fallout Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Let me start by saying good evening to all of you. I was wondering how do I get rid of this one guilt that is my sole secret and no one knows not even my wife of 6 months. No I did not cheated on my wife in but did betrayed someone else that's close to me, my own brother. Briefly and to make a long story short this dates back to 7 years ago now. At the time my brother was dating his now wife of 4 years. I made a terrible thing in both performing and receiving oral. It happened on that occassion and then she cheated on him again with me 2 year before they got married. However, it was only deep kissing this time but I told her no that this couldn't be happening again so we both end up feeling guilty but have since decided to keep quiet about it. I off course at the time was single. Any since I found this forum, this is why I feel like confessing this. But see now there's no point in mentioning this to him plus they got two kids now, one is 3 and the other is 1. Man wish there was a way I can get rid of this guilt. I can't tell this to my wife, if she were to know about this past of mine for sure she would think our whole marriage was a fraud (at the time my brother's wife cheated with me I was single) . But I love my wife as I love my brother even after what I did. Any suggestion would be helpful in getting rid of this guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 there's no point in mentioning this to him Yes there is. It is also how you address the guilt. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 You suck it up. If you have to eat your guilt for the rest of your life you do it. If she is not cheating now, and you aren't cheating, there is no sense in destroying 2 marriages over this. You will always run the risk of discovery. Thats your prison. Enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
lizzylizliz Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 People are weak. They always have been, and always will. Its in our nature. Tell me, were your brother and yourself comptetitive at all, in your youth? I would wonder if there's a little more to this than you realise, perhaps some kind of subconscious sibling rivalry. I'm a big fan of honesty myself, I believe the truth sets us free. However, if you tell your brother, it's unlikely he will ever look at you the same way again. It will probably destroy his marriage with her, and could make your wife question your set of morals for doing this in the first place. Yes, the guilt will eat you up...everything comes with a price, remember this. But telling them all? It won't absolve you of your guilt, and it will hurt several other people. Stay away from this selfish, manipulative woman. She clearly has self esteem issues if she needs to look for attention from people related to her partner. You were right to tell her 'no' the second time. We make mistakes, that's human. Now learn from them. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 no disrespect intended,but you NEVER screw family over,women come and go,but familys blood.not sure if you should say anything .as the op said this is you own prison.but if you bro does find out the fallout is going to be devestating. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Let me start by saying good evening to all of you. I was wondering how do I get rid of this one guilt that is my sole secret and no one knows not even my wife of 6 months. No I did not cheated on my wife in but did betrayed someone else that's close to me, my own brother. Briefly and to make a long story short this dates back to 7 years ago now. At the time my brother was dating his now wife of 4 years. I made a terrible thing in both performing and receiving oral. It happened on that occassion and then she cheated on him again with me 2 year before they got married. However, it was only deep kissing this time but I told her no that this couldn't be happening again so we both end up feeling guilty but have since decided to keep quiet about it. I off course at the time was single. Any since I found this forum, this is why I feel like confessing this. But see now there's no point in mentioning this to him plus they got two kids now, one is 3 and the other is 1. Man wish there was a way I can get rid of this guilt. I can't tell this to my wife, if she were to know about this past of mine for sure she would think our whole marriage was a fraud (at the time my brother's wife cheated with me I was single) . But I love my wife as I love my brother even after what I did. Any suggestion would be helpful in getting rid of this guilt. Wow....just wow. can't even depend on your own brother these days. Your guilt? You are just going to have to live with it. Should have told him before he married a cheating hussbag. i don't even know how you and his cheater can live with yourselves at family functions. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 It was long before any of you were married. It sounds like at the time you all may have been quite young. Telling anyone at this point will have no positive results except to relieve your personal burden...so you cant. The person you are NOW, needs to forgive the person you were then. A lot has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Shock Me Sane Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 You suck it up. If you have to eat your guilt for the rest of your life you do it. If she is not cheating now, and you aren't cheating, there is no sense in destroying 2 marriages over this. You will always run the risk of discovery. Thats your prison. Enjoy it. Exactly. That's the reality of it. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 You tell, what if she cheats again and gives him a disease. Second, this may shock you but he has a right to know. What is the world coming to when we can't even depend on our brother to help us. Let me ask you, were you a member of his wedding party? Did he tell you how much he loved her? did you help throw him a bachelor party? Be a real brother and man and tell him the truth. You may loose him as a brother but lets be honest, you deserve it. Don't treat him in such a disgusting manner by keeping this from him. You and your brothers wife should not have secrets from him. You are still cheating your brother out of a life. If you can't man up and tell the truth, then never speak to him again. What you are doing to him is so unbelievably cruel. Just wait till one day when she lets it slip. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 If you can't man up and tell the truth, then never speak to him again. What you are doing to him is so unbelievably cruel. Just wait till one day when she lets it slip. i witnessed one brother knock out another brother over this very type of issue. Link to post Share on other sites
CandiceIsMe Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 You tell, what if she cheats again and gives him a disease. Second, this may shock you but he has a right to know. What is the world coming to when we can't even depend on our brother to help us. Let me ask you, were you a member of his wedding party? Did he tell you how much he loved her? did you help throw him a bachelor party? Be a real brother and man and tell him the truth. You may loose him as a brother but lets be honest, you deserve it. Don't treat him in such a disgusting manner by keeping this from him. You and your brothers wife should not have secrets from him. You are still cheating your brother out of a life. If you can't man up and tell the truth, then never speak to him again. What you are doing to him is so unbelievably cruel. Just wait till one day when she lets it slip. Well said, he deserves to know the truth Link to post Share on other sites
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