Apart and shaken

[delajoonal]

lupa...i just wanted to weigh in on lisaUK's comments..she is SOO right on spot with the grieving process....

 

i am in my 5th month now, since D day...i have gone thru ALL 5 :

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

 

thought i was DONE...but this past week, i am back at

Denial, Depression, even Bargaining (but now with H, with God, and myself).

 

so it is very true,, just when you think IT is just about over...BAM!

ALL 5 are back for another round....

 

after much reading for the past year, i have discovered that THIS process, is VERY common...so dont' take more than ONE round, most however, do go around and around several times...even a few years..depending on the person and situation.

 

you sound like a very strong person Lupa..you will be fine, i know easy for me to say right..lol...but Gunny is right, although gruff at times, HE is right...WE ALL will make out the other end..and IT is up to us to just DO IT...again, easier said then done:(

 

today, i am in the "God, please bring my H home, i miss him so much i can barely breath"....but in reality, i don't want that at all...so it is a battle of the wits in my own head and heart...i think we all do that?

 

lisaUK posted a fantastic site about MLC...it can be for both women and men...i am just floored by it..it is as tho the author wrote IT ALL about my H....

 

i think alot of us, can find it very useful in answering THOSE questions we never seem to have gotten from our wayward spouses...

 

she listed it under her original post..or maybe message her for the addess...it is really an amazing read!

[lupa]

lupa...i just wanted to weigh in on lisaUK's comments..she is SOO right on spot with the grieving process....

 

i am in my 5th month now, since D day...i have gone thru ALL 5 :

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

 

thought i was DONE...but this past week, i am back at

Denial, Depression, even Bargaining (but now with H, with God, and myself).

 

so it is very true,, just when you think IT is just about over...BAM!

ALL 5 are back for another round....

 

after much reading for the past year, i have discovered that THIS process, is VERY common...so dont' take more than ONE round, most however, do go around and around several times...even a few years..depending on the person and situation.

 

you sound like a very strong person Lupa..you will be fine, i know easy for me to say right..lol...but Gunny is right, although gruff at times, HE is right...WE ALL will make out the other end..and IT is up to us to just DO IT...again, easier said then done:(

 

today, i am in the "God, please bring my H home, i miss him so much i can barely breath"....but in reality, i don't want that at all...so it is a battle of the wits in my own head and heart...i think we all do that?

 

lisaUK posted a fantastic site about MLC...it can be for both women and men...i am just floored by it..it is as tho the author wrote IT ALL about my H....

 

i think alot of us, can find it very useful in answering THOSE questions we never seem to have gotten from our wayward spouses...

 

she listed it under her original post..or maybe message her for the addess...it is really an amazing read!

Well, you may or may not have read it in this thread, and quite frankly I can't even remember this has gone on so long, but I think I posted about how my wife just turned 30, was having trouble getting pregnant, hasn't had a job since December, was home alone all day long while I was busting my ass at work, and started looking for "butterflies" and "excitement" (her words) outside of our marriage.

 

Sounds like a midlife crisis to me. I guess I could have seen it coming, but I was so focused on this research project and making our future that I didn't really understand the depth of the problem. I guess that is where the latent guilt comes from, but she never approached me that she thought the marriage was dying...hell, I was working to set up a company she wanted to start, but the easy financing didn't come through so it was going to be tougher. I even offered to quit the country club to make it happen. She just bailed.

 

Yeah, I think the midlife crisis was a big part of it, coupled with her insecurities and my forge ahead there's no problem I can't tackle attitude. Like I said, this is textbook marital miscommunication where she felt neglected and that there was nothing good or fun in her life. Not my problem she didn't have the wherewithal to find a hobby on her own outside of shopping! At various times in my life I went to Harvard, I've been a semi-pro soccer player, I took up tae kwan do, coached high school soccer, am a 2 handicap golfer looking to get to scratch, and found a project/goal at work that I've thrown myself at which one day could change my entire industry!!

 

I guess I could have worked that hard on my marriage, too, but I guess I just took it for granted, and that is too bad. I didn't know you needed to work at it that hard, I really didn't, especially because the first 5 of the six years we were together were like automatic.

