Apart and shaken

[LisaUk]

lupa i know what you mean about being in the marital home and someone else posted about walking around looking into empty rooms...omg! when H first left...he left ALL his stuff..then he came back..and left again..that time he took ALL his stuff and left HIS computer room empty accept for the bed....i walked by it for months before i finally turned into a room for my chihuaha..LOL...ALL PINK stuff and toys..!

eventually tho, i moved, me and my chi...we are now in an apt. and i am NOT sure what hurts more...the memories and being alone in the marital home or NO memories and being alone in this apartment...where the memories are all sucky..cause i haven't stopped crying since i moved in:(....

in a way it is weird, i come and go as i please...stay up and weird hours watching movies..i even baked cookies at 3AM the other night..LOL...weird...my son enjoyed them the next day when he came over to do his laundry.

 

anyway...although it is sucky we are ALL going thru such horrific pain, it is nice in a weird way to know we are not alone..

 

and why is it i can't find a local group either????

 

what is that all about...???

 

i guess it means i am supposed to be here with all of you wonderful LS people!

ok...be back soon...

 

Hi, I've been reading through PWXS3 thread, haven't had chance to read all of it yet, but the divorce care classes he talks about were run by his church. Perhaps you could try there. If there aren't any in your area, then why not approach your local church, libary or out reach centre and see if you can help them to set a group up. It would be a positive thing for the community, we could all do with this kind of programme and it would maybe help you to focus on something positive as well?

[lupa]

Oy vey.

 

I just got off the phone with her because of another financial thing (she overdrew her account, I had to transfer $$). Short version is that of course it degenerated into a thing about me being selfish all the time...I told her if she needs to rewrite the marital history to justify her actions, so be it. I did, however, tell her to back off my family...

 

I dunno. Why do I still want this to work in my head? Why can't I just see it for what it is? She found someone, or the thought of someone that she made better in her mind, and has to make me the bad guy? I told her I knew about the online convos on Facebook (yes, Facebook is evil), and she said, "Been doing some snooping?" I responded that when this all went down, she left her account open one day and yes, i looked. Turns out I had every reason to...the guy is in Cali, we're in PA...I told her he could write her poetry any day of the week.

 

She is going to realize at some point that the "butterflies" and "excitement" gets old when you have to walk in the bathroom behind the other person and light a freaking match to be able to breathe. Such bullsh*t that women, no offense to ladies here but c'mon, believe when they see it in the movies. Life is not like "Twilight."

 

Love, to me, is loyalty, dedication, hard work, providing, and showing affection. I lacked in the last freaking part, and not all that badly as I look back. I'd get up from the couch when we were watching tv to get her a drink, even though I didn't want one. When I'd get blueberries (I like fruit) to munch on, I'd make sure to bring enough for her. I didn't call a lot from work, because I was busy...but I'd rub her damned feet every morning before I left, as she slept in until 10, when she didn't have a job. She probably didn't even wake up.

 

We always had food, the bills were always paid, we went out to nice places, I took her to the country club at least once a week because we loved pasta night together. We'd go out with friends all the time, we'd laugh, we'd joke. Sex was ok, but she held back a lot for whatever reason. I'm not saying I'm kinky or anything, but I always had to be on top, even though I had a bad knee...it got frustrating.

 

Screw this, I'm a good freaking guy. It wasn't always about me, this is her online guy making her believe it. This is her telling herself that betraying her marriage is justified.

 

i'm glad she was crying by the end of the phone call. It is all such bullsh*t I can't stand it. We got the cats, we got the house, we got the car, we got everything she wanted, and sometimes she had to compromise with me on parts of it. Compromise. I never once put my foot down and said, "NO." I never told her what she could and couldn't do.

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Why do I even give a flying f*ck any more? This woman betrayed me, why do I even care???

 

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

I swear to god I'm going to hit somebody.

 

Writing this out makes me feel a little better. It really does. Thank you for listening.

 

Should I basically change the "her's" and "she's" to "you" and send this post to her in an email?

 

Probably shouldn't, but I kinda want to. She's coming over on Thursday to discuss splitting financial responsibilities until the divorce is finalized...of course she hasn't even gotten the paperwork yet...maybe I'll just hand it to her then.

