Define Gold Digger

[boldjack]

CB, You don't know the story. It's way to involved to do on the net or over the phone. We owe this last meeting to each other.

[Chrome Barracuda]

CB, You don't know the story. It's way to involved to do on the net or over the phone. We owe this last meeting to each other.

 

Well sumerize it for me.

 

I think your making a mistake by a face to face meeting.

 

If your happy living your life, why meet? why go backwards?

[marlena]

2sure, the fact that you even asked the question and brainstormed about it means that you are not an opportunist. Opportunists are ruthless and hardly introspective. You come across as a very sincere and sensitive lady so be proud of yourself and the positive changes you have made.

[530 Guy]

Well sumerize it for me.

 

I think your making a mistake by a face to face meeting.

 

If your happy living your life, why meet? why go backwards?

Ditto, inquiring minds want to know.

[Woggle]

if I were you I would just move on and live your life to the fullest. That is the best revenge you can get on a woman that betrays you. Just forget about her. Never ever give a woman the power to affect your life in that way again.

[boldjack]

This issue is what I would put under the heading of "unfinished business". As I have gotten older, there are incidents from my past that I feel That I need to clear off the slate. This is one of them. I pay my bills, and collect what is owed me. Whether it is emotional, as this is, or financial, or spiritual or whatever, I want the issue marked "paid in full". I won't go into it further, except to say that it must be done, for her as well as for me.

[530 Guy]

This issue is what I would put under the heading of "unfinished business". As I have gotten older, there are incidents from my past that I feel That I need to clear off the slate. This is one of them. I pay my bills, and collect what is owed me. Whether it is emotional, as this is, or financial, or spiritual or whatever, I want the issue marked "paid in full". I won't go into it further, except to say that it must be done, for her as well as for me.

Fair enough...let us know what happens though!

[Jersey Shortie]

I think most men throw around this term too loosly. Most guys don't make the kind of money that would attract a real gold-digger. A woman wanting a man to pay for dinner isn't a gold digger. She is a woman that is probably old fashioned. A woman that wants you to buy her prada shoes, that's a gold digger. I think a man's willingness to spend some of his resources on you is an indicator of some amount about how much he is into you. A man that into you won't get bitchy about buying you dinner.

[clv0116]

I think most men throw around this term too loosly. Most guys don't make the kind of money that would attract a real gold-digger. A woman wanting a man to pay for dinner isn't a gold digger. She is a woman that is probably old fashioned. A woman that wants you to buy her prada shoes, that's a gold digger. I think a man's willingness to spend some of his resources on you is an indicator of some amount about how much he is into you. A man that into you won't get bitchy about buying you dinner.

 

At last we agree on SOMETHING. Except the Prada shoes thing, I think that sort of depends on the parties involved and the lifestyle they lead. Being a gold digger is about where the natural inclination to desire good provisioning ability gets prioritized.

[Jersey Shortie]

And yet, I still disagree with you.

[clv0116]

And yet, I still disagree with you.

 

Of course you do sweetie. Now go cook us breakfast.

[Jersey Shortie]

Of course you do sweetie. Now go cook us breakfast.

 

Go buy me some prada shoes and I'll think about it.

[clv0116]

Go buy me some prada shoes and I'll think about it.

 

I love it when you talk dirty.

[Jersey Shortie]

Armani, Burberry, Elie Tahari, Juicy Couture, Oscar De La Renta....

 

 

Was it good for you?

[clv0116]

Was it good for you?

 

I'm gonna take a shower now.

[NoIDidn't]

I think most men throw around this term too loosly. Most guys don't make the kind of money that would attract a real gold-digger. A woman wanting a man to pay for dinner isn't a gold digger. She is a woman that is probably old fashioned. A woman that wants you to buy her prada shoes, that's a gold digger. I think a man's willingness to spend some of his resources on you is an indicator of some amount about how much he is into you. A man that into you won't get bitchy about buying you dinner.

 

Unless you always want the priciest thing on the menu. LOL.

 

But, I agree with you.

[OldEurope]

2sure, I'm not questioning your work ethic, and your opinion is just that, your opinion. I am well-to-do. The point is that back when I wasn't, you (or someone like you) may have slept with me but wouldn't have married me. Now , because of my bank acct. I'm "acceptable", no thanks.

 

This sounds fair, and BoldJack sounds wise.

 

A woman should make her own money. A beautiful woman should make her own beautiful money. Loads of pride come with this, a sense of inner well-being. If the object of desire on either side hits a rough patch, sure you can help each other. But the foundation of the relationship should have this fundamental independence.

 

Of course success is attractive. But certainly not all successful men are attractive. A man's wealth should be a nice accompaniament, but not the main dish.

 

Look how many women "married for money" and how unhappy they are. Multiple face lifts, attempts at affairs, jadedness....

 

I am not saying one should run out and marry a poor minstrel. A man should have ambition because the personality behind a drive like that is fun, attractive. But all of this are just elements of a whole...an essence that must be sought out..

 

I don't care what the cynics say, one should marry for intimacy, love, passion, psychological trust, character and a paired-adventure, and only when one is emotionally mature. More of this, and male female relations would lose this element of mistrust and hostility that permeates everywhere.