 

I think turning 30 really hit her hard. I really do. I was just about ready to throw myself at being a great father now, too.

 

So...all this leads me to having to do a reset, and having to find the right friend and partner for the rest of my life. I guess this means I'll need to learn a little patience, too.

 

What were we talking about again? I think I just did a brain dump.

 

The good news is that I just shaved about a minute off of the run I've started doing lately, but my thoughts are still all about her while I'm out there. Well, I guess her, and not getting run over. But mostly her.

 

Doh.

[Cali Chris]

Hey Lupa, seems like your doing somewhat better these days, I havent been on LS for about 3 weeks. Just trying to keep myself busy, been hanging out with my family a bit. Running, working out, the usual. It's been about 7 months for me now and I still feel a lot of things that lisaUK's listed. But just trying to move on the best I can. It's different for some people, some get over this thing easier, seem harder. We are who we are, a lot of this that were going through is reinventing ourselves, but by ourselves. I know in time we'll be ok, it just takes time. I know for me it will still be a awhile, maybe a year or so who knows, I havent spoken to her or seen her since may 30th, ( just email and text) and it still hurts like hell when I think of her! Only thing is is that I find myself thinking of her less and less as days pass. Hang in there bro! We'll make it!!

[tsabs]

Being heartbroken is very overwhelming, and trying to win back the affections and love of your wife is making you feel even worse. I actually dont agree with alot of these posts. I think its really valid for you to tell your wife that you want to keep working on things, that you want the marriage to work, and that you just need to know what she needs. You dont give much history about what the impetus was for this separation. Did something traumatic happen to either of you recently? Have you been having problems within the marriage?

You definitely need to reach out to your friends, and get out and get your mind off of this a bit, its hard but it will get easier, no matter what the outcome. I agree that finding something active or creative to occupy some of your time would be good. I think the pretending your happy thing is not going to work, because your wife knows you, and it will just confuse things if you are faking out on how you are really feeling. Im not saying you should wallow in sadness and clutch at her desperately when you are around her, but can you think of the parts of you that you know she admires and is drawn to and try to conjure some of that out of your sadness? Im not suggesting you go have a fling either, that would probably make you feel even worse, for a lot of reasons.. Just hang in there, keep being honest and try to be strong. Give her some space, and let her come to you when she is ready to talk about things.. its going to be hard, but it really will get better, no matter what the outcome.

[lupa]

Hey Lupa, seems like your doing somewhat better these days, I havent been on LS for about 3 weeks. Just trying to keep myself busy, been hanging out with my family a bit. Running, working out, the usual. It's been about 7 months for me now and I still feel a lot of things that lisaUK's listed. But just trying to move on the best I can. It's different for some people, some get over this thing easier, seem harder. We are who we are, a lot of this that were going through is reinventing ourselves, but by ourselves. I know in time we'll be ok, it just takes time. I know for me it will still be a awhile, maybe a year or so who knows, I havent spoken to her or seen her since may 30th, ( just email and text) and it still hurts like hell when I think of her! Only thing is is that I find myself thinking of her less and less as days pass. Hang in there bro! We'll make it!!

I think I'm moving forward, but it is so freaking slow, with a lot of backslide. The thought of living alone for the short term is getting easier...hell, I'm eating better than I ever did while we were together, and I'm exercising again. I also rediscovered how very much I like scotch, but not to an extreme. Little half-pours of the good stuff.

 

I'm with you, though, that each day will be a little less and less. I read somewhere about how to turn it off. At first I was all "STOP" and picturing a big stop sign. That was weak. Now I literally yell at myself in my mind. I picked "QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT QUIT IT" for 30 seconds. It usually takes about 5 seconds before I realize how much of a lunatic I am and then kind of smile. It actually worked a couple of times today.

 

Being heartbroken is very overwhelming, and trying to win back the affections and love of your wife is making you feel even worse. I actually dont agree with alot of these posts. I think its really valid for you to tell your wife that you want to keep working on things, that you want the marriage to work, and that you just need to know what she needs. You dont give much history about what the impetus was for this separation. Did something traumatic happen to either of you recently? Have you been having problems within the marriage?

