Apart and shaken

[lupa]

Is it possible we have all turned a corner at the same time?? I'm feeling good, Lis is feeling good, Lupas havin a ball with the ex, MayI's tearing up the new digs, hevent seen Ladybugs thread in a while. Even Delas cracking jokes and throwing smilies around. Did anyone else catch this is happening all at the same time?? I know were not at the end of the road, but did everyone have a moment of clarity or something? Arggg why does all the good stuff happen while I'm at work. Keep on keeping on guys, I'm gonna try to find some depressed people to help.

TOJAZ

Ha ha ha. I think what happened is that we are pulling strength and wisdom from each other. Knowing each other is there...knowing that people can make it, well that offers a solace that I can't put into words.

 

I'm so stoked that the ex/gf (I'm still wondering how to write that) is coming by today. I have a meeting with a vendor at like 1 or so, and I'm going to call it a day after that. The advantages of working at your own company...

 

...my abs will be tired tonight. Woo-hoo!

[delajoonal]

tojaz...thanks for the giggle this morning...

 

yep, i think you are so right..i think we have all turned some type of corner? not sure what how or why...but i am going to run with it for as long is it will let me!

[delajoonal]

p.s. lupa...more s-e-x talk...:bunny::bunny:.....its been SOOOOO long...lol

 

ok...well...have fun...for ALL of us who aren't there yet:lmao:

 

p.s.s. ab muscles???? hmmm...now you have me thinking of HOW that would happen..LOL....i always thought it was the glute muscles..

.tee hee:love:

[lupa]

p.s. lupa...more s-e-x talk...:bunny::bunny:.....its been SOOOOO long...lol

 

ok...well...have fun...for ALL of us who aren't there yet:lmao:

 

p.s.s. ab muscles???? hmmm...now you have me thinking of HOW that would happen..LOL....i always thought it was the glute muscles..

.tee hee:love:

Just the glutes? My friend, this is a full-body affair...have to stretch out the calf muscles before we get going...lol.

 

 

all joking aside, the wife and I had a long chat last night about $$ and lawyers and such, and she keeps making me into this monster. I'll say something, her voice will raise a couple of levels and she'll say, "I don't know why you need to get mad!"

 

"I'm sorry it feels like that, it is not my intention to fight you. I'm not mad at all. Here, I'll change rooms, and we'll leave that fight behind us in the den. Back to what I was trying to say..."

 

She just has to make me the bad guy now, and last night it was sad, in the pathetic kind of way. Finally, after this happening so many times, I said, "Seriously? What did I ever do to you to make you this mad at me? I'm sorry for whatever it was. I'm a good guy, not your enemy."

 

"I don't want to talk about this now."

 

"Ok, we don't have to talk about US or anything, but why are you so pissed at me? What did I do?"

 

"I JUST SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS NOW AND LOOK? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW??!"

 

"Ok, ok, fine. Done and done." then I moved on.

 

I don't think I did anything, and that is the dumb thing. Go on, kill it. Good call there...the only thing in your life that could ahve been stable...just put a knife right in it.

 

I think she can sense my attitude change and it is disconcerting. The only thing I'm even remotely fighting about now is to not get hosed on the divorce deal. Her lawyer said she should get spousal support...I told her flat out, "I will contest that and fight it tooth and nail. You're not getting spousal support from me. I'm sorry, that just isn't fair, given how much you make in unemployment a month. ****, I should be getting money from YOU."

 

This is all real fun.

[delajoonal]

lupa..I said, "Seriously? What did I ever do to you to make you this mad at me? I'm sorry for whatever it was. I'm a good guy, not your enemy."

 

OMG! THAT is the EXACT same thing i say to my H ALL the time...

 

i don't get it either lupa..i so f***ing don't get it!

 

what the hell are they so mad at...LOL..i mean THEY are the ones that cheated and left..right..LOL...wtf?

 

can you tell by all the swearing THIS is a huge issue with me?:mad::mad:

 

just a few days ago, my H said on the phone to me,

".....i am so angry....blah,,"...i stopped him and said,

ya, i know ( i have NO idea why and didn't ask), but i said

to him,

 

" i can't fix that for you. you have to find peace with YOUR anger before you can find closure and MOVE ON with YOUR life."

