Apart and shaken

[delajoonal]

lupa...

i hope you can get her to a point of sitting down and getting some legal papers drawn...?

 

you don't have to do the whole legal separation thing right away..

 

you can find some templates online for separation agreements.

they come with clauses you can fill in the blanks or use the ones provided..

 

then you both agree to what you have written, both sign, BOTH go to the nearest notary public and have them sign and stamp those papers.

 

each of you gets a copy...put it in a safe or fire box...and

then next time she pulls this s***, you can call her, remind her that she is legally bound by a legal document, and must obide what it states...

tell her, you too have to obide, so it goes both ways...

 

but this is only a temporary arangement?

i guess it could be long term...BUT, anyway, IT is something to hold her too legally until you lupa, or anyone reading, can get to the big stuff..

like the real legal sep and/or divorce.

 

i am NO legal eagle..just speaking from experience....

[lupa]

lupa...

i hope you can get her to a point of sitting down and getting some legal papers drawn...?

 

you don't have to do the whole legal separation thing right away..

 

you can find some templates online for separation agreements.

they come with clauses you can fill in the blanks or use the ones provided..

 

then you both agree to what you have written, both sign, BOTH go to the nearest notary public and have them sign and stamp those papers.

 

each of you gets a copy...put it in a safe or fire box...and

then next time she pulls this s***, you can call her, remind her that she is legally bound by a legal document, and must obide what it states...

tell her, you too have to obide, so it goes both ways...

 

but this is only a temporary arangement?

i guess it could be long term...BUT, anyway, IT is something to hold her too legally until you lupa, or anyone reading, can get to the big stuff..

like the real legal sep and/or divorce.

 

i am NO legal eagle..just speaking from experience....

I'm fast tracking the divorce. I want the real papers, but I want her to file them, as it puts me in a much better position. And again, I don't think people should walk from marriages, so I would never file for divorce...this way at least I keep true to myself, and end up with whatever advantage when we end up killing the thing.

 

 

 

So I called her, left a vmail, and she actually called me back! It was astounding. We had a perfectly pleasant conversation, and actually shot the sh*t about some stuff for a bit. I had truly forgotten the second question that I wanted to ask her, so we just chatted for like 5 minutes, and I said, "well, ok, I'll see ya later" and we hung up. Then I remembered, called back, we talked for another 5, and then I went again. I think having the information is what I need. Not knowing is what makes me insane...this way I can plan out my next move and make sure my ass is covered.

 

Simply put, the only way she can hurt me at this point is to withhold information...not love, not support, just info. Crazy, right? That hurts me the most! I think it is because my brain is a planner...I like to gather up as much as possible and then make my move. Not knowing is killer.

 

So, she was pleasant, I was pleasant (though I wanted to be fuming, I kept it under control), and we sorted stuff out. I guess it was a misunderstanding from when we met before, and we'll see if she lives up to what she said she would.

 

Now to figure out a way to keep going with the ex at a nice, steady, warm burn...no flameouts!!!

[tojaz]

Lupa, The end of that post, showed a side of you I have never seen before.

CALM! LOL! I hope the legal part dosen't get too messy. It sounds like the both of you are cordial again. That will help.

TOJAZ

[Billy Bob]

If you won't file for divorce and are waiting on her to do so..(and she's waiting on you).. you are kind of deadlocked.. Have you looked into a legal seperation? It would seperate your finances, you could remove her from any joint accounts.. she can't run out and buy a car with you being legally responsible for half of it?

 

I'd do something in order to move on.. heck it would be worth it to me to look like the bad guy and just get it over with!

[delajoonal]

lupa i DO GET that you do not want to be the one to file for divorce...

i know exactly what you mean;)

 

also, i just want to say i am glad you had a good convo with W...

and that you are NOT putting any stock in it as far as reconciling????

 

my H and i were getting along for about a week..i was working the 180..he responded just like the books say they would...and then BAM he started some cr*p with legal stuff...anyway, i don't want to rain on your parade....cause your W is not going thru MLC and being a monster...so maybe there is hope of getting thru your D or whatever way IT goes...hope of IT just going smoothly:)

 

i truly do hope and Pray that it does for you and for all my other close LS friends...

you are such fabulous kind, loving, gracious people..i still don't get how we all got walked out on...really?

 

anyway..have a great night...