You definitely need to reach out to your friends, and get out and get your mind off of this a bit, its hard but it will get easier, no matter what the outcome. I agree that finding something active or creative to occupy some of your time would be good. I think the pretending your happy thing is not going to work, because your wife knows you, and it will just confuse things if you are faking out on how you are really feeling. Im not saying you should wallow in sadness and clutch at her desperately when you are around her, but can you think of the parts of you that you know she admires and is drawn to and try to conjure some of that out of your sadness? Im not suggesting you go have a fling either, that would probably make you feel even worse, for a lot of reasons.. Just hang in there, keep being honest and try to be strong. Give her some space, and let her come to you when she is ready to talk about things.. its going to be hard, but it really will get better, no matter what the outcome.

Well, and this is said all the time around here...the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I tried a lot of things that got nowhere, so the only thing I have left to do is just freaking move on. I'm done. She cancelled our "finance discussion" meeting tonight because she started to get a migraine while working out this afternoon. Must be nice to have no job and a ton of free time to spend at the f*cking gym, but I digress.

 

I didn't return her call, I'm not going to call her. I'll just handle the finances, and take money from her account as I see fit. If she calls me, I might get back in touch later on in that day or the next. Time to move on.

 

I'm having a couple of people over this weekend...nothing major, just two close friends and their "others", one wife, one girlfriend. Then I'm going to go out after that. This is my first step to building my own life, because up until now, she would have set up the party, made a big thing of it, blah blah blah. I'm going to get some friggin hotdogs and hamburgers, maybe 6 ears of corn, and some of the shelf potato salad. I already bought the beer and liquor. We can hang out on my patio and just chill. Hopefully we won't talk about this bull**** the whole time.

 

So, yeah, it is time for me to just quit trying. It is over. Fin. End of story.

 

If she picks up on this and wants something, then, well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, but I really don't think I'm going to get to that bridge. I think my path is a completely different direction now.

 

(I'll probably be sad tomorrow. Whatever, I'm a wuss. baby steps to the goal.)

[Cali Chris]

Stay strong brother, and keep doing things like that, plan things out yourself and do things for yourself, time for a new life!! That's what I'm trying to do, make plans , do things, dont bring this stuff up this weekend, I know it'll be hard, it's the same with me , but give it your best shot!! We'll be OK , you'll see, if it's baby steps you need , then thats what it takes, but even baby steps move you forward!!!

[delajoonal]

lupa...

 

sounds like your weekend is going to be fun with friends coming over and going out too:)

 

good for you....

 

and i SO understand when you post a different mood every hour..LOL

 

i can be so sad at say noon, cant stop crying...

then at 2 pm i am having lunch and laughing at Will and Grace...LOL...

 

then at 215pm, i am crying again...can we say wacko...LOL

 

but that is all this mess is...craziness, wacko emotions...

 

and calichris is SO right too...we all just DO IT in our own time..

 

so lupa..you just DO IT in your time and as YOU see fit..cause ONLY YOU has to live with you, and you have to be OK with YOUR decisions...

 

i have a few people telling me constantly to get ANGRY and MAD at my H and all that stuff...but, i can't even when he tells me to shut up u stupid B****....i am hurt...but he is going thru some mental break down, MLC..and i love him..so why would i want to hurt him..just cause he hurt me...ya, my emotions don't work that way..maybe it is my strong beliefs in God and my Faith...but i just can't get that angry at H that i want to call him names and stuff..you know?

 

well, maybe i am the only one..LOL...i am a bit sappy i guess...LOL

 

ok..talk soon...

[delajoonal]

p.s. lupa...did you take a peek at that website lisaUK put up?

i think you will find some answers to wether or not your W is in the MLC zone???

 

or maybe it is more a hormonal thing with the baby issue? or the no job and feeling inadequate to your standards? you seem to have accomplished a LOT and are NOT a lazy person..a real go getter....so maybe she started to feel not Up To Par...you know...anyway, these are ideas that are from a woman's point of view, because there were times my H made me feel a little less than...but funny enough, he said that same about me at time...i made HIM feel less than...

 

anyway...just some thoughts???