 

he wa so dumb founded he just sat there, i thought he hung up on me..LOL

 

and get this, after that statement, he wanted to chat it up with me..LOL

weird, like we were still married and just shoot the s***....

 

anyway...i think what it is, from what i have read..

 

THEY are angry..very mad actually..BUT AT THEMSELVES!

 

they have no idea why either...they know they are messed up, they have destroyed families, and more...

 

they can't get past their selfish behavior and ways, long enough to see they are really mad at themselves.

 

its too early for my brain to go into articulate mode..LOL

 

but i can elaborate later..

 

or maybe someone else knows what i am saying and they can add to this issue????

[lupa]

Oh my f*cking god she filed for spousal support. I got the papers at work and at my house yesterday.

 

The woman makes $2000 a month in unemployment, and is now coming after more cash! She lives with her parents, and has a car payment, a student loan payment, AND NOTHING ELSE.

 

F*ck this the gloves are off. The locks are going to be changed, her sh*t is going in garbage bags and will be piled in the garage, where I will periodically kick it as I walk by. What a load of f*cking bullsh*t. She makes more money than some of our friends!

 

...reminds me of a song.

 

And I see your truuuuue colors, shining through

And I see your truuuuuuuuuuueee colors.

 

Except that is a good reason to not f*cking love her.

 

 

 

 

 

And a positive note, I had great sex yesterday and this morning, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

[MrMayI]

Oh my f*cking god she filed for spousal support. I got the papers at work and at my house yesterday.

 

The woman makes $2000 a month in unemployment, and is now coming after more cash! She lives with her parents, and has a car payment, a student loan payment, AND NOTHING ELSE.

 

F*ck this the gloves are off. The locks are going to be changed, her sh*t is going in garbage bags and will be piled in the garage, where I will periodically kick it as I walk by. What a load of f*cking bullsh*t. She makes more money than some of our friends!

 

...reminds me of a song.

 

And I see your truuuuue colors, shining through

And I see your truuuuuuuuuuueee colors.

 

Except that is a good reason to not f*cking love her.

 

 

 

 

 

And a positive note, I had great sex yesterday and this morning, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

 

damn! get a lawyer that will eat that **** up. she walked out. i don't know the rules there. here, they get none of that. child support only. so, did they just mail you the papers to look at, or did you actually get served with them? **** putting her stuff in the garage. put it on the curb and text her when you do.

[lupa]

damn! get a lawyer that will eat that **** up. she walked out. i don't know the rules there. here, they get none of that. child support only. so, did they just mail you the papers to look at, or did you actually get served with them? **** putting her stuff in the garage. put it on the curb and text her when you do.

I just did a calculation based on some assumptions, and they are going to award her $700 a month or so additional from me.

 

F*cking c*nt.

 

Sorry about the language, ladies, but this is absurd.

[Auroracoladybug]

don't apologize some women earn the title...

[lupa]

There is nothing a lawyer can do to stop this process right now. The only thing I have going for me is it looks like the papers were filled out by a one-eyed retarded monkey who couldn't find his glasses. Her residence city is right, but she put it in the wrong county? And she claimed $0 in govt assistance, which is BS she's getting $2K a month!

 

This is so stupid, I now have to pay some douchebag lawyer to divide up assets that we don't really even have. What a f*cking stupid person she turned out to be. I kept trying to explain that if we did it without lawyers we'd be better off because we're just paying them to do absolutely dick, but since divorce law is so slanted in the woman's favor, I might as well just start stretching my hamstrings now so I don't pull a muscle when I get bent over.

 

Divorce law makes sense when the woman is a homemaker who gave up any hope of a career to raise the family. I don't see how that is applicable to me, however, as we don't have children and she sat on her fat ass for 7 months eating Mrs Field's frozen fishsticks.

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

[MrMayI]

I just did a calculation based on some assumptions, and they are going to award her $700 a month or so additional from me.

 

F*cking c*nt.

 

Sorry about the language, ladies, but this is absurd.

 

what a crock of ****.

[LisaUk]

Lupa

I don't know how Family law works there, but I would imagine it's similar to here. If she has not declared that she is claiming goverment benefits then I would think the forms would be classed as fraudulent. See a lawyer.

