Apart and shaken

[lupa]

sorry lupa. you've gained a lot. remember that.

Thank you. I have paid a terrible price, so these aren't lessons I'll soon forget.

 

Sorry to hear that Lupa, I really expected better news.You really have learned a lot from all this.

I didn't expect better news, but I was stuck in the rut of hoping for better news. I'm not happy, but I just got about 155 pounds lighter. I'm fired up right now (took a sleeping pill so at least I get some rest), but I no longer have that crushing feeling in my chest.

 

Damn lupa. what happened?

 

Dont get sucked into her contacting you. She will. When you start to move on, she will...

 

They always do...

 

Good luck to you.

Thank you for the concern, and I most certainly won't be contacting her any more. All correspondence through the lawyer unless it is mission critical.

Now I just have to worry about how to start moving forward on my own.

 

You already have been.

 

Each day, each week will get better and better. You are over the worst of it. It will be better for you in the long run to not be her friend. It will be best not to know what she is doing, where she is going and who she is doing it with. Cut the ties.

 

I will be in your shoes soon (if I'm not already). I'm still in the land of denial but getting stronger each day to do what's right for me.

The next time this is going to hurt is Friday night. That is when the reality of the situation will kick in, but I have enough friends, spread out over enough areas that I won't be a burden to any one of them in particular.

 

Really, and I've thought this since day one, I'm just looking forward to that first date, and how badly it is going to end. Ha! It'll be like being 22 again, except this time I have less hair and way more experience.

 

 

 

Also -- I have uploaded a photo for people that care. Anonymity be damned, this is who I am.

[Chrome Barracuda]

It's comforting to know that your not gonna put up with her BS, but again, I ask what happened??? I mean why the sudden change. I mean you was looking very forward to meeting with her.

 

What made you snap?

 

Are you gonna start dating other females?

[Gunny376]

Sorry to hear the bad news? But the good news is your off of the fence and now can see your way to getting out of the 'Twilight Zone' and can begin clearing your mind of all the cobwebs, doubt. worry etc.

 

In short? You can now get full and total control of your Life back, and that's a good thing.

 

Give yourself sometime to heal, get your head and @zz wired back together. From the sound of it? Your well on your way. At least your not some? Many end up being like Steve Martin in his movie, "The Jerk' when he got sued and lost all his millions.

 

And don't beat yourself up? In all the years you went to college, church not once did they teach you anything about being married or how to be successful in marriage.

 

I personally don't put much 'stock' into MC, that's like shutting the barn door after the livestock has escaped. Its reactive, not proactive. I try an be as proactive as possible in my life.

 

That's what I recommend you do. Be proactive in your interpersonal relationships with the women in your future. Educate yourself about how to be as successful in your personal life as you are in your professional life.

 

To start? I would suggest you get a book on body language. 98% of all communication is through body language. Women are much more attuned to it than men ~ and men have to learn more about it and become much more aware of it than women. For women? Its intuitive. For men? Its not.

 

That's probably a significant part of why the STBXW thinks your 'intimidating' because your unknowingly using the same body language in your personal life that your using at work. And your not aware of it.

 

I know! :lmao:

 

I got back here in civilian la~la land, and was using the same body language and expressions that I had become accustomed to while in the Marines.

 

And the 'civies' couldn't handle it nor make sense of me. I've been told that I'm 'complexed' and that people can't figure me out? Why? Because I come from a different 'world' than they've ever experienced.

 

I told fellow co-worker (male) jokingly that with all these work-place shootings, that I was going going to quit being an A-hole, and start smiling and treating people better at work.

 

"Hell! Your the one we're worried about!"

 

So, believe it or not I've had to force myself to smile, laugh more and to become more of extrovert.

 

Your problem (like many of us) isn't in finding someone? But in finding the 'right' someone.

 

You ask most men to describe their 'dream car' and they can describe it down to its smallest detail.

 

You ask them to describe their ideal woman?

 

"Likes beer, sports and sex!"

 

This is something that you need to give considerable thought to, and for what will probably be the first time in your life?

 

But now that you've been married, and headed toward divorce? That list of what your looking for? Needs to go hand in hand with what your not looking for.

 

Don't just leave it to happenstance.

 

I read a lot! I've got a lot of books, most of them are non-fictional.

 

I've read a lot about dating, mating, sex, relationships, marriage, men & women, seduction, etc.

