Apart and shaken

[lupa]

Man, it seems so much easier without kids involved. I'm really having a hard time with the kids involved, if they weren't involved, I'd surely be out dating by now! I've had several guys ask me out on a date just since I had my daughter 4 weeks ago...and these guys are just guys I've known from high school or college, I haven't even had a chance to go out and meet anyone new. But, I don't want to go out with any of them, I still feel as though I would be betraying my childen by having a relationship with someone other than their father. I'm not really quite sure how to get around that feeling bc, i have no other choice...my husband put us in this situation, it's his betrayal, not mine! I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THE DAY I AM SICKENINGLY HAPPY AGAIN! I was once at that point with my husband...

 

So happy for you Lupa, I wish I was in your shoes! Not to mention...it's been since April since I've had sex.........poor me! I haven't got more than probably 2 weeks since I was 15 years old...my husband and I had amazing sex!!!

I was talking to an associate who was going through a divorce with children involved, and this subject was touched upon. Basically he said dating with children is possible, but everything just moves so much more slowly. Basically the timeline of dating is just stretched out, because whereas in my situation the girlfriend and I are together every night, with children it is more like once or twice a week.

 

Again, though, my situation is a bit unique because of our history, but still, it is possible. Just slower.

 

Anyway...I have no doubt you'll be pulling some ass in the near future, broken.

[WTFO]

But, I don't want to go out with any of them, I still feel as though I would be betraying my childen by having a relationship with someone other than their father.

 

..it's been since April since I've had sex.........poor me!

 

 

Nah,..for me it helps to go on dates and try to bond with someone other than my stbxw. I see it as a challenge now,almost like a interview for a job..weird? Yes,the kids want mommy and daddy back together, however she had other plans,and I'm trying to find someone cooler,smarter,hotter,funnier than that lier of a stbxw. Oh and same here,last sex was in Apr.

[Gunny376]

Hate to be the one to rain on your parade Lupa, but the divorce rate for couples that lived together prior to marriage? 90%

 

You would actually (statsitcally speaking) be better off just living together and never getting married.

 

Its the 'Bell Curve Effect" in which couples that have been together less than two years have the same divorce rate as couples that have been together prior to marriage six to seven years or more ~ 90%.

 

The ideal number of years is two and half to three years prior to marriage.

 

Given you and the GF's track record though? I would say all bets are off. The two of you are off the charts.

 

I mention this in that I would hope that you and she are "communicating" about this and what I mentioned to you about her profession. (For the general public this was communicated in a PM ~ nothing bad ~ just a high tempo ~ high stress profession) which would seem to be even-kneeled given she only works weekends.

 

The GF sounds like a 'keeper' to me, someone who's got her priorties and head together. Someone who compliments you (as in Sugar and Cream go together).

 

Someone who makes you a better "You" and her a better "her"

 

But in the words of the late great Richard Pryor:

 

"If you @zz finds a good woman? True Love? Don't F**k it up!"

[PWSX3]

I agree with Gunny.........

 

When I sold our place & was looking for some place to rent the subject of me & my G/F moving in together came up & it sounded so good. We get along very well, we do a lot together and we could have rented a REALLY nice house for what both of us are paying, but my Christian counselor told me the same thing Gunny is saying & we really want this relationship to work so we didn't move in.

 

That was a couple of months ago & now I am glad. We have had a couple things come up to test our relationship & it is nice to be able to go home to my own place & think it out.

 

My situation might be different because I never lived on my own. Lived with my folks until I got married so it's been nice having my own place, having to see if I can keep it clean like I always wanted the former W to keep it clean.

 

You can still spend time with the G/F, Friday nights is our night and now it's even Saturday nights once in a while. I just want to do what I can to make this new relationship work because I feel this girl is one I would like to spend many more years with. Just my .02 worth.....

[lupa]

Cleaning out drawers and stuff in the bedroom...I found all the travel documents from my honeymoon, notes that I had left her over the years, the box her engagement ring came in...

