Apart and shaken

[Gunny376]

I feel the same as when I was at Parris Island as a DI, when some kid got the wind knocked out of him, tugging on his waist band and belt, yelling at him?

 

"Breath dammit! Breath!"

 

You need to learn how to exhale!

 

Before you can inhale all the good life has to offer!

 

You need to exhale all the bad!

 

Your going through (the lost of your dearest friend, wife, marriage, hopes, dreams, plans) the stages of grief X 10 to an exponential of X10!

 

The 'Storms of Life' are washing over you one after another! They just keep coming and coming!

 

What to do?

 

You live one moment at a time, one second at a time!

 

You get up and go through the motions!

 

You do what you've always done!

 

You do what you always do everyday!

 

You cry, you mourn, you grieve!

 

You get mad!

 

You get angry!

 

But most of all?

 

You go on with your Life

 

You wake up each day and your say to yourself?

 

Today's going to be a better day!

 

A better day than yesterday!

 

You find hope!

 

You believe!

 

Hope?

 

Floats eternal!

[lupa]

Good to hear from you, Gunnz. I want you to know I am trying, but things just set my brain off on a bad path, and I can't pull out of the nosedive on my own. My friends and family don't understand that yet, but they just sit there and listen. I'm sure I'm starting to become a bother to them, but they just sit there and listen...god, they are good people.

 

You can't influence her in any way, remember that. If you push, coax, suggest, regardless of how subtle, it won't change anything in her. She needs to decide for herself. You interfering in anyway, is just you not giving her what she needs right now, space. Don't do what I did, I asked the same question to myself. I tried to be subtle, I tried to go slow. Everytime she ran. Let her move at her own pace and get ready for either possible outcome. It's all you can do.

TOJAZ

 

I've taken to writing letters to her when I'm upset...I use my cell phone that has a full keyboard, and save them in the "drafts" folder. I don't put her email address on it at all, that way I don't accidentally send them. I don't want to influence her. I'm not going to try.

 

Ok, I do want to influence her, but I'm still going to do my best to not try.

 

I'm just so freaking lonely in my heart, even though I'm surrounded by people that obviously love me. Each day something will trigger my sadness, but at least it isn't crushing weight of unbearable despair anymore. Now I'm just lonely.

 

I guess lonely is a step up, right?

 

So I've started looking around at women. I'm in a different city, I don't have any background from which to start...and right now I think the pickings are slim. Maybe it is because I'm still weak, but I'm just not seeing anyone I'm attracted to. I hope there is someone out there for me again...

 

I hope there are people out there for all of us.

[tojaz]

Writing letters are a good idea, I have tons that I have never given her, including the please take me backs, and the good byes. It helps to put it all on paper then go back and read them. I see myself changing as I go through, from begging and hopeless, to rational, to hopeless again, on and on. I have one that is a favorite that I think I will give her someday, when this is all over. It's just a goodbye. No pleas or reasoning, just all she meant to me put on the page for her. I almost posted it a couple of times, but I'm not sure I'm ready to share it with the world. Other women will come with time, your still working on the one you have. You can't do both. Just keep following your heart.

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

I did the letter writing thing, didn't send them, it helps when you need to stay NC.

[lupa]

Holy crap the 4th was tough...I did good all day at the BBQ, but when the fireworks started I felt like I had a big hole right through the center of me.

 

My buddy told me that she is probably feeling the same way right now, but I don't think so. I think she has made me into such the bad guy that everything apart is a relief to her.

 

I need to stop remembering my wife and start dealing with this two-headed pscho hose beast monster alien b*tch that she has become, because the woman I married and the woman I love would at least call to say hello every once in a while.

 

I'm not dealing with her anymore...my wife is gone.

 

 

...backsliding sucks. I had such a good start to this week.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Holy crap the 4th was tough...I did good all day at the BBQ, but when the fireworks started I felt like I had a big hole right through the center of me.