 

The following might be something that you might consider while your and the STBXW are going through the 'Big D" ~ look at it as sharpening your game.

 

There's a movement in this country that called the PUA movement. (PUA = Pickup Artist")

 

It started back in the Seventies with Eric Weber, and his book, "How To Pickup Women" and has matured and developed into somewhat of an art form.

 

I've never had a problem finding a GF when I set my mind to it? But I wanted to hone my game to a razor's sharp edge. So I started looking into some of the material out there.

 

One of the best I've found? Was Carlos Xuma's e-book "Dating Black Book" With it? I understood why I failed with every woman, and why I succeeded with others. Why out of the blue? Some HB10 was all over me without trying? And why I couldn't 'close' (as in closing a sale) with a hooker and $1000 cold hard cash? [Not to offend any of the LS ladies ~ but this is GuyTalk]

 

I would also recommend you read his e-book "Secrets of the AlphaMale"

 

Once you've got that one under your belt? Neil Straus's' book, "The Game"

 

After that? Ellen Kreidman's "Light Her Fire" (Its a paperback book, less than $6. This one alone! Pays dividends seventy fold! Has nothing to do with sex, but if you apply what she says! You won't have any problem when it comes to sex )

 

"How To Satisfy A Woman Every Time, And have her begging for more..............." Written by a woman who to me is a little flaky? But she describes sex from a woman's perspective.

 

"How To Give Her Ultimate Pleasure" (Must read!)

 

"1001 Ways To Be Romantic"

 

"1001 MoreWays to be Romantic"

 

"Romance 101"

 

"2000 Things To Do On A Date!"

[Gunny376]

Instead of taking sleeping pills?

 

You might want to try taking 5 to 10 mg of melatonin.

 

Its a natural substance our bodies use to regulate our 'biological clock, but our bodies produce less of it as we age or under stress.

 

Airline pilots flying the 'red-eye' coast to coast use it.

 

Its over the counter, non-prescription, non-addictive, and is available in the vitamins, nutrient supplement aisle of most drug stores.

 

Take it a half hour before going to bed.

 

About a half hour later, you will begin to yawn, become sleepy, your eyes will begin to 'water'

 

It will 'quite' your thoughts.

 

The only downside to it, is you have to experiment with it to find the right dosage for yourself per your height/weight ratio.

 

At worse? You'll wake up groggy if you take too much. Like your were when five year old on Christmas morning. Even then, a couple cups of coffee and about thirty minutes after waking up, you snap out of it.

 

It comes in 3 mmg, 3 mg, and 5 mg.

 

I'm 6'1" / 190 lbs and take one 5 mg and sleep like a baby!

[LisaUk]

Hi Lupa

 

Well my female intuition is way of beam then. I'm so sorry, I really didn't expect this, I really thought the meeting was going to be positive.

 

You and I can move on together, hopefully help each other to do this, I've about given up all hope of my ex returning now. You've already started to anyway, we have seen you get stronger and stronger every day.

 

I tried looking at match but your user id wasn't recgonised? Is that where you have uploaded the photo, I would love to be able to see you.

[LisaUk]

Hi Lupa, I just saw your photo in your profile. Your wife must be mental to leave you, you are one handsome man! It's nice to be able to put a face to your name.

[tojaz]

Hang in there Lupa. At least you know which way your going now. Pick up a copy of Crazy Time. I've been reading it and theres a lot of good stuff in there. It's all about the stages your going to go through, theres a lot more at play then I ever thought.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I woke up this morning and the reality set in...but it isn't the crushing reality of the last few weeks. More like the 'practical' side of things, like how do I go about dividing possessions, unlinking us from deeds, cars, etc.

 

I've already come to the conclusion that I'm going to lose 1 real friend, 1 fake friend, and a whole sh*tload of people I didn't like anyway.

 

I don't miss "her" in her current form, I miss us of the past. The last year she has driven me nuts, making bad decisions, nagging, etc. I was always willing to look past it, though, but I'm sure my attitude was very noticeable. I guess I just didn't realize this way out was an option; I'm not looking forward to it, but at least I'm not bumbling around blindly anymore.

 

I consider July 13, 2009, as my second birthday. I went to bed last night as one person, and woke up this morning as a different man. Let's see how this new guy gets along, shall we?

[Gunny376]

It very much so is a 're-birth' of sorts?

