need thoughts, I am hurting

[banser123]

I am hoping for some advice. My story is a little complicated and long, please be patient, I really am hurting and need help. To try to briefly summarize, I was really good friends with a girl I work with. We became very close over 4 years at work and people at work called us husband and wife. We went to lunch everyday together. We are both single. I have no kids, she has 2. As close as we were it was only during work. For some reason we never hung out or even talked or texted after work. I really liked her but wasnt sure how she felt and being that we worked together I figured I would let it be.

 

One night I got a text from her at midnight. She said she had a sitter for the night and her friend stood her up and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. I was extremely happy. We went for drinks and she told me after I dropped her off that she really had a great time and we should do it more often. For the next month we started hanging ot more often, sometimes alone and sometimes with her kids. I knew I had to tell her how I felt but was nervous. Then one day she shocked me and told me she wanted more than friendship. We spoke about it for a few hours on the phone then agreed we would date. We both agreed that we would not tell the people at work because we wanted to see how thins went. Things were great. She texted me so much calling me honey and baby and saying she was thinking of me all the time and was glad I was in her life. I thought she was crazy about me and I felt the same. She did tell me she was scared and insecure but told me to be patient and it would pay off.

After about 6 weeks she told me that she didnt want to date me anymore and cut me off. She didnt want to give me false hopes and she felt no chemistry. She said I was too nice and it turned her off a little. But it didnt make any sense because she told me at first that she really liked those qualities from me. I was shocked and confused and hurt badly. Things at work were so akward, we didnt talk anymore and people started making assumptions. She moved from her apartment into her friends brothers place. Once again, things at work were horrible and uncomfortable.

 

After 3 months of not talking she called me one day and we agreed to talk. She apologized and told me it was because she was very scared. She feels as tho I will get tired of her in the future and break her heart and she cant take that. We had a nice talk and agreed to be friends with the intentions of getting back to dating. For the next few months we spent a lot of time together. We met for coffee after work everday and I was helping her find another apartment. She found one 3 blocks from mine. She moved in and I picked her up every morning dropped off her kids to school, 2 different schools then went to work. After work I drove her to the daycare to pick up the kids and drove them all home. One of her kids has a disability and needs to be carried. I carried him up 2 flights of stairs every day twice a day. After a few weeks she started telling me that she was scared again and had no feelings. I was upset but she didnt cut me off and just before valentines day she said she wanted to date again. But she made me promise I would not hurt her, which I did. We dated for about 2 months and things seemed good. She was depressed about other things, one of her kids has a disability and that was effecting her. I was always there to hold her when she cried and wipe away her tears and console her. She told me she wanted me in her life. But she also felt ashamed of her situation. Then one day out of the blue she broke up with me agian. She said she hoped her feelings would get stronger but they didnt, but she didnt explain why. She said we didnt have a future together. I was so good to her. I did so much for her, too much to write.

 

The one thing is that this girl has had a very bad past. No family, parents left her and are drud addicts, the father of her kids is a jerk who doesnt bother with them or pay as much as he should. She didnt have too many friends. But I admired her because she carried herself so good. She is educated, has a god job and is very polite and shy. I feel as tho she could of went down stream and gave up but carried herself good for what she is dealing with.

I am very depressed and hurting. I know it sounds complicated and people tell me to forget her because she is no good. But I know her and her situation and I feel for her and understand. I want her back but I want her to feel more comfortable about herself and me being with her. She never used me for money or anything like that and there was not any other men involved. She said she wanted to be alone for a while.I tried to talk but she didnt want to at first, then we met briefly but she was firm. I cant understand how at first she was crazy about me now she cuts me off. I didnt do anything wrong. It has been 3 and a half weeks now and she hasnt even called or texted me. She hasnt been at work since we broke up because she took a leave of absence to take care of her son. She is supposed to come back tomorrow.

Please help me. I cant get her out of my mind and I want things to be better, even if it means being friends again at first. I hope she has feelngs for me and is just scared rather than her just using me for help and lying to me. It was so special at first and I cant believe what has happened.

Please help. Thanks

[Shock Me Sane]

It sounds like maybe she really likes you as a person and a friend, appreciates your help and whatnot, but is really not attracted to you in the way necessary for two people to be in a romantic relationship. I mean, if there's no spark, there's no spark. And no matter how many times she tries to find that chemistry with you, it's probably not going to happen.

