2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Heard it last night, directed at me. I've been called it before. If not said outright, Ive seen the words in the eyes of both the condescending and the envious. Possibly even heard the words when they were not issued at all...simply through my own insecurity. Upon reflection I have to admit, that even by my own definitions I have sometimes lived up to the term. Also, I do believe that if that is in fact what I am/was (?) - I come by the occupation honestly. Money. Its relative, isn't it? The less you have, the more important it is. Its very important to me. So, that can tell you how little I have had. By some standards I have it now, but its still important because yeah, I DO remember where I came from. It was said to me last night, by my brother's wife. Who has known me all of my life. A woman who, I can add, has literally never worked a day in her life. Not a day. But it doesn't matter - name calling in itself isn't the point. My H is a politician, he, myself, and my family have become immune to accusations, petty jibes, and personal insults said with a gracious smile over dinner parties. So, when I'm called a Gold Digger ...what exactly is that? What stereotypes does that call to mind? More importantly....whats the crime?? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Being called a gold digger is not considered complimentary, and I don't think you should be proud of that title. A gold digger is someone who looks for a man solely based on what's in his bank account and what material possessions, trips, shopping sprees, mansions, etc. (or any variation thereof) that he can provide her. She does not care about his character, or passion, or compatibility beyond whether his bank account is compatible with her desires for material excess. They're little more than prostitutes, IMO. NOT SAYING that you are one, but that's what a gold digger is, essentially. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 While generally historically applied to women, men can be gold-diggers as well. When someone prioritizes material goods above their potential, intended or actual partner, they're gold-digging. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Uh NO, I didnt take it as a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Forgot to mention that the phrase can apply to a myriad of relationships, not just intimate ones. IOW, a true gold-digger prioritizes material goods above ALL relationships. Their relationship is with themselves and their passion for acquisition. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Golddigger= Anna Nicole Smith. Whether you fit that category, you alone know. If money was one of your major motivations for your marriage, then yes, possibly. I'm not judging, I have been very poor also. I was born on a small hill farm in Eastern Kentucky, back when it was known as one of the most "poverty stricken", regions in the country. Many young women married for money, or used their bodies(their only asset) to escape. If you used your sex to "capture", your husband, you might want to examine your motivations for doing so. Imo. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 More importantly....whats the crime?? It's my opinion that most healthy women exhibit mating behavior that some frustrated ugly women and resource-poor men will characterize as gold digging. They are just pissed that the guy was taken by someone hotter or that they can't get a date with the woman they want. A 'real' full on gold digger has to be obsessed and sociopathic for starters in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 The minute the man or woman is unable to provide gifts or cash for services rendered, is the minute the relationship ceases. Answer to yourself honestly. If your husband were to suddenly lose everything due to economic times, would you stay with him? If not, then yes, you would be a gold-digger. If so, then you're not one, since he matters more than the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 A gold digger is someone who looks for a man solely based on what's in his bank account and what material possessions, trips, shopping sprees, mansions, etc. (or any variation thereof) that he can provide her. This is a great definition and verbalizes what I was thinking. She does not care about his character, or passion, or compatibility beyond whether his bank account is compatible with her desires for material excess. This is the part I think other people assume. As if it goes hand in hand with the first part. I dont think it does. They're little more than prostitutes, IMO. NOT SAYING that you are one, but that's what a gold digger is, essentially. If money is a relative term, then so is prostitution. Who doesnt want a spouse with a job? Am I more of a prostitute because I want a spouse with a great job? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 If your husband were to suddenly lose everything due to economic times, would you stay with him? If not, then yes, you would be a gold-digger. If so, then you're not one, since he matters more than the money.Great test. My mom was right Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Answer to yourself honestly. If your husband were to suddenly lose everything due to economic times, would you stay with him? If not, then yes, you would be a gold-digger. If so, then you're not one, since he matters more than the money. If he were to lose everything tomorrow, I would not only NOT leave him I would support our family by digging ditches if thats what I had to do. And thats the God's honest truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 If money is a relative term, then so is prostitution. Who doesnt want a spouse with a job? Am I more of a prostitute because I want a spouse with a great job? SG said 'solely'. If a great job is one of the many qualities you want him for, I think it can hardly be classified as gold-digging. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Great test. My mom was right Your mom and my parents. They do know something after all, don't they! Answer to yourself honestly. If your husband were to suddenly lose everything due to economic times, would you stay with him? If not, then yes, you would be a gold-digger. If so, then you're not one, since he matters more than the money. If he were to lose everything tomorrow, I would not only NOT leave him I would support our family by digging ditches if thats what I had to do. And thats the God's honest truth.Then you don't have anything to feel bad about. If someone pulls this kind of name-calling, have a little fun at their expense and play into it! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Upon reflection I have to admit, that even by my own definitions I have sometimes lived up to the term. Also, I do believe that if that is in fact what I am/was (?) - I come by the occupation honestly. ??????? The very definition of Gold Digger contradicts your assertion here. A Gold Digger is ANYTHING but honest. She tells the world that she loves her (rich) man for HIM, not for his money. She is transparent to everyone but herself. She is fooling no one. It seems odd to me that a family member has accused you of this. Have you historically had an acrimonious relationship with your brother's W? What is the fear behind her accusation? Maybe there's some impending family inheritance that you're standing in her way of??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Then you don't have anything to feel bad about. If someone pulls this kind of name-calling, have a little fun at their expense and play into it! I know, and usually I'm ok. This just hurt, it really did. Maybe a little too close to home, maybe a case of "me thinks the lady protests too much" (said by myself to myself). I was a gold digger. I had given hope of finding real love, a real partner. I started solely dating men who could give me advantages as opposed to bleed me dry financially and emotionally. The truth is...I got lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Oh, also, I should expand my "material goods" to include "power", since the OP evidently participates in political life. Power doesn't necessarily correlate to money or material goods, rather to popularity and the ability to influence society. Witness the gold-diggers who bang monetarily poor roadies and band members to get an audience with the name act Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Tell their daughters that you can fall in love and marry a rich man as easily as a poor man, so go for the rich man? That doesn't make them gold diggers. A gold digger doesn't care about the man, just uses her feminine wiles to snag a meal ticket. It doesn't sound like that is what you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yes, and they tell their sons something completely different Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I wish she would have said this to me on a Monday. I hate spending the weekend on self reflection. SIL doesnt like me, doesnt like my family , calling me a Gold Digger was almost a term of endearment coming from her - compared to what she says about my sisters. (2 of whom I also suspect may be gold diggers) I have issues. Anyone who ever takes my advice should also acknowledge that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Maybe it's about your H and not you. You're just an easy target.... I'll bet their family is stocked full of issues Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 First part: A gold digger is someone who looks for a man solely based on what's in his bank account and what material possessions, trips, shopping sprees, mansions, etc. (or any variation thereof) that he can provide her. Second part: She does not care about his character, or passion, or compatibility beyond whether his bank account is compatible with her desires for material excess. (In referring to the second part) This is the part I think other people assume. As if it goes hand in hand with the first part. I dont think it does. ? I think the two DO go hand-in-hand. They're inextricably linked, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Tell their daughters that you can fall in love and marry a rich man as easily as a poor man, so go for the rich man? It was my Mother's Mantra!!!!! Carhilk- Issues??? In my family only the homely girls had college funds. My suspicions I was not as pretty as Dad said I was were confirmed when the college aps came out in 9th grade. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I meant his biological family, wrt to "issues". Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Gold digger is a woman who does anything and alot of for money and power. She'll sleep with whoever, whatever, she's selfish entitled. She's the bane of man's existence and a cancer on women hood and women's progression. All she does is sit in the hair salon and look good while spending copious amounts of money. She'll marry a man and accept his money and gifts and yet never gives anything back. little if that. I mean being a gold digger was probably acceptable back in the days but now we in a recession you gotta get a real job and earn your own. lol. There's so many definitions of being a gold digger it depends on who sees you. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 2sure, you only make your glib comment about "ditchdigging", because you know it won't happen. Too many times I have heard the rich say that they could do without. I haven't met many who have ever tried. Link to post Share on other sites
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