 

Its a 'life altering' event.

 

You will never be the same as you once were before.

 

But its a "Phoenix event" you will survive and from the ashes will emerge a new and better you.

 

A 'better' you! A 'stronger' you!

 

You've been tempered, you've been 'steeled'! You've walked/walking through the 'fire'

 

You'll finally will 'get' and completely understand country music and forever more "Margaritaville' will never sound the same.

 

Gone are the myths, lies, and fallacies about marriage and your left with the stone hard reality of the truth about marriage.

 

You now have been immunized, your eyes have been darkened and now you can finally see the light!

 

You can truly call yourself a 'man' for no man can truly call himself a man until he's been brought to his knees by a little 110 pound woman. Not you? Not I? Not Samson?

 

You've been tested ~ and you've past the test!

[lupa]

It very much so is a 're-birth' of sorts?

 

Its a 'life altering' event.

 

You will never be the same as you once were before.

 

But its a "Phoenix event" you will survive and from the ashes will emerge a new and better you.

 

A 'better' you! A 'stronger' you!

 

You've been tempered, you've been 'steeled'! You've walked/walking through the 'fire'

 

You'll finally will 'get' and completely understand country music and forever more "Margaritaville' will never sound the same.

 

Gone are the myths, lies, and fallacies about marriage and your left with the stone hard reality of the truth about marriage.

 

You now have been immunized, your eyes have been darkened and now you can finally see the light!

 

You can truly call yourself a 'man' for no man can truly call himself a man until he's been brought to his knees by a little 110 pound woman. Not you? Not I? Not Samson?

 

You've been tested ~ and you've past the test!

Yes, sir. I finally feel like I can get up off my hands and knees, I'm on my own two feet again.

 

...i feel like Rocky fighting Drago...11 rounds of torture, but you can't keep me down. lol.

 

I've just updated my match profile...I need some more recent pics with the new shaved head, but now I have a pic and won't be creepy stalker guy. I'm going to cast a net far and wide, and see what I drag out of the ocean.

 

Wish me luck, people!

 

HOORAH.

[hopesndreams]

You'll do great Lupa.

 

Don't worry about having no hair, lol. Lots of women luv bald men, honestly.

 

I added you as a contact so you can have a look at my pics if you want. You don't look as though I pictured ya, and she is a certified nut to hurt such a nice guy.

[Gunny376]

Yes, sir. I finally feel like I can get up off my hands and knees, I'm on my own two feet again.

 

...i feel like Rocky fighting Drago...11 rounds of torture, but you can't keep me down. lol.

 

I've just updated my match profile...I need some more recent pics with the new shaved head, but now I have a pic and won't be creepy stalker guy. I'm going to cast a net far and wide, and see what I drag out of the ocean.

 

Wish me luck, people!

 

HOORAH.

 

"I get knocked down, I get up again! Your never going to keep me down!"

 

Love that song!

 

Get yourself some 'Sports" CD's to pump you up! Its the songs they play at the ball games.

[Gunny376]

You'll do great Lupa.

 

Don't worry about having no hair, lol. Lots of women luv bald men, honestly.

 

I added you as a contact so you can have a look at my pics if you want. You don't look as though I pictured ya, and she is a certified nut to hurt such a nice guy.

 

 

It doesn't have anything to do with hair, it has to do with attraction. Learn the art of attraction.

[LisaUk]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I woke up this morning and the reality set in...but it isn't the crushing reality of the last few weeks. More like the 'practical' side of things, like how do I go about dividing possessions, unlinking us from deeds, cars, etc.

 

I've already come to the conclusion that I'm going to lose 1 real friend, 1 fake friend, and a whole sh*tload of people I didn't like anyway.

 

I don't miss "her" in her current form, I miss us of the past. The last year she has driven me nuts, making bad decisions, nagging, etc. I was always willing to look past it, though, but I'm sure my attitude was very noticeable. I guess I just didn't realize this way out was an option; I'm not looking forward to it, but at least I'm not bumbling around blindly anymore.

 

I consider July 13, 2009, as my second birthday. I went to bed last night as one person, and woke up this morning as a different man. Let's see how this new guy gets along, shall we?

 

All she has achieved is making you a better man for another woman. Just one thing though, I remember you saying when you said yur vows you meant them, that is a GOOD quality to have, to believe in marriage in life long partnership. Don't let this experienece deter you from your beliefs and morals, this was not your choice, you fought to work on your marriage, she bailed!