 

I know I have, on more than one occasion, developed crushes on long-time friends, only to realize once I initiated something that I really wasn't into them, and there was a reason we were only friends for so many years.

 

Maybe you should really evaluate the level of romance/chemistry between you two and use that to understand how she's feeling about the situation. Maybe she has too many other responsibilities in life to feel romantically involved right now? Is she stressed out, unfocused?? Maybe she feels like she's using you because she can't really give you her all at this point in her life, so she keeps breaking it off?

[banser123]

Thanks for the response. The weird part is if she appreciates me as a person and friend then why did she cut me off totally? I know she is stressed out bigtime and she has even told me in the past that she can't give back much cause of her situation but asked me to be patient and I was. She told me she was attracted to me and she even initiated us having more than friendship. Did she lie? How do feelings change so fast without a reason? She hurt me once and then does it again. And she does it so cold. Doesn't she realize that I was always there for her and at least give me a good explanation. I wonder if she even misses me. I know her kids love me. Its ashame.

[Shock Me Sane]

I imagine she just cuts you off completely because it's the most effective way to move on and make it clear to you that she doesn't want a romantic relationship right now. If you stayed in contact, trying to be friends, it's likely that something would develop again and she would keep having to battle with her own feelings of "This isn't right." I'm sure she misses you, but a period of no contact is a good idea and the best way to reestablish a healthy friendship between you two.

[banser123]

Thank you for the response. I understand what you are saying. Its just weird because she is a very indecisive person who really seemed like she wanted it to work, so if thats the case why is she so final now, especially that she literaly has no friends and such a hard life. And she told me the same thing once before, that there was no chemistry and she cut me off only to call me 3 months later and go back to being friends then dating agian.

Looking at it from my stand point I cant figure it out. She always told me it was that she was scared and insecure, now she says she has no feelings. Something doesnt make sense. If you knew this girl and how she thinks Im sure you would agree.

[Shock Me Sane]

So, she's scared, insecure, has no friends, etc. Obviously, she is going to enjoy and want your company to some extent because of that. BUT... that doesn't mean she wants a relationship with you. She realizes that you are not right for her. I think you need to work on accepting that instead of digging for the answer you want: "Oh, she's totally into you! Keep trying!" NOT TRUE.

[banser123]

Its not that I want to hear that she is totally into me. I know thats not true. But I would like to think that she was somewhat interested and something is holding her back. That way I wont feel used. When we first started dating about a year ago there were a few times when she went out with her friends, then at 1:00am when it was time for her to go home she called me looking to come over. She had her night out and it was late, why did she still want to see me. She texted me saying that she wishes we were in bed together holding each other, thats she is thinking about me all day. I dont mean to sound stubborn, but if I asked her to date and she figures why not lets give it a shot then tells me she felt nothing I would understand better but she asked me to date and in the process said some deep things to me so that doesnt seem like a person who just wants to be friends. I understand that this all sounds confusing and maybe I should forget her but its hard when you feel as though she wants it but is afraid, she does have serious problems with insecurity and feels ashamed of her situation to an extent where it effects her alot. I dont know. I just care about her a lot and as much as I love her I also am concerned for her well being. she hasnt showed up to work in a while and I hope she is not giving up

[banser123]

Shocked me sane, thanks for the feedback. I hope I dont sound like im trying to debate you. I know what you are saying makes sense. its just that because of our history, close friends, coworkers, dating, etc.. it is hard for me to not feel as though it can work out. I mean, she didnt do anything like cheat on me or use me for money, she is very unmaterialistic. I feel as tho if she is just afraid of commitment and is insecure I cant be mad at her and I hope that we can at least start talking again. I hope you understand what I am saying. We have had some deep conversations and I know she is confused but I also know that when she started this with me she was very happy and wanted to make me happy, I just want that back, in time

[banser123]

well it has been 5 weeks since we broke up and three weeks of nc i am hurting so much, it has not gotten any better, its actually gotten worse. she still has not shown up to work or even called anyone. exactly a year ago today we went to one of my friends bbq together. he is having one today and i couldnt bring myself to go, too many memories. it was the day after this bbq last year that she told me she wanted to date me, one of the happiest days of my life.

some people say she only like me as a friend, not romantically but i am not sure because she had me as a friend and she asked me to date her. its not like i wasnt there for her. why would she ask to date me and kss and sleep with me if she wasnt attracted to me, and she told me she was physically attracted to me so many times. it just doesnt make sense to me.

i think that she is just not used to being with a guy like me, someone who respects her and cares about her so much. she is so used to being let down that she cannot let her guard down, therefore she cannot truly appreciate what i do for her. she has told me in the past so many times that she needs to let someone lover her and love them back but she has a hard time doing so

part of me feels like I cant give up because we do have a lot in common and in the beginning we got along so good, it was bery special. she would tell me that she couldnt believe we were together at that she was very happy now she doesnt call me. maybe its because she is embarrassed of her life, but she doesnt have to be because i am not judgemental, and i told her this

sorry for all this babbling, im just hurting badly i want us to at least speak again and i want to know if she is doing better with her depression, why did she cut me off???