[lupa]

Alright, here goes -- y'all need to help me again (sheesh I'm a spazz):

 

 

Texted the ex, there is a museum thing going on tomorrow downtown, but it ends at 5. I can cut out early from a meeting, and skip the afternoon, pick her take her there.

 

No response all day long. Figured no biggie, called in teh evening, vmail. Left a quick message saying hey, let it go at that.

 

She called back about an hour later, I let it go to vmail..."Hey...don't know about tomorrow, kinda got a lot going on, not real sure if I'll be able to talk tonight, but give me a call."

 

Called back about 10 minutes later, fully expecting vmail, but she picked up. She said she had a lot of stuff going on, and I mentioned that it closed early, and she jumped in immediately with "Sure, let's do it, I don't think we'll be able to get together before I go out of town."

 

So, she was being cagey about not being able to talk, cagey about not being able to go, and then turned 180 and said ok.

 

Playing a game, no? Trying to stay aloof?

 

Now, she's not going out of town until monday morning, but is working late on the weekend...but simply put, she could be closer to the road she needs to be on by staying at my place sunday night. So, now, I have to decide if I play aloof-er or if I can find the right moment to suggest it. I think I should just let it slide, unless a moment of "intensity" happens, which given our past, very well may.

 

 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

OhmygodwhenamIgoingtogetalittlepatience?

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

So...somebody smack me upside the freaking head and tell me to chill the hell out.

 

Take your time, nummy. TAKE YOUR TIME.

[delajoonal]

...which one are you talking about..i am confused..im sorry lupa...its been a freaky week and i can't focus on crap...

 

so who is the X= the old girl friend, but dating again?

or

the wife= and you have decided IT is def over and calling W the X now?

 

ok...just some clarification before i start the smacking..LOL

[Gunny376]

I agree we're getting the STBXW and the XGF mixed up in your posts! Not your fault, just the way it is.

[tojaz]

(Slapping Lupa upside the head)

 

What happened to Calm, the wise bull etc. Mention that your place is closer, then let her run with it if she wants.

[LisaUk]

Lupa, do not play any games even if you think she is. It may just be she is a bit freaked by the speed and intensity and wants to slow it down, like you do.

 

Just accept what she says, don't push, see where it goes, SLOW.

 

*Smacks Lupa upside the head* LOL

[lupa]

Ok, you folks are right. What are two and a half weeks in the big scheme of things anyway, right? We'll hang out today, we'll have fun, we always do.

 

I'll certainly not say or push anything, and if, ONLY IF, the situation comes up where it is flirty/sexual tension, I'll invite her to spend the night at my place sunday.

 

Our pattern in the past has always been intense attraction, crazy passion, and stand-offishness when trying to arrange the next get-together. I don't think that is what is going on now, as she seems a little more laid back, but I have a feeling in her head that she knows what this could turn into...and may be moving REALLY cautiously.

 

I know we'll have a good time today, and I'll just let it go from there. Hands off the steering wheel, buddy! Let this thing go where it wants!!

 

(this was all about the ex-girlfriend...don't want to call her girlfriend or anything like that yet. I guess I'll just use "wife" for wife until she is no longer wife. ex for ex-girlfriend until something more comes of it.)

 

I hate every second of this, but at least my life isn't boring like I thought it was for a while.

[phineas]

So start out being friends? Why not go grab happy hour drinks or something, to just chat?

 

Eventually.

I want to get my house in order more.

I'm giving the soon to be ex another week to get the rest of her crap out of my house then i'm going to take it too the curb.

 

I also want to drop another few waist sizes.

[lupa]

Eventually.

I want to get my house in order more.

I'm giving the soon to be ex another week to get the rest of her crap out of my house then i'm going to take it too the curb.

 

I also want to drop another few waist sizes.

tell you what, brother, I'll make a deal with you. Each time I feel like skipping the run that I do, I'll say to myself, "This will help phin drop a little bit off his waist size" and each time you think you are going to that extra helping of whatever...think, "I won't do it, this will help lupa get off his ass and go for that run!"

 

Speaking of which, a few weeks ago I started that run, which is only 2.5 miles but with some big hills, in 22 mins 30 secs. Yesterday I did it in 16:10. Yesterday I ran...I used to be in such good shape, and now I'm going to make a thing of it.

 

 

 

...

 

So the "ex-girlfriend" who I am back talking to (per the previous few pages) and am going to the museum today with just sent me a nice little text about it being a great day outside. It really is gorgeous out there today. So, she is taking initiative to talk to me, which is comforting, but I still have a strange feeling about it all.