[lupa]

My friend just called me at work and said his neighbor saw my wife "making out" with that other guy in the driveway over time.

 

F*cking classic. I swear to god if I cross paths with him his nose will end up on the side of his face, and I'm never crossing paths with her again.

 

You people were right, I should have known. I guess I was just being naive because I was working so hard to provide. F*ck this sh*t. Her stuff is going in garbage bags tonight, and out in the yard.

[mark982]

but why did the neighbor keep it a secret? good idea about her stuff, that's exactly what i did to my ex,well actually i did burn alot of it also.

[MrMayI]

keep being strong lupa. they'll both get theirs in the end.

i know how you're feeling though. the betrayal can eat you alive. don't let it, and make that guy swing first so you don't have to go to jail.

[LisaUk]

My friend just called me at work and said his neighbor saw my wife "making out" with that other guy in the driveway over time.

 

F*cking classic. I swear to god if I cross paths with him his nose will end up on the side of his face, and I'm never crossing paths with her again.

 

You people were right, I should have known. I guess I was just being naive because I was working so hard to provide. F*ck this sh*t. Her stuff is going in garbage bags tonight, and out in the yard.

 

Lupa, when did the neighboour see her making out with the OM? Today or before?

[lupa]

I called her. I shouldn't have, but I did. I told her the conversation, and she flipped out, swearing it didn't happen, saying that they never kissed, it was only hugs, etc.

 

She said "You're really demonstrating your love, trying to win me back."

 

Me: "You told me last night you wanted a divorce, what else to do you want from me?"

 

I can't tell who is who or what is what. I'm done with this bullsh*t. I told her she can be honest with me, she can tell the truth, and she swears, SWEARS nothing happened.

 

I said don't call me again, don't talk to me, nothing. I'm wondering if I should change the locks or not.

 

I had just started to take steps on my own, or at least consider trying, and I get roped back into it one more time.

 

Sonuvabitch!

[MrMayI]

I called her. I shouldn't have, but I did. I told her the conversation, and she flipped out, swearing it didn't happen, saying that they never kissed, it was only hugs, etc.

 

She said "You're really demonstrating your love, trying to win me back."

 

Me: "You told me last night you wanted a divorce, what else to do you want from me?"

 

I can't tell who is who or what is what. I'm done with this bullsh*t. I told her she can be honest with me, she can tell the truth, and she swears, SWEARS nothing happened.

 

I said don't call me again, don't talk to me, nothing. I'm wondering if I should change the locks or not.

 

I had just started to take steps on my own, or at least consider trying, and I get roped back into it one more time.

 

Sonuvabitch!

 

change the locks. at least the bolts.

[LisaUk]

I called her. I shouldn't have, but I did. I told her the conversation, and she flipped out, swearing it didn't happen, saying that they never kissed, it was only hugs, etc.

 

She said "You're really demonstrating your love, trying to win me back."

 

Me: "You told me last night you wanted a divorce, what else to do you want from me?"

 

I can't tell who is who or what is what. I'm done with this bullsh*t. I told her she can be honest with me, she can tell the truth, and she swears, SWEARS nothing happened.

 

I said don't call me again, don't talk to me, nothing. I'm wondering if I should change the locks or not.

 

I had just started to take steps on my own, or at least consider trying, and I get roped back into it one more time.

 

Sonuvabitch!

 

My ex SWORE on his own brothers life that he was going to marry me, not leave 10 days before he left in order to get me to have sex with him! DO NOT BUY IT FOR A SECOND! When did the neighbour see her with OM, before last night or was this today?

 

The neighbour has no reason to lie!

[lupa]

She said she saw it over time.

 

I just have to stop caring now.

[Gunny376]

Time to get off your knees and re-claim your life!

 

Come on!

 

Your an Ivy League Grad!

 

Your at the minimum the equivalent to a Marine Corps Lance Corporal!

[Gunny376]

If I COULD?

 

I'd at least give you a Spartain hug!

 

(Clasped hands and forearms across chest)

 

I know it hurts Brother!

[LisaUk]

She said she saw it over time.

 

I just have to stop caring now.

 

Well I guess know we know what really happened, Lupa you come across as a fine man you did not deserve to be treated this way, no one does, you deserve better and you will get better. She does not deserve your love don't waste another second of it on her.