 

I came to a conclusion -- the last year my have been rough, and I may not have paid her all the attention I could have, but for chrissake I'm not the one who screwed this up.

 

Also, I went to a birthday party for a friend last night, and a couple of folks that are "her" friends were there, including one girl who was in our wedding. I basically was cordial but didn't say much. I'm sure there is a lot of talk going on today about the girlfriend and I. I was stressed out, and probably should have told the girlfriend about why sooner, before people came in and it got a little...weird, but I was going to just handle it on my own. Except that I wasn't too successful...lol. I think she forgave me.

 

Anyway...just wanted to get that out, I'm having a tough time cleaning, and you guys seem to help me feel better.

 

Thanks for listening.

[delajoonal]

hey lupa...my friend!

 

i am sorry you are going thru this cleaning out phase..its sucky...and believe me, it doesn't hurt any less if someone is there to help...as a matter of fact, another person, friend or family, will only make you/me more irriatated, by saying throw that away, oh get rid of it...etc....ack!

so NOT what you need to hear right now..

 

sometimes we just NEED to go thru the pain and torture ourselves...i know it sounds weird...but we do it.

 

also, i think that party last night brought back some feelings and memories and made you uncomfortable and well, i am sure the gf felt it...

 

but if she loves you..she KNOWS what is going on..she will have to be strong and stick it out..the good the bad and the parties with wifes old friends...

 

i went thru my H' s stuff several times, when he moved out...3 x..LOL..and after and then again, when i moved from OUR family home..

 

since i have moved i cannot bring myself to do what you are doing..

 

although i am in a space right now, where H makes me sick! ewwww!

 

i don't want any of thos memories clouding my judgement and emotions before our court date next month.

 

i am even debating on selling my engagment ring..which i wanted to save for my first grandaughter....but after all my H has done to me this year...ack!

it no longer has any good meaning to it...

 

funny, i can remember like yesterday, the very moment my H got down on bended knee and opened the box with my dream ring in it and asked me to marry him...all the years in between have vanished...i only remember that first year and this year...

 

what do you suppose that means?

 

well, i am NOT sure if i was any help lupa..LOL..but maybe distracted you for at least a moment from your current mind set and activities of cleaning HER stuff out:o

 

plus i have been up all night fighting on the phone with my H..ack!

 

i need sleep...lol

 

u will be ok lupa...it will all be ok;)

[Auroracoladybug]

Hey LUPA I miss you!!! We all need a cleaning crew LOL...I have so much crap that I actually tell people my house needs to purge!

[lupa]

Update!

 

Hey guys, I hope all is well with people here. I know I've been AWOL (sorry, Gunny ), but i've been very busy over the last few weeks...I had been checking in periodically, but kinda slid a little recently.

 

So, here's the story:

 

My wife is basically insane now. I'm not joking, she actually put that she wanted the "lightbulbs in the hall closet" on the separation agreement. That is only one of many incredibly amusing things she is doing now. I had to write her the first of two five-figure checks to settle our property, in addition to splitting possessions in the house -- also, she was pissed that I only gave her one of the two iced tea pitchers, she really, really needs both -- and I got a text message this past week: "your check bounced."

 

To make a very long story that involves me panicking thinking tens of thousands of dollars went missing from my bank account short, what really happened is that she has no credit, and when that check came in, her bank put a hold on it...but she was writing checks she couldn't cover until the funds were released. So, she blamed it on me...of course. After checking with my bank, I responded that it was out of my hands, and lo and behold, I haven't heard anything since.

