Apart and shaken

[lupa]

Anyone with an onnce of integrity, moral decency or empathy would stay and try and work things out before just throwing in the towel and walking away.

Damn freaking straight!

 

 

She and I just had a two minute conversation. It was about the cat I can't find right now...

 

I took the opportunity to apologize for being childish. She started on how she can't have a "separation" with us in contact all the time and blah blah. I said "yeah, I know, I understand that we've been way too much in touch. All I'm saying I didn't mean to behave like that the other night. Well, hope you take care of yourself. Bye."

 

I got the "Oh. uhh, ok. Well I guess I'll talk to you later," as I was hanging up.

 

I read somewhere that even though I feel in love, it is probably that I'm feeling addicted to her, because right now, if I was of sound mind, there isn't a single freaking thing about her to love.

 

Think about that.

 

She's is totally screwing me over. What is there to love?

 

Did Gunny tell me this? Sinatra? tojaz? Or was it one of the millions of websites I've been studying for weeks?

 

So, I have to set a goal. My goal is the meeting with the divorce lawyer, then after that my friend coming in from out of town.

 

Those are my goals.

[LisaUk]

I love Brit Logic and thinking!

 

Hey? Please explain

[LisaUk]

 

I read somewhere that even though I feel in love, it is probably that I'm feeling addicted to her, because right now, if I was of sound mind, there isn't a single freaking thing about her to love.

 

Think about that.

 

I certainly will, thanks.

[LisaUk]

She and I just had a two minute conversation. It was about the cat I can't find right now...

:laugh: That's made my evening, don't know why really just made me laugh, sorry, I know it's not a funny situation, it's just so like me and my ex. Umongst all the s*It, life and THE CAT gets involved! Hope you see the funny side.

[TrustInYourself]

LOL, yeah I think the first month I was sulking about. I punched holes in the walls. I called her up just to be ignored. I texted her, no response. I thought about how great she was and how much I neglected her and ignored her. I was so transfixed on my own situation, my own life, my own needs and wants. I wanted to blame her and be angry with her, but I realized I was to blame. I was cheating on her with my own behavior.

 

Oh that was a good time.

 

That's why I made the commitment to be a better person, and perhaps why my reconciliation happened. It wasn't about her, but about me. So I had a chance at the start. I just had to limit myself from being an idiot. I worked hard to be myself, the guy she once felt an irresistable attraction to.

 

Some of the guys on here, want to blame their spouse for what happened without looking to how they contributed to the situation.

 

Whatever works. I just can not be that jaded and egotistical. No one is perfect, but most importantly we are not perfect. It is so easy to blame our actions on others, to blame our pain and suffering on others. That's a worthless endeavor.

 

Be better for your own self. Explore your world and your life. Screw what she's doing. That's worthless behavior that just generates self loathing, pain, guilt, etc.

 

Who gives a rats ass who she is banging, talking to, hanging out with? LOL, the less you care, the more impact you have on both of your lives. Get over it man.

[TrustInYourself]

Damn freaking straight!

 

 

She and I just had a two minute conversation. It was about the cat I can't find right now...

 

I took the opportunity to apologize for being childish. She started on how she can't have a "separation" with us in contact all the time and blah blah. I said "yeah, I know, I understand that we've been way too much in touch. All I'm saying I didn't mean to behave like that the other night. Well, hope you take care of yourself. Bye."

 

I got the "Oh. uhh, ok. Well I guess I'll talk to you later," as I was hanging up.

 

I read somewhere that even though I feel in love, it is probably that I'm feeling addicted to her, because right now, if I was of sound mind, there isn't a single freaking thing about her to love.

 

Think about that.

 

She's is totally screwing me over. What is there to love?

 

Did Gunny tell me this? Sinatra? tojaz? Or was it one of the millions of websites I've been studying for weeks?

 

So, I have to set a goal. My goal is the meeting with the divorce lawyer, then after that my friend coming in from out of town.

 

Those are my goals.

 

Hmm, sounds like good times. Just do not burn any bridges man. Let logic and reason be your guide, rather than your crazy ass emotions, lol.

[Gunny376]

Hey? Please explain

 

If you had a few more posts, I would PM you!

 

Brits/Scots/Irish/Aussies have a uniquie way / view toward Life!

 

I don't know that I can define it?

 

They love life for what it is, and all it is?

 

But I admire it!

[Gunny376]

Make rational decisions in a rational state of mind!

[LisaUk]

That's why I made the commitment to be a better person, and perhaps why my reconciliation happened. It wasn't about her, but about me. So I had a chance at the start. I just had to limit myself from being an idiot. I worked hard to be myself, the guy she once felt an irresistable attraction to.