 

My buddy told me that she is probably feeling the same way right now, but I don't think so. I think she has made me into such the bad guy that everything apart is a relief to her.

 

I need to stop remembering my wife and start dealing with this two-headed pscho hose beast monster alien b*tch that she has become, because the woman I married and the woman I love would at least call to say hello every once in a while.

 

I'm not dealing with her anymore...my wife is gone.

 

 

...backsliding sucks. I had such a good start to this week.

 

Once your start speaking of her in the past tense. Your gonna work past it, you have it right, your wife as you know her is...dead.

 

Live your life lupa. Just live. find someone new, work on maing yourself stronger. The feelings for her are fading right? your now turned towards your future without her.

[Gunny376]

When we get married?

 

We're actually marrying three different people ~ potentially four!

 

The one we think we're marrying?

 

The one we're actually marrying!

 

And the one that comes about as of result of having married you!

 

The fourth potential person we marry is the person that comes "out" during a separation/divorce, as in "I can't 'freaking' even to begin to believe that's the same person I've been married to all these years!"

 

Life comes with it and its to be expected that we all are going to suffer through set-backs, disappointments, heartache, heartbreak, financial woes, lay-offs, getting fired, feeling vulnerable, separation & divorce.

 

But no matter what "Storms of Life" rain over you? Or what life may throw over you?

 

You must never forget to tell yourself over and over and over again!

 

"This too will pass!"

 

 

Time heals all wounds, it is ourselves that hinders the process!

 

In the end? Your going to grow from all this? All of this mental and emotional pain.

 

In the end? All your wife is making you a better person, individual, man, husband, father for another woman.

 

All the while just pissing away all of the good that you and she had together.

 

When you get to the other side of all this you will see the God has laid many a good and precious things at your feet. That you have been truly blessed.

 

One of God's greatest blessings is unanswered prayers ~ when we're going through this.

 

I look back at my XHEX in the light of the past nineteen years? And I see a very, very selfish, self-centered, materialistic, uncaring, un-giving, .................person.

 

Being married to her? Was like dragging a dead horse around everywhere I went. Saddle, tack gear and all.

 

She held me back, was holding me back! One our biggest arguments was over my taking adult college night courses at the USC-Beaufort, SC.

 

I was shooting for a commission, or at least Warrant Officer. To get a commission in the Marines, you need but a BS or BA in anything with a 2.5 GPA.

 

Take a fool's advice!

 

Don't waste some of the best years of your life on someone who doesn't have the common decency to show you the respect you would show a wino!

 

Don't waste the years of your youth on this woman!

 

You can do better ~ and by God your deserve better!

 

Live your life for yourself ~ not others!

[tojaz]

Holy crap the 4th was tough...I did good all day at the BBQ, but when the fireworks started I felt like I had a big hole right through the center of me.

 

My buddy told me that she is probably feeling the same way right now, but I don't think so. I think she has made me into such the bad guy that everything apart is a relief to her.

 

I need to stop remembering my wife and start dealing with this two-headed pscho hose beast monster alien b*tch that she has become, because the woman I married and the woman I love would at least call to say hello every once in a while.

 

I'm not dealing with her anymore...my wife is gone.

 

 

...backsliding sucks. I had such a good start to this week.

 

I know what you mean, the 4th is always a family thing at my aunts. My aunt looked at me and pointed out that I was sitting like i had my arm around her, the same way i had a million times before, and I was! Like I was holding her place. She didn't even call to wish me a happy 4th, and I wanted to soooo bad. Just writing this starts to bring it all back. WHEN WILL IT END!!!.......25 days:confused:

TOJAZ

[lupa]

I know what you mean, the 4th is always a family thing at my aunts. My aunt looked at me and pointed out that I was sitting like i had my arm around her, the same way i had a million times before, and I was! Like I was holding her place. She didn't even call to wish me a happy 4th, and I wanted to soooo bad. Just writing this starts to bring it all back. WHEN WILL IT END!!!.......25 days:confused:

TOJAZ

I don't think it ever ends, I just think it fades away.

