HisSweetThing

[noforgiveness]

WOW are you a psychic? How on earth do you know all of this?

VERY EXTREME comments......Unless you know all of these people involved how could you know how anyone would react to such news?

Last time I checked we're all different & we all handle things differetly. Sheesh!

 

LOL please this is the REALISTIC ending not the fairytale. Especially since this woman believes she is happily married and this man according to the poster would not have strayed. Read endings on TOW. It is the likely scenario. You just don't want to think about it. Denial helps a lot in these situations.

[HisSweetThing]

Dose of reality into your fantasy.

 

If his wife finds out. His wife who thinks she is happily married finds out. Your daughter WILL find out. She will totally lose all respect for you. The wife will call a friend and the gossip will spread like wildfire. You will be labled the town whore.

 

I haven't given you guys a lot of details on their marriage. I didn't want to bad mouth his wife. They have had a lot of struggles. They are not as happy as you guys think they are.

 

If worst comes to worst and my daughter does find out, we will deal with that. My daughter is a very strong person. Another poster asked how secretive we think we are when we are working out and flirting with one another, etc. I do think people see things. My kids know I have a strong bond with OMM. They have seen it. Everyone has seen it. People were aware of it and commented on it before we ever acted on it. That song "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About" comes to mind. I even think my kids have suspected that something is going on. My kids have realized that the last couple of times I was out of town, the OMM was out of town too. They mentioned that to my husband. You guys keep saying, kids aren't stupid - they see things. Well I think you're right. I think they have seen things and I think that will be beneficial later. When two people enjoy each other as much as we always have - I don't think we will "shock" anybody.

 

As far as being labeled the town whore. Anyone who knows me would never think that about me. The people who don't know me - they can think whatever they want to think about me.

[noforgiveness]

anyone who knows you, the you you portray would not believe that you would do this. They will think they never really knew the real you. You are in a fantasy. Now you are doing the classic denial of well they really all must see it and don't care. It is so classic and used in justification.

[HisSweetThing]

anyone who knows you, the you you portray would not believe that you would do this. They will think they never really knew the real you. You are in a fantasy. Now you are doing the classic denial of well they really all must see it and don't care. It is so classic and used in justification.

 

Are you a fair-weather friend? Believe it or not, I have friends who know me and love me and friends who will stand by me no matter what I have done. My friendships are real. I have stood by my friends through hard times, when they have made mistakes. When I tell you that my friends know me, they know my heart.

[stuckinoz]

LOL please this is the REALISTIC ending not the fairytale. Especially since this woman believes she is happily married and this man according to the poster would not have strayed. Read endings on TOW. It is the likely scenario. You just don't want to think about it. Denial helps a lot in these situations.

 

Likely scenario - is a far cry from what you originally posted. You posted like you were predicting her future!

 

And.......Why can't the ending be a fairytale?

 

There are people who have been in this scenario & either lived happily ever after with their spouses......OR........lived happily ever after together - which seems like that's what the OP is looking for.

My in-laws are a perfect example of this. Good, bad or indifferent - FIL had an affair with my MIL's BFF.....FIL & BFF Married - Have been living happily for going on 20 years now. So, see IT CAN HAPPEN...Not as far fetched as a lot of you think. I'm not saying there wasn't a little turmoil in the family at first - but everything's GREAT NOW!

 

GOOD FOR YOU HST - We all should have friends like yours! I think that we all know who our friends are in tough times. I don't believe for a second your true friends would desert you!

[noforgiveness]

Are you a fair-weather friend? Believe it or not, I have friends who know me and love me and friends who will stand by me no matter what I have done. My friendships are real. I have stood by my friends through hard times, when they have made mistakes. When I tell you that my friends know me, they know my heart.

 

 

No but I do need to have some respect for my friends. If you feel they will support you and will not have a problem with this then tell one of them and ask for support. I think in your fantasy mind right now you will be surprised with their opinion. I also think they will want to keep their own husbands at a distance from you because you will no longer be the harmless friend. You are hurting A FRIEND. They will not be blind to that and see this great love. They will see a woman who doesn't care about frindship or family boundaries. tell one friend. Your best and see what happens. you should be able to trust her right since you have REAL friends.

