Apart and shaken

[lupa]

yeah, wise bull and all that jazz. Patience is a virtue. Separate wants and needs. Take your time.

 

I feel down today.

 

 

EDIT: TExt just came over, "Sorry about yesterday what are your plans for later?"

 

I'm a spazz.

 

lol.

 

Sort of.

[Chrome Barracuda]

yeah, wise bull and all that jazz. Patience is a virtue. Separate wants and needs. Take your time.

 

I feel down today.

 

 

EDIT: TExt just came over, "Sorry about yesterday what are your plans for later?"

 

I'm a spazz.

 

lol.

 

Sort of.

 

LOL you tell her your busy until further notice and you hit the bar. I dont buy that whole crap about now that your divorced she's hesistant. I think it's all games with this female. They cancel on you and expect you to sit at home waiting for their phone call. Like you dont see what it is...

[lupa]

LOL you tell her your busy until further notice and you hit the bar. I dont buy that whole crap about now that your divorced she's hesistant. I think it's all games with this female. They cancel on you and expect you to sit at home waiting for their phone call. Like you dont see what it is...

well, you make valid points, you really do. However, I have a couple of things working against me right now:

 

1) The previous get-together was inhibited by mother nature's interference. This didn't mean I didn't have fun, but it wasn't the fun i was after...let's just say she was very generous, and I wouldn't mind returning the favor

 

2) She is going out of town for two weeks, leaving sunday night

 

3) I'm horny

 

 

...see how that works against me?

 

So now it comes down to figuring out the play...get some, or play the game to make this one interested in the long haul.

[Chrome Barracuda]

well, you make valid points, you really do. However, I have a couple of things working against me right now:

 

1) The previous get-together was inhibited by mother nature's interference. This didn't mean I didn't have fun, but it wasn't the fun i was after...let's just say she was very generous, and I wouldn't mind returning the favor

 

2) She is going out of town for two weeks, leaving sunday night

 

3) I'm horny

 

 

...see how that works against me?

 

So now it comes down to figuring out the play...get some, or play the game to make this one interested in the long haul.

 

Dude, your getting divorced, if she wants a committed relationship sh'll tell you. and also if your horny why don't you do something about that. Your a free agent you can play the field. It's a catch 22. if the ex thinks your playing around you wont be with her. she'll think your crap. Or she doesnt want anything serious but wont tell you about it or just use you for emotional stability and conversation meanwhile banging guys from the block.

 

I mean there are so many scenarios... IT's up to you.

 

If I was dating I'd let her know I was and right now I'm not looking for anything serious. Your getting divorced for christ sakes.

 

And lupa are you finally gonna get some money and file the damn thing!

[lupa]

 

And lupa are you finally gonna get some money and file the damn thing!

We're talking the difference of thousands of dollars if I file vs if she files.

 

As for everything else, I think I want to go see the ex gf tonight for a bit, and very much lay out what I'm looking for -- some companionship, nice nights out, and some passionate lovin.

 

After a while we can see if there is a place to go...but for the short term, I think she'd be up for that, too.

[Billy Bob]

You could probably file everything for as little as $500.. The paperwork is usually available online.. My suggestion is to at least download the paperwork and start getting it all ready.

[lupa]

You could probably file everything for as little as $500.. The paperwork is usually available online.. My suggestion is to at least download the paperwork and start getting it all ready.

No, the actual filing isn't the problem, it is that if i am the one who takes the initiative, because she is unemployed, it will end up costing me more in the proceedings. So, i have to wait for her to file, but it looks like that ball is finally rolling.

 

 

on another note, i think the ex gf is coming over tomorrow night to my house. Should be fun. That's all i'm going to say about that.

 

 

 

...for whatever reason, i'm still really down, though, and can't shake this sad feeling. I wonder why that is.

[MrMayI]

lost love, broseph. it's going to **** with your mind for a while. i'm envious of the ex-girlfriend thing. i'm picking up what you're putting down, and that's just the type of visceral experience i think i'm in need of. cook her a nice steak, and drink a nice bourdeaux.

