HisSweetThing

[HisSweetThing]

yes because that's what is best for the kids. To be in a fake relationship lying to them everyday while you screw their best friends daddy. Yep you have your kids best interest at heart. kudos to you.

 

My husband and I don't have a fake relationship. We truly are friends and we do have our kids best interests at heart by making the choice to be together right now. As far as the kids are concerned nothing has changed in the relationship between my husband and myself. We act the same way around each other as we did before. We were never lovey dovey in front of the kids. We were always really just friends around them and that is what we will continue to be. Has that been the right thing for the kids? No, I think ideally it would have been nice to be a little more loving in front of them all these years. But, it is what it is.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You're funny!

Who's to say that the wife doesn't already know?

Men I swear!

My husband knew about my affair & didn't care. It was a "don't ask / don't tell". He was caught up in his own stuff at the time! When it did "officially" come out. He really didn't have much of a reaction.

 

SO....I always say on here.......Who's to say that the spouse is BLIND to the comings & goings of their Husband or Wife? We don't know. She may choose to not care because of the financial - etc. Security in a marriage.

If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times in here.....

People Marry & STAY Married for Lots of reasons

Doesn't mean it's good....Doesn't mean it's bad....It just is what it is.

 

He didnt care because he was doing his own thing, both of you are poor excuses for human beings. Weak, frail, obsessive, one-sided.

 

And if his wife doent know, why dont you get your proverbial heart up and tell her, your her friend right?

 

I mean you have enough heart to sleep with her husband, but not tell her outright huh???

 

Hey your affair is all good.

 

I'm done wasting my time with this bullcrap.

[stuckinoz]

He didnt care because he was doing his own thing, both of you are poor excuses for human beings. Weak, frail, obsessive, one-sided.

 

Barracuda....... Why such a hater?

 

We are not poor excuses for human beings.....Although funny choice of words!

 

 

HisSweetThing: This is obviously tormenting you. How long do you think you'll wait? Indefinitely? Or until your last child is grown? That's quite a bit of time to wait for someone that you don't even know for sure (well you kind of do) will want to be with you once those years are past.

I do hope you figure this out.

[lkjh]

OMG, Im just going to be blunt because honestly women act so dumb in situations like this. I know you want to believe that you are special and he loves you but he doesn't. He loves getting a** with no responsibility. All of these things he is saying to you like backing off so you can work on your M are hints that he doesn't want you getting attached. He is not going to leave his wife for you, this is really simple and if for one second you step out of fairy lala land you will be able to see it.

 

 

I am sorry that this sounds cruel but for the life of me I can not figure out why every women knows that guys will say just about anything to screw them, but when they are faced with it they seem to ignore their common sense and try to believe a impossible situation.

 

Also, do you really think the kids, wife, H, and friends can't tell something is up? Do you really think while you two are working out and flirting people won't gossip?

[noforgiveness]

You're funny!

Who's to say that the wife doesn't already know?

Men I swear!

My husband knew about my affair & didn't care. It was a "don't ask / don't tell". He was caught up in his own stuff at the time! When it did "officially" come out. He really didn't have much of a reaction.

 

 

This is one of the ow's favorite justifications. Oh his wife has to know she just doesn't care. Somehow it makes her feel like she isn't hurting anyone. If you feel that way tell the wife then to make sure.

[Shadowcat]

No silly. It's all her husbands fault. He made her screw him.

 

I can't believe how people can misuse a confidence given to them.

[noforgiveness]

OMG I just had a thought. Okay hissweetthing and the om go to the gym and all and his wife knows. Her husband pushed her into this. Wouldn't it be a neat twist of circumstances if her husband and his wife and screwing everytime they go to the gym and he pushed her to it so they can get evidence and happily divorce the two cheaters and then they will just find each other and live happily ever after. It could be one HUGE set up.

[HisSweetThing]

HisSweetThing: This is obviously tormenting you. How long do you think you'll wait? Indefinitely? Or until your last child is grown? That's quite a bit of time to wait for someone that you don't even know for sure (well you kind of do) will want to be with you once those years are past.

I do hope you figure this out.

 

Thank you. I hope I figure it out too! I will not wait indefinitely.

[HisSweetThing]

OMG, Im just going to be blunt because honestly women act so dumb in situations like this. I know you want to believe that you are special and he loves you but he doesn't. He loves getting a** with no responsibility. All of these things he is saying to you like backing off so you can work on your M are hints that he doesn't want you getting attached. He is not going to leave his wife for you, this is really simple and if for one second you step out of fairy lala land you will be able to see it.

 

Also, do you really think the kids, wife, H, and friends can't tell something is up? Do you really think while you two are working out and flirting people won't gossip?

 

He offered to back off because he is a good man and he feels responsible for ruining my marriage. He wanted to make sure that isn't what I wanted. When I asked him if he wanted to back off, he said no. He has made it clear that he wants this relationship with me to last forever. When I mention it ending he gets upset or says something to make me know that's not what he wants.