[confusedinkansas]

No but I do need to have some respect for my friends. If you feel they will support you and will not have a problem with this then tell one of them and ask for support. I think in your fantasy mind right now you will be surprised with their opinion. I also think they will want to keep their own husbands at a distance from you because you will no longer be the harmless friend. You are hurting A FRIEND. They will not be blind to that and see this great love. They will see a woman who doesn't care about frindship or family boundaries. tell one friend. Your best and see what happens. you should be able to trust her right since you have REAL friends.

 

Oh Pahleesseee!!! Are you joking.

Keep their husbands away from her. (eyes rolling) What is all this? I don't know about your friends, but mine would & DID VERY MUCH stick by me. One of my friends knew about mine during & another after. Neither one judged me like you seem to be doing to HST here.

[HisSweetThing]

No but I do need to have some respect for my friends. If you feel they will support you and will not have a problem with this then tell one of them and ask for support. I think in your fantasy mind right now you will be surprised with their opinion. I also think they will want to keep their own husbands at a distance from you because you will no longer be the harmless friend. You are hurting A FRIEND. They will not be blind to that and see this great love. They will see a woman who doesn't care about frindship or family boundaries. tell one friend. Your best and see what happens. you should be able to trust her right since you have REAL friends.

 

Actually one of my best friends already knows. She is very spiritual and very religious - even has a religious job. She is trying to get me to stop. That doesn't mean she doesn't understand what has happened. She still loves me and she cares about me and she wants what's best for me. She is not at all concerned about me going after her husband. Because that's not the kind of person I am. I have slept with 2 people in my entire life. How many people can say that? She knows me. What makes you think you know me better than the people in my life? This mistake does not define who I am.

 

OMM's wife is more of an acquaintance to me. She is very close to my kids and she is closer to my H than she is to me. We never really hit it off. We never had a one-on-one friendship. We are only together when our entire families are together. I am not trying to make what I'm doing right, I'm just trying to make the whole picture a little bit clearer to everybody.

[noforgiveness]

I'm sorry for you. I honestly am. You are too far into denial and out there in fantasyland to really see the potential outcome and I think you want the best and are a well meaning person. I'm sorry how bad you will be hurt. You have no idea how badly your life will fall apart when this comes out. This is going to end badly and you will soooo wish you never got involved with him.

[Full Of Hope]

No but I do need to have some respect for my friends. If you feel they will support you and will not have a problem with this then tell one of them and ask for support. I think in your fantasy mind right now you will be surprised with their opinion. I also think they will want to keep their own husbands at a distance from you because you will no longer be the harmless friend. You are hurting A FRIEND. They will not be blind to that and see this great love. They will see a woman who doesn't care about frindship or family boundaries. tell one friend. Your best and see what happens. you should be able to trust her right since you have REAL friends.

 

Every friend I have knows I'm an OW. This includes my family. I have their complete support.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Every friend I have knows I'm an OW. This includes my family. I have their complete support.

 

Wow, with friends like that....

[skywriter]

Friends aren't there to weigh your sins against theirs, they are there to just be....

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I could never "support" a friend in something that I knew could be hurtful or harmful to them.

[HisSweetThing]

I could never "support" a friend in something that I knew could be hurtful or harmful to them.

 

My friend who knows about this whole situation is supporting me. But at the same time she is encouraging me to end it. However, no matter what decision I make, she is still going to be there for me, because she is my friend!

[HisSweetThing]

I'm sorry for you. I honestly am. You are too far into denial and out there in fantasyland to really see the potential outcome and I think you want the best and are a well meaning person. I'm sorry how bad you will be hurt. You have no idea how badly your life will fall apart when this comes out. This is going to end badly and you will soooo wish you never got involved with him.

 

I wish that you knew me and I wish that you knew my OMM. I guess no one who is in denial thinks they are in denial, but I really think I have a good grasp of the situation. I am seeing a counselor. He views a large part of his job as making sure that I am fully aware of what is happening, what is likely to happen and what could possibly happen depending on what decisions I make. Then he says he is there to help me deal with the consequences of whatever decisions I make. He does not think I am deluding myself at all. He knows I have hope, but I'm also fully aware of how things can turn out not in my favor.

 

I guess if things blow up in my face I'll be hearing a lot of "I told you so".

[stuckinoz]

I could never "support" a friend in something that I knew could be hurtful or harmful to them.