[tojaz]

...for whatever reason, i'm still really down, though, and can't shake this sad feeling. I wonder why that is.

 

I think your coming to terms with the finality of it all. The points that hit me the hardest were when she filed, when I was served, and then every signature there after was brutal. I still haven't gotten the letter yet, thats going to be the worst I think,

TOJAZ

[lupa]

yeah, every single piece of correspondence is going to be brutal starting now. since i posted before, the STBX sent me a list of our possessions we went over the other night. I haven't opened it yet, but that isn't the part that got me.

 

She signed the email with her full name, my last name. Why in the hell would she do that? It isn't an autosig, she did it to just f*ck with me, i think.

 

What in the holy f*ck is THAT all about? Why could she just put her first name and be done? What in the world is she trying to accomplish with that?

 

 

...why don't I just stop caring?

[tojaz]

yeah, every single piece of correspondence is going to be brutal starting now. since i posted before, the STBX sent me a list of our possessions we went over the other night. I haven't opened it yet, but that isn't the part that got me.

 

She signed the email with her full name, my last name. Why in the hell would she do that? It isn't an autosig, she did it to just f*ck with me, i think.

 

What in the holy f*ck is THAT all about? Why could she just put her first name and be done? What in the world is she trying to accomplish with that?

 

 

...why don't I just stop caring?

 

Shes trying to accomplish exactly what she did, hurting you. My wife did exactly the opposite, all her blogs and twitter accounts all have her maiden name again. She knew I'd look. The kicker is, one of them changed a freakin month before bombdrop! She was already divorced before she even bothered to tell me. Everything else was BS!

TOJAZ

[lupa]

Shes trying to accomplish exactly what she did, hurting you. My wife did exactly the opposite, all her blogs and twitter accounts all have her maiden name again. She knew I'd look. The kicker is, one of them changed a freakin month before bombdrop! She was already divorced before she even bothered to tell me. Everything else was BS!

TOJAZ

Oh that's cold, man. mine hasn't done that, but i'm sure she knows that it hurts me. i can't figure out why she wants to hurt me, I really can't. I can't figure out where my wife went, and where my life went.

 

This is like a bad freaking dream that just won't quit. Woof.

 

 

On the flipside, the ex gf is coming over tonight, kinda late. There really is no reason to drive 30 miles to hang out with someone at 9:30 or so unless you're thinkin...well...

 

That will be fun, she'll spend the night, I'll wake up tomorrow with someone next to me for the first time in months. That will be nice. I think she and i need to talk tonight -- nothing major, but I want to say something like,

 

"You and I have history, we have chemistry, we have passion, and we have desire. You said you've always cared for me, and I feel the same about you. My world is pretty upside down right now, and I'm not suggesting we go fast, nor am I suggesting that we go a particular way. I think I am suggesting that we spend some time together, talk, hang out, have crazy monkey sex, and just take our time...I don't know what that means, exactly, but we have time."

 

...or maybe I won't at all. i do want to emphasize that we have time.

[tojaz]

I don't know why they try to hurt us man, they sure as hell are good at ti though. The speech sounds good, though I'd probably leave out the Monkey sex bit. But you know her I don't.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

The crazy monkey sex is the best part!

 

 

...in all seriousness, I think i've had some of the best sex of my life with this woman, and this was 7 yrs ago.

[tojaz]

The crazy monkey sex is the best part!

 

I'm sure it is! if you want to keep getting it, I'd leave it out of the speech! LOL:laugh:

[lupa]

I'm sure it is! if you want to keep getting it, I'd leave it out of the speech! LOL:laugh:

It has already been discussed...

[Gunny376]

lupa!

Wake up and smell the coffee!

 

Your in serious re-bound WTFO country!

 

Your in serious "re-bound" mood country!

 

Come on Buddy! Snap out of it!! Get a grip! You've got to work with me here! You've got to pull out of the 'power dive" to Hell!

 

Straighten up and fly right!