[lupa]

Ok, guys, complete shift of gears here...and I'm not ignoring the above posts...ive read them, and a lot in there is good stuff. I do have the mood swings, and I do know time will let me settle down, I think. Also, i'm sure she is in some kind of MLC, either because of my lack of attention or some other thing...

 

But...

 

BUT...

 

...I don't even believe it.

 

I went out to a local bar tonight. One that I never would have gone out to. No reason to. It was cool 10 years ago. But, my buddy said "let's go, its karaoke night, I heard it still gets busy."

 

We went.

 

Dead.

 

Hung out, had food, had some beers.

 

At some point through the night I saw a girl that I know I went to high school with. She looked good. She was the hottest girl in my class, but since I skipped a grade when I was younger, those girls were always older than me and it was weird. But I saw her across the bar, and started reminiscing...

 

Then the place got busier, people started showing up for karaoke.

 

...then I saw her.

 

The girl I've lovingly referred to as "the Little Nutball" for the last 6 years. See, here's the thing...when I was 15, I met this girl a grade below me that I just fell for. She was awesome. We dated for like a month, and then she kinda got rid of me for someone else. No big deal, because at 15 I was trying to stick my...you know...in...well...wherever. I wasn't hurt. I mean, I was upset, but damn, I got over that in like two weeks.

 

Then, when I moved back to this part of the world after college and a few cities, I ran into her again. This was in about 2002 or so. I fell head over heals for her. She was just...awesome. We had such a good time together.

 

But I didn't know about her "baggage" at the time. The supposed "ex" boyfriend. I thought they had broken up, but I guess I was wrong. Well, he beat the snot out of her in a parking lot outside a bar, I attacked him. my friend (much bigger than me) grabbed him and started choking him, then the police came, he ran, they followed, I was drunk so I got the hell out of there. She and I broke up the following week, and I think she dated him for a while longer. I wrote her this letter that was probably the best letter I've ever written, even counting those to my wife, and gave her a flower that I know she loved. Left it at her work, never talked to her again.

 

I ran into her periodically since, but never in any capacity where we could "talk" or anything. She knew I got married, and one day I ended up introducing her to my wife when we ran into each other.

 

I haven't seen the girl since 2007, I would guess.

 

Well, she was at the bar tonight. I saw her about 20 minutes before I had planned on leaving, and I'm going to be honest, I was stuck. It was like my wife has my balls in her purse or something. My friends were getting on my case "just TALK to her" and "go say hi on your way out" but I was weak. I've been kicked in the teeth, you know? I hesitated.

 

I don't know what came over me. I decided to leave, and I went right up to her. Put my hand on her back and said, "Are you going up to sing tonight?" (she has a beautiful singing voice...it was how we met in the school musical, I think). She turned, looked at me, and her jaw hit the floor.

 

We talked, I told her I was leaving, but if she was singing I'd hang out and do a shot with her. We talked briefly, tried to catch up. She mentioned meeting my wife, I held up my hand with no ring. She said, "what happened?" and I responded something like, "it is better this way." I asked about her, and she said she was single. She said ok to a shot of tequila, so I went back to the bar.

 

Got Patron...nothing but the best, right? ...and when she was done, I took my time, but went over to her. My friends were so ****ing pleased with me they had gigantic grins (by the way, they were all friends with my wife in high school...different high school than mine...and they are all pissed at her now), and were like, "see? you can do it!!"

 

She and I did a shot, and I told her I'd like to try to catch up after all these years. She gave me her phone number, numerous hugs, a couple of kisses on the cheek...I mean, we kept hugging, our hands were on each other, our arms around each other...it was so awkward and comfortable at the same time.

 

I'm going to call her this week. The letter I wrote this girl...well...I meant it. I meant everything I wrote to her...I think I was trying with my wife because I thought that was what you were supposed to do, but the letter I wrote to this girl...I swear if she kept it or read it after the first time.

 

This girl...god...I'm...

 

I'm...

 

Speechless...

 

Sheesh.

 

This is like 2002 all over again, except I'm older, wiser, and have learned me some lessons that I will never forget. I wonder where she's been this whole time, you know?

 

Wow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...wow.