 

Some of the guys on here, want to blame their spouse for what happened without looking to how they contributed to the situation.

 

How did you get your ex to reconcile with you? Please can you be more specific, I've tried everything, including taking the blame, all the blame, even for things that were not my fault and NC. Any wisdom you can impart I would appreciate. Thanks.

[LisaUk]

If you had a few more posts, I would PM you!

 

Brits/Scots/Irish/Aussies have a uniquie way / view toward Life!

 

I don't know that I can define it?

 

They love life for what it is, and all it is?

 

But I admire it!

 

Ok, I don't see but thanks.

[TrustInYourself]

How did you get your ex to reconcile with you? Please can you be more specific, I've tried everything, including taking the blame, all the blame, even for things that were not my fault and NC. Any wisdom you can impart I would appreciate. Thanks.

 

 

I did nothing but give her exactly what she wanted, which was time on her own to think about things. I focused on myself. I lost 20lbs, got in touch with old friends and family. I focused on being myself? She decided to give it another try, which is a testament to who she is.

 

What were the circumstances? Let me check out your thread.

[Derek12b]

As I said before, whenever I'm a wreck, I'm coming here to vent. Maybe this is a form of masturbation or something. It is definitely cathartic.

 

I feel better for typing...not so alone.

 

I feel so much better after I type something on here and read others stories. You'd think that reading this or writing about it would be the LAST thing you want, but thats just not so. I'm positive it helps. I keep up on a lot of threads on here and yours is one of them. It's just nice knowing that your not the only one going through this. I so hope it works out for you.

[lupa]

I feel so much better after I type something on here and read others stories. You'd think that reading this or writing about it would be the LAST thing you want, but thats just not so. I'm positive it helps. I keep up on a lot of threads on here and yours is one of them. It's just nice knowing that your not the only one going through this. I so hope it works out for you.

Thanks...I do too.

 

I'm going to try some sleep aids tonight. I need to make it through a night without waking up and having my heart race in the middle of the night. If I can do this for about a week, I can probably make it to the next stage where I start taking care of myself physically. Not that I'm looking bad any more...I got some sun this past weekend, I'm taking care of my appearance. But I still look a little tired.

 

By the way, the cutie wasn't at work today. I'm going to have to try her tomorrow...maybe get some beers after work. She's a little "fuller" for my taste, but there is something sexy there. Maybe I'll think about something else for a while. We'll see.

 

Going to take out the garbage, make sure the cats are under control, and pop some sleep aids at about 9:00. Hopefully by 10:00 my butt is in dreamy dream land.

 

Screw that whats-her-name and her going out every night. Have fun pretending you are 10 years younger than you are. Leave the guy who said he'd take of you forever...screw off.

 

Grrr.

[seibert253]

Thanks...I do too.

 

I'm going to try some sleep aids tonight. I need to make it through a night without waking up and having my heart race in the middle of the night. If I can do this for about a week, I can probably make it to the next stage where I start taking care of myself physically. Not that I'm looking bad any more...I got some sun this past weekend, I'm taking care of my appearance. But I still look a little tired.

 

By the way, the cutie wasn't at work today. I'm going to have to try her tomorrow...maybe get some beers after work. She's a little "fuller" for my taste, but there is something sexy there. Maybe I'll think about something else for a while. We'll see.

 

Going to take out the garbage, make sure the cats are under control, and pop some sleep aids at about 9:00. Hopefully by 10:00 my butt is in dreamy dream land.

 

Screw that whats-her-name and her going out every night. Have fun pretending you are 10 years younger than you are. Leave the guy who said he'd take of you forever...screw off.

 

Grrr.

 

Ambien CR, in 20 minutes down for the count.

Wake up once or twice to pizz during the nite, wake up next morning feeling great. Xanax works good too but easy to become dependant on them.

[LisaUk]

I did nothing but give her exactly what she wanted, which was time on her own to think about things. I focused on myself. I lost 20lbs, got in touch with old friends and family. I focused on being myself? She decided to give it another try, which is a testament to who she is.

 

What were the circumstances? Let me check out your thread.

 

Hi TIY, there's bits and pieces about my situation on my thread I get it! To be honest to write it all out in detail would probably take me days, my ex behaved one way, acted another and then has continued to give conflicting explanations ever since. If you want more info, let me know and I will try and write a condensed version on my own thread. I really do hope he comes back, if more details will help you suggest a way for this to happen I will happliy provide them, but it could be a long thread!

[lupa]

Sonuva...I woke up bad this morning. I can't just let it go in my mind...how could a person do this to another person? How?

 

I'm not going to let it kill me. Going to the lawyer today, going to get everything in order.

 

Aaaaagh.

 

I swear I can't see anything ahead of me, this is complete darkness.