 

You've got a MIG on your tail that's about to flame your @zz!

[tojaz]

lupa!

Wake up and smell the coffee!

 

Your in serious re-bound WTFO country!

 

Your in serious "re-bound" mood country!

 

Come on Buddy! Snap out of it!! Get a grip! You've got to work with me here! You've got to pull out of the 'power dive" to Hell!

 

Straighten up and fly right!

 

You've got a MIG on your tail that's about to flame your @zz!

 

He's right Oompa Lupa, I was trying to keep it subtle with all the take it slow, wise bull stuff, but I guess we just needed a Gunny's touch. Be careful bud! Your bull is going to trip and roll down that hill, and into a ravine! One woman is enough to send a mortal man into meltdown, your trying to figure out two at the same time, all the while your head is a bit cloudy yet I'd imagine. I'm not saying end anything, just repeat after me.

I AM THE WISE BULL!!!

I AM THE WISE BULL!!!

I AM THE WISE BULL!!!

I AM THE WISE BULL!!!

I AM THE WISE BULL!!!

Heres an avatar for you!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__or4kR49XP0/SRY7l4EQnGI/AAAAAAAAADE/JjFg85ElG0o/s400/illus_fri_wise_bull.jpg LOL

TOJAZ

[lupa]

I appreciate the concern, i really do, but I think I need people here to understand one thing...I found myself thinking about this woman periodically in my marriage. i never would have done anything (we've been over the oath part and whatnot), but this isn't like I'm running to the first girl I see on the street. It is more than that, which is great and terrible at the same time.

 

She spent the night, it was very nice. We did talk, too, but I never used the phrase "crazy monkey sex." There is going to be a lot of things that I have to sort out in my life, but the simple fact of the matter is that she's going out of town for two weeks starting today. Can't go blasting headlong into a relationship with someone who is 500 miles away.

 

There is no option but to take it slow. She and I talked about my situation with the divorce, too.

 

The great thing is the passion...and now I have a few years under my belt where I understand how passion can die. So, I'm sure there are lessons all over the place to be learned, and chances to execute.

 

I think I'm saying that i like this woman, I've liked her since I was 15 yrs old, and there really is no rush to make anything happen right now. Even if there was I would think it would be damned near impossible. The only thing we can do is get together periodically and have great sex.

[tojaz]

Serious question for the people watching this whole thing:

 

 

Am I rebounding, or am I rekindling an old flame? I found myself thinking about her while I was getting bored with my marriage, but I thought that is normal as the passion part dies down and the reality of living with someone takes hold. I let it go, didn't dwell.

 

Well, the marriage is done, and the passion is back...I don't know what I think.

 

Thoughts?

 

Now to figure out a way to keep going with the ex at a nice, steady, warm burn...no flameouts!!!

 

Alright, here goes -- y'all need to help me again (sheesh I'm a spazz):

 

Texted the ex, there is a museum thing going on tomorrow downtown, but it ends at 5. I can cut out early from a meeting, and skip the afternoon, pick her take her there.

 

No response all day long. Figured no biggie, called in teh evening, vmail. Left a quick message saying hey, let it go at that.

 

She called back about an hour later, I let it go to vmail..."Hey...don't know about tomorrow, kinda got a lot going on, not real sure if I'll be able to talk tonight, but give me a call."

 

Called back about 10 minutes later, fully expecting vmail, but she picked up. She said she had a lot of stuff going on, and I mentioned that it closed early, and she jumped in immediately with "Sure, let's do it, I don't think we'll be able to get together before I go out of town."

 

So, she was being cagey about not being able to talk, cagey about not being able to go, and then turned 180 and said ok.

 

Playing a game, no? Trying to stay aloof?

 

Now, she's not going out of town until monday morning, but is working late on the weekend...but simply put, she could be closer to the road she needs to be on by staying at my place sunday night. So, now, I have to decide if I play aloof-er or if I can find the right moment to suggest it. I think I should just let it slide, unless a moment of "intensity" happens, which given our past, very well may.