[Shockedhusband]

I have been following your thread and I could be more happy about this last post. I would be a little uneasy about jumping into anything serious so soon but a little strange might be a good thing.

 

Remember man focus on the future and how much better you will be.

[delajoonal]

well...what a story..i love the way you write lupa, that was like a great start to a good book..lol...

 

and well it just maybe, huh???

 

sounds like U got the butterflies UR W was in search of???

 

well, u sound happy, scared, exicted, and bewildered...

 

keep US POSTED PLEASE!

 

geesh, i guess those butterflies from meeting up or talking to a past romance IS what IT IS all about...i am now thinking of something my H did months back...i guess now i know what HE was feeling too....grabbing onto those OLD feelings...it is agood thing in your case lupa:)

 

ok...waiting for chapter 2...

[Gunny376]

OoooooooFreakingRAaaaaahh!

 

That's what I'm talking about!

 

Freaking 'A"!

 

Get some!

 

By God!

 

That's my partner, my main man, my Bro.

 

I was glad to see you get off your dead @zz and invite some of the friends over for the the weekend ~ that's what you need to be doing!

 

Get back out there circulating again! Getting yourself out there rubbing some sunshine on your face!

 

Quit sitting around drinking scotch whiskey with the cats!

 

(BTW? Did you know that scotch spelled as such comes from Scotland, but with an 'e' comes from Ireland? Love Barclay Scotch! Just found that out!)

 

I was thinking about your thread at work today.

 

I think you've invested so much in to this and that and the pursuit of excellence? That you lost your wife in doing such!

 

Not your fault! Per say.

 

Your a man, and she's a woman!

 

Women's and men's brains are wired differently, (I can list a library of books, magazine articles to the fact if you would like me to).

 

What screwed me up was your post about going to Harvard, wanting this kind of lifestyle, living in this kind of house, driving this kind of car, living in this kind of neighborhood?

 

How in the Hell did she expect you to provide that for her? Working at the 7-11 for $6.50 an hour? WTF!

 

That's part of your anger! You made good your promises! You delivered up the goods! And then she bailed on you!

 

You've a right to be PO!

 

I guess I'm the 'red-neck' equivalent of a Harvard grad.

 

I'm one of the one and only in my family on either side to have graduated HS and gone to a fifth tier college and graduate.

 

That plus 20 years in the Marines?

 

I guess I'm dumber than some, but smarter than most?

 

But I'm proud of your recent attitude, perspective, and to see you getting out there living your life, instead of waiting around for the X to call you on the phone!

 

It was only a couple of months ago ~ that you got seriously PO with me for telling you to do so!

[lupa]

I have been following your thread and I could be more happy about this last post. I would be a little uneasy about jumping into anything serious so soon but a little strange might be a good thing.

 

Remember man focus on the future and how much better you will be.

Yeah, I'm terrified, excited, upset, crazy, all at the same time. But for lack of a better word, I'm also feeling a little 'alive' for the first time in a while. This probably will be like a slow motion train wreck, or like watching a busload of nuns drive off a cliff...you want to look away, but you just can't, you know?

 

Maybe she's the one, maybe she's just the one to lift my spirits. Maybe we'll end up being friends.

 

well...what a story..i love the way you write lupa, that was like a great start to a good book..lol...

 

and well it just maybe, huh???

 

sounds like U got the butterflies UR W was in search of???

 

well, u sound happy, scared, exicted, and bewildered...

 

keep US POSTED PLEASE!

 

geesh, i guess those butterflies from meeting up or talking to a past romance IS what IT IS all about...i am now thinking of something my H did months back...i guess now i know what HE was feeling too....grabbing onto those OLD feelings...it is agood thing in your case lupa:)

 

ok...waiting for chapter 2...

I think Axel Rose said it best..."all we need is a little patience."

 

I'm going to try to go slow here, but I'm sure I'll just fall head over heels again. Ha! I've always been really fond of this person...I really, really have.

 

This is like when I went skydiving -- the whole buildup to stepping out of the plane was way worse than just stepping out of the plane. Of course, in this case, the plane was so freaking terrifying, what with the athletic tape holding wires together under the cockpit dashboard, that I felt safer plummeting through the sky. There is a metaphor in that little story for what is going on in my life now, I'm sure of it.

