DesperateG Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Please be kind if you respond I'm already dealing with so much... For the last year I have gotten to know my SIL very well, her and my fiancee are very close. Their parents were divorced when they were young and they have always sort of leaned on one another. When my I first started dating my fiancee he waited for a long time before he introduced me to his family because he said they could be quite "difficult to deal with". Once I finally met his sister we got along just fine, after a period of time I moved in with my fiancee because he owned a home and I had an apartment across town and my lease was up, it made the most sense. My future SIL is a very strange person and very hard to deal with, but I have bitten my tongue time and time again because my fiancee is very protective of her and I don't want to upset him. She is very self absorbed, you cannot say anything around her without her attacking it and making it clear that her opinion is more important that yours because she is a "genius". She constantly brags about how she is a pathological liar and shes "darn good at it" around my finacee and I but never says it around anyone else. When we got engaged I asked my two sisters and her to me my bridesmaids, I asked her because I really have not spend much time with my other friends in a long time as I am very busy with my job and my growing family and I figured I would be able to count on her because I knew she would not do anything to upset her brother (she worships the ground he walks on)... BOY WAS I WRONG!! We decided to have a very small informal engagement party and a very small wedding. We had our engagement party at a bar and invited mostly people we work with because we are not going have the room to invite them to the wedding. My future sister in-law showed up 3 hours late with a bunch of her friends that I hardly know (I've only met them all once before). She sat in the corner with her friends the whole night... Everyone had a great time, my parents showed up and met his parents for the first time, they got along great. It was a success in my book. A week and a half later she sent both my finacee and me a long b*tch out email about how "totally pissed" she was that I did not introduce her to everyone at the party (keep in mind we were at a bar, people were everywhere, it was VERY informal, people were coming and going all night long). She went on and on in her email about how she was so angry and that her friends felt the same way and then she demanded an apology. I responded by telling her that the everyone else at the party had a great time, I did my best through the madness and it was supposed to be informal anyhow. Well she completely blew up (not to me to my finacee), she quit talking to me altogether. I gave her a few days to cool down (because this is typical of her) and then I send her several text messages and emails trying to make peace because I did not want to fight, she completely ignored me. She then told my fiancee she would not be in the wedding because she felt that her and I were "too different in personality" and that she didn't want to be my "best friend" anymore. I then tried to email her again, asking that we settle this like adults and put it all behind us, STILL no response. THEN- Last week she went over to my future in-laws house and told them the "whole story" except completely backwards. She told them I had kicked her out of the wedding and told her that I did not want to be her friend and that I ignored HER! (shes 31 years old, I'm 24... this is why I get so angry when people say things about age and maturity because that is not always the case). We talked to his parents and told them what really happened (they pretty much already knew because she has pulled this sort of thing before)... Yesterday she sent my fiancee an email asking to be in the wedding. He sent me and email asking me about it and I told him that if she had finally come to her senses, was done lying and ready to talk to me then I would let her be in the wedding (I know, I'm too forgiving but its my future husbands sister and I figure letting her be in the wedding would A. Show I'm a bigger person and B. Save me the drama she would cause the rest of my life over this). Well she again refused to talk to me so he finally got really angry about the whole thing and sent her an email pretty much telling her to GROW UP and act her age...She flew off the wall and was VERY nasty to him, they are not speaking at the moment. So now my finacee is miserable, My wedding plans are a mess and I don't even know what to do anymore.... Does anyone have ANY suggestions? At all??? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 In my experience, SIL's are very very tricky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesperateG Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I almost forgot, this is all happening right now... 35 days before my wedding!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 If you can, let her just be in the wedding. There is no point in trying to extract aplogies or changes from her...but unless you put her in the wedding this will hang over you. In Laws. This is what all the complaining is about. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. In the scheme of things, I wouldnt pick this one. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 My dad didn't go to my wedding. The woman he was dating wanted to make the brides maid dress and my sister had already bought one...so she threw a fit and didn't go. So my dad didn't go either. My wedding was still fun. Just enjoy your special day, don't spend so much time trying to make it perfect. It's such a rush and their is so much happeneing you won't remeber most of the details anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Oh, I should add. Two of my brides maids backed out at the last minute because they couldn't get the dress. So I had one do the music and the other usher... Link to post Share on other sites
subdued Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I would suggest always having someone else around when you talk to his sister, someone who can back you up about what you did and said. Link to post Share on other sites
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