 

I'm right in the middle of it again, but this cute girl (friend of my buddy's) wants to take me to a Twins game at around noon. That will be a nice distraction for a while.

 

God this blows. One step at a time, toj. Like I said, we'll get out.

[tojaz]

I don't think it ever ends, I just think it fades away.

 

I'm right in the middle of it again, but this cute girl (friend of my buddy's) wants to take me to a Twins game at around noon. That will be a nice distraction for a while.

 

God this blows. One step at a time, toj. Like I said, we'll get out.

 

Sounds like a good time,It sure does blow, but your right, we'll get out.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

You know what? I just had an epiphany...

 

My buddy's cute friend...well, they used to date. 3 years ago, and they have stayed in touch. His current girl was pissed, pissed, that the ex (cute friend) took me to a baseball game today. We laughed, I enjoyed the game, and only one time did she have to say anything to bring me back because I drifted off into my own misery. I had a good time, and there was even a little (just a little) flirtation there.

 

well, the fact that my buddy's current girl can't handle me hanging out with the ex -- keep in mind I've yet to meet the current girl -- just shows that people, humans, homofreakingsapiens, are not rational beings, and as much as I think I have things figured out, I'm still dealing with other beings who do not think as I do.

 

 

This...is...a...very...valuable...lesson...for everyone who feels burned like "we" do right now. We aren't dealing with people that see things the same way we do. We aren't dealing with rationality, and not in terms of the big picture, I mean rationality as we understand it. We just do not see things the same way they do.

 

We just do not see things the same way they do.

 

I've felt so inadequate, so like I f*cked things up...she doesn't see the world the same way I do. I thought we did...we don't.

 

You thought you both did, YOU DON'T.

 

People keep saying "live for yourself" and I've always been wary, in my short time here, of that statement, because I was reading it the wrong way. You can live for yourself and bring love to another, but you have to be true to yourself.

 

I'll find someone, you'll find someone...and that person, well shoot, we can live for them, too, just by being true to ourselves.

 

-lupa

 

(I had a fun day. Being with attractive women, at least right now, makes me feel better. Sure I'm weak, but does feeling good have to come at a cost? I want my marriage to work out, but if it doesn't, I do like the ladies...I just have to find them. )

[tojaz]

Thats some good stuff Lupa. Glad your having a good time. Your right about seeing the world the same way, we used too, but things have changed an awful lot. I wish you could bottle up some of that positive attitude and send it my way! I'm having a pretty good day today but still wander off every so often. Being true to yourself is a very good message to take from all this. Unfortunately, thats why the misses says she left, because she wasn't living her life for herself, but then again, i never stopped her.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

Thats some good stuff Lupa. Glad your having a good time. Your right about seeing the world the same way, we used too, but things have changed an awful lot. I wish you could bottle up some of that positive attitude and send it my way! I'm having a pretty good day today but still wander off every so often. Being true to yourself is a very good message to take from all this. Unfortunately, thats why the misses says she left, because she wasn't living her life for herself, but then again, i never stopped her.

TOJAZ

Oh man, don't think that this positive attitude is with me all the time...most of the time I'm just trying to do what Gunny says -- fake it 'til I make it.

 

Sometimes things will distract me from my impending divorce, but usually it is like a splinter in my mind. The baseball game was awesome, and it doesn't hurt that the girl is real easy on the eyes, but then I came back here, took a nap, and woke up distraught. Cried in the shower, calmed down, went out for drinks.

 

I just think that the only thing I can look for is that I cry less each time, and the time between those tears increases. I'm going to be dealing with this for a long time...so are you...so is everyone.

 

I hope I can look forward to dating again. I am real worried right now that there won't be anyone to try for...lol.

 

Being hurt and scared is so hard, but I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I know we aren't alone in all this. Sure feels like it, but we aren't.

