Broke up the otherday, now he wants to be "friends"

[imjustagirl]

My boyfriend surprised me Thursday night by saying that we should put our relationship on "hold." I'm still kind of unclear why, things were going great...or so I thought (but that's usually how it is, isn't it).

 

Basically meaning, that he wouldn't be spending 7 nights a week sleeping at my house n such, because we were moving too fast...which i agree...(he had his hands down my pants on date 3...yikes..i shoulda known better...but there was a connection, other than sexual.)

 

He said that he still loved me and that he wanted to continue to date...which i was fine with, and he'd call me friday night/saturday morning

 

Well...he never called. So i called late saturday asking what was up and asked if he wanted to talk and he said he wanted to talk, but he was on his way to this halloween event that WE were supposed to go to together, so he said we'd talk sunday morning at 11:30.

 

Well, he called at 11:30 and said he had some errands to run before some store closes so he'd be over later. Well..2:00 he finally calls/shows up says that we're no longer on "hold" that he thinks that we should put a stop to everything...complete hault as he called it, but he wants to be "Friends"

 

Then went on to say that we would still go out and do stuff, he'd pay...to me...that's a date

 

And he went on to say that he didn't think he knew me well enough after 9 months to be moving as fast as we were...and that things he would do shouldn't freak me out as bad if i really knew him....his reasoning for the "friend" angle.

 

Then he goes...since we're friends and we go out and do stuff...and if the friendship starts to make that turn to where we were at last week...then that's the way it should be and we'll go with that...so to me, i'm like, okay, definate case of cold feet

 

blah blah blah....and we go to say our goodbyes...he ends up trying to MAKE OUT with me as he's BREAKING UP with me! And goes...ooh crap...friends dont' do that....i'm like...yeah, they don't...then he went on to feel me up again as he was giving me a hug...so obviously there's some feelings there...at least I would like to believe...

 

Yesterday, he wasn't sure he "loved" me only because every person he has ever loved, he has ended up breaking their heart........HELLO!!! MY HEART IS BROKEN OVER HERE!

 

i doubt the whole new girl idea...unstable...possibly....he's been working 40 hour work weeks plus 16 credit hours of physic's / math

 

He said that he was no longer the "big dog" at work and nobody relys on him anymore...and he thinks they should

 

So there are some major drastic changes that he's doing...(his words) and he took everything, layed it out, and decided that some things had to "go."

 

But i wasn't the thing that had to "go"...my title just got changed....from girlfriend (potential wife!..again his words to perfect strangers)...to FRIEND

 

That's exactly 1 week ago he said this to perfect strangers...so thursday when things got put on hold i'm like WHAT

 

Okay...so imagine going out with someone for 9 mths (on wednesday)...and they've been staying at your place 7 days a week for 3 1/2 mths....they've obviously got a lot of their **** at your place...and you've got a lot of "our" things.

 

I asked him if he wanted to take his **** with him on sunday, and he goes...nah..it's a lot of stuff, i'll get it later and i go "when" and he goes...ooh i'll be back later this week, we've gotta clean that fish tank remember (55 gallon)

 

So anyways, i'm not sure whether or not to be his "friend" or not because he was all, if i want to go do something, i'll give you a call, and you should do the same, plus his comment of if we're friends we'll know each other better...and possibly, things will move back into the direction that they were heading

 

But i don't want to sit around going...how come we aren't going back out yet

 

So i'm not sure what to do....i'm confused as hell

 

i'm not sure whether to be his friend...whether to give him his **** back...to move clear across the country (we work in the same facilty...like down the hall from one another)

 

I'm not sure if I should give it a few days to see what happens... see if his head clears ... it's just too weird

 

So i sent him a joke email today...like i always do...to I guess let him know that I'm still here...waiting....

 

But then after I sent the email i'm not sure if i even want to stick around and see if this will work

 

He wasn't supposed to break my heart..he said so himself..."I'll never break your heart babe...I love you too much" I've broken up with a few guys before....and this one...this one hurts worse than any other one...only because i KNOW i truely loved the man...i gave him my heart/my soul/my family/my life.

 

Questions I have....

 

1. Do I try and be his friend and learn more about him and he learn more about me...we obviously jumped into the semi-living together situation pretty fast...and even talked about getting a place in January

 

2. Do I remove all of his "stuff" from my apartment. He's got books, movies, shirts, jackets, lotions, food, alcohol.

 

3. What do I do with the things that we purchased together...I bought half, he bought half....he bought but said that it was to stay with US because WE'RE going to be together FOREVER....stuff I bought for us....

 

4. Any other questions/suggestions/advice that came to your mind if/when you ever went through this situation....

[nvlisa]

Well, I can't say I can offer much advice. My situation is very similar to yours (see my posting on "Second Chances." I can only offer my thoughts and feelings, and maybe they can be of some help to you.

 

My ex and I also moved very fast in the 5 months we were together. I too was staying over there, I too was told I was the "girl he was going to marry" and "the love of his life." It all ended after so many stressful circumstances, when I was told last week that we need to work on being "friends" and not boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

For myself, I'm trying to take a step back from the whole situation. After being so emotional and distraught over the past few days, I am slowly realizing some things.

 

I'm not sure being "friends" is something I'm ready to do or face. In fact, though he was the initiator in ending the relationship, I feel like I need to step back and re-evaluate this and how this has made me feel. I fell hurt, confused, alone...how can he ask me to put on a happy face and be "friends" so soon?

 

I don't know if he gave you any indicator that there may be a future for the two of you. For me, he did. But the hard thing is, I've been holding onto that little shred of hope for days now, and it is hurting me more.

 

This isn't a time to wonder what if? And most importantly, WHEN are we getting back together. I believe it's a time to take care of ourselves and heal. Then take one day at a time.

[imjustagirl]

We definatly had an "indicator" that we were spending the rest of our lives together....making plans...planning trips....looking at places to LIVE together....

 

I decided last night that I would "try" and be his friend...as I believe, as I think he does too...that we moved way too fast into the relationship.

 

I realised today, that after 9 months, I didn't know his exact address. I knew where he lived, his phone numbers home & work and pager numbers (work pager)....I knew his home address, but not the street that it was on.

 

So today, I had to drive and find which one it was as it wasn't listed in the phone book as it is unlisted (as is mine) so I could get his watch care plan transfered from his name/my address to his name/his address. Plus get his name off my blockbuster card.

 

Also packed up his things yesterday....really rough. I think that if we can manage to be friends, it maybe the best for both of us. He's definetly trying...I think. I think that if I can try too...somehow...someway...he'll come to his senses as he said himself he's not sure what he wants right now at this point in his life so he wanted to step away from some things to figure it out...i just happened to be that thing.

 

Good Luck....

 

If anybody else has suggestions or similar stories...feel free to share...I'm finding that if I talk about it and read similar stories...I realise that hey i'm not the only one.