 

OoooooooFreakingRAaaaaahh!

 

That's what I'm talking about!

 

Freaking 'A"!

 

Get some!

 

By God!

 

That's my partner, my main man, my Bro.

 

I was glad to see you get off your dead @zz and invite some of the friends over for the the weekend ~ that's what you need to be doing!

 

Get back out there circulating again! Getting yourself out there rubbing some sunshine on your face!

 

Quit sitting around drinking scotch whiskey with the cats!

 

(BTW? Did you know that scotch spelled as such comes from Scotland, but with an 'e' comes from Ireland? Love Barclay Scotch! Just found that out!)

 

I was thinking about your thread at work today.

 

I think you've invested so much in to this and that and the pursuit of excellence? That you lost your wife in doing such!

 

Not your fault! Per say.

 

Your a man, and she's a woman!

 

Women's and men's brains are wired differently, (I can list a library of books, magazine articles to the fact if you would like me to).

 

What screwed me up was your post about going to Harvard, wanting this kind of lifestyle, living in this kind of house, driving this kind of car, living in this kind of neighborhood?

 

How in the Hell did she expect you to provide that for her? Working at the 7-11 for $6.50 an hour? WTF!

 

That's part of your anger! You made good your promises! You delivered up the goods! And then she bailed on you!

 

You've a right to be PO!

 

I guess I'm the 'red-neck' equivalent of a Harvard grad.

 

I'm one of the one and only in my family on either side to have graduated HS and gone to a fifth tier college and graduate.

 

That plus 20 years in the Marines?

 

I guess I'm dumber than some, but smarter than most?

 

But I'm proud of your recent attitude, perspective, and to see you getting out there living your life, instead of waiting around for the X to call you on the phone!

 

It was only a couple of months ago ~ that you got seriously PO with me for telling you to do so!

I never got PO'ed at you Gunny...I just wasn't ready nor did I understand. You could have been standing in front of me, reasoning, yelling, persuading, cajoling, and I still wouldn't have understood. Sometimes I don't get it now...sometimes I think the car I hear coming down the street is her coming home. But now I know it is not, and it never will be. Part of my heart breaks every time that happens, but there is so little of that left now that it only hurts for a bit.

 

I felt bad yesterday in the morning at work. Don't know why, I think it was because I dreamed about it that night and woke up badly. So, I went outside into the trailer that this test system is in, closed the door, and cried. Ten seconds. Ten seconds was all that I could cry, and to be honest, knowing that it was that brief was more comforting than the actual crying, if that makes any sense.

 

This all sucks, it really does. Resetting my life, remaking the plan...just when the plan was getting settled in.

 

I think that is the toughest part for people here, I really do. I think having to reset the plan and start over is the worst part for us, and for the people that went through it, well, you're plan just looks different than ours now. Yours is probably better, but we just don't understand it at first.

 

It takes a long time to understand.

 

So, for me, i'm going to start hanging out with this woman, and I'm a much more mature person now than i was then. Maybe she is, too. I know she has a lot of emotional baggage -- the abuse thing is a pattern in her family, I found that out a few months after we broke up. So, i'm not expecting the heavens this time...I'm just looking for a little companionship, and that great sex that I remember. Ha -- we were VERY compatible that way, it was nice.

 

All we need is a little patience.

[LisaUk]

I am pleased for you Lupa, but beware the rebound that's all I am saying.

 

Oh, and i am dead jealous, I want someone! Not fair!

[lupa]

I am pleased for you Lupa, but beware the rebound that's all I am saying.

 

Oh, and i am dead jealous, I want someone! Not fair!

Oh yeah, I said it above, this is going to be like a slow motion disaster, but I think I'm entitled to a wee bit o' fun, right? As for the you wanting someone, I don't think I'm in the position for someone to be jealous...lol. This is a bad idea, i know it, but meh, you only live once.

 

Also, I didn't take the sleeping pill last night and I woke up in the middle of the night, couldn't fall back to sleep. That sucked.