 

-l to the u p a

[Gunny376]

:lmao::lmao:

 

I've was married for twelve years! Didn't work out!

 

I tried shacking up for six and half years? Didn't work out (Geographic reasons)

 

I've been single since my divorce nineteen years ago!

 

When I was married? We basically had a couple types of paper in the house?

 

We had:

 

Toilet paper

Paper towels

and...................................

 

Tissue paper!

 

We had tissue paper in the bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, the den you name it! We had it everywhere!

 

When your a man?

 

You have only two types of paper in the house?

 

Toilet paper and paper towels!

 

When you run out of the other? You use the other!

 

I never got drapes, curtains and 'window treatments?

 

Why pay $20,000 more for a house and its 'view" when your going to cover them up with expensive drapes and curtains? Hell for that matter why do you even need windows?

 

China and china cabinets? That's another one I never could get across and through my brain housing group?

 

Let me get this right? We're gong to spend all this money on a china cabinet to hold china that we're never going to be allowed to eat off of?

 

And then we're going to put in a 'dining room" that we're never going to use? Except maybe once or twice a year?

 

Dining rooms should be used for where you put the pool table and the keg cooler!

 

Furniture?

 

I never got this business about 're-arranging' the furniture ever six months or so.

 

Where the movers planted it when we moved in? Is good to go for at least the next fifteen or twenty years. That way? You get drunk? You know where its 'suppose' to be and can stubble around it!

 

When it comes to furniture? Men pretty look at it as 'lifetime' commitment!

 

That couch and love seat you 'just had to have' fifteen years ago is still a done deal today!

 

Al men need is a Lazy Boy and a large screen TV ~ OK maybe a couple of fold out TV trays to sit their beers on!

 

That's all the furniture you need! Well you might want a Lazy Boy, a big screen TV and a bed in the master bedroom!

 

And quit bitching about my mounted dear heads and their racks!

 

There good for hanging coats, sweaters, towels and such on? And if you run out of them?

 

Its a good enough reason to go "Hunting!"

 

Towels and women?

 

Don't get it?

 

What's up with towels for looks?

 

Towels for guests!

 

And towels you use everyday?

 

In Marine boot camp?

 

We got issued three towels.

 

One for use.

 

One in the laundry.

 

One coming out of the laundry!

[lupa]

Sheesh...I just watched this thing on ESPN about a 6 yr old with cancer who spent the day with the Dallas Cowboys. I f'ing broke down.

 

My life is so good, I've been so blessed, and yet I'm upset all the time. This guy hasn't even had a chance to start, let alone screw anything up, and he's out on the practice field, running his little legs off with the running backs at practice.

 

Maybe I don't need her to be complete, I don't even know any more. Maybe I can be complete on my own.

 

I've just really started wanting kids over the last year or so, I really started thinking I'm ready, and seeing that little guy just broke my heart. Don't get me wrong, it didn't break my heart for me...I don't need anything else to make that happen...it broke because there is such a big world out there for him that may never happen. My heart also broke for his father...that has to put a hole right through his middle.

 

Anyway, I'm going to go out and going to try to play tennis. Maybe I'll forget about what that woman has done for a while...maybe I'll just keep that little dude in my thoughts for today. I hope he makes it.

[Gunny376]

Your a good solid man Lupa! You can sign up for my platoon anytime you want!

[lupa]

*salutes*

 

Thanks, Gunny.

 

I'm feeling pretty alone right now...like this is going to be the last woman I ever fall in love with. I know it is dumb, but shoot, I'm pretty beat up.

 

I keep hoping we're going to work out, but we communicate less and less as the days go on, and I feel very lonely.

 

I know you folks will say this is good, that we need to stop communicating so much, but holy shi* this hurts. I'd be willing to bet quitting smoking is easier.

 

Screw it, I'm taking a nap.

[LisaUk]

*salutes*

 

Thanks, Gunny.