 

Just gonna relax and pretend to be the old bull, because obviously, in my brain, I'm still not there yet. Fake it til you make it.

[lupa]

Now she texted that she has to cancel...I kinda saw this coming because she was flaking out last night.

[LisaUk]

Ok, so don't push, just reply, say no worries, it's a shame etc. Do not call her again until she calls you.

[LisaUk]

oh, and I'm sorry she cancelled!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Women tend to flake out on dates that's why you always have a plan b!

[phineas]

tell you what, brother, I'll make a deal with you. Each time I feel like skipping the run that I do, I'll say to myself, "This will help phin drop a little bit off his waist size" and each time you think you are going to that extra helping of whatever...think, "I won't do it, this will help lupa get off his ass and go for that run!"

 

Speaking of which, a few weeks ago I started that run, which is only 2.5 miles but with some big hills, in 22 mins 30 secs. Yesterday I did it in 16:10. Yesterday I ran...I used to be in such good shape, and now I'm going to make a thing of it.

 

 

I've gone from a 44 inch waist to 42 so far the last month just by eating small lean meals & doing manual labor on my yard.

 

I've started lifting so i'm adding more protien to my diet. I skip the garbage food. So many women at work baking brownies & cookies & everyone is having a food day & what not & I just say no.

 

I can't run. Not right now. It's too hard on my knees. Plus i've always told people "if you see me running down the street, call the police because someone is chasing me" LOL!

 

maybe i'll drag my bike out of the basement & dust it off, inflate the tires, oil the chain & take it for a spin.

 

Or I might take it into the place I bought it from for the free tune-up first.

I havn't ridden the thing in about 5 yrs.

 

Tonight is chest/shoulders/tris. I'm looking forward to it.

[phineas]

Women tend to flake out on dates that's why you always have a plan b!

 

When I was younger my plan B was the strip club with friends.

Now, my plan b is goto Lowes or Home depot & see what project I can do on the house.

[Chrome Barracuda]

When I was younger my plan B was the strip club with friends.

Now, my plan b is goto Lowes or Home depot & see what project I can do on the house.

 

The first plan B sounds awesome!!!!

 

But all my friends got crazy schedules, and are busy! I have to go solo.

[phineas]

The first plan B sounds awesome!!!!

 

But all my friends got crazy schedules, and are busy! I have to go solo.

 

It's a stab in the dark as i'm from NY also, but ever been to Rick's Tally Ho?

[Chrome Barracuda]

LOL . nope. never heard of it

[delajoonal]

lupa...

i am thinking lis is right...taking IT slow..

here is MY 2 cents as a woman...

 

ok, so maybe the Xgf is being stand offish a bit? because she is really into you...thinking about the great sex, and fun times you both had in THE past..

 

BUT fast foward to now...YOU have been married...YOUR W left you..meaning, you would still be married, happily, IF W did not leave you..

 

so maybe Xgf, is wondering what you are feeling about the W?

"is HE gonna go back to W, if W comes crying back?"

"is he just using me (xgf) to get thru this BAD time/a crutch if you will?"

 

see where i am going with this???

 

so, maybe Xgf really wants to pick it up and get things going with you lupa, but also she is older now, and being cautious of HER feelings and place in your life at this time.??

 

like i said, she doesn't know if she gets really into this relationship with you...

and WHAMMO! the W comes back, and another wammo! you break her (xgf) heart.

 

ok..so i hope that made sense...

[phineas]

makes perfect sense to me.

I'm sorta holding off on the dating thing for a little bit also because It was only a month ago we went to divorce lawyers.

 

I know it's over.

But any woman with a head on her shoulders should be concerned about reconciliation at the last minute.

 

I wouldn't blame them either.

 

My buddy was going out with a woman for almost 6 months that was seperated & in the process of a divorce when she just went back to her husband without any warning.

 

So stuff like that does happen.

[tojaz]

 

She called back about an hour later, I let it go to vmail..."Hey...don't know about tomorrow, kinda got a lot going on, not real sure if I'll be able to talk tonight, but give me a call."

 

SOmetime the obvious reasons are the hardest to accept. Maybe shes just busy! It's probably nothing Lupa, quit analyzing every little thing and just enjoy the ride. If you want this to be something real, you need to just let it happen naturally. Wise bull Wise bull Wise bull!!!

TOJAZ