Is Seven Year Friendship Over Due To Failed Romance?

[Jordanjames]

So it's been about a month since I talked to and seen this guy I have known for about seven years. We used to be very close friends for a long time until last summer when we became intimate and dated. We used to be very close but are no longer talking. I haven't seen him or spoke to him in a month. I just can't talk to him.

 

He's really the only friend I had for a long time. I think that's the reason why it has been so hard for me to let go. But I have not talked to him for a month. I have been attending a support group for people that have social anxiety the past few months. I really like the support group and the people are nice.

 

I have also seen a psychologist and looking into treatment a therapy called Cognitive Behavorial Therapy.

 

I have even have gone to have coffee with people at the support group a couple of times after a meeting. And I have talked to a lady from the support group on the phone a few times and that's been good.

 

 

 

The romantic relationship between the friend and I ended in the fall last year. He said he wanted to be friends. I tried in the new year to be his friend again and things were going well from December to April of this year.

 

He says he is not an alcoholic but he passed out on a street in January of this year. An ambulance was called to take him to the hospital. I had to sit at the hospital and watch him for four hours because I knew if he we was too intoxicated to go home in a cab. He has issues with his family and he can't come out to them and tell them he is gay due to cultural issues.

 

Also his family wants to put him into an arranged marriage. I realize that's his issue and his battle and not mine but I do have sympathy for him.

 

Even after we broke up this year he bought me some gifts when he went to Florida with his family. He bought me two T shirts and a comic book.

 

I know those gifts aren't expensive or extravagant but I was surprised he did this in February. He also introduced me to his friends at the local university. Of course I wondered why he introduced me to his friends? His friends seem nice but they are his friends and not mine. I decided to get out there go to the support group and branch out to meet new people. I also joined a gym as well.

 

Things were going well between him and I until I told him in early April that I wasn't sure if I can be his friend anymore. Maybe I should of kept my thoughts to myself but I felt the need to be honest. I don't want to have feelings for him because he says he doesn't want me in that way anymore.

 

He says he wasn't hurt by the statement but he says it freaked him out.

 

This is where things changed he stopped calling me and he only contacted me after I contacted him first.

 

I apologized to him for saying I didn't want to be his friend anymore when I saw him in late April of this year. Ever since early April if I don't initiate contact with him via text or phone him I don't hear from him. Yes I did apologize to his face about the comments I made in early April.

 

We didn't talk for a bit until the end of April when we saw each other and went to see a movie. Then I saw him on his birthday in early May. I just decided to buy him a card because I did not feel that I should buy him a gift.

 

In early May I called me from the university and said he was skipping his lecture because he said we would have more time together that day.

We went out for dinner and spent the day together and that was good.

 

I made a fool of myself when I saw him for his birthday we both were smoking some weed and I said "do you want to have some fun". And he said

"what kind of fun?" And I said "fun" and he said "do you mean make out?" He then says "I don't think that would be a good idea."

 

After we smoked the weed we went back to the subway station and he said he had a "good time seeing you today." I have not contacted him since. He hasn't called me either no text or email or phone call. I haven't called him because I am trying to move on. Even though I have known him for seven years. I do question myself though, I say to myself "if I contact him what good will this do?" "What will this achieve?" So I haven't contacted him.

 

I went out on a date a few weeks ago with another guy the guy and I did not connect I thought he was nice but he lied about his age and I just wasn't attracted to him.

 

I wonder if me and the former friend can be friends again?

[surgngnl]

I'm struggling with this same situation myself. I just decided this week that I cannot continue my friendship with my best friend in the world because I am in love with him. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't, but I am. It's heartbreaking to think that I won't be able to talk to him as I have for years, but I must cut it off. I have to be true to myself first.

 

Having said that, I think that you have to do the same. Especially since he's gay. Take a step back from him, gain some perspective. One day, you'll be able to be his friend, just not right now.

 

Good luck!

[xpaperxcutx]

In the long run I think you did the right thing. I had something similar happen to me where I fell for someone who was not interested in me for the long term. While he wasn't my friend per se, he was someone who I could see myself developing a close friendship with.

 

The only way to truly be happy is to focus on yourself. While that may be hard to do, you have to consider how will taking a step back further yourself as a person? Yes, you lost a friend in the process, but during all this time you've actually gained more than you lost. You've made new acquaintances and friends from your support group and you've probably gained new insights into yourself from therapy.

 

I recently had another friend told me something that has really stuck with me. He told me that losing someone close to you, while painful, is actually just another way for the universe to tell you that it's making room for new people to come into your life. Cherish what you have.

[Jordanjames]

Thanks for your comments I really appreciate it. I won't lie it is really hard to let go but I have been doing that for a month. I bought myself some DVDs the other day to help take my mind off of things. I enjoy the new DVD I bought it is relaxing. I definitely want to move on but man it's hard that's for sure. I just feel I have to do this for myself. I have to focus on me now then being in a situation that is just too painful emotionally for me.

[LoveLace]

Thanks for your comments I really appreciate it. I won't lie it is really hard to let go but I have been doing that for a month. I bought myself some DVDs the other day to help take my mind off of things. I enjoy the new DVD I bought it is relaxing. I definitely want to move on but man it's hard that's for sure. I just feel I have to do this for myself. I have to focus on me now then being in a situation that is just too painful emotionally for me.

 

Hey, the dvd's are a good step...it helps to do as many enjoyable things as possible...and in time they get even more enjoyable to you...I believe it takes for time and for ourselves, to work together through this. Time is on your side so give it the patience it needs, bad days will become less and the good ones will outweigh them. Time is the most reliable way to a true healing. Trust that, and you will be just fine.