Define Gold Digger

[2sure]

I confess that there were times, back when we were both in school, living in a trailer, and eating alot of rice and beans, that I wished that I had married for money.[/QUOTE]

 

Yep. Exactly. Plus another huge factor was that Carbs make my a*s big.

[OldEurope]

Old Europe...just to point out: I have a career. I do work. I always have and I probably always will. Thats just me.

 

In the past, I dated men who made less than I did - no problem, we're a team right? Struggling and doing without was not a problem for me. I was able to be happy with simple things. But THEY werent. I was bled dry - emotionally and financially. Being broke creates stress, depression, a lack of self worth in some men that I have seen manifest itself in hostility, addiction, etc.

 

So, I started dating Only men that didnt have that problem. The result was I was no longer being bled dry emotionally or financially ...and my career improved, my lifestyle improved. I made more, I moved up.

 

I still wanted a traditional kind of guy. On my own I was moving in circles that included successful men. I find men who are successful are less stressed and have more fun and are more interesting to me.

 

I married a man similar to myself. Our marriage is not different than many others in that he is the main bread winner. It doesnt make me a gold digger. On occasion, like when I posted this thread...I feel guilty that he makes so much more than I, and/or guilty that I have more than I deserve.

 

For me, it was healthy self reflection. Its ALWAYS good to remember where you come from. Sometimes my self doubt makes me depressed, but in the end it merely humbles me which isnt a bad thing.

 

And if that doesnt work...I ask my H to buy me shoes. Which never fails.

 

No, you are no gold digger.

 

There is a world of difference between a woman wanting to marry a successful man; someone who will protect her just-in-case, who might even spoil her, versus a "gold digger". The former can truly love her husband and stay around through thick and thin. Being smart and self interested does not preclude having deep character. A gold digger is just bland, boring and "ruthless" and simply out for the money and the divorce. It is so passe really. No man I know wants a woman who does not have some intellectual or creative/professional passions driving her. And these too are "traditional" men.

[Woggle]

In theory there is nothing wrong with the traditional setup but too many men work their butt off to provide for teir family only get the I love you but I am not in love with you speech from their walkaway wife. Then these men end up having to pay a bunch of alimony to a woman that hates their guts while she gets it on with the jerk she had an affair with that made her realize how unhappy she was in her marriage. If a woman makes her own money she might still do this but a man can more easily get her out of his life so he can move on.

[Queen of Hearts]

Tell their daughters that you can fall in love and marry a rich man as easily as a poor man, so go for the rich man?

 

It was my Mother's Mantra!!!!!

 

I am seriously sitting here wondering if there is something wrong with my Mom and me. Is there some fundamental feminine gene we lack?

 

My mother never once said anything to me about marrying a rich man... She worked two and three jobs to support us, too. My father was never around.

 

Now, I am a mere 6 months away from completing my Masters of Science in Taxation... I work my @$$ off to make a good living and educate myself.

 

Even as hard as I have seen my mother work, and as hard as I work to put myself through school, make a mortgage payment, and raise a daughter (by myself financially), I don't think I could ever tell my daughter to go for a rich man over a poor man.

 

Maybe it is because that was how I was raised. I cannot fathom it. I cannot imagine not working hard to earn my own riches. I don't want anything handed to me like that, nor do I want my daughter to expect it to be handed to her.

 

I want her to love whoever he hearts decides to love, as long as he treats her like a the princess she is. I know she has it in her (thanks to my Mother and I) to be successful on her own.

 

I was raised to be happy with a modest lifestyle that afforded a vacation every now and again. I would be glad to earn a ton of cash to put in a trust for her so that she will be even better set than I am now...

 

But, I could never put the words love and money in a sentence when it comes to advice on relationships.

 

I am sorry to hijack your thread with an OT post. But, I am at a loss, really.

[boldjack]

2sure, You know that I don't think that you are a "golddigger". The only part of your story that bothers me, is that you deliberately started dating ,only men with money. So surprise, you married a wealthy man? If it bothers you so much, maybe you should change your lifestyle. I did. It was hard, but didn't kill me. I left Advertising and politics for a more fulfilling career and lifestyle, and have never regretted it. My Kids are grown, can stand alone, are educated well, and the two of them that are married, MARRIED FOR LOVE. I don't make near the money, I used to, my hands are dirty, but my mind and soul are clean.

