Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Just because I would read an email IF one comes does not mean I want this man in my life. Means that I would be curious....& we are still talking IF...IF...IF - Why do you think that I don't want him out of my life? I haven't spoken to him face to face since December - Haven't had contact with him since February (email). I am not running after him. I am not calling him. I am not emailing him. I am not I.M.ing him. Why do you keep saying I don't want him out of my life. I'm not contacting him. Really I"m not trying to be "confusing" with my posts. I was initially freaked out when I got the text. Did you just ignore what I said again? The quote to which you replied dealt with the fact that if you do NOT respond to any email, then there is NO confrontation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Did you just ignore what I said again? The quote to which you replied dealt with the fact that if you do NOT respond to any email, then there is NO confrontation. I'm not sure I'm following. IF I don't answer it you're right NO CONFRONTATION.......Why would I need to have confrontation with him? Confrontation means contacting him. Where am I missing what you're saying? Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm not sure I'm following. IF I don't answer it you're right NO CONFRONTATION.......Why would I need to have confrontation with him? Confrontation means contacting him. Where am I missing what you're saying? Ok, at the risk of totally pizzing Dex off...GEEZ, Dex...cut CiK some slack here!!!! Seems like you're nitpicking every single word of every single sentence & condemning CiK no matter what she says. I get that you were freaked out CiK - I get that you've had NC since February - I get that you'd be curious about an email IF one arrived...BUT I think you're doing what you need to do. You did tell your husband about the one text you received, and I believe that was the right thing to do. Only you & your h know what is truly happening in your marriage and what needs to be done to make it work... I think, based on what you've told us here, you're doing everything you know to do to make things better. Keep your head up & keep on keepin' on! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm not sure I'm following. IF I don't answer it you're right NO CONFRONTATION.......Why would I need to have confrontation with him? Uh, because you first said you would not respond, THEN you came back and said you would confront him. I think you are losing it. You need to think before you post these things. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Ok, at the risk of totally pizzing Dex off...GEEZ, Dex...cut CiK some slack here!!!! Seems like you're nitpicking every single word of every single sentence & condemning CiK no matter what she says. its obvious SHE doesn't even know what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Uh, because you first said you would not respond, THEN you came back and said you would confront him. I think you are losing it. You need to think before you post these things. And I'll probably change my mind again. This isn't something that I can say ....Well IF this happens I'll do this, IF that happens, I'll do that. Holy Cow! It could go either way as far as this goes. But we are still talking in IF"S I'm not losing it. It's already GONE................ :o....LOL Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Dex. For the most part you are right on with some of the things you say. But I wonder...Will you EVER soften up even a little bit when it comes to someone that has cheated? ... Even a little & try to see the other side of the coin? We who have cheated - well most of us - Understand the situation we've caused. I'm just wondering;) Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 And I'll probably change my mind again. This isn't something that I can say ....Well IF this happens I'll do this, IF that happens, I'll do that. Holy Cow! It could go either way as far as this goes. But we are still talking in IF"S I'm not losing it. It's already GONE................ :o....LOL LOL, CiK! For some of us, we CAN'T lose it, 'cause we didn't have it to start with! Seriously, though, playing the IF game doesn't really do any good, except that it can help you IF (hee hee) you are confronted with one of the situations you're projecting. I do think it's a good idea to know how you will handle it IF he does attempt to contact you again...maybe, since he still has the ability to confuse/anger/whatever you, you could have your hubby respond? He seems like a pretty laid back guy, from what you've said. Maybe HE could say to Affair Dude, "Hey, AD, knock it off. If she wanted to talk to you, she would." What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Dex. For the most part you are right on with some of the things you say. But I wonder...Will you EVER soften up even a little bit when it comes to someone that has cheated? ... Even a little & try to see the other side of the coin? We who have cheated - well most of us - Understand the situation we've caused. I'm just wondering;) Stuck, I haven't been around these boards long, but I get the feeling Dex is where he's gonna stay in terms of softening up. Dex, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking after all this time (from your D-Day), you're pretty much set in your way of thinking. I can't say I always agree with you, but I do think you make some valid points at times - I guess the "softer" side of me wishes you weren't always so harsh in expressing them. 'Course, that's just me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 LOL, CiK! For some of us, we CAN'T lose it, 'cause we didn't have it to start with! Seriously, though, playing the IF game doesn't really do any good, except that it can help you IF (hee hee) you are confronted with one of the situations you're projecting. I do think it's a good idea to know how you will handle it IF he does attempt to contact you again...maybe, since he still has the ability to confuse/anger/whatever you, you could have your hubby respond? He seems like a pretty laid back guy, from what you've said. Maybe HE could say to Affair Dude, "Hey, AD, knock it off. If she wanted to talk to you, she would." What do you think? IF...(hee hee) It does come to him trying to contact me again...-- that's a good idea HsMomma. It's not like my husband hasn't ever called him before. He probably has his phone number memorized like I do. (Although the one time he called him, hubby hung up--thank goodness for caller ID) He is very laid back. But VERY Non-Confrontational. His advice would be to put him on Ignore.....eventually he'll get the idea & go away. I truly think that IF he were to contact me TODAY would be the day. And, nothing so far. Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 He is very laid back. But VERY Non-Confrontational. His advice would be to put him on Ignore.....eventually he'll get the idea & go away. I'm not saying he has to 'confront' AD, just calmly & plainly tell him you ain't interested...in his mild-mannered way, of course! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Dex. For the most part you are right on with some of the things you say. But I wonder...Will you EVER soften up even a little bit when it comes to someone that has cheated? I have before. It all depends on their responses. Even a little & try to see the other side of the coin? whats to see? they cheated:o Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Stuck, I haven't been around these boards long, but I get the feeling Dex is where he's gonna stay in terms of softening up. Dex, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking after all this time (from your D-Day), you're pretty much set in your way of thinking. pretty much. cheating is despicable no matter how one tries to slice it or justify it. set in my ways? when it comes to cheating, ya, I'm definitely set in my ways. way I look at it, why should someone settle for someone that has cheated. If they do settle, and want to stay with a cheater, then I wish them the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Excellent question - Why should someone settle for someone that's cheated? I don't know how old you are or what your relationship status is....But, does that mean that you ask about cheating in a dating situation? Prior to a first date? Is that a deal breaker - in the dating world too? Someone that HAS cheated in the past? As I said I don't know - you may be in a relationship now - if tha's the case - did you ask her all the questions prior to dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 whats to see? they cheated:o Maybe what stuck means is ........... We cheaters see YOUR side of the coin. Why can't you see some of ours? Link to post Share on other sites
schewter Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Maybe what stuck means is ........... We cheaters see YOUR side of the coin. Why can't you see some of ours? A little empathy is always a good thing... Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 A little empathy is always a good thing... Or maybe even some form of understanding if empathy is too much to ask for? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Excellent question - Why should someone settle for someone that's cheated? I don't know how old you are or what your relationship status is 40....dating ....But, does that mean that you ask about cheating in a dating situation? Prior to a first date? Is that a deal breaker - in the dating world too? Someone that HAS cheated in the past? I don't ask. I operate under the rule of trust until given a reason to not. If I found out someone cheated in the past, then the spark will go away for me and more than likely the relationship will be phased out. And in any case...its all about lessons learned with everyone here right? As I've said before...if someone cheats....can they learn their lesson? Sure....but a fitting lesson learned is they lose the person they claimed to love, and apply the lesson learned to a future relationship. And I am speaking in terms of I wouldn't settle for a cheater that cheated on me. I can't tell if someone else is a cheater. But you know what...i try to subtly bring up cheating in a conversation. And although I don't outright ask someone if they cheated, I definitely make it known that I don't condone it and won't put up with it. As I said I don't know - you may be in a relationship now - if tha's the case - did you ask her all the questions prior to dating? Actually, yes....she claims she never has. And I told her thats good, because I despise cheating. So she knows where I stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Maybe what stuck means is ........... We cheaters see YOUR side of the coin. Why can't you see some of ours? uh, because you cheated and there is no excuse or justification. Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 As I've said before...if someone cheats....can they learn their lesson? Sure....but a fitting lesson learned is they lose the person they claimed to love, and apply the lesson learned to a future relationship. That's exactly the way I saw it with my exH - I truly believe that he learned a lesson from our failed marriage, but for me, I couldn't stay with him, nor could I ever trust him again...so, hopefully, he has applied this to his current situation. I do believe people can change...learn their lessons...recapture a marriage, if that's what they (& the BS) want - I just didn't happen to want to be the one to stick around & see with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
z1850 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Do you have a college degree? Most of the chemistry majors I knew didn't have these kinds of problems because they were too busy studying. All those years of hard academic discipline translates into personal discipline. If that's not enough, there's always graduate school... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 uh, because you cheated and there is no excuse or justification. I've never tried to justify what i did. I was just wondering why some people can see both sides of an arguement, & others can't. :)Been since last Wednesday when I got the text.....No email, no phone call, no I.M. & no more text messages...Perhaps I'm in the clear! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I've never tried to justify what i did. I was just wondering why some people can see both sides of an arguement, & others can't. all though its an off the wall comparison, but the principle is the same, so let me put it this way. Timothy McVeigh has his side of the story....shall I see it and see validity in it and sympathize with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedinkansas Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 all though its an off the wall comparison, but the principle is the same, so let me put it this way. Timothy McVeigh has his side of the story....shall I see it and see validity in it and sympathize with him? You sure do grasp at things here don't you. I've never killed anyone & NO I don't sympathize with Timothy McVeigh. Nor do I think you should sympathize totally with us. I was merely saying - See both sides of the coin. If you're closed minded & can't ... That's ok - If you can...that's GREAT! Don't use examples that are far fetched If you're going to compare - let's compare apples to apples...K? Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 CiK, glad to hear there's been no more communication from AD...hopefully, this will be the last you hear from him. Hope you're taking care of yourself & were good to yourself this last weekend. Keep your chin up, girl! Link to post Share on other sites
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