 

So, a couple weeks ago I rented a PODS storage container, put it in my driveway. I went through everything on "The List" that was hers, and packed it full. Yes, the largest container they offer which is designed for a 4 bedroom house was FULL with only HALF the stuff from my house. I discovered she had a shopping addiction. I take full responsibility for not paying closer attention to what was going on, because I probably would have put the pieces together and figured out that she was depressed along the way, but I work hard, and quite frankly, I'm not into playing games. If you're unhappy with me, just tell me, and I'll work on it...but I digress. So, I missed a couple things along the way when packing the container, and quite frankly it was filled to the brim anyway.

 

As an interesting side note, three of HER friends were the ones that helped my move the stuff out of my house inthe PODS, and none of them will talk to her now. She was friends with one from elementary school and the other two from high school. Mom, Dad, and the girlfriend (more on that in a bit) also helped.

 

She went through her lawyer to my lawyer to complain that I didn't include what I wrote above, a "Slap Chop" dealie from the kitchen, and no sh*t, a small white shelf THAT WAS SCREWED INTO THE WALL IN THE BATHROOM. Yes, you heard me, she wanted a shelf. Made a big deal, threatened to have the police allow her into the house (her fat ass is not welcome in my domicile ever again)...OVER A $12 IKEA SHELF.

 

Fine. Whatever, I want her out of my life. I went through the house, collected the things, put them also into the PODS container (that she had emptied out). I told her, I'm going to be gone for the week for Thanksgiving, come by, get the last of the stuff, and sign a couple sets of papers, please.

 

I got back from my trip over the weekend, and you'll never guess what...she didn't taking a single thing out of the PODS. No kidding. Made a big, fat, hairy deal about not getting all her "personal property" (her words, not mine), and then didn't come to pick it up. The PODS rental is up in like two days, mind you, and they just take whatever is in there and throw it away.

 

The woman that was my wife died on April 18th, 2009, and was replaced with this...thing. Too bad, too, because we had a decent thing going that could have been incredible.

 

I'll send an email to her lawyer explaining the PODS situation.

 

 

Now, the good side of things: I'm in love with a passion I have not known in years. Actually, I never really had this level of passion for my wife...I loved her, I cared, I vowed to take care of her and be there for her...but I never felt this raw passion. It is amazing, and it is the same passion I had the last time this woman and I dated. We are older, much more responsible people, and this is the real deal.

 

She is moving her clothing into my house this week, and then we'll be moving her furniture in over the next couple of weeks. I understand I am fresh out of one relationship, going headlong into another, but really, we've been dating since July intensely, and have known each other forever...y'all know the story. Simply put, we are both 31, it makes sense from a financial perspective, and really, we are in love.

 

This woman is so freaking awesome: she works weekend shift at the hospital, 12 hour days. That's it. So, she is getting bored during the week, and decides to pick up another job. That is spectacular. The job is for three months, it is really hectic doing all this, but she's going to earn quite a pretty penny over this time. Remember, you're reading a post by a guy whose wife was on unemployment for 11 months (I think she finally got a job, but I really don't care to find out now) and during that time she snapped.

 

I truly respect everything about this woman. I want to be with her, she wants to be with me, and I have no hesitation about starting a family with her...don't worry, I don't mean this week. I mean in the long term.

 

So, the trip for Thanksgiving was with my folks, my sister and her husband, my cousin, his wife, and their children, and the girlfriend. We all went to Hilton Head Island, stayed at a phenomenal beach house for five days. Weather sucked, rain for two days and then sunny and cold, but we still had a blast. My family loves this girl, she says she really enjoys spending time with them, it was a great thing. She had only been to a driving range once in her life, and decided she wanted to try golf. Played 18 holes, and actually hit some good shots for about 9 before she got tired. My dad and I said she could take a break, and her response just makes me like her that much more: "We paid for 18 holes, i'm finishing this round!" She'd keep hitting, she kept up with the group, and when she felt she was holding us up, she just picked up her ball and moved on.

 

Awesome.

 

We rode bikes, we played volleyball. We drank cocktails and went out to nice dinners. We laid on the beach on a blanket in each others' arms. Yes, it was that cheesy, and I loved every second of it.