[KikiW]

It sounds like she was really hurt in the past and is absolutely terrified of being hurt again. She may have built walls around her to help guard herself against emotional pain, which is turn blocks her from experiencing emotional pleasure as well.

 

I know about this firsthand.

 

It took a long time for my SO to chip away at my walls. I had done a lot of work on breaking them down with a therapist already, but there was plenty left to deal with, and he was patient and loving, and never made a promise he didn't keep. There are STILL times when my inner self reaches toward the pile of bricks to start rebuilding, but I am nearly past that.

 

However, this is not an excuse for her to be treating you the way she has. It is incredibly unfair, not only to you but to her children (whom I am certain formed at least some attachment to you).

 

I don't know what the best course of action is if she is not communicating at all. Perhaps an email explaining how you cared so deeply for her and that you feel you have proven to her that you are a man of your word, that you never let her down all the time you were with her. That the reason she may not have strong feelings for you is because she is so guarded that she is afraid to feel them. But she won't know unless she overcomes her fears, and she is doing a disservice to herself and her kids by throwing away what could be the best thing in her life. Of course, I would stress that if she ever wanted to give it one more go, you would consider it only if she made the promise and commitment to work hard on building a relationship based on love and trust, because at this point your heart can't handle being broken anymore.

 

I really get the impression that she is running from you because she is scared of being hurt and is being over-protective of her emotions. It will be a terrible shame if she can't see what a wonderful man you are and what a benefit you are to her life. I truly wish you the best of luck.

[banser123]

Thank you for your kind words. I believe the same as you, she is running from me and not giving her feelings a chance. She has had a very rough past and is very defensive. She doesnt have much, no family, not too many friends, etc.. She has told me in these exact words that she wanted to be with me but was terrified of getting hurt. And as much as I know I wont hurt her and do so many nice things for her she has a problem of letting her guard down and enjoying it. Sometimes it seems like she is making progress but then she stumbles again.

What I dont understand is why she just cuts me off. Maybe its because she is embarrassed. She has told me that as well. The last time we spoke she told me she had no feelings and didnt want to do this anymore. I am hoping that she is just saying that as a way of running away. She does not know how to confront her problems and deal with them, she normally just runs away, which is what she is doing with me. I think I will just wait and be patient and then ask her to talk again.

My problem is this: She needs to be told my someone other than me that I wont hurt her and that she can trust me. she is clearly overwhelmed in life and I only helped her with that. If she hears it from me it will sound biased but we dont have any mutual friends that I can ask to talk to her.

Her kids loved me, I read them books at night and they asked me for hugs good night. They always wanted me to come over. Her son even asked me to move in because he liked me being around so much.

I hope she realizes this soon. I do want her to appreciate me and enjoy herself because i know if she lets her guard down we can have have a special thing.

I hope this makes sense

[berry_oh]

I'm afraid I can't offer you much advice on this, but I agree with what people are saying, that she just needs to realize herself how important you are to her. Maybe you should talk to one of her friends to talk to her about this.

 

You sound like a very patient and caring person and you might have to wait a little bit longer, but I think she will come around and see that you're exactly what she's been waiting for.

 

Best of luck.

[banser123]

Thank you both KikiW and Berry Oh. I hope you are right. I have no problem being patient because I understand people need time to get things together. But I hope it pays off. I trusted her in the beginning. We both knew we had trust issues with dating and I trusted that she was my friend that she wouldnt hurt me. If she did use me and lead me on but only saw me as a friend I would be devestated. If she does want something romantically but is just scared or not ready then at least I can deal with that because I wont feel used by a very close friend.

