I'm Having trouble getting over the fear that she'll leave Me again, Any Advice??

[sadsongs]

I'm a 26 yr old guy. Have good morals. Know how to treat women. I'm fun, Creative Etc...but not full of myself or anything.

 

 

Anyways:

 

I'm having trouble and was wondering if any guys out there or Girls, Have any advice on this subject...

 

 

I recently got back together with my girlfriend (we live together) after a 1-1/2 Month break from each other. We broke up because she wanted to figure out what she wanted in her life, where she wants to go, what she wants to do, since we had been together for 4 years. She said she felt trapped and like she hadn't accomplisehd things independently from me and that she thought she wanted to be alone for a while, take care of herself on her own. I was crushed, but supported her the whole way. Well, she kept in contact the whole time saying she missed me, missed being romanitic with me And finally came back saying i was the guy for her, always and forever.

 

My problem is, I love her very much...I don't hate her for second guessing her life, It happens. But I'm having trouble feeling secure about us. I feel like I could lose her any day. What can I do to get rid of the fear that she'll leave again. She says she wont, but I still have that fear that if I don't keep things fun and different and fresh and exciting, that she'll have a change of heart again. I don't bring up the past break up and I try not to let little things bug me...I just feel like I have to be careful about what I do or what I say because I don't want to ever hurt her or make her feel "trapped" again. Oh yeah, She's not the greatest of converstionalists, so it's hard to bring stuff up, because she has a very low self esteem...ANY ADVICE?

[kclay21]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. It exists because as a dumpee, you lost confidence after the breakup. You are not sure if she wont pull this again...

 

What I can't tell is that you never really said how you coped with the break-up. You said you supported her, but what did you do in the meantime for yourself? It seems a li'l evident that you didnt take care of YOURself during the breakup and she maintained the control throughout; however, you accepted all her terms when she left AND when she came back. I could be wrong here, but these are just opinions...

 

 

She's not the greatest of converstionalists, so it's hard to bring stuff up, because she has a very low self esteem...ANY ADVICE?

 

This goes to show that you did nothing to establish some ground rules when she came back. If you had taken the time to know what you wanted in the relationship and what you wanted out of a relationship, she just may not have been able to come back because of YOUR terms. She just may have not been the perfect mate for you that you fantasized. ..

 

 

There is still hope for your relationship. You can tell her how you feel about your confidence in the relationship, and in her. You never know the true effect unless you try. She may talk or she may decide to leave again. Only then will you know what to do. You should never compromise what you feel because it may hurt the other person. Do you want someone that thinks you are disposable? Do you want someone that doesn't talk to you about what they feel, or not always honest about those feelings? Do you want a non-conversationalist that has the capacity to harbor resentment because she cant convey what she truly feels?

 

If you had stood tall in this love during the breakup and took care of YOU, you just may be feeling better about this...

 

Again these are just opinions...

[Vivid_29]

If you have this intense fear, then your first breakup must have been hard on you.

 

So, she needed to find herself and experience life on her own. Oh Gee, where have I heard that one before?

 

If I were you, I wouldn't have gotten back with her. Did she date anyone else, while the two of you were apart? If so, it sounded like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

 

Why do you feel that you have to keep things fresh and exciting for her? I hope you think your better than all that. I'm telling right now - If you keep behaving the way you are (worried about keeping her entertained and feeling like your walking on eggshells), be prepared for some serious relationship problems. Stand up tall and strong and be yourself because she could possibly use all of this to her advantage, get bored and walk out on you again. Take charge and don't be afraid to speak your mind.

[dlb311]

I think you have to be yourself and if she leaves again you are way better off without her. Living in fear is not living if you ask me?

 

If you are the one and forever for her then she loves you no matter if he gets ruff or boring at times. That is life. Its not always perfect. Life gets in the way of passion, fun, and happiness at times. If you are a strong couple that truely loves each other you will make it. Don't walk on eggshells for anyone. That is what I have experienced in my time. I use to be worried about what every one would think or say or feel if I said what I really felt or did what I wanted. I always was the pleaser in every relationship, family, friends, and lovers. I got my heart broken for the second time about 4 months ago. He said he just needed his time to get his carrer in order. He graduated from Paramedic school and two days later left. We had planned on moving in together after he was done with school. I don't think we were ready for that step but instead od talking about putting it off to a later date we got all caught up in feeling trapped and broke up. He says he still loves me and misses me so much. But can't be in that serious of a realtionship right now. He wants to be best friends and he said he is being optomistic about it. Its a long story but I can't just be friends with him. He planned on getting married one day. when it was time. But he ran. I do want him back I will admitt. I wish that tmy story will work out and he will realize what he is losing because we had a great relationshiop.

 

But sometimes life isn't a fairy tail. So while he is out with his time. I am taking my time. I didn't want the break so If I date and meet someone else that is good for me because I wasn't the one who needs time and space. I think you should if you didn't should have taken the time she was away to do the same.

 

I am glad to hear she woke up and realized how great you were and are. Just remember you woke up and realized it that means she loves you she wants you the way you are. Not the way you think she wants you to be. You are who you are and if you are true to yourself and don't put yourself on the back burner for her. LOve her, be with her, have a happy life with her but don't not do or say something in fear. If she is going to leave because you say or do something then she isn't the one for you anyway and you can find much better. I know its hard and its easier said then done. But remember this is your life. And make yourself happy first. If she helps to make you happy then give it 100 percent but don't keep things from her that will only cause problems. I think its good you don't bring it up because when you took her back you decided that she left and you were going to forgive her. If you can't then you need to move on. But you have choosen to forgive her that means its the past. Look toward today and the future. You have to let it go. She left but she came back. And try not to worry about if she would leave if she does then deal with it them I think it would be easier one you the second anyway because you already would know you deserve better if she was to walk out on you again.

 

Good luck I hope this helps

 

I love this website. It has helped me so much.

Just be strong and don't hold back.

[Regulus]

Getting back together is always a tricky one because all trust is destroyed. Probably why I never take them back. You should never worry about a woman leaving you. NEVER! Remain confident and be yourself. Her self esteem must not be too low or she wouldn't have had the confidence to leave the first time. I'd start acting more independent and start getting over her now... so your already gone if it happens again.

 

Originally posted by sadsongs

but I still have that fear that if I don't keep things fun and different and fresh and exciting, that she'll have a change of heart again.

 

Watch Goodfellas and give her Pesci's "Am I here to amuse you/clown" speech.

[lostforwords]

Unfortunately you will have to get used to having these fears until you can totally gain her trust back which may take quite a long time..... unless you are prepared to just up and end the relationship.... by the sound sof it you 2 are fairly young so its quite normal for you 2 to split and get back together again unfortuantely iut does have its reprecussions which you are experiencing now..... and all I suggest is fo ryou 2 to try and seek counselling to get over these issues you have.... otherwise be prepared to have them for a long time...... Good Luck.