Author lupa Posted July 7, 2009 Author Share Posted July 7, 2009 Why are you even responding lupa??? if it aint about your kid there's nothing to talk about! At all! ...my marriage? yes, I'm weak. I responded, she wrote back, I wrote back, she said something, I let it go. I know, I know. But what do you want out of a weak man? I dialed her number probably 10 times but never hit the send button...I'm getting better. I don't know...I just don't understand the whole thing where I have to play a game. We are husband and wife, and should respect each other as such. I'm not calling her or contacting for the next few days, but these are going to be the hardest for me yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Wrong you are not husband and wife... You are complete strangers! wives dont treat their husbands the way she treats you! period! Detach, defog and become indifferent. You are not weak, you only perceive to be! It's a choice that you have! You make that choice! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 ...my marriage? yes, I'm weak. I responded, she wrote back, I wrote back, she said something, I let it go. I know, I know. But what do you want out of a weak man? I dialed her number probably 10 times but never hit the send button...I'm getting better. I don't know...I just don't understand the whole thing where I have to play a game. We are husband and wife, and should respect each other as such. I'm not calling her or contacting for the next few days, but these are going to be the hardest for me yet. That is true, but for you it's worth fighting for, so you play. It sounds like you are playing well too. Don't worry about being weak, your not, your still in the fight when you could have let go. She still reaches out which is a good sign in my mind. Keep doing what your doing and take it slow. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Gotta agree. If she didn't care, you wouldn't hear sh#t from her. Bet she's feeling a little guilty, thus the text. I actually think this is good sign. To win you gotta seem and show you don't care, and you're moving on without her. You gotta limit your conversation with her about finances and children, nothing else. Hard as hell, but if you're weak she'll see this, and knows she can play you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Thank god we don't have kids....if we did I'd probably have ended it by now, because if she could walk out on children this easily, well, that would just end it for me. We have cats. Traveling yesterday was a complete nightmare, flight canceled at 6 am, the orbitz guy didn't speak english, USAir is retarded, and finally, Delta came through. Instead of going through charlotte, I ended up in Atlanta (before the last flight to the beach) and was stuck for 4 hours. I found a bar. Sat down, opened up the laptop, did a little work. Had a beer. Caught this attractive woman watching me from across the bar, and I smiled. She smiled pretty big, but looked away quickly. At the time I was a little screwed up in the head, because I was traveling again, and really I was only working to distract myself. I kept an eye on her, though, and we definitely did the long distance flirt, catching each other looking for a while after that. It was nice. Well, then the waitress comes over, and starts talking to me. I don't know, maybe the light in that place was good or something...we ended up talking for TWO hours. She finally just sat down at my table...ignored the few others in the place for 20 minutes at a time...in the end, she asked me for a biz card. I gave her one, I dunno, maybe if she contacts me I'll swing through Atlanta or something. She is part Dominican, part German, and cute as all hell. Probably young (22? 23?) college grad, summer job, etc. Wants to work as a lobbyist in Washington, did an internship there last year. Unless she is a good bull****ter, she was just straight up fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, but found myself at times second-guessing what I was doing/going to say. Whenever I relaxed, though, we just talked and laughed. I was freaking beaming for the next few hours, through the next flight, checking out the rental car (turns out they gave me a minivan, because they can "take" the reservation for a luxury car, they just can't "hold" the reservation for a luxury car) and then we landed at the beach. Phone beeps "voicemail" and I check it. Wife. "Hope you got there ok, well, just wanted to make sure. See ya." I waited about three hours before calling back, but the problem was I was drinking with the family when I got here, so I was tuned up. Called back, kept it short, didn't get sentimental or anything, hung up. I actually had to go out to the beach to get better reception, and I think she could hear the ocean in the background...she was very short, very succinct, and distant. I think she was upset, but we got off the phone so quick so I couldn't tell, and she was the one that started the "well, I just called to make sure traveling was ok, I'll talk to you later." Now I've had a hollow feeling since last night. I'm an idiot. A text message would have been fine: "Got here fine. Flights were ALL messed up, but eventually made it. Family is good, we're drinking vodka and being...well...we're good. lol." Too bad I'm an idiot. I dialed her number about 5 times today, but didn't hit send. I'm actually not too sentimental about her not being here, but I am still obsessing on finding a solution or a way out of this. Stupid lupa. Stupid, stupid lupa. I don't think I made things worse, but I missed an opportunity to really knock one out of the park. This felt like a foul ball, or maybe just a single... Stupid lupa. I swear to god I'm not calling or texting or anything. I'm just going to fly home saturday and show up at my house like nothing is different. Supposedly she has been staying there a little since I'm out of town, and quite frankly, I told her "Whatever you want. You're an adult..." Anway, just wanted to vent. I feel that pressure in my chest going away a little, getting this out. Hope everyone else is good, I'm going to go thread hopping for a bit (avoiding my cousin's little kids. They're cute, but my god they don't shut up. Ever.) Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hey Lupa, glad you are ok. IGNORE THE WIFE! Let her wonder about you, is a good sign she called though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hey Lupa, glad you are ok. IGNORE THE WIFE! Let her wonder about you, is a good sign she called though! Hi Lisa! Yeah, I know I should ignore, but I think I'll get a little out of being cordial. I just tend to overdo it. Not too bad, not weepy or "I want you back" or anything...just can't keep it as short as I should. I don't know if y'all noticed, but once I started feeling emotions instead of burying them, it is like all I can do. I need to get this out. lol. I should just start writing a book. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I like your posts! They often make me laugh, I know you are sad so I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean even admist your sorrow you still have a sense of humor. Hey, when you next think about having kids down the line, just remember those little darlings of your cousins! I just posted on my thread, perhaps I have finally gotton to the crux of things?! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hi Lisa! Yeah, I know I should ignore, but I think I'll get a little out of being cordial. I just tend to overdo it. Not too bad, not weepy or "I want you back" or anything...just can't keep it as short as I should. I don't know if y'all noticed, but once I started feeling emotions instead of burying them, it is like all I can do. I need to get this out. lol. I should just start writing a book. Relax Lupa, you did fine. You returned her call, you kept it short and sweet. You didn't piss her off but you didn't latch on either. Your golden man, she's still checking up on you! Keep it going TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Relax Lupa, you did fine. You returned her call, you kept it short and sweet. You didn't piss her off but you didn't latch on either. Your golden man, she's still checking up on you! Keep it going TOJAZ Gaaaa! This whole thing is moving at the pace of a herd of retarded one-legged narcoleptic turtles going uphill through molasses. Plus they all had headaches. I have no patience...now all I want is another conversation. I'm not going to do it. Keep posting here, annoy the people silly enough to open the thread. HA! I'll have my vengeance on somebody! It may not be her, but at least you people will have to deal with me... (Thanks for listening). Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 NC/LC is a bitch. It's so hard not to just call and give her everything you're feeling. Lupa you're doing great. You're standing tall showing you are a true man. Later on, hopefully sooner rather than later, she will see this. Then the balls in your court. Stay strong my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Gaaaa! This whole thing is moving at the pace of a herd of retarded one-legged narcoleptic turtles going uphill through molasses. Plus they all had headaches. (Thanks for listening). I'd take that, mine moved like a caffinated cheetah with his balls on fire. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 lupa, you're inspiring. i really think you're in a great position, either way. we can literally watch your personality changing throughout the thread. you're doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
dlim Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Man, Lupe your story sounds so much like mine but I'm a little further along the process. I was on LS about 3 years ago when my EX and I separated, tears in my eyes looking for answers. All the usual problems and warning signs but I choose to ignore them because I thought my story was different and my EX was someone special. As I read thru more and more threads I've come to the realizations that more often than not these situations end up the same way. Divorce without reconciliation. Everyone copes a little differently, depression, anger, hate, ect.... you can do yourself a favor a see the situation for what it is and grow from it. I did not heed everyone's warnings and needed to go thru the journey myself. By doing so I caused myself alot of unecessary pain and anguish. My EX still loves me to this day and I her but we are better off and happier without each other. We both went thru monthly reconcilation periods and dating and back and forth to just end up at the same place. She still texts me "How are U", "I miss this....", "I was thinking about that.....", late night calls ect.... but no matter what it always ends up the same way just with a fresh new wound. Reconciliation always seems like a good idea when your lonely but when reality hits and you have to deal with all the same problems and realize nothing has really changed you might as well just poke your own eyes out. Some wounds cannot be healed and looking past problems that compromise your selfesteem and pride will just come back to haunt you. I found it so hard to unserstand how two people who still love each other need to let each other go to show they truly care about each other, but its true. Its ok to still love your EX and its ok for her to still love you beacuse you did spend a good portion of your life together, but that doesnt mean yo were meant to spend the rest of your lives together torturing each other reliving painfull memories. Stay stong and true to yourself and you will come out ahead. Sorry for the rant but I haven't been on this site in awhile, even forgot my username and password. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Man, Lupe your story sounds so much like mine but I'm a little further along the process. I was on LS about 3 years ago when my EX and I separated, tears in my eyes looking for answers. All the usual problems and warning signs but I choose to ignore them because I thought my story was different and my EX was someone special. As I read thru more and more threads I've come to the realizations that more often than not these situations end up the same way. Divorce without reconciliation. Everyone copes a little differently, depression, anger, hate, ect.... you can do yourself a favor a see the situation for what it is and grow from it. I did not heed everyone's warnings and needed to go thru the journey myself. By doing so I caused myself alot of unecessary pain and anguish. My EX still loves me to this day and I her but we are better off and happier without each other. We both went thru monthly reconcilation periods and dating and back and forth to just end up at the same place. She still texts me "How are U", "I miss this....", "I was thinking about that.....", late night calls ect.... but no matter what it always ends up the same way just with a fresh new wound. Reconciliation always seems like a good idea when your lonely but when reality hits and you have to deal with all the same problems and realize nothing has really changed you might as well just poke your own eyes out. Some wounds cannot be healed and looking past problems that compromise your selfesteem and pride will just come back to haunt you. I found it so hard to unserstand how two people who still love each other need to let each other go to show they truly care about each other, but its true. Its ok to still love your EX and its ok for her to still love you beacuse you did spend a good portion of your life together, but that doesnt mean yo were meant to spend the rest of your lives together torturing each other reliving painfull memories. Stay stong and true to yourself and you will come out ahead. Sorry for the rant but I haven't been on this site in awhile, even forgot my username and password. This is an interesting take, and I will most certainly take it to heart. I, at this point, just want a second chance at some of this...I feel like I've gained a lot of wisdom, ok scratch that, maturity, that I didn't have before, and feel it necessary to try one more time. If it doesn't work then, I can end it knowing that it wasn't meant to be, not that we didn't put in the effort. For whatever reason, that seems important to me right now...knowing that we tried everything, only then admitting defeat. I miss her right now...and I realize how much I took for granted along the way. Also -- Gunny, I played a golf course today about 13 or so miles from Parris Island. We listened to artillery practice all morning...I was thinking of you all day. Shot a 76...40 on the front, 36 on the back. My head wasn't there at all...was thinking about how my wife and I would text while I played. Funny how the littlest things now have so much meaning. Off to the beach. Later. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Hi, Lupa, did you see my message for you on my thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Ok, people, you're in charge of me. I was out at the beach, got two texts from her. First one was business (some mail I got), and the second was informing me: "Cats are happy, thought you'd like to know that, too." My instinct for the response is: "What I'd like to know, really, is how are you, and more importantly, where are we?" My probable response: "Ok, good. Everything is good here, too, the family is great." What I should do in reality: "..." (that means nothing). Pick my next move. This is like one of those "Choose Your Fate" books where you decide what the character does, and then flip to the page it tells you to, where you invariably get eaten by a monster. ...how ironic. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Ok, people, you're in charge of me. I was out at the beach, got two texts from her. First one was business (some mail I got), and the second was informing me: "Cats are happy, thought you'd like to know that, too." My instinct for the response is: "What I'd like to know, really, is how are you, and more importantly, where are we?" My probable response: "Ok, good. Everything is good here, too, the family is great." What I should do in reality: "..." (that means nothing). Pick my next move. This is like one of those "Choose Your Fate" books where you decide what the character does, and then flip to the page it tells you to, where you invariably get eaten by a monster. ...how ironic. d) none of the above! Ignore it for at least 24 hours, then send one saying "great", that will get her thinking! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 d) none of the above! Ignore it for at least 24 hours, then send one saying "great", that will get her thinking! Actually, wait 24 hours then say "ok, good", the great sounds to sarcastic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 No response, then for a day? How about later tonight when I'm back from dinner and drinks? "Ok, that's good." Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 The longer you make her wait, the more she will wonder what you are doing, she'll start wondering if you are having fun without her etc. I would go so far as to say you will recieve another text from her before you reply to this one. If you do, it doesn't matter what it says, even if it's angry, it means you are well on the way to winning, because she is interested! Link to post Share on other sites
Sufferin_Succotash Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 The longer you make her wait, the more she will wonder what you are doing, she'll start wondering if you are having fun without her etc. I would go so far as to say you will recieve another text from her before you reply to this one. If you do, it doesn't matter what it says, even if it's angry, it means you are well on the way to winning, because she is interested! Yup Yup... make her sweat!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Yup Yup... make her sweat!!!! +1 on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lupa Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Ok. Will do. I'll go against what I want to do. I'm George Costanza...my instincts have been wrong in every case so far, so like I said, I'm in your hands now. lol. I really do hate this all so much, but again, thanks for the help, people. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Stay strong bro, sounds like it's working! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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