BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Nuala and Drummer. Thankyou both for your replys. I have already written 4 new songs, all in open G#....the tuning is nice, but there is something missing...and that is her voice. (she is a singer too, and a very good one at that) DP, whilst I agree with you, I dont think that this is a wrong contact method per say. Its honest, and its not angry or bitter or needy like my last email, which is what she would probably be expecting. Its ben 5 days now since i received that reply from her. I just want to take the wind out of her sails a bit and and show her that I understand. She says it was an issue in our relationship- this just proves that if she had talked about it that we could have probably worked through it. Its done now, I know this. I do understand, and this is also a way of showing that we had a breakdown in communication, by saying that I never knew about it, and wished we had talked about it. There is a part of me that really wants to send this, I dont know why, it just feels right in a way. still on the fence here..... Sorry guys :S Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yeah, I feel like me 'playing' Nc has just made things worse, I feel like I have been playing immature games instead of trying to make things better, or at least neutral. I know what you mean Soul. I too was 'playing NC' as an immature mind game and not for the right reasons. Also cos that's what everyone told me I had to do but given my time again I'd do things differently. I'm still working on making things neutral but already it's made things so much easier and I'm starting to feel increasingly indifferent about the breakup. Update: My ex called just a minute ago asking if we could 'do something' soon. I chatted for a couple of minutes with him then told him I had to go and would call him back this evening. All I can say is "Meh" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 I do understand, and this is also a way of showing that we had a breakdown in communication, by saying that I never knew about it, and wished we had talked about it. There is a part of me that really wants to send this, I dont know why, it just feels right in a way. still on the fence here..... Sorry guys :S Well if you are gonna respond I think this is a pretty mature way of doing it....but stay on the fence for now. It's the safest place at the mo! Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well if you are gonna respond I think this is a pretty mature way of doing it....but stay on the fence for now. It's the safest place at the mo! Ill stay on the fence, but my balance is being deterred by that big smelly turd in the greener grass............... Meh indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I just wouldn't like to see you crash down again! Its good that you are writing songs though. Music is a therapy but also a living hell (every love song these days brings me close to tears). But actually I think you are right. An email, is a neutral contact method. And if it makes you feel better go for it. You truly know what you want to say, but just hang fire for a few more days. I think what you want to say needs a bit of tweaking. Lack of communication was a problem with my relationship as well, from me and my ex. For the first 20 months, we talked about everything. But the last month, and a half we were not honest to each other and for whatever reason I fell of the pedestal she had me on. I wished she had talked to me SO SO much. Coz we had everything going for us. And going back to you - you are not a mind reader, so how the hell are you supposed to know about her issues if she doesn't mention them!!! Yeah, you might have done bad things, but you are human. A lot of girls (not all!!!) seem to keep negative feelings inside when they are almost ALWAYS fixable issues. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Thank bro ok, You guys probably know where Im at...yup, thats right, i really want to send it.... Ill tweak it about a bit, ill mull it over.... Anymore ideas would be great. Sorry in the late reply, I'm away at the moment and have limited time for Internet. I had no idea you felt that way about the relationship...no idea at all Wish we had talked about it and fixed it when it was an issue. I completely understand where you are coming from now. I respect your decision and no matter what, you will always be a important part of my life. I hope your well and taking care of yourself. its getting better.... CaliGuy- here is your opportunity! And Carhill, I wouldnt mind hearing your views too.... It feels good to finaly restrain myself enough to post here instead of contacting her, and THEN posting here saying 'oh ****, look what I did!!' Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 taking my own advice I gave to you DP Thanks guys, you made me see some light.... SoulBear Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Just follow your intuition dude - like you told me. You have time on your hands, there is no need to rush... I hope things work out for both of us, and everyone on here. I've got to stop thinking that there will be some kind of magical reunion if it does happen because it will probably be quite the opposite. But I'm still going to stick to my plan of LC. I think I will call my ex this week. She has opened up twice in 2 weeks now, and I think she will be willing to talk. I'll do my best not to bring the topic of 'us' up, unless its something nostalgic or positve. And then I'll drop away again and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Sounding good Soul What r u gonna do though if she replies with a cold response, which she might? Just wondering cos you may have to think one step ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Its done and sent. Im done. Found out she blocked me from gmail...sent it from my yahoo account pretneding i didnt know that i was blocked (all my mail gets fwd to my yahoo account on my phone anyway) Sorry in the late reply, I'm away at the moment and have limited time for Internet, all my mail gets fwd to yahoo for my phone. I'm in ****** cave on Staffa today- I cant believe its my first time here, but my god is it cold and the midgies have 2 engines. I had no idea you felt that way about the relationship...no idea at all... I wish we had talked about it and fixed it when it was an issue. I completely understand where you are coming from now. I respect your decision and no matter what, you will always be a important part of my life. I hope your well and taking care of yourself. This Bear's eating Isle of ***** smoked Salmon in his very own cave today!! Im going to be away on the west coast for a few months anyway, If she replies she replies, if she doesnt she doesnt. Either way, I wont be replying to it. The way I see it, is I have defused the anger and the coldness, at least on my part. I have made it clear, in a roundabout way she should have communicated, and that I understand. So its done, Im done. Im pretty sure she has a new man now, but at least I know that I have said what needed to be said in a mature way. Thanks for your help guys Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Soul - the fact that she blocked you from her email isn't a good sign!!! But you've done it and whats done is done. I hope your ex wakes up one day and realises what a waste of love, but I also hope for your sake, that if she ever contacts you, you can be as stern and matter of fact as she has been. She threw you away man, its her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 For sure DP. She ruined it, or maybe I ruined it through my persistent begging, i dont know, probably a bit of both. You know what the worst part of all this is, all I wanted was her to show that she cared, but didnt want to be in the relationship. THAT I could have handled. The fact she has been cold as ice has just plain hurt me. The fact she waited until she moved to my town with me, and then did the deed is also quite hurting. It's a small place. She told another guy after she left me after being here for 3 weeks, that she had feelings for him. That hurt. God, i have been so used here. I have lost pretty much all respect I had for her, im sure the feeling is mutual. Its such a waste of 5 years of love. Such a waste. Your right, she did just throw me away, and kicked me when I was down. Thats not cool, thats not caring or understanding, thats not love. I feel like I have been lied to for the last 5 years.... I remember when we got back together last time, she got a bar job. I remember her getting txtxs from this one guy she met there. She would get txts from him all the time and he was very flirty with her. I hurt me a lot. Im starting to realise, she never really did love me that much.... I cant wait for the next person to come into my life, I cant wait to be over her. If she ever gets back in touch, I will be sure to be as stern and factual as she has been with me. But not before a loooong bout of NC. Im not replying to any calls/txts/emails/talks through mutual friends.....nada Shes done, and one day, when she gets cheated on, or gets her heart broken, she will remember just how good she had it with me. Sorry to bum out the thread guys. There was a very positive air around here until I found all this out. Im very sad today, very sad. Sad its over, sad she treated me like this, and sad that she cant be mature or understanding enough to break up with me the right way, which after so long would have been caring and understanding towards my feelings. I still think that was a good message to send, if anything, it might now rack her with guilt as she is not getting an angry response from me. I feel angry with her now. I know she has moved on and has another bit of meat on the side. She falls in love easy. ugh, I feel so used and unappreciated, unloved and thrown to the gutter. I trust that the universe will set me staright on the right path, and she will get her just desserts. I need a hug Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 She ruined it. Think about it. Everytime you acted in a certain way, it was because she had done or said something to you. You wanted a bit of space, because of the way SHE acted sometimes. Unfortunately, our women took this as them being unwanted. My ex was clingy sometimes, and always had texts from this other bloke (our only ever bust-up was due to me finding messages on her phone exchanged between them - bad ones too - although she said they were innocent, I let her off too lightly). It killed it for me and it made me want to distance myself, to gather my thoughts. I wanted to be with her more than anything and I needed time but it backfired, and if we ever have the talk (I hope we get to have the biggest talk ever), I'll tell her why I seemed distant. I wasn't mature enough to communicate my issues, and neither was she. But when someone wants to see you everyday its a bit difficult to say to them "I want to be on my own tonight"...this was about three months before we broke up. The only thing you ruined mate was your self-esteem, and perhaps dignity. NC gives you that chance to regain what you had before. And I didn't mean that its a waste of love; I actually meant I hope she wakes up one day and realises what she wasted. Why do you think that she never loved you that much? Don't think that...she did. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I just received this email..... She met this guy a month after we broke up....... what the hell do I do...im SO ****ING HURT Hi Well yes, that's how it was. I felt like I couldn't tell you anything cos whenever I tried you'd just go "don't turn this around onto me". You just refused to see the part you had to play in our problems. Anyway. What's done is done. You deserve to know that I'm with someone else now. Not the guy from ninjutsu, and noone you know. Friends of ours in Edinburgh do know him though. We met at Knock, it's only recently blossomed but I'm very serious and very happy about it. I'm in Love. I wish you all the best and do hope that we can come to be friends. The ex Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Oh dear that's cruel DON'T REPLY!!!!! And don't take it too seriously either. He's a rebound and it probably won't last....that's probably of little consolation to you. It's almost like she's baiting you. Telling you she's with someone, it's blossoming, it's serious and she's in love sounds dubious to me. Very cruel girl! Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 i dont know what to do... i am so hurt.... Why do you think that she never loved you that much? Don't think that...she did. really? Doesnt look like it. Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 **** - that made my heart ache. So sorry Soul. Keep your chin up. You probably needed this. This is your final kick up the backside. Do not even bother contacting her again - she is not worth the additional pain and you have nothing to gain. Yes, she is being honest and yes, she is being frank, just like you were to her so you can't really blame her, but you know where you stand now. It must be hard. Your situation is a lot of different to mine in that you were engaged and lived together. So I'm sure all of us here on LS are feeling for you. And there is no way on Earth that you can be friends with her...I can't believe she moved on so quickly. But I guess people do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 I know you're hurt but pleeease don't reply. Don't do anything!!! If you call or reply she'll just use it as another excuse to twist the knife. Trust me I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 what the hell is she playing at? Why send something like that? How can she be 'in love' with someone else soon. Seriously.....I am so hurt.... When we met, 5 years ago, she told me after 2 weeks she loved me..... Guys I have so much anger and hurt inside of me. And to say I said 'dont turn it on me' that is such BS.....she wouldnt communicate with me. I really need a friend right now. No one in edinburgh has even called me for months, wont respond to emails or phones calls..... I am so lost guys..... Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 what the ****............... Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 This is one of the reasons I haven't been calling my ex...coz I couldn't handle the information if she was seeing someone else. It sucks dude. If you feel lost, why don't you do some travelling. Just disappear for a while. Wales is nice! Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Oh dear that's cruel DON'T REPLY!!!!! And don't take it too seriously either. He's a rebound and it probably won't last....that's probably of little consolation to you. It's almost like she's baiting you. Telling you she's with someone, it's blossoming, it's serious and she's in love sounds dubious to me. Very cruel girl! We both met on a rebound...and we lasted 5 years Funnily enough, she had just dumped her last bf of 11 months What a cold, cold cruel woman. I am totally heartbroken Im so sad.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Some of the advice I posted on this thread (see page 1) came from this ebook I downloaded called 'stop your divorce' by Homer McDonald. I downloaded it from piratebay (naughty naughty) and when I first started reading it I was in the mindframe of wanting my ex back but after following some of the advice for a few weeks, I didn't care so much about wanting him back which is a great feeling! Now, like most ebooks it's filled with a lot of fluff but it does contain some usefull advice and I trust most sensible people to be able to filter out the c*ap (and there is some c*ap in it). Also it doesn't just apply to divorcing couples, it's relevant to non married seperating couples too. Anyways, 'Stop Your Divorce' Homer McDonald download..or I could send it to you cos I have it. p.s. This isn't spam I just happened to find the book useful. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 f i n g a l .bp @ gmail. com Nuala there is my email Please dont type out my first name in these forums. I want my posts to remain as anon. as possible so it doesnt come up when you type it in google! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 That's it sent Don't worry I won't use your name Might also be an idea to delete that post by means of editing it and changing it completely so no one else sees ur email. Link to post Share on other sites
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