 

I don't want to 180 her back into my life. I want her to see what she has done to me, done to us.

[broken hearted]

Good for you Lupa!! I wish I was having a day like that where I didn't want my husband back in my life! I don't want the person he is now back in my life but I do want MY HUSBAND back in my life! I want my marriage back, I want all of it, I don't want this at what it is now!

 

I'm in VT, not too far away from PA, I will tell your wife what she is losing if you tell my husband what he's losing!

[SRV]

Oy vey.

 

I just got off the phone with her because of another financial thing (she overdrew her account, I had to transfer $$).

 

This is the bed she spread, she'd better lay on it. If it is not catering to bills under both your names, this would/should be her concern not yours, sorry!

 

Short version is that of course it degenerated into a thing about me being selfish all the time...

 

Do not indulge her in any conversations about the relationship past and present, read and embrace the 180.

 

I told her if she needs to rewrite the marital history to justify her actions, so be it. I did, however, tell her to back off my family...

 

I dunno. Why do I still want this to work in my head? Why can't I just see it for what it is? She found someone, or the thought of someone that she made better in her mind, and has to make me the bad guy? I told her I knew about the online convos on Facebook (yes, Facebook is evil), and she said, "Been doing some snooping?" I responded that when this all went down, she left her account open one day and yes, i looked. Turns out I had every reason to...the guy is in Cali, we're in PA...I told her he could write her poetry any day of the week.

 

Once again, try and lay off convos about the past relationship, this is totally counterproductive at this point.

 

 

 

 

We always had food, the bills were always paid, we went out to nice places, I took her to the country club at least once a week because we loved pasta night together. We'd go out with friends all the time, we'd laugh, we'd joke.

 

You will in time find the right person who will totally appreciate what you bring to the table, learn and educate yourself so next time you can choose wisely

 

Screw this, I'm a good freaking guy. It wasn't always about me, this is her online guy making her believe it. This is her telling herself that betraying her marriage is justified.

 

It was not about you, but her. She will eventually do to him what she has done to you. That should be the least of your concerns anyway, at this point or going forward.

 

i'm glad she was crying by the end of the phone call. It is all such bullsh*t I can't stand it. We got the cats, we got the house, we got the car, we got everything she wanted, and sometimes she had to compromise with me on parts of it. Compromise. I never once put my foot down and said, "NO." I never told her what she could and couldn't do.

 

Saying NO is not a bad thing when used in the right context. It is a hard word for most to use, when used appropiately, at the right time and place, depicts resolve, garners respect too.

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Why do I even give a flying f*ck any more? This woman betrayed me, why do I even care???

 

This is good, it shows and will help you put things into perspective and heal as you detach from her.

 

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

I swear to god I'm going to hit somebody.

 

Easy now cowboy, you will be fine

 

Writing this out makes me feel a little better. It really does. Thank you for listening.

 

Should I basically change the "her's" and "she's" to "you" and send this post to her in an email?

 

Probably shouldn't, but I kinda want to. She's coming over on Thursday to discuss splitting financial responsibilities until the divorce is finalized...of course she hasn't even gotten the paperwork yet...maybe I'll just hand it to her then.

 

You dictate the terms of when/how/where to meet. Have you talked to an attorney yet? Show some backbone, what is, IS, what will be, WILL BE.

 

I don't want to 180 her back into my life. I want her to see what she has done to me, done to us.

 

Resolution to your tenuous situation will come, the most vital thing is to learn from it and make the right decisions at this trying time, its just a matter of time. Good luck!

[lupa]

This note just came in from a friend:

 

Of course she will. I don't know what the hell motivated her to enter this fog in the first place, but she should have sought help at the beginning to stop it from getting worse. It's all her fault. Even if you had character or relationship flaws, you were always the man she fell in love with and married. It was on her to bring up issues to help correct them together. She should not have let things get worse and she certainly should not have sought help from another man. **** her. You're better off.

 

 

 

...as for talking to a lawyer, it makes way more sense for me to wait for her to file from a financial point of view.

 

I keep trying to get her to do it. Maybe I'll just have to wait. I don't know.