She does not have any friends that I can ask to talk to her for me. And our coworkers all tell me to forget her because thay think she used me so I cant ask them to talk to her. So I am at a spot where I guess I just have to be patient. She hasnt been to work in weeks and some people think she is looking to get fired, they feel as tho she is breaking down and giving up. I hope for her sake, and her kids sake thats not true because she has a good job and it would be such a loss if she were to get fired. So if she does come back to work, hopefully on Monday, maybe I can feel out the situation and find a good time to talk to her

I hope it works out

[KikiW]

Banser, you shouldn't wait around forever. If she wants to get help and work on her issues, then she needs to stop messing around and DO something. But if she doesn't think she needs to do anything, and won't fix things, then you need to put on your walking shoes. How awful will it be to have gone through a couple more years of this back and forth and be nowhere closer to a normal, loving, caring relationship?

 

You sound like you have the patience of a saint. But don't put your life and happiness on hold in the hopes she comes around. And to be honest, it will show her than you are not an obedient puppy sitting on the sidelines waiting for her attention. That's also the Nice Guy thing that has been the downfall of many. You are a wonderful person, so look around and see if there is someone else who sees what a wonderful person you are too.

[Jilly Bean]

I think she's just way too damaged to be in a healthy, loving relationship, like you can offer her.

 

You have to realize that NONE of this is about you - it truly is all her and her issues.

 

If she doesn't feel worthy of a guy like you, then she will always internally struggle and yes, continue to pull and push you out of her life.

 

I totally get where you are. YOU get it, and can't understand why she is not returning the affections. It's not for lack of wanting to, it's because she just plain CAN'T.

 

One thing I learned long ago, is that we can't expect more from people than they possess.

 

You are mourning an aborted love, but IMO, this girl would never be able to be in the kind of stable dynamic you are.

 

When she said you are too nice, that was your clue. It was her way of saying she can't function without drama and abuse.

[banser123]

Well, its Monday and she still hasnt shown up to work, not even a call to any of her other coworkers. It has been 5 weeks now since she was supposed to return. This seems very strange. She is not the type of person who is motivated to get another job and also with the economy the way it is and her experience I find it hard to believe she found another job so quickly. I mean, this is a dream job for her, the pay and benefits are great and she gets a lot of flexability with her needing to take time off alot to care for her son. This just doesnt add up. Of course I do worry about her well being. I do not want to contact her and I wont but I hope she at least calls someone with an update of her status.

I know she feels embarrassed of her situation and has told me before she cares about what others at work think about her but the longer she doesnt show up the more akward it will be.

Normally she had me to talk and vent to and I always made her feel better at times of her depression but now maybe she feels as tho she has no one and feels embarrassed to return to work. This might sound strange but when someone is depressed they do not think logical sometimes. I hope she wakes up soon and talks to my boss. He has been very patient thus far and believe me, maybe she doesnt realize it but this job is one of the few things in her life right now that is a positive.

I miss her and hope she is doing ok.

I really want to talk to her but I need her to contact me first otherwise I feel as tho it might me useless.

[berry_oh]

If this is something that can affect her job, I think you should call her and find out what's up. Yeah I do think people can act a little illogical when they're depressed (gawd knows I do), and I think you should call, try to put aside you and her in a relationship for now, and just check up on her and make sure she's not putting her job in jeopardy because of this. Maybe you could take a light approach at this, as in dont flat out call and say "hey, where are you? you gonna get fired", but instead, "hey. You havent been to work in a while, and I just wanted to check up on you and see if everything is all right with you." Somewhere along those lines.

And it could turn out to be nothing at all and everything is fine. I dont think it will be useless if you take the initiative and got to her, rather than wait for her to come to you. If anything, it just shows you're being a thoughtful friend.

[banser123]

I am still hurting alot. Thank you berry oh. It makes sense what you say but I just cant bring myself to do it right now. I tried once to text her just to say hi and see how she was doing, this was about 3 weeks ago, 3 1/2 weeks ago and she wasnt too talkative, that sort of surprised me. and also if she is doing bad, which is what I assume, she probably will be too proud to tell me, at least right now. I know her well and I know that she will act as tho she is fine when she is not. she did this to me once before when we didnt talk for 3 months, but we did see each other at work still. when she finally called me and asked me to talk we met and had a nice talk and agreed to be friends and eventually get back together. when we started spending time together she broke down and told me she was really depressed and sad about her life and her situation. She also told me she wanted me in her life but was scared. I know that that doessnt get better so fast. so I know she is still depressed but I wish she would let me back in her life, even as a friend, so I can try to help and be there for her. I wonder if she is embarrassed, she has mentioned that alot in the past. Any thoughts?