 

And honestly, I hope that the kids, wife and friends can kind of tell something is up. Then, if and when this ever comes out, it may not be a total shock to people.

[HisSweetThing]

OMG I just had a thought. Okay hissweetthing and the om go to the gym and all and his wife knows. Her husband pushed her into this. Wouldn't it be a neat twist of circumstances if her husband and his wife and screwing everytime they go to the gym and he pushed her to it so they can get evidence and happily divorce the two cheaters and then they will just find each other and live happily ever after. It could be one HUGE set up.

 

Nothing would make me happier than for this to be true!

[stuckinoz]

Nothing would make me happier than for this to be true!

 

Careful what you wish for.

The man I was having an affair with said this all the time. "I wish she'd just find someone else to occupy her time, etc"

THEN when he found out she was screwing around on him, the preverbial **** hit the fan. He was DEVISTATED!

We can wish for something - but when the reality of it hits us....It comes down like a ton of bricks.

So, you say that now. But if you are thrown into that situation, you may feel differently than...........Nothing would make me happier!!!!!

[stuckinoz]

This is one of the ow's favorite justifications. Oh his wife has to know she just doesn't care. Somehow it makes her feel like she isn't hurting anyone. If you feel that way tell the wife then to make sure.

 

It's not justification.

It's that some husbands & wives, while they may suspect.....Don't REALLY want to know or hear the truth. A scenario I know of comes to mind....I don't care what my husband does as long as I can keep _______(fill in the blanks) doing what I want to do!

[Gamine]

Breathes there the man with soul so dead

Who never to himself hath said,

This is my own, my native land!

Whose heart hath ne’er within him burn’d 1

As home his footsteps he hath turn’d

From wandering on a foreign strand?

If such there breathe, go, mark him well!

For him no minstrel raptures swell;

High though his titles, proud his name,

Boundless his wealth as wish can claim,—

Despite those titles, power, and pelf,

The wretch, concentred all in self,

Living, shall forfeit fair renown,

And, doubly dying, shall go down

To the vile dust from whence he sprung,

Unwept, unhonour’d, and unsung.

 

Sir Walter Scott

 

 

Something to reflect upon.

[Owl]

It's not justification.

It's that some husbands & wives, while they may suspect.....Don't REALLY want to know or hear the truth. A scenario I know of comes to mind....I don't care what my husband does as long as I can keep _______(fill in the blanks) doing what I want to do!

 

That may apply to some.

 

And then there are many, many more who DO want to know the truth, but don't know how to get it.

 

From my experience...far more want to know than the number that want to bury their heads in the sand.

 

If they already know, but don't care...it doesn't hurt to tell them. They already know, or they can go right back to hiding their head in the sand and pretend nothing's going on. All they have to do is to choose to disbelieve the person who told them.

 

If they don't know but want to...then they should be told.

 

So I still don't get this as a reason NOT to tell.

[norajane]

It is hard for us to even have a private conversation and that is not a conversation I want to have texting on cell phones and it's not a conversation we can have in the 5-10 minutes before and after we workout together. We both want to get together and talk.

 

It seems to me that if you both want to get together and talk, you have a perfect opportunity to do so when you meet to work out. What is stopping you from talking then? Hit the coffee bar and talk. Or sit in the car and talk.

 

Perhaps you don't really want to have this conversation? Is he the one avoiding it, or are you? Or both?

[HisSweetThing]

 

It seems to me that if you both want to get together and talk, you have a perfect opportunity to do so when you meet to work out. What is stopping you from talking then? Hit the coffee bar and talk. Or sit in the car and talk.

 

Perhaps you don't really want to have this conversation? Is he the one avoiding it, or are you? Or both?

 

I do want to have this conversation, but I'm okay with waiting until we have the time and privacy to do this. Our serious conversations tend to be very emotional for both of us.

[norajane]

I do want to have this conversation, but I'm okay with waiting until we have the time and privacy to do this. Our serious conversations tend to be very emotional for both of us.

 

Which is why the coffee bar is a better bet - you can take the emotions down a notch and consider your options rationally and logically.

 

You are avoiding finding out definitively that he's not leaving his wife. Otherwise, you would be having this conversation. Be honest about this with yourself.

 

We can all give you advice and post forever about this situation, but it is YOUR life hanging in the balance. Be honest with yourself about it.

[lkjh]

If you really believe this guy loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you then you are still in the fog. Get ready for a bumpy road

[Patrice]

Move on with your life ... if he's stringing you along and you're a willing participant then you need to go cold turkey .. your life will pass you by waiting. If he truly loves you, he'll get a divorce.

[noforgiveness]

Dose of reality into your fantasy.

 

If his wife finds out. His wife who thinks she is happily married finds out. Your daughter WILL find out. She will totally lose all respect for you. The wife will call a friend and the gossip will spread like wildfire. You will be labled the town whore.