[phineas]

My wife just dropped off the kids.

OMG!?!?!? what the heck did she do to her hair? She died it a pinkish red color.

 

I said nothing.

 

Lupa - "snooping" LOL! i'll bet she was dead silent for a little bit when you told her what you knew then she deflected on you with "snooping"

 

 

I don't want my wife back. I'm thinking now she didn't just become this selfish person that decided to go online & find someone else while she was married.

 

I'm thinking she was always this selfish person & I was just bright & shiney enough to keep her attention longer than the others.

 

I think this will always be her. It will stop being her when she can no longer attract the bigger better thing. Nobody wants to be married to that.

 

I sit back & sometimes have a chuckle over the situation.

 

The way I see it, we have my wife cheating on me with a man who was cheating on his GF with my wife.

 

Anyone want to bet how long before this 32 yr old finds something brighter & shinier than my 36 yr old wife with two kids?

 

I really do wish I can see the look on her face the moment she realizes she pissed her future away for a friend with benefits.

 

I'm not bitter, mind you, i'm just starting to think more clearly than I have in a long time.

[SRV]

This note just came in from a friend:

 

 

 

 

 

...as for talking to a lawyer, it makes way more sense for me to wait for her to file from a financial point of view.

 

I keep trying to get her to do it. Maybe I'll just have to wait. I don't know.

 

You friend is right on point. Listen to him.

[lupa]

Thank you, guys.

 

Time to hit the reset button on my life.

 

"No guts, no glory, so go for it."

[LisaUk]

Oy vey.

 

I just got off the phone with her because of another financial thing (she overdrew her account, I had to transfer $$). Short version is that of course it degenerated into a thing about me being selfish all the time...I told her if she needs to rewrite the marital history to justify her actions, so be it. I did, however, tell her to back off my family...

 

I dunno. Why do I still want this to work in my head? Why can't I just see it for what it is? She found someone, or the thought of someone that she made better in her mind, and has to make me the bad guy? I told her I knew about the online convos on Facebook (yes, Facebook is evil), and she said, "Been doing some snooping?" I responded that when this all went down, she left her account open one day and yes, i looked. Turns out I had every reason to...the guy is in Cali, we're in PA...I told her he could write her poetry any day of the week.

 

She is going to realize at some point that the "butterflies" and "excitement" gets old when you have to walk in the bathroom behind the other person and light a freaking match to be able to breathe. Such bullsh*t that women, no offense to ladies here but c'mon, believe when they see it in the movies. Life is not like "Twilight."

 

Love, to me, is loyalty, dedication, hard work, providing, and showing affection. I lacked in the last freaking part, and not all that badly as I look back. I'd get up from the couch when we were watching tv to get her a drink, even though I didn't want one. When I'd get blueberries (I like fruit) to munch on, I'd make sure to bring enough for her. I didn't call a lot from work, because I was busy...but I'd rub her damned feet every morning before I left, as she slept in until 10, when she didn't have a job. She probably didn't even wake up.

 

We always had food, the bills were always paid, we went out to nice places, I took her to the country club at least once a week because we loved pasta night together. We'd go out with friends all the time, we'd laugh, we'd joke. Sex was ok, but she held back a lot for whatever reason. I'm not saying I'm kinky or anything, but I always had to be on top, even though I had a bad knee...it got frustrating.

 

Screw this, I'm a good freaking guy. It wasn't always about me, this is her online guy making her believe it. This is her telling herself that betraying her marriage is justified.

 

i'm glad she was crying by the end of the phone call. It is all such bullsh*t I can't stand it. We got the cats, we got the house, we got the car, we got everything she wanted, and sometimes she had to compromise with me on parts of it. Compromise. I never once put my foot down and said, "NO." I never told her what she could and couldn't do.

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Why do I even give a flying f*ck any more? This woman betrayed me, why do I even care???

 

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

I swear to god I'm going to hit somebody.

 

Writing this out makes me feel a little better. It really does. Thank you for listening.

 

Should I basically change the "her's" and "she's" to "you" and send this post to her in an email?