 

 

EDIT: Ok, so I went to a couple of other websites about "stopping divorce" after posting the above. I have to remember two things:

 

1) There is nothing I can say or do right now to change her mind

2) Have patience

 

I cannot "win" this fight in the normal sense, but I can keep fighting...it is just that I have to fight smarter and better. The 180 is my goal, and I have sucked at it to this point. I'm going to think about the bad outcome that is inevitable from each of my actions, understand it, and then do the opposite.

 

I also have to understand that it is probably over. I give it a one in ten chance of working out. That breaks my heart to type, but it also gives me a little "closure" in its own way. I think it has been the not knowing that has been killing me recently. So, I have to start living like it is already done.

 

It is already done.

 

God this is killing me.

[TrustInYourself]

Yeah, it's rough. Accept it. Go with that pain. That's the first step in clearing this. You have to realize that he or she may not be coming back. Once you face that demon and embrace that pain and hurt, you can begin to take steps to live again. Keep faith. Your life is not over. It's just starting fresh.

[LisaUk]

Sonuva...I woke up bad this morning. I can't just let it go in my mind...how could a person do this to another person? How?

 

 

I swear I can't see anything ahead of me, this is complete darkness.

 

 

I cannot "win" this fight in the normal sense, but I can keep fighting...it is just that I have to fight smarter and better. The 180 is my goal, and I have sucked at it to this point. I'm going to think about the bad outcome that is inevitable from each of my actions, understand it, and then do the opposite.

 

 

It is already done.

 

God this is killing me.

 

Lupa, I spent most of today in tears, I had to try and figure out what to do with my future, I have no job, was a stay at home wife for 7 years, have moved back with my parents to a small seaside town where there is no work. The result, I spent today doing my law application for school, but it made me think, how could he do this to me, I want my life back, I just want my life back.

 

The 180 REALLY is your best bet, TRUST me I did like you, I pushed and pushed, even when I realised i had to agree to the break up and did, I left it a couple of weeks then got dragged back in thorugh legal talks. Turns out the NC WAS working like a dream, he said "I did love you right till the end and I still do" "I'm not as certain in my decision as I was 6 weeks ago". What did I do, I pushed. I pushed him further away, blew it. What should I have done, said something like "well, that's something you need to figure out, I'm going to keep improving myself and doing new things"

 

Even after this I STILL KEPT PUSHING. STOP. Listen to us, I know it goes against everything you want to do, you want to tell her you love her, that you miss her, that you will change. All it does is make you more and more unattractive to her. By doing a 180, you will shock her, you will show her that you don't NEED her and the man she fell in love with. Why does this work?

 

1. people want what they can't have

2. people miss what they haven't got. if she thinks you are there on tap and she can have you back just like that, she has no oppurtunity to miss you. Let me ask you this, what happens when you have a power cut? You don't appreciate the electricity when it's there, but sure do when it's been turned off. ALLOW her to miss you.

 

That's my advice to you, take it or leave it. Go LC, legal stuff, buisness stuff ONLY. I wish I had.

[lupa]

I'm off to the lawyer...I'm actually scared.

 

All I want is for her to come back to our house, sit on the front porch with me for a little while, and talk.

 

Should I ask her to come over tonight or not? Should I tell her what I'm doing today or not?

 

Should I just try the no contact thing and see where the chips fall?

[LisaUk]

 

The 180 REALLY is your best bet, TRUST me I did like you, I pushed and pushed, even when I realised i had to agree to the break up and did, I left it a couple of weeks then got dragged back in thorugh legal talks. Turns out the NC WAS working like a dream

 

Even after this I STILL KEPT PUSHING. STOP. Listen to us, I know it goes against everything you want to do, you want to tell her you love her, that you miss her, that you will change. All it does is make you more and more unattractive to her. By doing a 180, you will shock her, you will show her that you don't NEED her and the man she fell in love with. Why does this work?

 

1. people want what they can't have

2. people miss what they haven't got. if she thinks you are there on tap and she can have you back just like that, she has no oppurtunity to miss you. Let me ask you this, what happens when you have a power cut? You don't appreciate the electricity when it's there, but sure do when it's been turned off. ALLOW her to miss you.

 

That's my advice to you, take it or leave it. Go LC, legal stuff, buisness stuff ONLY. I wish I had.

 

Just to bring it home!

[tojaz]

So, I have to start living like it is already done.

 

It is already done.

 

God this is killing me.

 

It is not killing you, it is making you stronger. It sure as hell dosen't feel like it, but it is. Take your own advice, start living like it is already done. If she comes back great, if not then your on your way to recovery. Theres nothing you can do to change her mind!!! That has to come from her.