In addition, here a women is only entilted to 50% of assets, unless there are children. There is no such thing as spousal support, EVEN if you have kids! In the case of children, the house is awarded to whoever will be raising them, man or women and child support is paid by the spouse who does not have custody, man or women. That is all, no money for the spouse themself to live on. I find it hard to believe that the law id so different there? If the partners are not married, each gets what they put in and 50% of equity and shared assets only if it is a joint morgage, even if there are children, which IMO is appalling! (It is currently being changed, hopefully, in The House of Lords).

See a GOOD FAMILY LAWYER and find out EXACTLY what the law is and your rights.

[lupa]

Lupa

I don't know how Family law works there, but I would imagine it's similar to here. If she has not declared that she is claiming goverment benefits then I would think the forms would be classed as fraudulent. See a lawyer.

In addition, here a women is only entilted to 50% of assets, unless there are children. There is no such thing as spousal support, EVEN if you have kids! In the case of children, the house is awarded to whoever will be raising them, man or women and child support is paid by the spouse who does not have custody, man or women. That is all, no money for the spouse themself to live on. I find it hard to believe that the law id so different there? If the partners are not married, each gets what they put in and 50% of equity and shared assets only if it is a joint morgage, even if there are children, which IMO is appalling! (It is currently being changed, hopefully, in The House of Lords).

See a GOOD FAMILY LAWYER and find out EXACTLY what the law is and your rights.

I have a good lawyer, and now it is going to cost me $$$$$$ for him to save me $$$. Instead of her proposing an amount to me and us debating it, she filed legal paperwork which forces my hand.

 

I am truly astounded.

[LisaUk]

I have a good lawyer, and now it is going to cost me $$$$$$ for him to save me $$$. Instead of her proposing an amount to me and us debating it, she filed legal paperwork which forces my hand.

 

I am truly astounded.

 

I know what you mean! It should be £25 at most for your lawyer to write a letter to her lawyer saying the papers are filled incorrectly and are void. I would imgine that's all that's needed as you say she is claiming unemployment so she's not entitled to spousal support? She can't re-file the papers, they mean nothing when filled out correctly? Or do I have this all wrong?

[lupa]

I know what you mean! It should be £25 at most for your lawyer to write a letter to her lawyer saying the papers are filled incorrectly and are void. I would imgine that's all that's needed as you say she is claiming unemployment so she's not entitled to spousal support? She can't re-file the papers, they mean nothing when filled out correctly? Or do I have this all wrong?

Well, it isnt' even that. My lawyer's retainer is $2000. In the end, he will probably only end up saving me, at most, like $5000, regardless of the spousal support argument. I just didn't want to have to do it this way, I thought we could work it out.

 

I'm so mad right now I'm probably going to end up doing something stupid, like killing her. Nah, I won't do that, I want her to understand, though, how little I think of her as a person, and how much of a little brat I think she is.

 

I need to get my head and my ass screwed back together, and operate completely sans emotion.

 

Ok, I'll make a promise to you people here -- I will not react at all emotionally when I talk to her on the phone later. I will simply ask her how much money she wants for this to be over.

 

I want a dollar amount, and then I will find a way to supply it. I'll have my lawyer draft up paperwork that completely terminates all obligations upon receipt of that money, and then I'll give it to her.

 

Done and freaking done.

 

What a brat. Has $2000 in free money coming, and wants more.

 

She makes almost $10000 a year more than someone on minimum wage, and then they would have to pay taxes on top of it, and she doesn't! She needs more??? REALLY????

 

I need to get off the title to the Lexus ASAP and make her sell it.

[Gunny376]

1. Calm down

 

2. Stop and think?

 

3. Could be something else she's after ~ i.e. "Shooting for the moon and later willing to settle for low orbit?'

[phineas]

isn't is amazing how you spent all that time with her the other day & her spousal support filing just slipped her mind?

 

These are the things worrying me right now.

I guess the only upside for me is that I am not considered well off financially.

 

I have a decent job, but after mortgage, home equity loan, taxes & utilities I am not spending my money on things I don't need right now so i'm hoping there isn't much she could get from me should she try to get money.

 

so far according to my lawyer she wants nothing from me. She can change that of course.

 

Lupa - mine would start screaming at me when I would pin her down over the phone trying to get the truth about her cheating out of her.

I wasn't even rasing my voice.

She would accuse me of yelling at her when I know I wasn't.

[lupa]

isn't is amazing how you spent all that time with her the other day & her spousal support filing just slipped her mind?

 

These are the things worrying me right now.