 

Probably shouldn't, but I kinda want to. She's coming over on Thursday to discuss splitting financial responsibilities until the divorce is finalized...of course she hasn't even gotten the paperwork yet...maybe I'll just hand it to her then.

 

I don't want to 180 her back into my life. I want her to see what she has done to me, done to us.

 

I love your posts Lupa! You express what I feel, have felt, but way better than I ever could.

 

You are a good guy, I said it before, I'll say it again, you rubbed her feet for her every morning, you got her drinks, you always thought about whether she would like some of your food. It's sweet, she was a lucky lady and she didn't appreciate it. The only time my ex made me a cuppa was after sex. The sex part in your post made me laugh by the way, how very dull for you!

 

With regards to the account, she made her bed let her lie in it. Don't bail her out financially. If she calls, or you call don't talk about the split, it will only cause you more pain. I totally understand you wanting to send an angry e-mail, I actually did, no response, doubt he even read it, not worth your time, effort or energy. You can't say anything to her that will make one blind bit of difference. If you get angry, you just give her another reason to justify her bad behaviour.

 

Buisness only at this point Lupa, if the women is going to want you back, then the only way that is going to happen is if she has a course in the life of hard knocks. By that point, you probaly won't want her back anyway.

 

Why do you still care after she has betrayed you? Because like me you loved her unconditionally. That is a good thing, it means you have the capacity to love someone the way they deserve, now what you deserve is to loved by someone the same way. Your wife is not in the building any more! She is not the person you thought she was, the person you loved.

 

Once again, this is not about what you did or didn't do, this about HER s**t, until she figures out that a relationship will always take work and compromise, she will never be content or happy. This isn't about you, you didn't abuse her, you didn't cheat on her, anything else you could have figured out between you IF SHE HAD ALLOWED YOU TO. That's what a partnership is, us united, figure it out together. She's not capable of it Lup's, she isn't worth this, you can do soooooooo much better than her!

[delajoonal]

FACE BOOK HAS DESTROYED SOOOOOOO MANY RELATIONSHIPS....

 

I know some members are going to reply with.."ONLY people can destroy relationships, etc."

 

BUT..my H even admitted that had he NOT gone on there and started chatting up the OW...he was about to suggest MC..because he felt he was not getting what he needed from me/marriage...

 

so, in my case, YES, Facebook was the source of alienation of affection...

 

wish i could sue (sp?) them..in some states i might be able too...NOT california...there are some states that still allow you to sue the OW or OM for alienation of affection....

 

anyway...i guess i am off subject here..maybe i should start a new thread for this convo?

[LisaUk]

FACE BOOK HAS DESTROYED SOOOOOOO MANY RELATIONSHIPS....

 

I know some members are going to reply with.."ONLY people can destroy relationships, etc."

 

BUT..my H even admitted that had he NOT gone on there and started chatting up the OW...he was about to suggest MC..because he felt he was not getting what he needed from me/marriage...

 

so, in my case, YES, Facebook was the source of alienation of affection...

 

wish i could sue (sp?) them..in some states i might be able too...NOT california...there are some states that still allow you to sue the OW or OM for alienation of affection....

 

anyway...i guess i am off subject here..maybe i should start a new thread for this convo?

 

Mine is very much in the midst of midlife crisis thing, he too became very much into facebook towards the end, catching up with old school friends, well hey, he wants to go out and party right!

[delajoonal]

lisaUK...

 

see...that darn Facebook is always a part of a separation some how?

 

i also wanted to comment on your post from earlier...i am so surprised you brought up

PWXS3...he is a wonderful person and so kind and understanding..i haven't seen him post in a while...but i am sure he is busy with his son this summer....he posted some really great stuff and is very kind to everyone.....also, i did check into the Divorce Care Centers around my area...they are both about 30 miles away from me...

also, i did find a website with folks in my area in search of someone starting a divorce group....so that is SO funny you brought that up...

i have thought about IT alot...i am one of those...(so i have been told) very organized person...lol...

 

so maybe if i can get off this pitty pot, and get over to the center and start talking to some people about starting a Divorce Group there?

