What are signs your ex wants you back ?

[Mermaiden]

I dont want to make this question too long

so just the basics

asked for a 'break, not a break up' from my boyfriend of 5 months 6 weeks ago

he had majorly screwed up and wasnt taking me seriously

i think asking for a break put him into state of shock.

we've talked about 9 times since then (he still calls)

i emailed him long emails explaining how I DO love him, only want a serious relationship BUT wont stand for mistreatment because I know my value.

he asked to see me memorial day weekend to 'hang out' but our texts got screwed up and it didnt happen.

it felt like he was then ignoring me for a week

his career is going amazingly well and i thought he was being rude

he said no even though his career is now magical and making $$$ money he feels very depressed lately and didnt know why and it wasnt me.

well today is his birthday

I was really curious to se ehow hed react to my gift to him (box of chocolates overnighted ) and also ecard, facebook well wishes.

he called me and acted sweet called me Babe and said he really appreciated my gift and warm thoughts

he then told me he is going to concert with his best guy friend tonight and then spending the weekend at the beach with his daughter from his first marriage.

so he is nt seeing anyone tonight or for his birthday

does it seem like he is still into me ?

should i try to reconcile ?

[carhill]

Hmm.... you wanted to take a break, which generally means no contact, then you accept contact and send him a BD gift.

 

From what I'm reading, your words and actions aren't matching. He majorly screwed up, showed no remorse and you've taken him to task for that, setting a boundary by denying him your presence and love/affection, ostensibly to shock him. When, upon further words/actions, he doesn't appear shocked, you wonder about reconciling.

 

IMO, if you two want this to work, you need to look each other in the eye and get it all out. Clarity. No misunderstood or lost/not sent texts or e-mails; no mis-firing electrons. Just real human interaction.

 

Since he calls you "babe" and seems to still be interested, call him (no e-mail, IM, or text) and suggest you meet. If he agrees, then, calmly, get it out. Communicate. If you're not satisfied with his reaction/actions, break up and go complete NC. Remove him from your life. Relationships aren't a game.

[BCCA]

First, call a spade a spade: youre broken up. The reason this is important is because I fell some people call it a break, because they feel like they should be able to pick up where they left off when/if they decide to; doesnt work that way. You two are no longer together in a committed relationship. I'm sure you have your reasons, and I would never say they werent valid, but understand that a 'break' is vague and has no rules.

 

Next, unless he is going to work on fixing whatever caused you to break up in the first place, its pointless. Hes never going to change while in the relationship, quite frankly, because there is no motivation to. Youre together, and while you might be upset from time to time, unless you make it clear that you wont tolerate certain behavior (and by make it clear I mean be prepared to walk away if he wont do what it takes), he'll keep doing it.

 

The situation I think youre in is that you thought/hoped if you went on a break, he would take a hint, and get his s**t together, but he hasnt. And youre still letting him in your life, calling you baby, etc without getting what it was you needed from him. I think his lack of effort has made you second guess your requests, and the thought of being alone is making you reconsider whether you can just live with it or not.

 

Should you reconcile? Only you can answer that, but whatever bothered you before, if it hasnt been fixed, will always be there.

[Mermaiden]

 

Since he calls you "babe" and seems to still be interested, call him (no e-mail, IM, or text) and suggest you meet. If he agrees, then, calmly, get it out. Communicate. If you're not satisfied with his reaction/actions, break up and go complete NC. Remove him from your life. Relationships aren't a game.

 

Well right now, he will be away for the weekend with his kid.

then he is away for work all next week.

I will be away for a friends wedding next weekend.

 

this happens to us a lot.

 

he likes to talk on the phone, while I prefer text/email (i know he's unusual for a guy and im unusual for a girl)

 

i went on a date with another exbf 2 weeks ago

a ex who is one of my closest caring friends and hot to boot !

the ex felt total sparks apparently and I did too

BUT all I could think about after the date was my newly exbf.

 

i feel like there is something there and I dont know how to reconnect when we're both so busy right now !

(im working 55-65 hours weeks until july 5)

[Mermaiden]

and the thought of being alone is making you reconsider whether you can just live with it or not.

 

Should you reconcile? Only you can answer that, but whatever bothered you before, if it hasnt been fixed, will always be there.

 

I don't care about being alone.

My dance card is always semi full, so I have no worries there.

I guess that I feel he wants to just let time pass and to gloss over his failings and then slide back into my life like nothing happened.

Seriously just two days after our break up he called me to talk about our favorite tv show (as an excuse to call)

Im afraid I poured my heart out in one email (damn you vodka fueled writing)

and he knows how deeply i care and although he does care about me he knows I care inspite of his bs.