[2sunny]

i think when YOU make the decision to move forward (and most likely that will not be with MOM) you will feel that you are taking your power back and have control over your future and your happiness.

 

if your happiness is based upon the MOM, you will never find it. you have allowed your life to be turned upside down for one man - with the hope that he MAY eventually want you long term. that is a lot to risk for one person who evidently shows you by his actions that he intends to stay with the life he has always known... with his wife. i don't see him taking the risk to leave her... no matter how much he may care about you.

 

you need to look out for what's best for your future... i don't think that is what he has in mind at the moment.

 

most men in his situation wouldn't be capable of resisting the temptation of sex with someone that they are totally emotionally attached to.. now he's involved in the high it gives him and won't give it up unless you say so.

 

to cut him off would make you feel better in the long run. - so stop waiting around for him to decide because you could be waiting around for 20-30 years for that... just do it.

[fooled once]

I didn't want this to happen.

 

See, you can't even be honest with yourself.

 

YES YOU DID want it to happen. You have lusted after him for 11 years. 11 years you have thought about sex with him; you have made sure you are in his life; you jumped at the chance to offer him your body.

 

but you won't hear any of this.

 

And if you REALLY wanted to talk to him about this; you would. You just don't want to hear him say again that he is NOT leaving his wife for you.

[2sunny]

See, you can't even be honest with yourself.

 

but you won't hear any of this.

 

And if you REALLY wanted to talk to him about this; you would. You just don't want to hear him say again that he is NOT leaving his wife for you.

 

being honest with herself would mean that she would have to face the reality of the situation and change things... especially HER perspective.. then that would require some action on her new revolution. keeping herself in this delusional state of mind helps her to remain in the same place with her MM.

 

she doesn't want to hear the truth and that is most likely why he'll never allow her to hear it. that is why we go by his actions... he has stayed with his W and said he fully intends to stay... how much more clear do you need him to be?

 

even if he were to tell her that he's not leaving his W - i doubt she is prepared to tell him she won't have contact with him any longer. the MM is feeding her mentally, emotionally and physically. he has a grip on her and until she is willing to let go of the grip - nothing will change. she needs to grab ahold of her power and enforce her healthy, safe boundary.

 

why not meet with him and just tell him you won't have any contact with him until he is a legally divorced man. that makes your requirement clear as to what you want - and tells him precisely what he needs to do if he ever wants to speak with you again. the ink on the final papers needs to be dry - otherwise he will yo-yo your emotions all over the place.

 

that shows him where your boundary is and that you will respect yourself and his marriage until he gets things straightened out with his wife. only then - would you two be happy with one another... knowing that you stepped away so that he could take care of his end so he could be with you. it also allows you to clearly understand by his actions if he wants you or not. if he does... he'll divorce his wife RIGHT AWAY... if not... then you know he can easily live without you as an extra perk in his life.

[lovekillsslowly]

HST, I have been where you have, I still am. I fell hook line and sinker. Felt such love, such passion, and it felt returned, that I thought it was inevitable that we would be together, that he was my soul mate, that he was the one. 10 months in, we aren't. He can't do it. Some folks can take that leap, some just can't, the guilt is too much. I feel for you, I understand.

 

Hi Delirious, Your post really hit home for me because it describes my situation to a tee. I also recently got out of a 10 month A. His choice. Not mine. All due to guilt. He couldn't handle the guilt and stress of the A.

 

I fell for him hook, line and sinker and truly believed that after seven years of both of us wanting each other and NEVER acting on it (because we are both married and tried to do the "right" thing for our spouses and children) all my dreams, in regards to what I wanted for him and I, had finally come true. And the passion was incredible. No other relationship in my life has even come close to everything that those 10 months consisted of and the feelings that I felt for him.

 

I'd like to ask you a personal question. If it's none of my business you can say so. Does the xMM that you are involved with happen to be Catholic? Mine is. And I know that has a big part to do with all the guilt he is feeling. His parents are both Catholic. Have been "married" for over 60 + years now but have NOT LIVED TOGETHER for the past 30 years. They never got divorced because the "Catholic religion doesn't approve of it." So they waited till their 7 children were grown and then his father moved out.

 

I'm not saying that my xMM wouldn't of still felt guilt or stress if he had been brought up in a different religion...maybe he would have...but I do think that being raised the way he was and having two parents who basically can't stand each other but won't get divorced because of their religion played a big part in him not being able to handle our A.

 

Oh well. I'd really like to visit with you some more and hear more about your A and how you are doing.

 

Thanks for taking time to read this!

[stuckinoz]

Dose of reality into your fantasy.

 

If his wife finds out. His wife who thinks she is happily married finds out. Your daughter WILL find out. She will totally lose all respect for you. The wife will call a friend and the gossip will spread like wildfire. You will be labled the town whore.

 

WOW are you a psychic? How on earth do you know all of this?

VERY EXTREME comments......Unless you know all of these people involved how could you know how anyone would react to such news?

Last time I checked we're all different & we all handle things differetly. Sheesh!