[LisaUk]

Oh yeah, I said it above, this is going to be like a slow motion disaster, but I think I'm entitled to a wee bit o' fun, right? As for the you wanting someone, I don't think I'm in the position for someone to be jealous...lol. This is a bad idea, i know it, but meh, you only live once.

 

Also, I didn't take the sleeping pill last night and I woke up in the middle of the night, couldn't fall back to sleep. That sucked.

 

There's nothing wrong with having some fun, provided the lady wants that too! Just think Lupa, you won't have any trouble sleeping once you get some oats and are all snuggled up with your friend.

 

Not fair, not fair, not fair! OK tantrum over.

[Gunny376]

I don't believe you've too much to worry about 're-bound' so much here. Your stepping back into the the lions den that you've already been in once before.

 

But you've been there before right? You dealing with a known and already experienced reality.

 

Its not like your first time with this person?

 

What is more? You've already given her the experience of having being with you and the gift of missing you.

 

From her reaction you've described? Its sounds as though she would be very delighted to have you back in her life, and appreciates now what she had with you ~ but lost.

 

To be honest with you lupa? The only problems I see that you may have is in maintaining balance in all of your passions you have for life? Try living Life in a minute rather than trying to cram it all in a second?

 

The other? You assume everyone else is high functioning as you, when they're not. (Thus the "You're intimidating" comment from the DW!" You were too fast for the kid!)

 

You've got a lot of irons in the fire!

 

IMHO? You and I are a lot a like ~ I'm just the poor redneck version?

 

You would have made a great Marine! (That's a very high compliment BTW)

 

Slow down a little! Your only 31 for Christ sake! You've got plenty of time yet!

 

Now get out there and put a smile on your face, a laugh in your voice, and rub a little sunshine on your face.

[lupa]

I don't believe you've too much to worry about 're-bound' so much here. Your stepping back into the the lions den that you've already been in once before.

 

But you've been there before right? You dealing with a known and already experienced reality.

 

Its not like your first time with this person?

 

What is more? You've already given her the experience of having being with you and the gift of missing you.

True, true. we do have kind of a long history.

From her reaction you've described? Its sounds as though she would be very delighted to have you back in her life, and appreciates now what she had with you ~ but lost.

We'll see about that. She was pretty psyched to see me, but I'll chalk that up to flowing alcohol for now.

To be honest with you lupa? The only problems I see that you may have is in maintaining balance in all of your passions you have for life? Try living Life in a minute rather than trying to cram it all in a second?

I've been told in the same breath by a wonderful woman who I let slip by (NYC lawyer, probably will be a senator or supreme court judge some day) that I should start a religion and I'm insufferable because I'm too intense. I took it as a compliment.

The other? You assume everyone else is high functioning as you, when they're not. (Thus the "You're intimidating" comment from the DW!" You were too fast for the kid!)

I do lament that I don't know how to slow down a lot of the time, and in conversation I probably just bowl people over. I don't mean to, but I'm sure I did it to the wife a lot...but it's not long I'm stubborn or wrong, I just get to a solution quickly, and that probably makes the other person feel...I dunno. Overwhelmed and under-appreciated.

You've got a lot of irons in the fire!

 

IMHO? You and I are a lot a like ~ I'm just the poor redneck version?

 

You would have made a great Marine! (That's a very high compliment BTW)

Coming from a Marine, I can only take that as such...I've known a few in my day, and they are very proud (rightly so) of their accomplishment.

Slow down a little! Your only 31 for Christ sake! You've got plenty of time yet!

 

Now get out there and put a smile on your face, a laugh in your voice, and rub a little sunshine on your face.

Each day, my friend, I imagine you sitting there telling me that, I'm not making that up. Head up, chest out, now take a step!

 

...thanks, brother.

[LisaUk]

Lupa, please don't ever stop posting, even when you are happy again, you light up my day. Thank you.

[Gunny376]

I've been meaning to post this, since you posted about grilling out and the fine Scotch?

 

Get yourself some Barclay Scotch, (Last time I bought it? $60 a a fifth on base in the eighties ~ bought three bottles. Bought two for my children's HS graduation, and one for my fiftieth wedding anniversary. Drank all three when I was going through divorce! Just give me two fifths of anything! )

 

But anyway? Google "Kobe Steak" and mail order yourself two of them ($100 or more).