 

xo

OE

[Woggle]

I think most men throw around this term too loosly. Most guys don't make the kind of money that would attract a real gold-digger. A woman wanting a man to pay for dinner isn't a gold digger. She is a woman that is probably old fashioned. A woman that wants you to buy her prada shoes, that's a gold digger. I think a man's willingness to spend some of his resources on you is an indicator of some amount about how much he is into you. A man that into you won't get bitchy about buying you dinner.

 

Not all men make this kind of money but many women attach themselves to an ambitious man om the come up with plans to cash in the marriage when he makes it. This is why I think it is a bad idea for men today to go for a woman that wants a provider.

[Jersey Shortie]

This is why I think it is a bad idea for men today to go for a woman that wants a provider.

 

Most women are going to want a man that can provide for her on some level. That's not saying he needs to be rich but when a woman says "good provider" she basically means someone who isn't lazy and will work hard.

[angie2443]

Boldjack you are too, too funny. Men do EXACTLY what you describe. It's the exact same principle as a gold digger. Only the currency is different (physical beauty). 2sure even describes it with her now-H at the very beginning of their courtship. In his eyes, she immediately met his criteria, she "paid" the currency as it were. He didn't even know her that well and he asked her to marry him!!!

 

Men are no better (or worse) than women in picking a lifetime mate.

 

This is very true and you see it all the time. I don't think it's wrong. I get annoyed at having to pretend that all these relationships are about love, but that's a differant story. In the end, I guess we all put out what we have to offer on the table and we get what we get. wealthy men get young attractive women. This seems to be a fair trade off for many and I don't see why most of the women who do this are called names for it while the man is just considered lucky.

[NoIDidn't]

Most women are going to want a man that can provide for her on some level. That's not saying he needs to be rich but when a woman says "good provider" she basically means someone who isn't lazy and will work hard.

 

Exactly. Most women want to know, just like a man wants to know, that her mate has her back in the times when she simply can't (like a difficult pregnancy).

 

Some women are more traditional in that way. I am. And some men are traditional and want a woman to know they can provide for her and whatever children they have. There seems to be an anti-traditional streak running through *modern* thinkers in that they feel that all traditional roles and ways of thought are either backwards or just wrong.

 

If being traditional makes a woman a gold digger, then there are very few women that aren't by that definition.

[2sure]

Old Europe...just to point out: I have a career. I do work. I always have and I probably always will. Thats just me.

 

In the past, I dated men who made less than I did - no problem, we're a team right? Struggling and doing without was not a problem for me. I was able to be happy with simple things. But THEY werent. I was bled dry - emotionally and financially. Being broke creates stress, depression, a lack of self worth in some men that I have seen manifest itself in hostility, addiction, etc.

 

So, I started dating Only men that didnt have that problem. The result was I was no longer being bled dry emotionally or financially ...and my career improved, my lifestyle improved. I made more, I moved up.

 

I still wanted a traditional kind of guy. On my own I was moving in circles that included successful men. I find men who are successful are less stressed and have more fun and are more interesting to me.

 

I married a man similar to myself. Our marriage is not different than many others in that he is the main bread winner. It doesnt make me a gold digger. On occasion, like when I posted this thread...I feel guilty that he makes so much more than I, and/or guilty that I have more than I deserve.

 

For me, it was healthy self reflection. Its ALWAYS good to remember where you come from. Sometimes my self doubt makes me depressed, but in the end it merely humbles me which isnt a bad thing.

 

And if that doesnt work...I ask my H to buy me shoes. Which never fails.

[angie2443]

There are plenty of hollywood examples. I'll use as the example Howard Stern/Beth Ostrosky. If you listen to his show and when she is on, they are crazy in love, never fight and are perfect for each other. He is very, very successful (worth probably in the hundred's of millions). There is a 20 year age difference. She is a bikini model, part time actress, who also does talk shows, spokemodel..... She if any one has heard her, seems like a very sweet woman very much in love. If you believe what people who know Howard Stern, is that he too is a very generous person far removed from his radio persona. He is an eclectic looking 54 yo. Is she a gold digger???? Yes she is.... But she also loves him and they are an endearing couple and I will not be surprised should they grow old and happy ether.

.....

 

The truth is, he already is up there and she most likely will grow old alone ( without a man, I mean). This is her choice and I think for her, the money makes up for the down falls in this type of relationship. Still, there is a price to pay for having such a large age differance in a relationship.

[angie2443]

Some women are more traditional in that way. I am. And some men are traditional and want a woman to know they can provide for her and whatever children they have. There seems to be an anti-traditional streak running through *modern* thinkers in that they feel that all traditional roles and ways of thought are either backwards or just wrong.

 

If being traditional makes a woman a gold digger, then there are very few women that aren't by that definition.

 

I don't think this makes one a gold digger at all. I do think it's important for women to have a back up plan in case the man leaves, dies, etc. I've known too many women who've been left by their husbands and who've ended up in poverty (at least for a while) because they depended on their husbands to always be the ones to bring home the money.

[GorillaTheater]

I confess that there were times, back when we were both in school, living in a trailer, and eating alot of rice and beans, that I wished that I had married for money.