 

My divorce will be final in Feb, right around Valentine's Day...fitting, because my first date with my wife was...Valentine's Day. Sweet.

 

I plan on living with the girlfriend for about 6 months or so before proposing, and maybe marriage a year after that. I figure that's a good timeline, but i'm really not thinking that far out yet. I'm definitely looking short term, like just living together for a while.

 

I feel like I just wrote a novel, and if you guys are at all interested in this, write back, pm, whatever. I can update further if you like, but I wanted to get the main things down.

 

A word of advice for the newbies here that are hurting, lost, distraught, confused:

 

You will get better. It takes time, there is no doubt about that. Everyone's timeline is their own, and nobody can make the pain go away quickly...I still get very angry at my wife, but I no longer cry. I haven't cried in months, I'm stronger now, and actually, i'm becoming the old me again. Friends, family, etc, have all said it.

 

You will get your life back, you will get your SELF back, you will feel better.

 

Take care,

lupa

[broken hearted]

Oh Lupa, I'm so so so so happy for you!!! It sounds like things couldn't possibly be going better for you and I am soooo jealous! I'm still nowhere near ready to date but am looking forward to finding love like you've found in your girlfriend. I'm glad you had such a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you have a great Christmas as well.

 

I'm so happy for you, you really deserve this!!

[lupa]

Oh Lupa, I'm so so so so happy for you!!! It sounds like things couldn't possibly be going better for you and I am soooo jealous! I'm still nowhere near ready to date but am looking forward to finding love like you've found in your girlfriend. I'm glad you had such a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you have a great Christmas as well.

 

I'm so happy for you, you really deserve this!!

Nice to hear from you, bh. I was thinking about folks the other day and decided I'd check back in. You doin ok?

 

This place really helped me, and I want to thank everyone here. Granted I got lucky by running into this woman out of the blue, but you know what? I think it can happen for everyone. The best piece of advice was to get back out there and just do things. Eventually you start to enjoy it again, and you might stumble on something great...

[nobmagnet]

your story is incedible. Yes it does give me hope. thank you very much for sharing it

 

x

[broken hearted]

Well Lupa, I was doing better until my stbx was seen in the OW's car the other night, confirming that they are still in fact seeing eachother. He actually had the nerve to tell me that they have not been seeing eachother this whole time and that he just started seeing her again but is not sleeping with her. DOES HE THINK I'M A F***ING IDIOT???

 

I was beginning to do much better and beginning to accept all of this but the news of him still seeing her and the fact that he's still been disrespecting me by lying about it has sent me 100 steps back....when will I ever wake up from this nightmare?

 

I've got lots of ppl trying to set me up with other people but I'm just not ready. Unfortunately I still want to be with my husband and be a family bc I can accept responsibility for my part in this and how I did push him away. And, to be honest, I can't be certain that if my stbx treated me the way I treated him that I wouldn't have run to someone else for comfort and attention (I wouldn't have slept with them and I certainly would have communicated with my H before but...). Tojaz keeps yelling at me for blaming myself but, I can see it now.

 

I did go out for the first time the other night and of course, my stbx showed up at the same bar bc he knew I was going to be there. I'm sure he was checking on me. When I saw him walk in, I headed straight to the bar to numb myself so I didn't have to deal with it...stupid, I know! I ended up getting wasted and calling my stbx at 3 am and I have NO IDEA what I said to him.

 

So, needless to say, I'm still struggling daily!

[Gunny376]

Sounds like a "Go For Launch" to me Lupa!" Glad to hear your doing so well.

 

I gave the XHEX everything (for the benefit of the children) from a twelve year marriage, except a wooden hamper, a magazine rack made from a wooden Coke crate, an artificial fern, and the music, ~ and she was PO because of it.

[2.50 a gallon]

lupa

 

I had been wondering how you were doing. It sounds as if the STBWX has gotten herself an advance copy of the Gold Diggers Blue Book.