 

thank you for reminding me of that:)

 

p.s. my H is also just at 40..so i think it is in part a mid life crisis too?

we have been together since he was 25 years old..i am 5 years older than him....

weird, that never bothered me...until now...i hear all these stories of men leaving for the younger version of their wives...ack! funny, cause i am told everyday, litereally, i don't look a day over 28 ..LOL..no kidding...when out with my son..who is 22 years old..people think HE is my bf..GROSS...lol...but you know what i mean...

 

i need to go back and read your posts and catch up on your story too:)

[delajoonal]

lupa...

 

i have turned OFF my cell phone...i decided NC is the only way for me to get thru this...

one day he is yelling and calling me names ...out of no where....just angry at alimony i guess...lol

 

and the next he is like i can sense my H is in there somewhere..trying to come out and be his old self and be nice..

 

it was too much of a mind f***....

 

so, now i am missing a TON of calls from everyone...but i am also finding the solitude a little refreshing...

 

dont' have to hear, how are u today?

did he call today? etc....

 

i can just get up and do what i want, not worry about talking, texting..nothing...

 

just get into my own head and really deal with what has happened..

 

IT ALL happened SOOOO fast..my head was still spinning when i moved into this apt. 4 weeks ago...so i think IT is all just hitting me now...and with this quiet time..

the NC and the cell turned off...has given me time to realize..i still had not realy dealt with what has happened to me...

 

so i am a bit calmer today...no tears yet, and it is noon....

 

anyway, just a suggestion...you had posted about talking with W and it being upsetting to you...her financial issues etc..

 

so maybe just turn OFF the CELL for ONE hour at least...and then go from there..

 

baby steps.....right?

 

my cell has been off for 5 whole days now....weird...but i am able to think again and clear my head a bit.

[lupa]

lupa...

 

i have turned OFF my cell phone...i decided NC is the only way for me to get thru this...

one day he is yelling and calling me names ...out of no where....just angry at alimony i guess...lol

 

and the next he is like i can sense my H is in there somewhere..trying to come out and be his old self and be nice..

 

it was too much of a mind f***....

 

so, now i am missing a TON of calls from everyone...but i am also finding the solitude a little refreshing...

 

dont' have to hear, how are u today?

did he call today? etc....

 

i can just get up and do what i want, not worry about talking, texting..nothing...

 

just get into my own head and really deal with what has happened..

 

IT ALL happened SOOOO fast..my head was still spinning when i moved into this apt. 4 weeks ago...so i think IT is all just hitting me now...and with this quiet time..

the NC and the cell turned off...has given me time to realize..i still had not realy dealt with what has happened to me...

 

so i am a bit calmer today...no tears yet, and it is noon....

 

anyway, just a suggestion...you had posted about talking with W and it being upsetting to you...her financial issues etc..

 

so maybe just turn OFF the CELL for ONE hour at least...and then go from there..

 

baby steps.....right?

 

my cell has been off for 5 whole days now....weird...but i am able to think again and clear my head a bit.

Sadly, I can't do that right now...our bank accounts are still connected, and for the time being while we are still joint owners on a bunch of stuff, you can be damned sure I want access to her money to cover some of the bills. we need to stay in touch for the short term.

 

I don't need the cable that she ordered...hell, I only watch discovery, history, and CNN. Simpsons and Family guy reruns in the evenings...lol. I don't know when our car insurance was due/was paid. I don't know when our homeowners was paid.

 

Shoot, I just got our local school taxes, and they were higher than we had in escrow...you can be sure I'm taking some $$ out of her account to help me pay it.

 

She cannot leave and take her $2000 a month in unemployment with her. That is bullsh*t. She signed onto this deal, and she is still responsible until her last name no longer matches mine.

 

What a crock.

 

So, yes, I have to stay in touch with her over the next few weeks and months. Now, though, there are no more fights. There is no more anything. She is a stranger who somehow screwed up my finances.

 

Maybe Mr Cool Ice will finally show through.

[MrMayI]

 

I don't need the cable that she ordered...hell, I only watch discovery, history, and CNN. Simpsons and Family guy reruns in the evenings...lol. I don't know when our car insurance was due/was paid. I don't know when our homeowners was paid.

 

.

 

dude, we share drinking habits, cleaning habits, and now television habits. need a roommate? we can wingman for one another on the town.