I'm thinking to perhaps limit contact and when he does contact me be firm but calm and reiterate what I want from him.

(his attention and time and to not treat me as a 4th priority)

[BCCA]

I guess that I feel he wants to just let time pass and to gloss over his failings and then slide back into my life like nothing happened

 

Of course he does, thats just human nature.

 

I'm thinking to perhaps limit contact and when he does contact me be firm but calm and reiterate what I want from him

 

One step further, just let him know that unless he's willing to give you what it is you need to be happy in this relationship, dont bother calling at all. And you need to STICK to this, which means no answering calls about TV shows or any other BS. He's going to try anything and everything to pretend like everything is fine without changing anything at all. We are creatures of habbit, and people rarely want to change themselves (or feel they need to) unless they have no other option. Take the other option away, he either does what he needs to, or he has a nice life without you; there is no middle ground.

 

his attention and time and to not treat me as a 4th priority

 

If he is treating you like a 4th priority, that could explain why he wasnt so phased by your break. Like I said, draw a line in the sand, and do NOT waiver.

[blaken]

we've talked about 9 times since then (he still calls)

And you answer.. not much of a break imo. I'd explain that he needs not to call you. And you need to hold your ground..

 

he asked to see me memorial day weekend to 'hang out' but our texts got screwed up and it didnt happen.

What do you mean got screwed? The text got lost? His dog ate it? He probably found something else to do.

 

it felt like he was then ignoring me for a week

He was, something else to do, more important than you.

 

his career is going amazingly well and i thought he was being rude

he said no even though his career is now magical and making $$$ money he feels very depressed lately and didnt know why and it wasnt me.

The line is known "it's not you, it's me", don't fall for it.

 

he called me and acted sweet called me Babe and said he really appreciated my gift and warm thoughts

My ex sweet talked anybody, he calls "hun" the girl at the mac donald window... so no, it doesnt mean anything. Imo what would mean something is him showing up at your door and doing something with you.

 

does it seem like he is still into me ?

should i try to reconcile ?

No, doesn't seem like it to me. Seems like he's getting what he wants, he holds you at a distance and maybe he'll show up if he wants sex or something from you.

 

When a guy wants you he lets you know it. You don't have to second guess everything he says.

 

If I were you I'd run. Actually your ex makes me think about mine and I decided to run. I did make the mistake of getting back with him the first time I broke up and nop, breaking up the first time was the good move and I shouldn't have wasted a few more months on something that wasn't gonna happen. And neither should you.

You seem nice, get someone who will appreciate you.

[Mermaiden]

What do you mean got screwed? The text got lost? His dog ate it? He probably found something else to do.

 

 

i have a habit of sending texts instead of calling.

i was supposed to call after i saw movie, instead because it was late i sent two texts.

they were delayed and didnt get to him for several hours and then when he sent me a return text that was delayed too

(my stupid virgin wireless confirmed they had delays memorial day weekend)

[Mermaiden]

Seems like he's getting what he wants, he holds you at a distance and maybe he'll show up if he wants sex or something from you.

 

show up for sex ?

i have to say he was always patient and never pushy.

always dinner, movie, drinks and never pushed for sex.

loved telling me how much he enjoyed it with me but never acted so base.

any time I said i was tired or not in the mood he would be cool about it.

[lizzylizliz]

Have you tried just sitting down and talking to him? Find out what went wrong, where all your faults lie. Or just be obvious and ask him if hes willing to give it another shot, Otherwise, I'd say he's keeping you around to massage his ego...by responding to him, he knos you're interested.Be wary that he's not trying to make himself feel better at your expense.

[OldEurope]

This one is easy. You go away and stay away until he come a-knockin' for you. It behooves a gal to do some of the old fashioned stuff when in doubt. Let the man do the pursuing. You can respond warmly and postively, but let him come to you.

 

A man is only into a woman when he shows her consistent, regular attention and has explanation for any absences( an overseas work trip, etc). He is into her when he opens up his soul to her, his fears, what makes him proud, what he liked in her last email, the voice in her last call....You sense that he "looks forward" to hearing from you again, or himself initiating the contact. This also includes that from time to time he will tone it all down, just to play it cool. But he is still "there".

 

"Babe" and the rest do not count. And I, for one, am pretty much against a woman giving a man gifts unless the two of them are really an item.

 

xooOE

[Mermaiden]

This one is easy. You go away and stay away until he come a-knockin' for you. It behooves a gal to do some of the old fashioned stuff when in doubt. Let the man do the pursuing. You can respond warmly and postively, but let him come to you.

