stace79 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Hi everyone---- I am a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding in August. I am contributing in the normal ways -- purchased my attire for the wedding, paying for nails/hair/makeup, contributing to bridal shower costs and bachelorette party costs, etc. I was with my BF for 3 years and got engaged to him two weeks ago. However, my best friend flat out told me that due to costs, I was not allowed to bring a date to the wedding. My opinion is that since I am her best friend, in the wedding party, and putting out several hundred dollars at least to participate, that I should be allowed to bring a date, especially given I was with my BF for 3 yrs and we are now engaged. Most of my other friends/family agree but say not to rock the boat. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 That's crazy! Are other members of the wedding party allowed to bring a guest? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 You're engaged? IMO, your "best friend" is whacked Tell her "dad" said so.... Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 That is BS, seriously! if you are putting out that much then i imagine it is a big wedding, i call BS! I would talk to the Bride an make sure there isnt something bigger going on. Maybe even offer to pay for his plate??? But this honestly sounds like bS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Wow -- overwhelming support. lol Yeah, I am not sure. It is a pretty big wedding, and I know she has complained several times about cutting down the guest list. But the major problem is her future MIL, who is requiring that she invite all these family/friends that neither my friend nor her fiance have ever met. The MIL is worried that she will have more guests on "her side" of the church than her fiance. Silly, yes, I know. I just don't know what to say. I don't want to make her feel bad or cause her more drama, b/c she is my best friend and I know it's *her* wedding. I just felt like it was a slap in the face. The other ladies in the party are bringing dates, with the exception of one. But most of them are married, and the one is unattached. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Well, that's weird. Just out of curiosity, how big is the wedding? Not that I think it should make a difference, but I'm just wondering. When have you ever heard of a wedding participant - especially someone who is standing up with the bride/groom - not "allowed" to bring their "...and guest?" Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 It is improper to invite someone to any social event and not their spouse or fiance. It would also be improper to rock the boat. I agree with your friends and family. It sounds like your friend could use a book on social etiquette as a gift. I recently spent tons of time and energy throwing a baby shower for my niece. Another niece recently had a baby and brought it to the shower. I was livid. The baby took attention away from my niece and cried throughout the entire shower. I did not however rock t he boat. I did make a call to her the next day to let her know that in the future to never bring a baby to someone elses shower. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Well, that's weird. Just out of curiosity, how big is the wedding? Not that I think it should make a difference, but I'm just wondering. When have you ever heard of a wedding participant - especially someone who is standing up with the bride/groom - not "allowed" to bring their "...and guest?" I think she has about 160 invited. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The other ladies in the party are bringing dates, with the exception of one. But most of them are married, and the one is unattached. Ok, then THAT makes it totally unacceptable. Totally classless, very un-Emily Post, and as a friend, sheerly wrong. Either she steps up to her future MIL, or else she's going to have a lifetime of letting this woman run her life. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 "I'm engaged. My fiance would like to be there with me to celebrate your marriage as he is happy for you as well. We feel privileged that you chose me to be a bridesmaid. If cost is an issue, he'll be happy to defray those costs in lieu of a wedding gift. The important thing is that, as betrotheds ourselves, we share this moment together. Thanks for understanding" Then, silence.... You set your boundary. It's up to bridezilla (or MILzilla, as appropriate) to see the light of truth Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 If this were a small wedding, as in bride, groom, wedding party, and parents only, then I could understand. However, with 160 guest invited, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS to not allow a best-friend and bridesmaid not to bring her fiance who she's been with for 3 years. Honestly, it's... reprehensible, as far as I'm concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Wow! Well I am appreciative that you all have let me know your opinion, and I feel better and less selfish that pretty much everyone agrees for the most part. Carhill, I like your suggested wording! I am also considering enlisting her sister who is in the wedding with me for her advice. She is close with me, too, and I feel she could give me some honest feedback as to how to proceed without spilling the beans to my friend. I did also notice on my invite this week, though, that there is space to write in a guest. But since she told me I couldn't bring anyone I feel like I need to address it, rather than just write my fiance in and show up! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 You know what I would do? I'd just have him show up. If she balks, anyone around her would look at her like she's an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The Bride is out of her mind, and as usual the bridesmaids take the brunt of it. Does your BF even Want to go? If he doesn't, dont bother thinking about it anymore. It is quite possible this bridezilla will come to her senses after the wedding and be the normal and polite person she was before... I wouldn't rock her boat right now. But I would plant several people to specifically ask me where my fiancé was within earshot of the bride. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Good question. Does your fiance want to go? Does he know the bride and groom? Have they eaten dinner at your home and vice versa? BTW, I will amend my verbiage from "my fiance would like to be there with me" to "I want my fiance to be there with me". That personalizes it even more. IMO, if she pushes back, respect her position; fiance stays home and you re-evaluate the friendship. Do not detract from her day by injecting drama into it. You made a commitment as a bridesmaid. Honor that and your respect for her day. You'll be getting married soon yourself. Good karma Link to post Share on other sites
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