TOJAZ

[seibert253]

Playtime is over Lupa. Time to pull the trigga. File and have her served. It will show her your not playing games anymore and you're ready to move on.

[lupa]

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

 

So, I walk out of the divorce lawyer's office, and I get a phone call from my buddy with whom "Mr X" is living, and has been for the last year and a half. Mr X is the emotional affair guy.

 

My buddy calls and says, "For what it is worth, I just passed your wife and Mr X leaving my house in separate cars on my way home from work." I marched back into the divorce lawyer's office with this info, and he instructed me to not kick anyone's ass (I'm not kidding).

 

So, fine. These two people have been best friends for the last 6 months because they're both unhappy miserable people. Fine. My mind no longer has to go to the depths of hell to torture me. I was told by my wife (I had to call about her unemployment info per instruction of the lawyer) that she had a bunch of things going on today, and stopped by before meeting the girls to say hi to this guy who is her best friend. I said, "ok, cool. Whatever." Of course I care, but I'd never tell her again. Have at it, be miserable together...

 

Evidently my wife called my buddy after they passed on the road saying, "Oh! I just missed you! I just stopped by to say hello, and I'm doing this today, and I'm doing that, and blah blah blah." He said her guilt was that of explaining herself, but not hiding anything. Like I said, I don't even care any more, I can never forgive her for this either way. But I actually do not think they are physically cheating...if they are, so be it. I'm at the divorce lawyer's office.

 

Well, after the lawyer's office, I called my one good girlfriend who lives in this area. We'll call her Miss K. I said I have to talk about today, so we met at a local bar that none of us have been to in weeks, if not months. She and I really talked in depth about a lot of these things, and she kept telling me to not do anything drastic yet, as she believes my wife wouldn't do anything I should doubt.

 

To make a long story short...in walks "Elisa," the ex-girlfriend of Mr X who knows us all. Then in walks a bunch of mutual friends of everyone. Then in walks more people we all know. Everyone comes over to say "hi" with a tenative look on their faces, like, "ummm...where's your wife and why are you with Miss K?" I just play it off like nothing, and Miss K knows exactly what is going on.

 

I can only imagine where the other shoe is going to drop with this one. The ex girlfriend of Mr X looks good, and if this all goes down badly, I'm taking her ass out. Mmmm. All of those other people are going to start talking about why I was out with Miss K and not my wife, and things are going to get back around.

 

I feel good right now, riding the artificial high of having some attention, as opposed to getting the snot kicked out of me repeatedly over the last 8 weeks. I need to understand that there are going to be folks interested in me, even if the wife gives up.

 

Like I said, it may be short lived, but this was fun.

 

...I'll let y'all know when I crash from this, but hopefully it won't be as deep or as far as yesterday or this morning.

 

[Chrome Barracuda]

LOL I love it!!!!

 

Rumors and innuendo is a great thing! but here's the thing, dont focus on what your wife is doing, remain strong and stay the course. act like she's not coming back!

 

Your sounding stronger every day lupa, even we notice the difference. and the thing to really change is to get a life, interact with more people, be indifferent to your wife and try new things that interest YOU.

 

Is miss K hot because that will damn sure help! lol. but until the she's served and your steadfast in your seperation dont sleep with any female. wait for a minute.

[lupa]

LOL I love it!!!!

 

Rumors and innuendo is a great thing! but here's the thing, dont focus on what your wife is doing, remain strong and stay the course. act like she's not coming back!

 

Your sounding stronger every day lupa, even we notice the difference. and the thing to really change is to get a life, interact with more people, be indifferent to your wife and try new things that interest YOU.

 

Is miss K hot because that will damn sure help! lol. but until the she's served and your steadfast in your seperation dont sleep with any female. wait for a minute.

Yeah, that is exactly what Miss K told me, too. Don't have sex with anyone while this is going on. Nobody. She is cute, and her body is a 10. I would definitely get myself in trouble there...like I mentioned earlier, I am attracted to slimmer women...more "athletic" than skinny.

 

By the way, that is one of the things about my wife that went away...when we started dating she went to the gym all the time. She was always curvy, but a little toned. Well...let's just say she is no longer toned.

 

Anyway, I still wake up badly. Every morning I would rub my wife's feet, or give her a little back rub. Usually she would barely even wake up, and she probably doesn't even remember...maybe this is why she thought I never gave her affection. Screw it. Just one more habit to break. I'm not "lonely" in the morning anymore, I'm just missing my routine.

 

My buddy is coming in from out of town tonight...it will be nice to have him around, and he will definitely make me get out of the house. I think a little flirting or something would be great.

 

 

...also, I'm going to get Mr X's ex-girlfriend's number here in the future...just to "hang out".

 

I'm still hurt, don't get me wrong, but I'm getting a little angrier as this goes.