I guess the only upside for me is that I am not considered well off financially.

 

I have a decent job, but after mortgage, home equity loan, taxes & utilities I am not spending my money on things I don't need right now so i'm hoping there isn't much she could get from me should she try to get money.

 

so far according to my lawyer she wants nothing from me. She can change that of course.

 

Lupa - mine would start screaming at me when I would pin her down over the phone trying to get the truth about her cheating out of her.

I wasn't even rasing my voice.

She would accuse me of yelling at her when I know I wasn't.

They need to hate us so they don't hate themselves.

[Chrome Barracuda]

it's time for you o end this lupa...so you can fully move on with your life.She's always gonna suck on you until she bleeds you dry because she's still legally attached. End it so financially you wont be responsible anymore. Dont leave her with any breathing room, she can support herself!

[lupa]

I'm back to square one with this -- if I end it, it costs me more. If I wait for her, it costs me less.

 

If I do it without lawyers involved, it costs me even less.

 

I made a counter-proposal to her today in lieu of spousal support, and she seemed interested. It would save me $250 a month. I know what would be awarded in PA, and it doesn't look good to me, so I think this will work, and I won't have to pay my lawyer's retainer.

 

If she sits on it, though, gloves come off and I go down swinging.

 

What garbage.

[MrMayI]

lupa, don't mean to threadjack, but this is probably the appropriate place to post this.

 

there is this girl i know from high school. total knockout. i kissed her once, and she told me it was the best kiss she ever had. that was some 17 or 18 years ago. well, last night she goes into a bar a friend of mine works at, and during the night kept asking him sporadic questions about me from the past few years. end of the night, he fesses up and tells her i'm in the middle of a separation/divorce, and she gives him her number to pass on to me. man, this could be really exciting.

[SRV]

In my opinion, I think you would be better off just ending it now. It might "cost" you more now, but you will end up "saving"-(menatlly, financially), a lot more in the long run.

 

You are lucky that you do not have children together. A lot of people would die for this kind of scenario that you're in.

 

She has deceived you in the past, filed for spousal support behind your back, what makes you think she will keep her end of the bargain when it comes to any agreement between you and her?

[lupa]

lupa, don't mean to threadjack, but this is probably the appropriate place to post this.

 

there is this girl i know from high school. total knockout. i kissed her once, and she told me it was the best kiss she ever had. that was some 17 or 18 years ago. well, last night she goes into a bar a friend of mine works at, and during the night kept asking him sporadic questions about me from the past few years. end of the night, he fesses up and tells her i'm in the middle of a separation/divorce, and she gives him her number to pass on to me. man, this could be really exciting.

Oh that is f*cking AWESOME. Congratulations.

 

Take it slow (or so I've been told...lol).

 

Actually, go blasting full steam ahead, brother! Have fun with it. This thing with my ex is completely saving my sanity.

 

In my opinion, I think you would be better off just ending it now. It might "cost" you more now, but you will end up "saving"-(menatlly, financially), a lot more in the long run.

 

You are lucky that you do not have children together. A lot of people would die for this kind of scenario that you're in.

 

She has deceived you in the past, filed for spousal support behind your back, what makes you think she will keep her end of the bargain when it comes to any agreement between you and her?

I would make sure it was set up in the appropriate way...probably down to having it notarized. Her lawyer would have to sign off on it anyway, and I'd run it past our corporate attorney, avoiding my divorce attorney for the time being. I think I'm going to ahve to include him anyway, though. That just burns me up...I hate that I have to pay him to pay her to get me out of this f*cking disaster of a marriage.

 

What a b*tch.

[LisaUk]

Lup's

 

You may hate the fact that you have to pay a lawyer, but I tell you, your lawyer could turn out to be your best friend in all this. Mine was!

[tojaz]

Lup

just got caught up. What a bunch of BS!!

Fight it! When mine came down, I agreed with her terms, because i thought it was fair and at the time, thought she deserved it. When the final paperwork came down, EVERY FREAKIN NUMBER!! had changed from what i had. Another 3 grand, lost my health insurance, shorter time frame to refi, everything. Any agreement you both write up, you might as well go and wipe with it. It's too easy to change.

 

Not declaring the state aid on her declaration is fraud (Thats the first line on mine) a simple letter from an attorney will blow that out of the water.

TOJAZ