 

Take your time, nummy. TAKE YOUR TIME.

 

Now she texted that she has to cancel...I kinda saw this coming because she was flaking out last night.

 

I appreciate the concern, i really do, but I think I need people here to understand one thing...I found myself thinking about this woman periodically in my marriage.

 

The only thing we can do is get together periodically and have great sex.

 

Would someone not following your story believe these were about the same girl? The one thats just great sex? This ain't just sex bud, your lookin for a relationship! Analyzing phone calls, you asked yourself about the rebound effect! Your the only one that knows for sure what this is for you, but to me, reading these.

BOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!

 

I'm not saying it isn't real or even saying for sure what it is, just take it slow, your posts about her read at a mile a minute. but thats just my .02

TOJAZ

[lupa]

You, my friend, are 100% correct, and we both know that we are on the verge of a relationship. I don't, however, think she is rebound because we do have such a history.

 

But yeah, there is a certain feeling of inevitability about this, like we are going to end up together. I don't really have a problem with that, as I think I've wanted it for so long, I had just forgotten.

 

She and I talked about what was going on last night and this morning even, and we both agreed that I have a lot to sort out before a relationship starts. She even mentioned what I wrote here...that it is good we live 30 miles apart, her work schedule is weekends, we have a lot of hurdles in our way. That will keep us from falling into something quickly and easily. If we want something, we will need to work at it, and working will take time.

 

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

[tojaz]

You, my friend, are 100% correct, and we both know that we are on the verge of a relationship. I don't, however, think she is rebound because we do have such a history.

 

But yeah, there is a certain feeling of inevitability about this, like we are going to end up together. I don't really have a problem with that, as I think I've wanted it for so long, I had just forgotten.

 

She and I talked about what was going on last night and this morning even, and we both agreed that I have a lot to sort out before a relationship starts. She even mentioned what I wrote here...that it is good we live 30 miles apart, her work schedule is weekends, we have a lot of hurdles in our way. That will keep us from falling into something quickly and easily. If we want something, we will need to work at it, and working will take time.

 

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

 

Phew!! I was expecting to get torched after my last post!!

Now your sounding like a WISE OLE BULL!!

The rebound dosen't have anything to do with whats between you and her, that is what it is, sex, love, whatever. The rebound effect is between you and you! Trying to fill the void left by your wife, and what you've been missing, sex, intimacy, companionship. It's rebound, no doubt about it, but thats not all it is. It isn't empty, rebound CAN grow into something more if it's handled well, realizing the rebound effect is probably 90% of that.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

You make a valid point, but understand this...my wife and I haven't had this level of intimacy for quite some time, way before this all started. I can't say I'm replacing intimacy, and I really am not replacing companionship...we just physically can't be in the same place a lot right now.

 

I think what I am replacing is that feeling....the excitement, the passion. And I think that if we do this right, we can possibly keep it burning at a nice level.

 

The wise old bull will just take his time, and I keep telling myself, writing, thinking, etc, that if there is one thing I have now, it is time.

[tojaz]

You make a valid point, but understand this...my wife and I haven't had this level of intimacy for quite some time, way before this all started. I can't say I'm replacing intimacy, and I really am not replacing companionship...we just physically can't be in the same place a lot right now.

 

I think what I am replacing is that feeling....the excitement, the passion. And I think that if we do this right, we can possibly keep it burning at a nice level.

 

The wise old bull will just take his time, and I keep telling myself, writing, thinking, etc, that if there is one thing I have now, it is time.

 

I get you Lup, there was supposed to be an etc. after all that. The fact that shes Replacing anything makes it a rebound in some respect, but I agree, a rebound isn't doomed to fail if you treat it right. I just think your looking for how to do that now.

Tojaz

[lupa]

I think you're right. I want to do this the right way, I don't want to substitute her into place for what is gone...

 

They are such different people, though, that it would be tough to just swap one out for the other, so that is a good thing, too. God, this timing couldn't be any worse, but it is helping with my sanity.

 

Regardless of all this, I am still a spazz.