rosie-r Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 First, love this place - you guys helped me no end about 18 months ago! So, I have questions and I need objective input. The SO and I are both divorced (late 30's) and have been exclusive for 18 months. It's been rocky at times (due to my questions below) but the last 6 months have been good but things still worry me. I have a tendency to over analyse things in my life so I question whether I am doing it with him. So, I'd love your thoughts: - We live seperately and generally only see each other weekends where I ALWAYS stay at his place. - I was between places recently and needed somewhere to stay for 2 months, he didn't offer up straight away. He only did after I'd found somewhere temporary. Once I did stay for 10 days and offered him $200 and he took it... - Our libidos are way off, I would and want sex 3-4 times a week. Worried I'd started nagging him I backed off instigating and it's not unusual for us to go weeks without sex when I leave it up to him. - When we do, 99% of the time I do 90% of the work, he lays back and enjoys - Whilst using his computer recently I started to type in a url, all of a sudden it auto-finished on a dating site that specialises in sex-only hookups (to which he'd been within the previous week) I asked him, he said he used it for titillation only a few months before when he'd been drinking and the active in the last week thing was him attempting to delete his profile. I kind of believe him here but it's unsettling. - He has posters of 1/2 naked girls in his toilet (still) and he does look when we're out together - His ex-wifes paintings are EVERYWHERE including the bedroom, plus there's a picture of her on his study bookcase, granted it's at the back and I have turned it around 8) What's with that guys? My ex has a pic of us in a similar position too... - He said to me about 8 months ago (in a txt message) that does love me (this was during a break up) when I told him I love him about 3 months ago his reply was "thank you" - His cat gets more physical contact in 30 minutes than I get in a week. All sounds negative I know... he does do alot for me: - I am his wallpaper on his PC - He hires DVD's he knows I'll like and always makes sure my favourite wine is in the fridge and coffee in the cupboard - I go to all his family things and he considers me his girlfriend i.e. everyone knows of me - He did speak of me being "the one" and being together 6 months ago, but his actions regarding this speak differently - When we speak and really look at each other, the sentence ends and we just look at each other for a few seconds, you know that flirty little look you give each other. A friend was talking to me the other day about real relationships being a "team" and it's freaked me out and re-evaluate my current one, I don't think we are? Or am I romanticising and idealising things? I know actions speak louder than words but his are so conflicting. I do love and am in love with him (it's why I'm still there) but I feel we need to take the next step - when I talk of these things he tells me to chill out, why ruin the day and let things happen but I'm starting to get a little tired of that... I do need to talk sometimes and when it's something negative whether it's us or something at work or with a friend he shuts off and doesn't listen. He doesn't want to know unless it's something positive (don't we all, but that's not life) He's very very internal and acknowledges this and my need to externalise things - I've learnt to adapt this however it CONSTANTLY feels like I am making the effort and the changes and the getting in the car to go to his place, and that' gets really tiring after a while. Confused - am I wasting my life away? Link to post Share on other sites
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