It is nice to read a success story once and awhile

Alas the Steelers, damn injuries

 

Gallon

Edited November 30, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon

[lupa]

Sounds like a "Go For Launch" to me Lupa!" Glad to hear your doing so well.

Well, I woke up one day and said "OOO-RAAHHH," thought of you, and said "I've had enough feeling sorry for myself." I decided to put one foot in front of the other.

 

I do think of the advice given here quite often...

 

lupa

 

I had been wondering how you were doing. It sounds as if the STBWX has gotten herself an advance copy of the Gold Diggers Blue Book.

It is nice to read a success story once and awhile

Alas the Steelers, damn injuries

 

Gallon

People are coming out of the woodwork saying how much they never liked her, and I keep responding, "Where were you years ago?"

 

"Would you really have listened?"

 

I guess I wouldn't have, I don't know. Maybe I would have...I just think that she is unhappy with herself, and therefore nothing is ever good enough for her, because she is trying to fill that void from the outside, not from within.

 

I do have to say this -- even though it is, in my opinion, poorly written, Homer McDonald's book "Stop Your Divorce" offers really good advice and understanding teh difference between your WANTS and your NEEDS.

 

It truly put things into perspective for me, and when I'd get all worked up over something, i'd realize it wasn't worth getting worked up over.

 

You don't NEED that other person to survive. You WANT them. Guess what, there most certainly are others that are better for you anyway. You don't NEED the comfort of a relationship you know and understand, or are at least used to, you WANT it.

 

Your NEEDS are most certainly met if you have the ability to post here (ie, you are not homeless and starving). Everything else is a WANT, and WANTS are the root of all suffering.

 

Them Buddhists is smart!

[TimH]

I'm not trying to hi jack this thread but just wanted to ask a question that this thread made me think of.When you guys say it takes a lot of time and work before we dumpees are ready to move on with someone new,how does it then work for the dumpers? I mean the dumpers usually either have someone they are cheating with before leaving their current relationship or very quickly have someone new right after leaving. You know just the opposite of the advice of going slowly with a new person. For those of you who have been seperated or divorced for quite a while,are your X's still with the same person they cheated on you with or a new person they met very soon afterwards?

 

Thanks!

[lupa]

I'm not trying to hi jack this thread but just wanted to ask a question that this thread made me think of.When you guys say it takes a lot of time and work before we dumpees are ready to move on with someone new,how does it then work for the dumpers? I mean the dumpers usually either have someone they are cheating with before leaving their current relationship or very quickly have someone new right after leaving. You know just the opposite of the advice of going slowly with a new person. For those of you who have been seperated or divorced for quite a while,are your X's still with the same person they cheated on you with or a new person they met very soon afterwards?

 

Thanks!

Well, since there is still no proof that my wife cheated, and really no evidence of it...I may not be the best one to comment. However, I can say this unequivocally:

 

If the cheater/person who walks does not take the time to introspect, grow, get better as a person, they most certainly will not break out of the pattern of behavior that got them to this point.

 

I know for a fact my wife is following the same pattern that got her to where she is today. When I was cleaning out the attic, I found a stack of old journals, etc, from when she was engaged right out of college...well, she wrote in there the exact same things she was accusing me of along the way. Now, I proffer a question to the group -- do you think she managed to find the EXACT SAME person twice, or do you think the problem was within?

 

This is pretty straightforward, and it is that if they do not take this time to undergo their own personal metamorphosis like those that get cheated on/left, then they never actually "recover." I am a different person today than I was those short months ago, and I know for a fact she is not.

[LisaUk]

Hey Lupa!

 

So good to hear you are doing well, I think about you a lot, wondering how you are getting on. I'm so pleased to hear you are doing so well. You deserve all the happiness in the world, so keep ceasing it with both hands.