 

A man is only into a woman when he shows her consistent, regular attention and has explanation for any absences( an overseas work trip, etc). He is into her when he opens up his soul to her, his fears, what makes him proud, what he liked in her last email, the voice in her last call....You sense that he "looks forward" to hearing from you again, or himself initiating the contact. This also includes that from time to time he will tone it all down, just to play it cool. But he is still "there".

 

"Babe" and the rest do not count. And I, for one, am pretty much against a woman giving a man gifts unless the two of them are really an item.

 

xooOE

 

 

he called me again last night to describe the concert to me and see how i was.

i finally had to get off the phone and he said okay he would let me go but talk again soon.

i sent him a birthday gift because our very first date was on my birthday and he made it very special and sweet.

 

but yes i now need to stop being available to talk.

it does drive him nuts though (half the time when we were dating i didnt answer the phone)

 

this should be interesting.

 

[carhill]

Does this sound like games to anyone else or am I just in a divorce-induced stupor?

[Mermaiden]

Dammit

This can't be good.

he had told me he was going to the beach with his son this weekend.

Instead he updated his twitter status at 10 pm and stated he was a top upscale restaurant and how good the service was and amazing the food.

 

so on a saturday night night after his birthday he was out at a very fancy eatery.

 

im guessing he was on a date or something.

 

but would he broadcast this on twitter ? he stopped following me on twitter when we broke up., does he think i dont notice his updates now ?

 

(its not on his facebook.)

 

sigh.

i had been feeling really good since he called me after the concert last night.

 

now i also stupidly texted him xoxo 30 mins ago.

 

(no response)

[Mermaiden]

He called tonight

said he missed me

asked how i am

asked me what ive been up to

he then said his week is busy but we should get together this week

 

what does he mean ?

 

even when we were dating he never said word 'date'

he would say go out, see me.

 

thoughts ?

[AriaIncognito]

Signs your ex wants you back:

 

He says "I want you back."

 

That's the only sign.

[Mermaiden]

Signs your ex wants you back:

 

He says "I want you back."

 

That's the only sign.

 

 

I said sign.

sign meanS a discernible indication of what is not itself directly perceptible.

[carhill]

Sign: Standing on your doorstep when speaking those words

[OldEurope]

Dammit

This can't be good.

he had told me he was going to the beach with his son this weekend.

Instead he updated his twitter status at 10 pm and stated he was a top upscale restaurant and how good the service was and amazing the food.

 

so on a saturday night night after his birthday he was out at a very fancy eatery.

 

im guessing he was on a date or something.

 

but would he broadcast this on twitter ? he stopped following me on twitter when we broke up., does he think i dont notice his updates now ?

 

(its not on his facebook.)

 

sigh.

i had been feeling really good since he called me after the concert last night.

 

now i also stupidly texted him xoxo 30 mins ago.

 

(no response)

 

 

I will never for the life of me understand the appeal of "Twitter" (twaddle) and Facebook. Why people wish to torture themselves is beyond me.

 

xoxOE

[Mermaiden]

I will never for the life of me understand the appeal of "Twitter" (twaddle) and Facebook. Why people wish to torture themselves is beyond me.

 

xoxOE

 

Most of my friends are spread across the country.

Facebook rocks in that respect.

Twitter is a helpful marketing tool for my growing beauty blog.

My ex is the one who still doesnt like or get twitter. He says its a waste of time and why should anyone care about silly short updates.

I explained that its good way to make contacts for work.

And I was right.

 

anyway im so busy at work that im going to make him wait until next week to see me.

[Tizzy]

Mermaiden, no offense but this whole thread reads like a shallow story from a teenage high school book. Like maybe how a convo would go in "The Babysitters Club." How old are you? This guy clearly does not share the same level of interest as you do in this relationship, and you should move on with your life. Have more respect for yourself than to let him string you along like some love-sick puppy. We've all been there before, believe me, and it can be a hard reality, but like others have said, when a man wants YOU, you won't have to do a single thing. He will be all over you like syrup on hotcakes. You should not be chasing any man. If you feel the need to chase, then he's not the guy for you. Wanting to be together should be a mutual thing, not lopsided. Save your time, your energy, and your self dignity, and leave this dud alone for good.

[tkgirl]

Does this sound like games to anyone else or am I just in a divorce-induced stupor?

 

 

nope... you are right on Carhill, as always! I'm finding it annoying yet intriguing at the same time though... maybe I need to get a life!

[tkgirl]

I will never for the life of me understand the appeal of "Twitter" (twaddle) and Facebook. Why people wish to torture themselves is beyond me.

 

xoxOE

 

I think it's other people they wish to torture...

 

I always laugh when I think about the time Stephen Colbert told someone on the Today show or something.. anyways, he goes "yea, I've Twatted"