 

I'm feeling pretty alone right now...like this is going to be the last woman I ever fall in love with. I know it is dumb, but shoot, I'm pretty beat up.

 

I keep hoping we're going to work out, but we communicate less and less as the days go on, and I feel very lonely.

 

I know you folks will say this is good, that we need to stop communicating so much, but holy shi* this hurts. I'd be willing to bet quitting smoking is easier.

 

Screw it, I'm taking a nap.

 

I know the feeling. I'm scared to death re dating, I was with mine from 15 years old

[MrMayI]

*salutes*

 

Thanks, Gunny.

 

I'm feeling pretty alone right now...like this is going to be the last woman I ever fall in love with. I know it is dumb, but shoot, I'm pretty beat up.

 

I keep hoping we're going to work out, but we communicate less and less as the days go on, and I feel very lonely.

 

I know you folks will say this is good, that we need to stop communicating so much, but holy shi* this hurts. I'd be willing to bet quitting smoking is easier.

 

Screw it, I'm taking a nap.

 

i can tell you that i'm doing both of those things right now. i severed communication for now, and i've had two smokes today. i'm on edge, but don't really feel differently than i have been. i theorized that the two really feel alike, so i'm trying it. i went from 4 or 5 cigarettes a day, to almost a pack and a half a day since my wife dropped the separation bomb on me.

[LisaUk]

i can tell you that i'm doing both of those things right now. i severed communication for now, and i've had two smokes today. i'm on edge, but don't really feel differently than i have been. i theorized that the two really feel alike, so i'm trying it. i went from 4 or 5 cigarettes a day, to almost a pack and a half a day since my wife dropped the separation bomb on me.

 

You are a star! There is not a way in the world I could quit right now!

 

(Gunns, if you have a min, there is a thread below by Cyann, he's on deployment in the navy, think your advice would really help him?!)

[lupa]

Well, all, if people are still watching...I'm about to go from Minneapolis to the family vacation that I've been going on forever, and she joined me for the last six years. The flight is early tomorrow morning, and I'm sure I'm not going to sleep tonight because I'm so freaking tense....so I'll be back periodically all night.

 

I can only imagine what Christmas is going to be like...

 

Meh...I think I'm going to go to a bar now. Peace out.

[MrMayI]

You are a star! There is not a way in the world I could quit right now!

 

(Gunns, if you have a min, there is a thread below by Cyann, he's on deployment in the navy, think your advice would really help him?!)

 

i think my attempt will be a feeble one. i've increased my intake since getting home this evening.

 

lupa, you'll be fine. try and not entertain a lot of talk of her. that may actually help.

[tojaz]

Well, all, if people are still watching...I'm about to go from Minneapolis to the family vacation that I've been going on forever, and she joined me for the last six years. The flight is early tomorrow morning, and I'm sure I'm not going to sleep tonight because I'm so freaking tense....so I'll be back periodically all night.

 

I can only imagine what Christmas is going to be like...

 

Meh...I think I'm going to go to a bar now. Peace out.

 

Since your still in the fight, keep in mind, that this si the first time she's missed it in the last six years, and she knows it. I'd bet it's messing with her a little bit too. She just won't show you. Get your sleep knowing that.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

Since your still in the fight, keep in mind, that this si the first time she's missed it in the last six years, and she knows it. I'd bet it's messing with her a little bit too. She just won't show you. Get your sleep knowing that.

TOJAZ

Unbelievable. Unfreakingbelievable....she just texted me.

 

"Having a good trip?"

 

 

...my responses were very "happy" and not too revealing or interested. I think I could have gained more 'hand' had I been distant, but I think I scored some strong points with earnest answers. Nothing too spectacular, but still nice.

 

Did mention that my dad is missing me, waiting for me to play golf. Got a response out of that.

 

What the hell is this girl doing?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why are you even responding lupa??? if it aint about your kid there's nothing to talk about!

 

At all!