acmeduck Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I'm new to the US of A, and I realize that I sometimes piss women off probably because of not practicing what is taken for granted or expected. (I wasn't practicing "ladies first," and that explains why women gave me angry looks at me so often when I enter buildings. I almost never opened door for them and let them go first.) And I was a little bit surprised that many women want to stay in a "passive" role when it comes to starting a relationship... Many girls seem to avoid taking initiative and take suggestive "guy-watcher" kind of spectator attitude. Ok, that was an ugly rambling. But instead of keep complaining about it, I want to live with it. Are there any common "signs" about relationships used in the US? (I think I have heard something about colored towels, but I forgot) Do you have any suggestions or advice as to nonverbal stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 Originally posted by acmeduck I'm new to the US of A, and I realize that I sometimes piss women off probably because of not practicing what is taken for granted or expected. (I wasn't practicing "ladies first," and that explains why women gave me angry looks at me so often when I enter buildings. I almost never opened door for them and let them go first.) Well... I'm not sure about this. Perhaps it depends on what region of the country you're in. Or what age the women in question are. What are the norms in your homeland? In my experience as an American who has lived abroad in Japan & the Middle East, and has traveled in Europe, I'd say that generally Americans tend to be more considerate of strangers than Brits or Europeans in certain instances. Others may take issue with this but I'll explain myself: e.g., when addressing strangers who are older than you, Americans usually will say "Sir" or "Ma'am" which I know the Brits don't typically do. I can't say that I've noticed a difference in door-holding etiquette but my own rule of thumb is to hold the door for anyone following closely behind (even if I pass through before them), and to hold the door open and stand aside for my elders. It's not viewed as subservient in the U.S., it's just being civil. As far as dating goes, sure I appreciate it when the guy I'm going out with holds the door for me. But I don't take it amiss when he doesn't, and I'm just as likely to hold the door for him if I get to it first. And I was a little bit surprised that many women want to stay in a "passive" role when it comes to starting a relationship... Many girls seem to avoid taking initiative and take suggestive "guy-watcher" kind of spectator attitude. And what is it like where you're from? Funny, I just posted a query about British dating norms a couple of days ago -- don't think I got any replies. I don't think that is a universal rule, although it holds true for me. If a guy wants to go out with me, he's going to need to have the confidence to ask me out. Ok, that was an ugly rambling. But instead of keep complaining about it, I want to live with it. Are there any common "signs" about relationships used in the US? (I think I have heard something about colored towels, but I forgot) Do you have any suggestions or advice as to nonverbal stuff? Not sure what you mean here -- colored towels? Like, white if you're not going to get lucky that night, pink if you will? Hahaha. Don't know about towels. But here's how my friends and I tend to view things: If you've been asked out on a date, you can reasonably assume that the guy is not in a committed relationship with someone else. If your date kisses you (not just a peck of course) you can reasonably assume that he's not sleeping with anyone else. If you and the guy you've been dating sleep together you can reasonably assume that he's not going out on dates with anyone else. If any of this is not the case, the otherwise involved party needs to make full disclosure before attempting to ratchet up the intimacy level. I'm not sure if that's what you were asking about, but maybe that's a starting place. Where do you hail from? Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 Hey!! Welcome to the US of A.... In terms of your recent encounters.... in public.. in my views of a 20-year old citizen of the USA, it doesn't matter where you are from.. everyone behaves & expects one to behave differently.. For example, it's said that people from the NYC area, and of course where I'm from, lol.. that we have extremely rude attitudes towards people and everyday life. However, I would have to say that this is only true as one would want to view it.. Everyone, no matter where one is from feels or believes in their set values and ways of doing things. It's just how 'we' the representing side feel to accept/not is where the controversy kicks in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acmeduck Posted October 29, 2003 Author Share Posted October 29, 2003 Heidi, Thank you for the comment; I'm pretty relieved to hear that it's a controversial matter. I think I should join a club or a community where I share intersts/values with people. It would be too frustrating to start tring to find a date before doing so. I'd rather live in a place where people's values are less people-oriented... where people pretty much mind their own business. I wish I could move to NYC. Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 (denada)-- translated into english as YOUR WELCOME, 'acmeduck.' Hope all works out for you as you enhance upon this new culture, continent, and region to which you are now part of!!! The very best of luck to you...!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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