[banser123]

Thank you bmbaby.

She actually has 2 kids. 7 and 9 years old. And one has a disability. I know she is overwhelmed and under alot of stress and I totally understand. I never rushed anything with her. I only helped, both physically and emotionally, being there for her when she needed to vent etc..

If she cant handle a relationship because of her current situation i would understand but what I dont get is why she cuts me off totally. Why not ask me if I want to be friends and let me decide. Im the one that is hurt, Im sure she is not. it just bothers me that she has told me she is scared and terrified to be with me because she is afraid I will hurt her. I know she has trust issues but it is frustrating because I know I wont hurt her.

I just hope she misses me and didnt use me and is ok. Her not coming to work really concerns me. I dont want to contact her because maybe she is not ready but I suure hope she calls me so we can at least talk. I really miss her and care for her, thats why I am hurting

[banser123]

She never has gone MIA. She normally tells me everything, especially when we were dating and spending alot of time together.

Her son had a surgery back in April and she had to take a few weeks off to stay with him. But he is able to go to school so I am not sure why she cant come back to work. I hope her son is feeling better, the doctor said that the surgery was not guaranteed and he might need to go back for more surgery, minor tho.

 

She contacted our boss last on May 26 saying she needed the rest of that week off because her daughter had the flu. We all expected her back the following Monday which was June 1st but she hasnt showed up or called anyone since. I did text her a few days after she said her daughter was sick and asked how her and the kids are doing and she said fine, but she wasnt very responsive. But I know she is very proud and would not tell me if they were doing bad, at least not yet. Thats why I hesitate to call because I feel as tho she will say everything is fine when it really isnt.

 

I know she was severly depressed right before we stoped talking and I know she wanted to stay in a lot and be alone. and I also know that she is worried about what others think about her at work, thats why I feel as tho she is ashamed to come back. But she needs money and is not getting paid and she clearly is not thinking straight because of the depression. I will give it another week or so and if she doesnt call or show up to work I will try to contact her. If she is going through a tough time, which Im sure she is, I want her to know that I am here for her. Not only know but believe me. Because she always questioned why I cared so much, as if she was so used to getting let down she didnt believe me that I cared and loved her sincerely.

 

As long as I know this is the reason why she stopped talking to me, rather than her just using me, I eventually want us to get back together becauase I know it can work out and be special but I need her to get better first and not give up on life. I will be her friend and help her get through it because she cant do it alone, no matter if she thinks she can or not. She doesnt have any family or many friends so thats why she is so defensive and i truly feel for her.

from what you know do you think she used me, in yoir opinion.

[JustWords]

Some people find it's easier to walk away and put distance between themselves and the other person. I can tell you from experience, I have done just that. It's sometimes easier to deal with difficult situations. Yes, it may hurt the other person, but personal reflection is sometimes important in the realization process.

 

If she has some difficulty accepting someone's genuine care and giving, that's probably a major contributor in the reasons why she runs so suddenly.

 

I can also tell you from experience, someone may want something, they may feel something for you, but when they see and feel the feelings mounting, it's hard for them; which is another reason they run. Everyone is afraid of being hurt, but these people are exceptionally fearful of being hurt and see running as the best option for them. It's safe. They of course are hurting themselves by depriving themselves of their true feelings, but this is just what they do.

 

The fact that she keeps coming back is a huge indicator everything I've just written. Personally, I don't think you should feel as though you did this. You did everything you were supposed to, if not more. You went above and beyond and accepted her back countless times. One thing I hope you do not do is own her insecurities. This is something she needs to work through.

 

I can also tell you... and please don't be angry. I had someone (recently) who was near and dear to me also tell me they hoped I would be their when they worked through their issues. Suffice to say, we no longer speak. The emotional toll it took on me was unbearable at times. Times which the emotional strain far exceeded the good.

 

Ultimately, it's a matter of how much you can handle emotionally and physically. In my opinion, we are given one chance at life. We are given the opportunity to explore and live in ways which we so choose. Some of us strive to live each day to the fullest, others choose to love and wait in hopes that their dreams will come true.

 

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Think about your feelings, what you've given and what you are willing to continue giving.

[banser123]

Justwords, thank you for your words. I totally understand what you are saying. It is easier for her to run then to deal with her fears. As crazy as this may sound I do understand and I do feel for her.