 

So if you had a friend that was an OW you would ditch them? Say, See ya later - until you can do things the right way --or MY way we're no longer friends?

Wow...Glad I don't have friends like you. Friends are supposed to be a support system. Not judge.

[Owl]

So if you had a friend that was an OW you would ditch them? Say, See ya later - until you can do things the right way --or MY way we're no longer friends?

Wow...Glad I don't have friends like you. Friends are supposed to be a support system. Not judge.

 

I've had a good friend who was over to my house on average 2-3 times/week working out with me and my youngest son. The two of us taught martial arts to a number of other people.

 

He ended up INTENTIONALLY 'hooking up' with one of the students...a woman he knew was married. She deliberately pursued him...he knowingly and willingly took her up on it. Her H found out about it, all heck broke loose...and they kept it up.

 

I gave him the best advice I knew to give...he agreed it was what he should do...but he deliberately kept 'puttiing it off' and continued the affair.

 

Two weeks after that, I broke off teaching with him, and we've not done a class together now in nearly a year.

 

Your friends are indeed a reflection of you. You are judged by those you surround yourself with...and you become like those you surround yourself with. You can...to a point...try to help your friends, but you always run the risk of being dragged down into their troubles if you don't draw a line.

 

For years I've taught my kids this lesson.

[HisSweetThing]

Your friends are indeed a reflection of you. You are judged by those you surround yourself with...and you become like those you surround yourself with. You can...to a point...try to help your friends, but you always run the risk of being dragged down into their troubles if you don't draw a line.

 

For years I've taught my kids this lesson.

 

I don't believe supporting a friend, even if you don't agree with what they are doing, means you are going to make the same mistakes they are - that's what I think you mean when you say you become like those you surround yourself with. I am already like my friends - in that all my friends are good people with good hearts. For my real friends I will be dragged down as far as they need me to go for them. I don't turn my back on my friends because they are making mistakes.

 

For years I've taught my kids this lesson!

[delirious]

Hi Delirious, Your post really hit home for me because it describes my situation to a tee. I also recently got out of a 10 month A. His choice. Not mine. All due to guilt. He couldn't handle the guilt and stress of the A.

 

I fell for him hook, line and sinker and truly believed that after seven years of both of us wanting each other and NEVER acting on it (because we are both married and tried to do the "right" thing for our spouses and children) all my dreams, in regards to what I wanted for him and I, had finally come true. And the passion was incredible. No other relationship in my life has even come close to everything that those 10 months consisted of and the feelings that I felt for him.

 

I'd like to ask you a personal question. If it's none of my business you can say so. Does the xMM that you are involved with happen to be Catholic? Mine is. And I know that has a big part to do with all the guilt he is feeling. His parents are both Catholic. Have been "married" for over 60 + years now but have NOT LIVED TOGETHER for the past 30 years. They never got divorced because the "Catholic religion doesn't approve of it." So they waited till their 7 children were grown and then his father moved out.

 

I'm not saying that my xMM wouldn't of still felt guilt or stress if he had been brought up in a different religion...maybe he would have...but I do think that being raised the way he was and having two parents who basically can't stand each other but won't get divorced because of their religion played a big part in him not being able to handle our A.

 

Oh well. I'd really like to visit with you some more and hear more about your A and how you are doing.

 

Thanks for taking time to read this!

Okay I would like to private mail you, but cannot see how. I do not want to hijack the post. Do you know I really do not know if he has a Catholic background, I do not think so, but just loves his family, which can be stronger than religion.; how can I privately mail you?

 

I do understand HST. It is quite a surprise to see others experiencing the same amazing feelings, well some amazing, some terrible and feeling that you have met your soul mate, your exact male opposite. I have cried for the first time in ten years and can't seem to stop crying, but I have to stop this for everyone's sake. My OM's guilt seemed to get worse and worse that he could not deal with it anymore, mainly due to his children's reaction to him. Obviously he must have been showing symptoms that they picked up on, they are not young kids. Let me know how I can email you.

[noforgiveness]

I don't believe supporting a friend, even if you don't agree with what they are doing, means you are going to make the same mistakes they are - that's what I think you mean when you say you become like those you surround yourself with. I am already like my friends - in that all my friends are good people with good hearts. For my real friends I will be dragged down as far as they need me to go for them. I don't turn my back on my friends because they are making mistakes.