[SoulSearch_CO]

The Viagra Triangle in downtown Chicago. Pretty young 20-somethings dressing up in their best to wrangle in the rich, old, ugly, wealthy businessmen. Just to give an example.

 

I agree with SG - they are little more than glorified prostitutes. Wealth is the most important deciding factor when deciding who to become associated/involved with.

[boldjack]

SS, BTDT Check the lobby of the Hilton downtown on a weekend, those aren't fathers and daughters walking past.

[NoIDidn't]

I don't think this makes one a gold digger at all. I do think it's important for women to have a back up plan in case the man leaves, dies, etc. I've known too many women who've been left by their husbands and who've ended up in poverty (at least for a while) because they depended on their husbands to always be the ones to bring home the money.

 

I agree. I'm "traditional", but traditional doesn't mean that a woman expects a man to be the only one making the money.

 

Even though I have been home with our children for the last eight years, I still made sure that certain things were in place should anything happen to him, me, or our marriage. I worked for several years before the kids came and will work again once the youngest gets to a certain age. I qualify as "traditional" but the people that know me IRL definitely put me in the "independent" and "ambitious" category.

 

I've seen enough of the scenarios that you talk about even when the woman was working, so working or not, it always pays to be partners financially.

[Sam Spade]

Forgot to mention that the phrase can apply to a myriad of relationships, not just intimate ones. IOW, a true gold-digger prioritizes material goods above ALL relationships. Their relationship is with themselves and their passion for acquisition.

 

 

That's an important distinction to remember, simply because I've realised that no matter what, for a woman a large component of the 'health' of the relationship is conditional on the extent to which her guys is succesfull/stable. If i was the exact same guy, but working blue collar jobs, I would have had much harded time in relationships for sure. So, I accept that as long as it is not the main driver of the relaitonship.

Thus in Carhill's sense not very many women are true gold diggers, and thank god, and all women at least to some minimal extent still look up to men for stability and status.

[Sam Spade]

Most women are going to want a man that can provide for her on some level. That's not saying he needs to be rich but when a woman says "good provider" she basically means someone who isn't lazy and will work hard.

 

 

I have no problem with being a "provider", as long as it means exactly the above. In fact, I'd take pride in being solidldy there for my family. But, at the same time, I would not accept being the *sole* income earner (except for about a year after each child), no matter what my prospects are (they're okay). The reasons: self-protection, and more importantly - I'd have hard time relating to or respecting someone without at least some sort of professional drive/skill. These days sitting at home is lazy. Being a SAHM was a hard job in an age without all the contemporary appliances. Sorry, but running a typical suburban household doesn't qualify as a full time job.

[Sam Spade]

Exactly. Most women want to know, just like a man wants to know, that her mate has her back in the times when she simply can't (like a difficult pregnancy).

 

Some women are more traditional in that way. I am. And some men are traditional and want a woman to know they can provide for her and whatever children they have. There seems to be an anti-traditional streak running through *modern* thinkers in that they feel that all traditional roles and ways of thought are either backwards or just wrong.

 

If being traditional makes a woman a gold digger, then there are very few women that aren't by that definition.

 

 

I like the traditional roles very much, but the supporting institutional structure (e.g. the family law, the social norms) has disintegrated. Hence, I feel the need of some form of protection, such as a working spouse.

[Woggle]

I like the traditional roles very much, but the supporting institutional structure (e.g. the family law, the social norms) has disintegrated. Hence, I feel the need of some form of protection, such as a working spouse.

 

I feel the same way. I would not mind being a provider if I were respected and appreciated by my wife but how often does that happen today? To me my situation where she earns her own money and we have seperate accounts protects me much better if she one day decides to turn on me.

[clv0116]

I like the traditional roles very much, but the supporting institutional structure (e.g. the family law, the social norms) has disintegrated. Hence, I feel the need of some form of protection, such as a working spouse.

 

Or a separate joint account you only put spending money in and a prenup.

[Dexter Morgan]

So, when I'm called a Gold Digger ...what exactly is that? What stereotypes does that call to mind?

 

everyone wants money, name me one person that doesn't.

 

a gold digger would be someone that gets with someone ONLY for money. a person that hooks up with someone for their money and they have really no other interest in said person other than that.

 

 

More importantly....whats the crime??

 

well, no crime that I know of, but lets say you have a brother, you love him dearly....and you know the woman he is with ONLY wants him for his money....what is your attitude towards that woman? Would it be, "hey, its not a crime!"....or would it be, "that b!tch is only with my brother for his money" ?