 

To get real Kobe beef you have to go to Japan. But the American equivalent is pretty good as well.

 

So tender? You can almost cut them with a plastic fork!

[delajoonal]

ahhh! gunny, you got the 50th anniversary i have dreamt about my whole life;)

that was one of the first things i was so pissed at my H about for leaving...now i won't ever get one...im going to be 44(or never sign the divorce papers to my current H)...so unless i get married today and live to be 100..it aint' happenin'..lol

[lupa]

I cried again tonight. I don't know why...well, I do. I ran into this guy who i've known forever, and is kind of a nutcase. He had his one yr old with him, and he couldn't have been happier. I know my WANTS and my NEEDS are two different things, and jealousy is a terrible monster, but he is where I thought I'd be.

 

He kept asking about me and my wife, and when we're going to start thinking about children...I kinda blew it off, and the girl I was hanging out with (friend) saw me and jumped in about something random. It was terrible. Just...terrible.

 

Tomorrow is the qualifier for my club championship (golf). I played today, putted badly, shot 75 (three over). If I do it like that tomorrow, I'll make the top 8 for match play, and then the event is on. I just...well...I'm not excited. I'm timid.

 

I'm timid, hollow, scared, lonely. All of the above. I think I didn't get enough sleep last night, and it has been killing me all day long. I'm staying in tonight, getting some good Z's. Tomorrow is another day.

 

 

On a side note, I've been thinking about the old girlfriend a lot, and find myself confused and feeling guilty almost. I know it is stupid, but I feel guilty.

 

And of course, because I hadn't really responded to her yesterday when she canceled our get-together for finances, my wife texted me like three or four times today about relatively innocuous stuff that could have been avoided. I don't know. I don't know if she is holding onto something, I don't know what is happening, but to this point her actions and words are contradictory. Sometimes I just pray for the end, so that I can kill this, burn it down, and then be like the phoenix, rising from Arizona!

 

lol.

 

Posting here sometimes makes me smile.

 

I'm thinking of asking the ex-girl to drinks after work some time this week downtown. Nice sushi bar...but my wife and I used to go there a lot. I wonder if it will kill me to walk in there with her or not..?

 

Stop it, spazz! Go live your life again, spazz! (I'm the spazz here).

 

Screw it, I'm taking the sleeping pill now. It will start in like 30 or so minutes...or maybe I'll just stay up and get all loopy.

 

god this all sucks.

[tojaz]

Wow lupa, you are stuck between a rock ina hard place! You have two possible relationships running through your head at the same time! The wife and what was and could be or the Ex GF and what was and could be. The stress my man, The stress!! Your evaluating a lot of possibilites in a very short time.

 

Feelin guilty isn't stupid, it's normal, it's why i didn't call the cute waitress. I'm married and that still means something to me, even if it dosen't to her. Just take it slow and be fair to the lady friend. When your ready the relationship will be better for it, and she will respect your integrity.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

Wow lupa, you are stuck between a rock ina hard place! You have two possible relationships running through your head at the same time! The wife and what was and could be or the Ex GF and what was and could be. The stress my man, The stress!! Your evaluating a lot of possibilites in a very short time.

 

Feelin guilty isn't stupid, it's normal, it's why i didn't call the cute waitress. I'm married and that still means something to me, even if it dosen't to her. Just take it slow and be fair to the lady friend. When your ready the relationship will be better for it, and she will respect your integrity.

TOJAZ

Yeah...and I do so want to just talk to the old ex. We always could talk...and maybe now I'll be able to listen, right?

 

What a concept.

 

My god she had my head and my heart 7 years ago. I wonder if it would be possible again.

[tojaz]

Yeah...and I do so want to just talk to the old ex. We always could talk...and maybe now I'll be able to listen, right?

 

What a concept.

 

My god she had my head and my heart 7 years ago. I wonder if it would be possible again.

 

Anything is possible bud, just wait and see how it plays out. it sounds like you really care for this girl. Make sure that if you want to give her your heart, shes not sharing it with someone else. It isn't fair to her, or to you. (yes I sound like a woman right now, get over it)

TOJAZ