[delajoonal]

lupa...

 

ya, i was there for months too...but now, my alimony goes into an acct. automatically, we have moved from the marital home, and well...there is really nothing else to be said..until we actually file for divorce...we only did the legal separation thing...for now..it was cheaper for H..medical insurance, etc.

 

but i would def suggest getting in touch with ur W and finding out when your insurances were due, etc...that is very important...but there might be issues if ur insurance company finds out ur not living together...Ur car rates will go up, etc....

so i guess you are in the beginnings of getting it all squared away before you can go NC...sorry...but it sounds like you are pretty strong today and determined...so good for you!

 

have a great day lupa!...try too, OK;)

[LisaUk]

Lupa, have you seen the thraed by Lisa616, very interesting, take a look!

[delajoonal]

which thread? i would like to read it too...

[LisaUk]

lisaUK...

 

see...that darn Facebook is always a part of a separation some how?

 

i also wanted to comment on your post from earlier...i am so surprised you brought up

PWXS3...he is a wonderful person and so kind and understanding..i haven't seen him post in a while...but i am sure he is busy with his son this summer....he posted some really great stuff and is very kind to everyone.....also, i did check into the Divorce Care Centers around my area...they are both about 30 miles away from me...

also, i did find a website with folks in my area in search of someone starting a divorce group....so that is SO funny you brought that up...

i have thought about IT alot...i am one of those...(so i have been told) very organized person...lol...

 

so maybe if i can get off this pitty pot, and get over to the center and start talking to some people about starting a Divorce Group there?

 

thank you for reminding me of that:)

 

p.s. my H is also just at 40..so i think it is in part a mid life crisis too?

we have been together since he was 25 years old..i am 5 years older than him....

weird, that never bothered me...until now...i hear all these stories of men leaving for the younger version of their wives...ack! funny, cause i am told everyday, litereally, i don't look a day over 28 ..LOL..no kidding...when out with my son..who is 22 years old..people think HE is my bf..GROSS...lol...but you know what i mean...

 

i need to go back and read your posts and catch up on your story too:)

 

PWSX3 is around, he posts on my thread sometimes, I'm just now working my way through his thread to catch up. His advice is always heartfelt and helpful to me.

[lupa]

lupa...

 

ya, i was there for months too...but now, my alimony goes into an acct. automatically, we have moved from the marital home, and well...there is really nothing else to be said..until we actually file for divorce...we only did the legal separation thing...for now..it was cheaper for H..medical insurance, etc.

 

but i would def suggest getting in touch with ur W and finding out when your insurances were due, etc...that is very important...but there might be issues if ur insurance company finds out ur not living together...Ur car rates will go up, etc....

so i guess you are in the beginnings of getting it all squared away before you can go NC...sorry...but it sounds like you are pretty strong today and determined...so good for you!

 

have a great day lupa!...try too, OK;)

yeah, no matter how this goes down, I'm going to get screwed in the bad way. She is supposed to come by the house thursday night to talk about finances and divide our responsibilities. I'm sure that will be fun.

 

Lupa, have you seen the thraed by Lisa616, very interesting, take a look!

I saw it, and quite frankly I got mad at her. I got mad at her, because that is exactly what my wife did. I feel for her, regretting her actions, but at the time she didn't have the foresight to get to this point today.

 

I don't hate this other lisa, i don't, but god did that hurt to read. I didn't even have her husband's issues (quite frankly I started drinking more when I was married because of all the nagging, and that has backed way off), and mine was hoping for a Fairy Tale. I'm sorry folks, but fairy tale lives don't exist.

 

I don't get it, and I probably never will. I'm too practical, rational, and logical. I need a roof over my head, food on the table, a job to dedicate myself to, a woman to protect, love, and show affection (my fatal flaw to this point, which I'm going to work on). ...and a good BJ every now and then.

 

But I digress.

 

Men are simple and straightforward, women are complex and like onions. The deeper you get, the more they stink. lol. I kid, I kid. They are layered and complicated and think that romance is going to happen. Hell, most men don't even know where to begin...that was me.

