confused need help

[Mr Ed]

I have been friends with this girl for 4 years now. She was engaged and living with this guy for the last 3 years. He was abusive to her, they are now broke up. Over the last 4 years she would call me almost everyday, sneak out of the house to see me. Recently she I was operated on and she came down to visit me but decided to stay at my house and take care of me, againt her boy friends wishes. She has told me in the past that she loves me and is afraid that she

 

is going to loose me to someone else if she dont do something. We have slept together but have not had sex. We have kissed but not on the lips. She tells me she loves me and knows she would be happy with me, she has even said she would marry me. When I try and kiss her she pulls away and says it not right, I cant let this happen yet. I dont want to hurt you or myself. I need time. She tells me she hates men and she needs to go out and use them, take them for thier money and have sex with them and them kick them out. She said its just a game to her and it means nothing she loves me but she needs to do this. I own my own house and she does also, for the last 5 weeks I have been living with her at her house. She tells me how comfortable she feels with me, and that I make the perfect father for her children. She keeps on saying that she is afraid of me seeing another girl and it would hurt her if I did date someone else. I have told her it hurts me to have her talk about using men and having sex with them. She said she is confused and afraid of our relationship. What do I do? Do I wait it out? Up until now she has not gone on any dates and she said that she seems to just talk about it but dont do it. SHe has said if she did go on a date for dinner she would want me to drive her to the place and wait for her to come out, and go home with me. Whats up with this?

[Tony T]

This lady is sick and beyond confused. She is in deep and urgent need of psychological counselling.

 

First, you have to decide if you really want a romance with someone who says she loves you but will not have sex with you and not kiss you on the lips but will go out and take men's money, have sex with them and kick them out..your words here. That, to me, is mostly what prostitutes do.

 

She also knows that you love her...yet she tells you that when she decides to go to dinner with other men, she will allow you to drive her there, wait for her, and drive her back. Will she also allow you to wait outside the guy's apartment while they have sex??? ARE YOU HEARING WHAT THIS GIRL IS SAYING. If you let her tell you this, much less go along with it, you have as many problems as her. It is MENTAL CRUELTY to suggest you take her around to her dates. Have you been getting enough sleep lately???

 

The more I have been around in the world, I have found it is simply not practical to wait around for people to change because they seldom do. Right now, this very minute, there are millions of women who are ready for a really nice, healthy relationship with YOU....ladies who don't want to use men, sleep around and give you diseases when they finally decide they want to have sex with you.

 

This lady has problems with hair on them. Unless you are similarly troubled and are attracted to chaotic situations in your life, GET AWAY FROM HER. She will be nothing but trouble for you.

 

She is not just confused and afraid of this relationship with you. She is confused about LIFE!!!

[D.]

"She has told me in the past that she loves me and is afraid that she is going to loose me to someone else if she dont do something." Your words.

 

"She tells me how comfortable she feels with me, and that I make the perfect father for her children. She keeps on saying that she is afraid of me seeing another girl and it would hurt her if I did date someone else." Again, Your Words!

 

"She tells me she hates men and she needs to go out and use them, take them for thier money and have sex with them and them kick them out. She said its just a game to her and it means nothing she loves me but she needs to do this."

 

Excuse me!!!!!!!!!! DAYUM! And you are questioning as to whether to continue a relationship with this lunatic!?!?

 

"I have told her it hurts me to have her talk about using men and having sex with them." Good God Man! You have expressed this to her and she STILL tells you all she does without regard for YOUR feelings?! WAKE UP!

 

"She said she is confused and afraid of our relationship."

 

She certainly has a stange way of expressing her fear of losing you! Hey, dude, will you drive me to my date and wait out in the car for me?! DUH!!!!!!

 

"What do I do? Do I wait it out?" RUN! Run fast as hell anywhere that she is not! Even though there has been only talk at this point and no dating, there HAS been talk, highly disfunctional, sick talk on her behalf with no regard to YOUR feelings. HEY, once again, would you wait for me while I date, have sex with (get some diseases, too), take money from and kick guys to the curb?!?! Will you do that for me?

 

This woman has enough problems to fill volumes of books on psychosis. If you are willing to stay with her under these conditions, you are in just as much need of professional help as she is.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but this is beyond belief!

[Miranda]

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

 

This girl has issues that, unless she resolves them, will make it impossible for you to have ANY relationship! She is NOT your friend! Friends do not use each other selfishly.

 

Please detatch yourself from this 'friend'. You can't wait around hoping that she will love you romantically. If she has just come out of an abusive relationship, she needs time to heal and get her self together. You do not want to be a rebound.

[LT]

Please get yourself some short term but regularly scheduled counseling. This girl is bad news and you've fallen into the role of enabling her. That isn't healthy for you (let alone her). I agree with all the other responses but wanted to suggest seeking counseling first, because it can be really hard to break away from bad situations on your own. A good counselor won't tell you you've been wrong,etc...they will help you figure out what's really real and what's not and help *you* decide when and how to change things on a "as-can-you-handle-it" basis.

 

I have been friends with this girl for 4 years now. She was engaged and living with this guy for the last 3 years. He was abusive to her, they are now broke up. Over the last 4 years she would call me almost everyday, sneak out of the house to see me. Recently she I was operated on and she came down to visit me but decided to stay at my house and take care of me, againt her boy friends wishes. She has told me in the past that she loves me and is afraid that she is going to loose me to someone else if she dont do something. We have slept together but have not had sex. We have kissed but not on the lips. She tells me she loves me and knows she would be happy with me, she has even said she would marry me. When I try and kiss her she pulls away and says it not right, I cant let this happen yet. I dont want to hurt you or myself. I need time. She tells me she hates men and she needs to go out and use them, take them for thier money and have sex with them and them kick them out. She said its just a game to her and it means nothing she loves me but she needs to do this. I own my own house and she does also, for the last 5 weeks I have been living with her at her house. She tells me how comfortable she feels with me, and that I make the perfect father for her children. She keeps on saying that she is afraid of me seeing another girl and it would hurt her if I did date someone else. I have told her it hurts me to have her talk about using men and having sex with them. She said she is confused and afraid of our relationship. What do I do? Do I wait it out? Up until now she has not gone on any dates and she said that she seems to just talk about it but dont do it. SHe has said if she did go on a date for dinner she would want me to drive her to the place and wait for her to come out, and go home with me. Whats up with this?