 

Lisa

[TimH]

LOL, yeah I think the first month I was sulking about. I punched holes in the walls. I called her up just to be ignored. I texted her, no response. I thought about how great she was and how much I neglected her and ignored her. I was so transfixed on my own situation, my own life, my own needs and wants. I wanted to blame her and be angry with her, but I realized I was to blame. I was cheating on her with my own behavior.

 

Oh that was a good time.

 

That's why I made the commitment to be a better person, and perhaps why my reconciliation happened. It wasn't about her, but about me. So I had a chance at the start. I just had to limit myself from being an idiot. I worked hard to be myself, the guy she once felt an irresistable attraction to.

 

Some of the guys on here, want to blame their spouse for what happened without looking to how they contributed to the situation.

 

Whatever works. I just can not be that jaded and egotistical. No one is perfect, but most importantly we are not perfect. It is so easy to blame our actions on others, to blame our pain and suffering on others. That's a worthless endeavor.

 

Be better for your own self. Explore your world and your life. Screw what she's doing. That's worthless behavior that just generates self loathing, pain, guilt, etc.

 

Who gives a rats ass who she is banging, talking to, hanging out with? LOL, the less you care, the more impact you have on both of your lives. Get over it man.

 

Sorry TIY,but I have to disagree with you on the part about both parties being responsible for one leaving,cheating or walking out.I mean sure we all make mistakes in our marriages but all of those mistakes are par the course in any marriage.What I'm saying is with the exception of us dumpees cheating,being abusive,intentionally trying to sabotage the marriage etc. the party leaving is at fault and further like so many here have said,are only thinking of themselves.Me,me & me.Something changes inside of these people which results in them wrecking the marriage,blaming the other,not even so much as lifting a finger to save the marriage,no MC,nothing.I'm not talking about the dumper who is leaving cause the dumpee forced it.99% of the dumpees here were and are great providers,lovers,givers etc but it still doesn't matter.These are people who REALLY DID mean "I DO" for life.

[tojaz]

Congrats on the new life Lupa, so glad to hear your doing so well with all of this, even if she did take the damn lightbulbs! Keep on keeping on bro as this mess gets smaller and smaller in the rearview.

TOJAZ

[TimH]

Lupa,

 

Its kinda funny how confused your wife has been all along but very clear on what she wanted in dollar bills from you.

 

Just read at a UK news site(For laughs but sad really)

 

They may have promised to have and to hold for richer and for poorer.

But wives are most interested in the richer part, it was claimed yesterday.

In a study of married men and women, the majority of wives - 59 per cent - said they would divorce immediately if their future economic security was assured.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-508804/59-cent-wives-leave-husbands-afford-it.html#ixzz0YOW8JJNX

[Gunny376]

Hmmmmmm?

 

Doing a Glen Beck moment here?

 

As I recall Lupa?

 

I wasn't as I recall one of my favorite fans?

 

I think your clear to launch with the current GF.

 

Your 31 and that's the reason you're going through the current problems your going through with the DW is because you didn't have the experience, knowledge that you needed to make it work to begin with.

 

Now you do.

 

Its basically the "Peter Principal" by Dr. Peter.

 

A good example of this is the military. In which an individual enlists in the military?

 

They're incompetent as a basic Marine.

 

Once they graduate from 'boot camp" they're component as basic Marines.

 

Some are more competent than others which is why you have some graduate as privates, private first class, and lance corporals.

 

As you progress in your career?

 

Once you become competent in your current rank? Your promoted to your next level of in-competecey.

 

A good bi-polar theory based on itself ~ doesn't factor in polictics, backstabbibg, self promoting BS ~ outirght lies!

 

With that said? I would say you and the GF are a go! Why? You've got history, you've both learned and grown.

 

Both of you have "relationship collateral" that is to say you've both got a clear and pretty picture in your heads as to what your not looking for as well as what your looking for.

 

Your past experiences have taught you to be realistic and to be realist. You know not to expect everything from her, and she knows not to expect everything from you.