 

Mine left because of an internet emotional affair. Good luck with all that. When the dream world comes crashing down, I'm going to hopefully have found someone that I care about deeply, and I know already I can dedicate my life to another, so this next person will get a better me in the process.

[LisaUk]

 

I don't get it, and I probably never will. I'm too practical, rational, and logical. I need a roof over my head, food on the table, a job to dedicate myself to, a woman to protect, love, and show affection (my fatal flaw to this point, which I'm going to work on). ...and a good BJ every now and then.

 

 

Men are simple and straightforward, women are complex and like onions. The deeper you get, the more they stink. lol. I kid, I kid. They are layered and complicated and think that romance is going to happen. Hell, most men don't even know where to begin...that was me.

 

This sex aspect seems to be a bit of a theme today! Do you have an itch that needs scratching Lupa?!

 

Not all women are like that, I had very little romance in my life and to be honest it didn't really bother me, hell, he didn't even want a first dance at our wedding, even that didn't really bother me, well, ok, maybe a little bit, but I would have still married him, because I loved him. What I'm saying is that not all women are mushy romantics. The most important things to me are honesty, openness, loyalty and communication. The rest if fluff, provided you have all those you can work anything else out IMHO.

[lupa]

This sex aspect seems to be a bit of a theme today! Do you have an itch that needs scratching Lupa?!

It's been since early May. This, I think, is the longest I've gone since I was a freshman in college.

 

In reality, this is the longest I've gone...no really, that is probably true. Maybe since I moved to Austin and didn't know anyone in 1999.

 

10 yrs.

 

I'm hurtin'.

 

...

[delajoonal]

lupa...

 

after all the reading, i had no idea your W had an EA too!!!

that is what my H did...he didn't leave me for OW...the EA was cut short...

but none the less...H left!

he is STILL in that EA FOG...no reality in his world anymore....so weird to watch:(

but i wanted to mention..i like what you said about life and what you need..

" a woman to love and protect"....sure wish my H had that protecting factor...i could tell you stories that would make you wonder WHO was the H in my relationship..LOL...he NEVER stood up for me, by me...it was weird...those are the things that always bothered me..and NOW even more so!

 

but i have my opinion about the whole men are simple and women are complex issue..LOL

 

believe it or not..we too are pretty simple...a little attention, dinner, walk on the beach...a good BG..tee hee...and we are good to go too..LOL

(well, i am anyway...LOL)

[LisaUk]

Yes, really Lupa, all women want is appreciation. How do you show that?

A bit of conversation, a cuddle on the couch, a bit of affection such as holding hands or a protective arm around her waist, the odd thanks for doing my laundry etc, a bit of thought so remembering birthdays, anniversarys etc, nice to be taken out to dinner or shopping or for a walk on the beach, park etc and some good sex. That's it really.

 

Sounds to me like you already did these things though, you did foot rubs, you took her out, you fixed her drinks etc. Like I keep saying it's not about you, it's about her inablity to express her needs and to work at a realtionship. She will be the same whoever she is with, trust me, first sign of trouble and she will bail. She doesn't have the skills to make a life time commitment and THAT is what went wrong.

[delajoonal]

lisaUK brings up a good point...about 'being the same no matter who THEY are with"..

 

my H has a horrible computer addiction..NOT porn, but to a game, now its 2 games...

i have clocked him in at 16 hours some days (days off of work or vacation)...

this started about 7 or 8 years ago...ThAT is when i started screaming, not wanting sex as much...but after a while the screaming stopped...as it was like beating my head against a brick wall...

 

looking back, THAT IS when our marriage started to die:(

 

well, back to my point...

 

my H can go ahead and see if the grass is greener, etc....find someone new...

BUT he will still have that computer addiction...and believe me...there is NO ONE out there that will put up with the ignoring, neglecting, etc....for even 7 or 8 days, let alone 7 or 8 years, they way i did...i guess i stuck IT out cause i knew HIM before the addiction...and would PRAY every day for my H to snap out of it...but i was told by many people and my therapist, computer addiction is NO different than a drug or alcohol addiction...so, i guess until H gets help, he too will never have a healthy relationship???

 

come to think of it...do i really want that mess back in my life?????