JessicaB Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I want my dear friend to see me as a classy, wonderful person who would make a perfect girlfriend.... However sometimes my gut reaction leads me to do things I later regret. Sometimes I get too angry, and sometimes I just avoid people and problems until its too late So I am asking in advance what you think is the right reaction that would make a guy think to himself, "Wow, no girl reacts like that! This one is really special" The Situation: My friend has been out of town finishing up his PhD thesis on campus and we made plans to get together this week when he comes back. I was literally counting down the days to yesterday, when he was going to arrive. However I haven't heard from him. I tried calling him once but didn't pick up, and hasn't responded to my message. Once before, he suddenly cancelled his travel plans without calling. He didn't return my calls for two days and then called, sounded embarassed and finally admitted that he is trying to save money to finish college and couldn't afford the bus ticket. Said things are going to be great when he gets back. Now my head is spinning. This is the second time. It just hurts so much because I was really looking forward to seeing him and I don't care about the money if that's the issue, I just wish he would let me know in advance so I'm not just sitting around and worrying if he is okay or if maybe he doesn't like me anymore... I know the deadline to turn in his thesis for his PhD is next week. If he's not ready for that, I agree it's definitely not a good idea for him to catch a ride out of town, stay for a few days, lose focus then go back again and spend money he doesn't have... Maybe he's freaking out over next week's deadline and if I call him again about our plans its just going to put more stress on him. Or maybe he just doesn't like me that much after all, and never did. I don't know. NOW How would someone who could be the perfect girlfriend react in that situation? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 For a start, they would not sound desperate. he has obviously got zero respect for you to think he can do this not once, but twice. he is assuming you will not stress about it, or have a go at him. This is also known as 'Friend-zoning'. He doesn't consider it important to fulfil his obligations, because he does not see you as sufficiently significant in his life..... Let him not think what a perfect GF you would be. Let him mourn the one that got away. Fast. In the opposite direction. Sorry, but this is just wrong. _/l\_ Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 "Wow, no girl reacts like that! This one is really special" A guy will only see this if he is looking for it in someone. It does not sound like he is looking for it with you, and would likely take only the barest notice of any reaction you would have. What to do? Honestly, the perfect thing to do is to walk away and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Shock Me Sane Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I don't think this situation is as hopeless as everyone else has made it seem, but seriously... his PhD thesis paper is important. Why not just put all of this off until he's done with his school stuff? In my view, a thesis paper is about 1000 times more important than going to hang out with a girl, even if he does like you. Someone in his position probably doesn't have starting a new relationship on his list of priorities. If he's free for the summer soon, I think that would be a more appropriate time to bug him about coming to visit you. Aaaand, as to what Tara said... Yes, you are sounding a little too desperate. Just play it cool. But... I don't think it sounds like he has no respect for you. He's just busy. There's no reason that you should be playing a significant role in his life when he's about to finish his PhD. To think that you would be is just selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessicaB Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Thank you all for your honest responses I am sounding desperate aren't I... its just that he was the one who asked me to put some time aside this week to spend with him, there were other things I would have liked to do, and I had such positive feelings for him but its like he doesnt even care that my schedule is all thrown off now. And no call yet. Yet I checked his myspace and he did find the time to go on myspace last night, but not to call me to say he won't be able to make it. I can imagine him going into a crisis with his thesis, he procrastinates a lot and I'm sure he waited to the last minute to finish it. He goes on myspace to avoid studying, then gets all freaked when he realizes he is way behind on the deadline. He thinks he is avoiding stress by going on myspace but I've told him you are only making it worse by putting things off. So on the one hand, you are right, a relationship is the last thing on his mind right now. I should give him some breathing room to finish things and not take it personally. Or, it could be that he is just an a**hole, and things wont change after its turned in. I guess I will give him one more chance when his thesis is finished. And if he still acts the same way, I will move on and forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
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