 

I do cautioned you this!

 

Date your mate! What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her!

 

Don't take her for granted!

 

Remeber that in your Life you've felt heart ache and pain! Never forget that pain! Never forget that pain!

 

Remeber that pain and that lonely life!

 

Tresh your life and the love you have!

 

Relsih it!

 

Don't take it for granted for its gone in a minute!

Edited December 1, 2009 by Gunny376

[lupa]

Date your mate! What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her!

 

Don't take her for granted!

 

To all the people here, the folks that are newly married that accidentally stumbled into this sad, sad section, NEVER FORGET WHAT GUNNY WROTE HERE.

 

Trust me.

 

 

 

...I came home from a single day (and long) business trip that started at 6 am and ended at 10 pm last night. The girlfriend was at my house, waiting for me to come home. When I say "at my house" I really mean "at our home" because I feel more comfortable there with her than I ever did with my wife. Crazy how this is all working out. Just...plain...crazy...

 

I still get very angry at my wife, but I try to calm my thoughts and realize a couple of things -- I cannot change the past, and dwelling on it is futile. There are lessons there that I will now take to the grave. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, I tell my brain it is time to focus on what I'm going to do right.

 

It is amazing how my spirits lift.

 

It also is amazing how difficult it was to get to this point, and for those that are in the throes of the initial shock of separation or divorce, understand that you cannot control your thoughts yet. You have to suffer, you have to walk through that dark valley alone so that you can really understand your own mind. Hell -- I got a free pass, she was standing there in that bar on that night, neither of us had been there in months. It was a great chance, one in a million, you know? So, I kinda think I skipped ahead a chapter, and I still am walking through the valley sometimes...but it has been months now, and I'm sure I've figured out things about me and about what I want. I still can't always control my thoughts...it takes time and practice, really.

 

But it can be done. The pain can stop, the light can come back to your world. Just know that it will get better, but it will never be the same. Once you understand that you live in a different world now and can never go back to the old world, you can start making the new world your own.

 

THAT is when the fun begins.

 

 

 

 

On a side note -- my wife has officially been party to the ruining of two additional relationships. Evidently she has been hanging around with one of our friend's sisters, who is married. My wife has accompanied her out to follow a band around town whose lead singer the sister has a crush on, and they are in contact. Of course the guy wants to get laid... Instead of telling her to focus on fixing her marriage, she is facilitating the divorce. Disgusting.

 

Also, the wife's best friend who divorced 4 or so years ago, has been seeing a good friend of ours basically since about a year after that. They had talked about marriage and engagement, lived together, etc. Well, this girl, in the course of the last three months -- basically since my wife has started hanging out with her all the time -- has claimed she is unhappy in her relationship and moved out of what was originally her apartment over the weekend. I'd be willing to bet she is moving in with my wife in the new place she is using my money to get.

 

Misery loves company.

Edited December 2, 2009 by lupa

[FeelingLonely98]

99% of the dumpees here were and are great providers,lovers,givers etc but it still doesn't matter.These are people who REALLY DID mean "I DO" for life.

 

TRUE! Plus, "Dumpees" that actually deserved to be divorced (abusive, etc.) are not here on LS searching for answers and guidance.

[FeelingLonely98]

But wives are most interested in the richer part, it was claimed yesterday. In a study of married men and women, the majority of wives - 59 per cent - said they would divorce immediately if their future economic security was assured.

 

Not disputing your post at all TimH with my post. VERY interesting stuff there!!

(Do you own a coffee donut shop called "Tim Horton"s"? LOL)

 

Anyway, MY stbxw left a well-to-do financially stable environment to run into economic ruin. She is definitely swimming upstream against the majority in that study.

She will probably go into debt 500-1000 $ EVERY month unless she finds a white horse with a prince charming on it or she chooses to live a destitute lifestyle. (Doubtful a good guy would want HER) Not my problem now ...