, because he has been hurt too, so she thinks they are kindred spirits.

 

But she still does things to show me she cares. I guess that is what confuses me.

 

Either way, I'm going to go out with this other woman tomorrow night, have dinner and drinks, and see where the chips fall. It will distract me for a while...it will calm my brain, which hasn't shut up for 7 weeks.

 

I'll worry about the mixed signals later.

[Biggie25x]

No doubt, go out and enjoy meeting new people. Just be honest with them and yourself where you are emotionally. The pain you are going through leaves you open to be hurt again. Don't settle right now because you are afraid of being alone. Remember that you are vulnerable and need to take care of yourself.

 

It has only been a couple of months, it will take time. It has only been a couple of months for me too. I am there with you. It is strange learning to live without someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

 

This leaves you open to be taken advantage of, to jumping in too quickly, to trying to fill the void with someone or something that is not healthy for you.

 

By all means have fun, just be careful. Keep posting here it helps, we got your back.

 

It takes time. You have to grieve. In my divorcecare class they say grieving honors the life you lived. It gives you a chance to move on. They say, if possible, don't date for a year to give yourself a chance to find yourself again.

 

Good luck, I know what it feels like to have your life spin out of control. Mines right there with you.

[lupa]

No doubt, go out and enjoy meeting new people. Just be honest with them and yourself where you are emotionally. The pain you are going through leaves you open to be hurt again. Don't settle right now because you are afraid of being alone. Remember that you are vulnerable and need to take care of yourself.

 

It has only been a couple of months, it will take time. It has only been a couple of months for me too. I am there with you. It is strange learning to live without someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

 

This leaves you open to be taken advantage of, to jumping in too quickly, to trying to fill the void with someone or something that is not healthy for you.

 

By all means have fun, just be careful. Keep posting here it helps, we got your back.

 

It takes time. You have to grieve. In my divorcecare class they say grieving honors the life you lived. It gives you a chance to move on. They say, if possible, don't date for a year to give yourself a chance to find yourself again.

 

Good luck, I know what it feels like to have your life spin out of control. Mines right there with you.

I'm not joking, if you were here, I'd give you a hug.

 

I'm not going to take my time dating...it was always one of the things that I was good at. It was always one of those things that made me feel good. It was the one major thing that I completely changed and got rid of when I got married. I'm going to find that part of me again. I think it will be fun.

 

Maybe it is risky, maybe it is premature, but it will also let me feel alive again. Maybe after a few dates I can then calm myself down, turn off my brain from all this. If I can do that, I can start to heal...right now I can't control anything, but for the time I was on the phone with this woman yesterday, I didn't think about how much I hurt. It gave me a break, it was a respite...I need some down time where my brain isn't killing itself.

 

I'm sure I'll let y'all know how bad (or good) it goes.

 

...not buying condoms, though, at least not for the first date. HA!

[tojaz]

As for NC being hard, dont look at it like it is NC. Thats not the way I look at it. Look at it as sparing yourself pain. It hurts to talk to her and not get anywhere right? You end up a mess when things don't go the way you want them to right? Why torture yourself. Work on what you can on your end, and when she wants t talk she'll reach out to you, and when she does then your not forcing yourself on her, she WANTS to talk. Thats half the battle right there a willing partner. You'll slip (I still do, I even taped a note on my cell. Pathetic really) but you have to spare yourself the stress. Dont do it to get her back, do it for you and let the chips fall where they may. Either way it will be easier on you.

 

Also, Take some advice from me, please. Watch it with the dating. I know it feels good to prove that your still desireable and to get out with people, but don't rush it.

1. Even if the papers are filed, if you hope to reconcile THIS WILL NOT HELP!!

2. Your mad, because SHE is having an EA and your dating! Think about it, who has the high ground on that one from a strategy stand point.

3. You think it will make you feel better, and maybe get a little revenge. It won't. You will feel like S##T afterward and it will justify her taking the EA to the next level.

 

I met up with an old ex after several weeks into this. We went out for a few laughs and some drinks, and I felt better for awhile. Lets just say that it was there for the taking, if you know what I mean. I seriously considered it,( she spent the night in the guest room) just for revenge or to feel good about myself for awhile. When the moment approached, all I saw was my wife and couldn't believe I had even had the thought, and beat myself up for a long time. Gunny's tough love approach has helped me alot and is much appreciated, but I must admit I don't share all his views. Even through this whole situation, I love my wife with all my heart and even as angry as i am, not being true to her goes against everything in myself. I'd be giving up my integrity. If you want to go out with the girl and have a good time, sounds like a good idea,but be honest with her and treat it like a new friend with future possibilites and nothing more. Take your time to heal. You'll thank yourself later.

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

There's nothing wrong with dating necessarily per se, its that your emotionally still a mess for a long time afterwards, and its going to take sometime for you to get them untangled from your past.

 

What generally happens is that you get divorced and move on, then WHAM! Right between the eyes, you become smitten with someone and/or they become smitten with you!

 

Mr. Sunshine comes up each morning looking like , the bluebirds are singing your song, you and she are laughing, joking and smokin' ~ all is right with the World!

 

Your pumped~she's pump.

 

But what is really going on?

 

Your ego is being mended by your interaction with this other person. Within time? Your back up and running again! You're your old self again.

 

Then suddenly?

 

You can barely stand to be with arm's reach of her?

 

You dread e-mails and phone calls from her?

 

Dates with her you once looked forward to? You now dread?

