Will this break help us ?

[nvlisa]

When my (ex) boyfriend and I started dating 5 months ago, we moved really quickly. We spent a lot of time together, vacationed together, adn pretty soon I was staying over at his house 5 days out of the week. We both have had numerous relationships before, but I have never felt a connection or loved anyone like I have him. He on the other hand, had had long term relationships before, but none that he ever felt that he truly loved the girl or give her what they truly needed. But, as it turns out, he did fall in love with me and does love me very much.

 

I believe our ending was the combonation of several things. One, we moved to fast. Soon we, make that I, was talking about families some day, houses we could live, cars we would drive...how our future would be. While he did contribute to those conversations, I do realize now that I was putting so much pressure on our relationship, and wishing for things that will happen some day, but not now, when i am only 23 and he is 26. I must also include a very important sidenote that adds to the pressure of our relationship: I became preganant 4 months in, and we both decided mutually that abortion was our decision.

 

He initiated the break-up. His reasons were mostly centered around the fact that we moved too fast. He said something to the effect of: "I love you, and that will never change. But we moved so fast that we're like a couple who have been married for 5 years. We've already gone through talking abotu living together and future kids, we've had 3 honeymoons, and a pregnancy. We became boyfriend and girlfreind after only 3 dates. I want us to be friends so we can make oursleves better. So we can do this again, but do it the right way. If we are meant to be, then we will do this and be better than ever. You are my best friend and that will not change. I just some time so I can get back those feelings I had when I first met you. I don't feel those right now and it kills me that I feel that way."

 

 

So, I've been taking this really hard. It is so hard to be with someone day in and day out and not have that person around you. He is equally busy with working full time and going to school full time and our relationship no doubt put pressure on him. I myself have been keeping myself busy with work, and am now going to the gym and eating healthy to get back in shape. I am hanging out with old friends that I had not seen in months and trying to move on. The problem is I keep holding onto hope that we will get back together. When we have talked, his is happy to hear all the things I am doing and the positives that have come out of ending our relationship. But I can't seem to see it that way and am hurt and sad to lose my best firend and my lover. He has reassured me since the break up that this will make us better. That he doesn't want to be like his past relationships that get back together and breakup and get back together and break up. He wants us to work this out, give us some space and let things happen as they happen.

 

I now have a hard time trusting this. I really want this to work, for this break to be an improvement...am I allowed to hope? What can I do to make this easier? Or to make this so we can get those feelings back?

 

We talk often, but mostly I feel I have to wait for him to call. Like, if i called it would be desparate. Sigh, I just miss him.

 

Any advice on this situation would be helpful!

[UCFKevin]

It could be a LOT worse, trust me.

 

At least he's being very open and honest and reassuring and isn't closing himself off emotionally. He says he'll come back, he'll come back. Just hope in that, trust in that. But get on with your life, don't sit by the phone furrowing your brow wondering where he is and why isn't he calling.

[imjustagirl]

My relationship started/ended almost the same way....except we're going to be "Friends" until he decides what he wants....

 

I have no advice to offer as I don't know what to do myself.

 

I haven't eatin hardly anything of value in a week...can't keep anything down.

 

Sleep...can't sleep at home as he used to practically live with me 7 days a week...

 

It's been hard...all I can say as we all need to talk together and keep strong...I know that's the only thing that's going to keep me through this.

 

I still think that we'll get back together after we learn more about each other...9 months...and I realised I didn't know what street exactly he lived on...where he was born.

 

Scary...as I was living with him...and for him...he didn't realise I was 23...he thought I was 22....so I think we need to know more about each other before we can let people push us into getting married like office coworkers and family members were.

 

Good Luck...I know we'll need it.

 

~justa~

[nvlisa]

What a difference a few days makes!

 

Last night, we had our first date since the break up and it went extremely well. We discussed how we felt and what this time apart did for us. We are now working our way slowly towards each other and will continue our "dates." This "new" relationship has new standards. We enjoy our time apart now and will continue to spend time do ing our own activities...and our attraction level has now gone up through the roof since we are not together every minute! I am happy to report his gut feeling the whole time apart was that he had made a huge mistake and he wanted me in his life.

 

Now I have a new question that maybe some of you can lend soem insight on:

 

I first wrote the reason for our break up was mostly the large amount of time we spent together, and we recognize that we lost our individual hobbies and friends. In addition, my comments about marriage and future children also affected our relationship (mostly due to the fact that all my friends have been getting married, and so on and I got caught up in the idea). We have discussed what wrong with the old relationship, and now what we want for the future. (And I have realized and communicated that I DON’T want marriage or kids any time soon). We are now happily but slowly easing back into our relationship and we are communicating very well.

 

The problem lies in his emails to his ex (his first high school girlfriend who is now happily married in another state). I read a recent reply email that was written just days before we had gotten back together. In it, he more than stretched the truth to her and there were some basic flat out lies. Some of the comments included that he had been dating several girls in the past few months but with me mostly. But I had scared him away with all my talk about the future. However, we were “talking” again and “I” wanted to get back together. He also mentioned a trip to Europe he was taking me on in January and that it was too late to refund the tickets after we broke up, but we would have a good time anyway.

 

In reality, he only dated me. And it was he who asked to get back together. And the trip he is referring to is a business trip I am taking in January. We had planned on him coming with me, but nothing was set in stone.

 

I believe he is trying to look good for his ex and that is why he makes up these lies. (In previous emails to her he mentioned a trip to Australia we went on over the summer, when again, it was a business trip I was supposed to take but never did…)

 

I mean, why else would he say this stuff?

Should I take this as some sort of sign?

And what the hell is my problem…I shouldn’t be reading his emails in the first place…they only lead to trouble!

[nvlisa]

I should add that his ex is ALSO taking a trip with her husband to Europe... which is why I feel like he is trying to one up him?

 

He has also written emails to her before about racing his jet ski. When he doesn't even race his jet ski!!! See why I get the sense he is trying to impress her?!?

[turbo]

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I have to admitt I am in a very similiar situation as yourself...except we havent' gotten to the part of getting back together yet. It's been not even 5 days. I am dieing here. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I run every day now and I already was in great shape. But I want to get to a size 4, not my size 6. This is really difficult. I want to impresss him so much. I feel for you, I really do. About his email though, he is just trying to impress his ex. He probably doesn't have any feelings for her, and if he does, they are menign. He just wants to prove to her that he has gotten on with his life too. After all, his ex is MARRIED. So seriously, I think you have nothing to worry about. Do you have any advice for me? My story is on another post about being "SCARED and WORRIED, and CONFUSED" or something. Any help would be much appreciated.