 

I know there is nothing I can do to change her, she has to change herself. But I do need some more advice if you dont mind. I know that deep down she really likes me. Not to sound corny but when we first started dating about a year ago she had this look in her eyes like she was so happy. She did so much for me to show me that she cared about how I felt about her.

Is there anything I can do or say to make her at least think about us getting back again without her having to answer me right away. I feel as tho we have been through a lot and I cant just give up knowing she is scared. I am hurt but I can deal with it emotionally. Or I will at least try to.

Do you think she misses me or even thinks about me. We have not spoken in about a month. I am really concerned because she is close to losing her job and it seems like she has given up and hit rock bottom.

[JustWords]

Justwords, thank you for your words. I totally understand what you are saying. It is easier for her to run then to deal with her fears. As crazy as this may sound I do understand and I do feel for her.

 

I know there is nothing I can do to change her, she has to change herself. But I do need some more advice if you dont mind. I know that deep down she really likes me. Not to sound corny but when we first started dating about a year ago she had this look in her eyes like she was so happy. She did so much for me to show me that she cared about how I felt about her.

Is there anything I can do or say to make her at least think about us getting back again without her having to answer me right away. I feel as tho we have been through a lot and I cant just give up knowing she is scared. I am hurt but I can deal with it emotionally. Or I will at least try to.

Do you think she misses me or even thinks about me. We have not spoken in about a month. I am really concerned because she is close to losing her job and it seems like she has given up and hit rock bottom.

 

 

First things first, don't focus on whether or not you think she may or may not feel a certain way. I only know what I've read, but you need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot change her feelings, so do not focus on them.

 

The best option for you right now is to focus on yourself. Don' wonder when and if she's going to call. You can't control it either way. You need to exude happiness and own your own life and make yourself happy. People say this all the time, and it's true: If someone wants to be with you badly enough, they will be with you. If someone wants to break down the walls and contact you, they will find a way.

 

You did many good things for this women, and it's time she begins showing you / doing good things for you as well. It's time to step back and stop letting the world spin around you while you stand still.

 

You cannot do anything to make someone understand your feelings. Her feelings and thoughts, whether true or if she's convinced herself of something to protect herself will always out weigh anything you may say or do. The best thing you can do to show her how you feel is to live your life and not fall victim to this. That is the best thing because it will show how strong you are as a person which is crucial.

[banser123]

Thank you all for your advice. I understand what you guys are saying. But I truly feel as tho my situation might be a little different. Everyone has problems in life, some can deal with them better than others. This girl is actually in very bad shape. Its hard for me to be mad at her and just forget her, even tho many people suggest I do. I mean my friends and stuff. She has received 4 parking tickets recently adding up to over $200. Her sons school called today looking for her saying her son was feeling sick (I guess she hasnt told her son she has not been in work the last 6 weeks). She hasnt gotten paid in nealy 2 months. My boss wants to fire her. Obvisiouly she is not out there partying and having a good time. I know her too well and I know she is not happy and I am a little concerned. She has not contacted me in a month and I know she is very proud and stubborn and might want to but will hold back. Im not sure of this but it is definitley possible.

The funny thing is she really needs me or someone in her life. I told her I would like to remain friends but she still cut me off and she had to for a reason. I am trying to find out why. Some say she is scared and thats why she cut me off. She has told me she was scared and terrified many times which leads me to believe this can be why she cut me off.

I know I cant force people to feel a certain way but I think it is possible that she feels for me but is just scared. If that is the case I have to at least try to ake her feel at ease with me. I know she has to do this on her own but I feel as tho by remaining in contact might help.

I hope you guys understand and dont think Im a sucker because she didnt leave me for another guy, not now or the first time, and she hasnt used me for money or anything. I just feel as tho she is a nice girl with alot of problems and its my nature to help people in these situations.

Any suggestions? Thanks

[thrillaveza]

yeah man, i know where you are coming from. like w/me in my situation, i always did things for the girl i liked. like she needed furniture, and so i gave her my futon, i helped her find lights to replace a burnt out rear light on her car and was there to help her with problems going on with her family and friends. i even did things for her that weren't needed (which is possibly idiotic, though i felt it was a good thing to do). when we hung out i would leave a note with something cute and witty etc. and play her favorite songs on the guitar. when i mention this, i am trying to reference what you do for that girl you like. i think that helping out her kids to school and taking her son up 2 flights of stairs and such is totally what a true genuine gentlemen is really about. i know you still love her, and my advice for you is keep being persistent, because it will soon pay off.