 

For years I've taught my kids this lesson!

 

This is not making a mistake. This is a concious decision you are choosing to do every single day. You are choosing to have an affair with your daughters best friends dad. It is a choice. It was not a one time oopsie. You do ot care about the ramifications to your daughter or his family, you know it will hurt them but you CHOOSE every day to continue your affair and lie to your daughter.

[stuckinoz]

You do ot care about the ramifications to your daughter or his family, you know it will hurt them but you CHOOSE every day to continue your affair and lie to your daughter.

 

I'll just bet she cares more than you think she does. Otherwise she wouldn't be here asking for a little guidance for those that have gone down this path before.

 

I agree, that it is a choice. A choice she made & is continuing to make daily. But in situations such as this - your feelings just take over.

You know it's probably wrong, and the fall-out will probably not be good. But you hope for the best. I know what you're goin' thru sista!!

[noforgiveness]

I'll just bet she cares more than you think she does. Otherwise she wouldn't be here asking for a little guidance for those that have gone down this path before.

 

I agree, that it is a choice. A choice she made & is continuing to make daily. But in situations such as this - your feelings just take over.

You know it's probably wrong, and the fall-out will probably not be good. But you hope for the best. I know what you're goin' thru sista!!

 

Honestly I don't think she is asking for guidance. She wants reassurance that she's ok and a good person. She is not going to listen to guidance. Even the OW's know this is a nightmare waiting to unravel because of who the om is. She wants to be told it's ok and I don't think anyone can tell her that.

[lovekillsslowly]

Okay I would like to private mail you, but cannot see how. I do not want to hijack the post. Do you know I really do not know if he has a Catholic background, I do not think so, but just loves his family, which can be stronger than religion.; how can I privately mail you?

 

I do understand HST. It is quite a surprise to see others experiencing the same amazing feelings, well some amazing, some terrible and feeling that you have met your soul mate, your exact male opposite. I have cried for the first time in ten years and can't seem to stop crying, but I have to stop this for everyone's sake. My OM's guilt seemed to get worse and worse that he could not deal with it anymore, mainly due to his children's reaction to him. Obviously he must have been showing symptoms that they picked up on, they are not young kids. Let me know how I can email you.

 

Well after reading the rules of the forum they do not allow e-mail exchanges among posters. There has to be some way for us to privately communicate with each other. I have an e-mail account with yahoo. What is the time difference between the USA and UK? Let me know and maybe we can be on at the same time and figure out a way to be able to communicate with each other privately. Thanks!

[2sunny]

well my best friend was heading down this path several years ago and i flat out told her that i didn't think it was nice or fair to herself, her family and her husband.

 

i asked her how she would like it if he was doing that to her?

 

if we are truly friends... we can say what is the best interest of the person we love - without them getting mad that we are speaking the truth... in their best interest. especially when they aren't their "normal" selves and not thinking clearly.

 

the affair fog doesn't allow for thinking things all the way through logically... that is what the friend should be there for... your best interest.

 

you should listen to her - mine has told me on MANY occasions that she was so grateful she took my advice and didn't take her flirting to an extended level - she didn't see any harm in it at the time even though her husband was acting out because he could see she had inappropriate time and contact with him. they both had a huge connection. eventually he made a decision to move... which was a very good thing.

[lovekillsslowly]

Okay I would like to private mail you, but cannot see how. I do not want to hijack the post. Do you know I really do not know if he has a Catholic background, I do not think so, but just loves his family, which can be stronger than religion.; how can I privately mail you?

 

I do understand HST. It is quite a surprise to see others experiencing the same amazing feelings, well some amazing, some terrible and feeling that you have met your soul mate, your exact male opposite. I have cried for the first time in ten years and can't seem to stop crying, but I have to stop this for everyone's sake. My OM's guilt seemed to get worse and worse that he could not deal with it anymore, mainly due to his children's reaction to him. Obviously he must have been showing symptoms that they picked up on, they are not young kids. Let me know how I can email you.

 

Hi Again! I had a thought. What if we posted on the "Friendship" forum. I could place a post to you telling you some specific things about me that would then allow you to figure out my e-mail address without giving you all of my e-mail address. I already told you it's a yahoo.com account so I could leave that part of it out and just tell you stuff like what my favorite dog is and what my favorite number is. Would that work for you? Let me know!