No Contact Guilt

[MagicRat09]

Now that it's all over, I personally feel pretty good. My heart is healing, been on 2 dates, spending time with friends and doing the things I enjoy.

 

But sometimes I feel such a deep sadness and guilt. This girl really wanted my friendship and I told her I couldn't give it right now. I mean I truly care about her, of course I do. She probably thinks I don't now. I didn't want to be the cause of any pain for her, but I had to get away. I'm so remorseful that it coincided with her birthday, that's the part that upsets me most.

[Jordanjames]

Magicrat I have a question did you end the relationship or did the girl? The part that I see a similarity in relation to my situation is that I also contacted someone on their birthday. I saw the guy for his birthday, spent time with him, had dinner but I have not contacted him since. In my situation I knew the guy for a long time and we were just friends before we became involved but I admitted to him that I wasn't sure if I could be his friend anymore. I saw him for his birthday but I have not contacted him in a month.

[MagicRat09]

Just to sum up I told her I couldn't be best buddies with her because of my feelings for her, and she was devastated. I asked her to give me time to recover and I'd be back but she didn't really understand. So now I'm on the No Contact.

 

I feel much better and stronger now, she takes up less space in my mind and the recovery process has truly begun. But I feel terrible that I can't be what she wants, ironically as she can't be what I want either.

 

But there's a sadness in me now. There's so many things we'd do together, things we'd share, private jokes, checking in, "how is your day going?" stuff that's gone now.

 

But it's either this, or deny myself my own healing time, stay pals and let my heart get smashed to pieces over and over while I put on a phony grin and watch her be with someone else.