 

You've healed ~ your feeling much better ~ and your ready to 'get out there' and to see and find what's out there in this 'brave new world?"

 

Its not just a question of going on a date ~ so that you can get the X off your mind?

 

Its your subconscious ego driving you ~ telling you that's its been hurt and is in need of healing.

 

The top three big stressors in life are

 

Death of a spouse

 

Divorce

 

Loss of a job

 

These all three? Will set you back for years and years if your not careful.

 

Your dealing with the all three.

 

The Death of a Spouse (There are actually three human entities in a relationship ~ especially a marriage ~ You, her, and us ~ your dealing with the "death" of the 'us' entity)

 

Divorce

 

And her job loss.

 

Gezzz? No wonder you and her at each other's throats.

 

Its not that people aren't ready for dating with other people and dating soon after going what your going through, its that they're not ready for a relationship.

 

We each and everyone have an 'id', ego, and superego' Our superego is our 'inner child' that says, "I want it, and I want it now!!"

 

Collectively? This makes up our subconscious mind. Its is the superego that will cause you to 'lie to yourself' ~ saying, "What's the harm, its just a date! Its just dinner and a date!"

 

I can absolutely tell you, that it is you and you alone that is your worse enemy in all of this.

 

Its essential that you exert self control and self discipline ~ less you find yourself in a bigger mess than your already in.

 

Not to offend, but per your latest and most recent post it sounds as though you would benefit from learning more about EQ ~ Emotional intelligence. Google the subject, and read up on it.

 

More so than how intellectually intelligence you are, what you majored in, what "book knowledge" you may have, which university you attended? Its the single greatest determinor of how successful someone is in life?

 

Women generally have higher EQ's than men ~ because relationships? Are what they do.

[lupa]

I'm noticing more and more that certain times of day I'm in a great deal of pain. All I want to do is talk to my wife right now. I don't know why, but I'm so convinced I need to that I can feel my blood pressure up. I just keep coming back to "how can she do this to me?"

 

I know it is too early to date, and most certainly a relationship is out of the question, but I've said it before and I'll say it again, I need to turn this off for a while. I can't figure out any other way.

 

I just came in from outside...I was watering the flowers...that she planted. So the entire time I was thinking about how she has betrayed this life we have together. I'm such a wreck right now I had to come to you guys again. Even if just writing this post out helps me understand myself more, well then fine. I want to know where she is, what she is doing. I don't care any more who she is doing it with, because I already know the answer.

 

Look, I was unhappy about a lot, too. But I made an oath in front of friends, family, and god (and I'm not even sure I believe in god) to honor and cherish this woman for the rest of my life. She is walking away from all that.

 

I'm going to go upstairs and find that letter I wrote to myself yesterday. Maybe I'll post it here, too.

[lupa]

The letter I wrote to myself, I dumped the first page, it was more about my specific situation. Maybe it will help others:

 

You have to understand that there is nothing you can do or say to make this any better. Don't be rash, don't be hasty. Don't be angry. The only thing you can do is get busy living. Two months of purgatory is enough. You feel terrible. You hurt her and didn't know it, and now she will not forgive you. Get busy living. Be strong, and always remember that being comfortable and complacent got you here. You both let the little things fester; that was dumb and you will never do that again. You are a good person with a good heart. If she can't see that and love you for it, then let go. LET GO. Maybe one day it will work out...probably not. LET GO. Get busy living. Get control of yourself, your life, your emotions. Let...it...go. Learn again. Grow again. Stop hating your life. You are smart, funny, caring, confident. LET IT GO. You can and will succeed.

 

Take this as a chance to become better. Don't judge. Don't hate. Thank her for showing you pain. You never knew this kind of pain before. Do you want to live a life that doesn't experience everything? Now you know pain. Real pain, deep pain.

 

Take care of yourself, eat, sleep, exercise. Be successful at work. You were working for two but you didn't know how to show it. You were loving for two but didn't know how to show it.

 

You deserve to be happy again.

 

You deserve to have love.

 

Get busy living.

 

Always remember that your time on this rock is finite. You've got to grow and be better for this or it is all a waste of a rapidly passing life.

 

READ THIS EVERY TIME YOU ARE HURTING.

 

GET BUSY LIVING.

 

6/13/09

I've read this about 25 times already. It does help...maybe it will help someone else out there who is hurting, too.

[Gunny376]

All day STRONG!

Its called 'self talk' (You might want to check out the book by the same title.

 

"As you think? Is how you beleive? How you belive? You become!"

[lupa]

All day STRONG!

HOOO-RAAAH!

 

 

 

Gunny -- you the man.

[tojaz]

Great letter man, keep reading it. Also try this, write down everything you wife was to you on one side of a sheet of paper. The good things, loving beautiful, what ever you remember, do this when your missing her and hurting. On the other side, write down what she is right now deceitful hurtful etc. Do this when your angry (how could she do this to me). When ever you want to call her read your letter then read your lists. You'll start to see what I'm getting at. If you still need to talk to her, post here instead.

Stay strong Lupa

TOJAZ

[lupa]

K, so I'm going to out dinner with someone at 6. It is 4 now. I'm feeling lots of crazy feelings, not the least of which is guilt.

 

Every time I feel guilt I just think about what she's done behind my back for the last few months, and how regardless of what I did forever she just was pissed off. I think about all the things that made me unhappy...

 

I still feel a little guilt, though.

 

Screw it. She was out with the other guy on Friday night...I'm going to dinner with a new friend in public on Sunday.

 

GET BUSY LIVING.

 

 

HOORAH!