JaydaLeah Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 It's been some time since i last visited this forum.. 4 mths or so? My bf and i been in a LDR for 7 months now. Last night, he sms me saying the bill for last month was high, and so, we cant sms or chat as often as before. I didn't know what to reply him. Over these months, it does feel like grief (liken to another post i saw) and little disappointments such as him not being able to come back for Vday, the gradual lessening of ph calls as compared to before.. all of which, i had learnt to accept. He has been sweet still, telling me he loves me and all. I appreciate that. But i am unable to keep the insecurities away. The idea that while he builds his career overseas, my life here is just all about waiting for him to be back. I do have my friends, my life continues and everyone sees me as I can live well in this LDR. But deep inside, when no one is around, i never felt weaker and more alone. There’s just this void in me. Sometimes I felt anger. I felt that I didn’t have a choice. He left and I couldn’t say no, because I love him and I know its not fair asking him not to. He left and i find myself comforting myself when I miss him. I didn’t want to make him sad or worried with my constant whining of how I really wished he didn’t have to go. Overtime, anger after anger, aches after aches, thoughts of ending it and not… all of which I find myself having to deal with myself. I now really have no idea how I feel with the recent news. He smsed me, I didn’t ans. He called and I didn’t ans. Its not fair doing this to him but.. I just really have no idea what to say if I pick up the ph… I am not angry with the fact he has to call me lesser. I just don’t want that to happen, but once again, do I have a choice? The bills are high. The only options are 1) end it 2) accept it. I love him and I can only accept it. All these “acceptance” is making me miserable. Its making me feel frustrated. And yet, I love him too much to stop these… I think im just tired… emotionally tired. Im sorry peeps, I just want to say these things out and I don’t know what to tell him.. am I tired of the LDR? And yet I dun want to end it? How is this constructive to our situation now? Maybe someone can help me articulate my feelings.. coz im in it and I cant see clearly what’s really the problem.. or what’s wrong with me… sigh… Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Oh girlfriend! I so can relate! I did not choose to be in an LDR originally. And I wrestled with being resentful of the whole situation and him for a LONG LONG time. We dealt with it. I had my own work to do to get past it and accept that this was the hand that was dealt. It WAS my choice to accept it and live with it. I could have walked but the price I would pay was too steep for me to do so. And so I stayed in it. Getting a good grasp on that and my responsibility as far as being in the situation was a huge leap in the right direction. At least I got rational about my part of being in the situation. That I didn't HAVE to stay in an LDR but was CHOOSING to because of what I have within it. The other part of dealing was communicating about what I was feeling. Rational or not I was feeling that way. And hearing the empathy from his side helped quite a bit. I knew he could do nothing about it. He was dealt the same cards I was holding so to speak. And he was staying in the relationship -- a very tough relationship -- as well. So I had to give him credit for sticking it out. Yes, the reason we went LDR were on his side. BUT he didn't have to stick it out. And he was so that meant a whole lot. It meant more that I could share my frustration with the situation and how bad it sucked (still does) and get to lean on the only person who truly knew how bad it felt -- HIM. He was a sounding board. A person to vent to who could understand. That was so incredibly helpful. And it is the reason that the resentment didn't build and build on my side until I was withholding myself from the relationship. It could have easily happened. It is happening to you right now. You are pulling back because of what you feel (valid feelings of course) but he has no idea why. And then he wonders on his side why things are different and that can be a whole big can of worms because we all know our mind can run rampant with horrible thoughts of what could be happening on the other side. He may not be able to do much of anything about the situation. But he can listen and understand what you are feeling. HE can understand your feelings and help you work through them. You can open up a conversation about what you are going through and preface it by "I know you can't solve this and it is just something we have to deal with right now - and I know it is temporary - but I feel so angry that I don't just get to have you HERE with me like every other person I know! It is hard. I will not give up but I hate the circumstances right now! You are the only one who could possibly understand how much this SUCKS!" -- etc. etc. I believe it is absolutely normal to go through these emotions. Especially when this is not something you signed up for in the beginning. Come here and post and vent too. It helps TREMENDOUSLY to get it out -- but it helps even more to help others. You really do get to see what you have come through, what your relationship has going for it, etc., when you post about things that have happened that you relate to but have overcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaydaLeah Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 hey island girl, thanks so much!! really appreciate it.. =) He called last night.. knowing something was wrong.. I was avoiding the topic at first but in the end, i tried to articulate how i felt.. i told him im not exactly sad, but maybe disappointed that we had to talk less often. And that im tired too. And he asked whether im tired of this LDR. I told him im probably tired of being sad... coz its tiring to get disappointments and feel sad everytime something gets in our way... Anyway he said he will try his best to call often.. "promise" as he said.. but oh well, i guess there's nothing i can do abt it, isn't it? we'll just see how it goes... Overall, after we are done talking abt this issue, we continued to chat as normal, laugh and what not.. I guess he's always been sweet, esp when im not happy abt things.. He msged early this morning too to say Hi.. and i appreciate that.. =) Phew.. everyday is a rollercoaster.. it gets gd, then not gd, fine, and then not... guess that's something i'll have to live with.. =) Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower89 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I know you said you can't talk as often because of how expensive it is but what sort of internet does he have? Skype is free (and AMAZING), so that might be an idea to save on mobile to mobile calling? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 hey island girl, thanks so much!! really appreciate it.. =) He called last night.. knowing something was wrong.. I was avoiding the topic at first but in the end, i tried to articulate how i felt.. i told him im not exactly sad, but maybe disappointed that we had to talk less often. And that im tired too. And he asked whether im tired of this LDR. I told him im probably tired of being sad... coz its tiring to get disappointments and feel sad everytime something gets in our way... Anyway he said he will try his best to call often.. "promise" as he said.. but oh well, i guess there's nothing i can do abt it, isn't it? we'll just see how it goes... Overall, after we are done talking abt this issue, we continued to chat as normal, laugh and what not.. I guess he's always been sweet, esp when im not happy abt things.. He msged early this morning too to say Hi.. and i appreciate that.. =) Phew.. everyday is a rollercoaster.. it gets gd, then not gd, fine, and then not... guess that's something i'll have to live with.. =) How long is this an LDR for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaydaLeah Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Sunflower: Yeah i guess we can skype but skype is always lagging and usually it ends up him doing his own stuff online and so i do mine... and its silence.. there were times i was exasperate and since i sorta try to avoid skype coz its not constructive.. but it seems i've got no choice now... Northstar: it been 7 mths LDR now.. another 1.5yrs to go.... zzzz!! Link to post Share on other sites
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