This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[Full Of Hope]

This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for. This story will end well. I’m sure of it. I’ve been involved with my MM for just under a year now. He is without question the love of my life. I know I am his as well.

 

This is my story.

 

It was the summer of 2008, June to be exact, when he walked into my life. He was wearing a white button down shirt with black pants…just kidding! With almost a year under my belt, I certainly don’t have time for that kind of detail...

 

Really, long story short…we work for the same company, but live in different states. For the better part of last year, he traveled quite frequently to my location. It started with dinner and drinks, but turned into something neither of us expected. It wasn’t long before we were head over heels, and made the decision to be together forever.

 

About 6 months into it, his W found out about us.

 

–WARNING –

 

You may feel the urge to turn on him at this point. You can trust me when I say it’s not necessary. He is a very smart, rational guy. He always keeps his eye on the prize (me, in this case ) and focuses on the big picture. He had his reasons for staying, and I understood them. This is all that matters.

 

A few more months pass, with us seeing each other only a handful of times. This is when things become more difficult for me. I miss him terribly. I start to freak out about our future together and whether it’s really going to happen. Because of this, he writes me a very detailed letter on his feelings for me. Any guesses as to what happens next? That’s right…the W finds it. Well, this changes everything. She thought it was over between us. Even though their marriage had already fallen apart, I think she still believed that over time it could be rebuilt. This notion flew right out the window once she found the letter. They are on the same page now about what their future holds. They discuss living arrangements, divorce, custody, etc…They have children who are not aware of the A. They are deciding together how to best handle the situation for their family.

 

I still have a long road ahead…but I am doing my best to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, right?

 

I know this story is pretty upbeat. In my opinion, this forum could use a little “happy.” Don’t let my enthusiasm be mistaken for insensitivity. I feel all the things a normal OW does. I’m just…well…Full Of Hope…

 

Bottom line…I love him. He is everything to me….my entire world. I never truly understood what love was until I met him. I had no idea it could feel this good.

 

Stay tuned…

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't normally comment on this forum as I'm apathetic towards OW/OM situations but I'm curious to see why you think your story will turn out to be a happy one.

 

While I may not read most of the threads on here, I'm well aware how much pain certain OWs go through when divorce proceedings occur and they find the MM turning to other things rather than follow through with their so called " promises".

 

Has he contacted since plans for divorce began? What has he done recently to reaffirm you that he will want to be with after his wife releases him from married life?

[NoIDidn't]

IDK, FOH. Nothing in your story suggests that he is keeping his word or anything. In fact, the fact that you are long distance kind of gives the opposite impression. He can (and most will) say and do anything from that distance.

 

Have you spoken with his W ever?

[ali0112]

Also, do you KNOW that his wife actually found this letter, and if so, how do you know this? Or do you just know that he SAID his wife found this letter? There is a big difference between the two. Don't mean to be a naysayer, but without speaking to his wife directly, all you have to go on is his word.

[ali0112]

I'm almost afraid to read this thread six months from now.

[ednadean]

full of hope,

 

you're going to a get a lot of "down" comments I can tell -- but you know what? -- people get married to the wrong person all the time -- they break up and they move on and sometimes that second marriage/relationship is one that is vastly happier.

 

I wish you the best of luck -- everyone thinks their situation will be different -- and I genuinely hope it is the case for you.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Hi Hope. Alot of negative people here eh? Well, it's nice to keep our hopes up, but people don't seem to understand that we ride the same roller coaster as the MM. We have our dreamy moments thinking about the future with having our MM all to ourselves, then we crash and burn thinking that what we have now is all we'll ever have, and then we think ending it is the best thing, and then we get right back on the ride and dream about the future again.

 

I hope things turn out the way you want, but it is a long road either way. It takes alot of patience, and timing is key, and still there are no guarantees. But I agree with you, these feelings are real, they came out of nowhere, unexpected, and like nothing we've ever felt before. How can that be wrong?

 

People get married every day for all sorts of reasons, usually not for love but because it's what they're 'supposed' to do. People get divorced for all sorts of reasons, and alot of the time it's because they realized they married for all the wrong reasons, and sometimes they find the love they never knew existed. It's 2009, not 1929, and the world has changed and people are starting to do more of what they want for themselves and less of what society thinks they should do.

 

Divorce is never the end of the world, it's the drama created around it by the BS that ends up hurting the kids more than it needs to. Everyone gets a second chance, even the BS, IMO, so suck it up and make the best of it.

 

Oh that really turned into a rant didn't it. sorry.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

full of hope,

 

you're going to a get a lot of "down" comments I can tell -- but you know what? -- people get married to the wrong person all the time -- they break up and they move on and sometimes that second marriage/relationship is one that is vastly happier.

 

I wish you the best of luck -- everyone thinks their situation will be different -- and I genuinely hope it is the case for you.

 

OMG you pretty much typed the same thing I did at the same time! hahaha too funny

[NoIDidn't]

Why in the world call posters downers for pointing at the gaping hole in her logic?

 

She doesn't know if any of what he's telling her is true. He has children and is not likely to move far away from them. Is she going to move to where he and his children are likely going to continue to stay? Its possible since they work together.

 

LD affairs are almost like Internet relationships. You just can't know the truth until you get to see it for yourself.

 

Right now, all she has is his version of what's going on. We all know MM will and do lie to keep the OW hanging on. If he's telling the truth, great for FOH. But she should also consider the possibility that things are exactly as he presents them. If he's lying to her, she stands to get very, VERY hurt. And I doubt anyone wants her to feel that pain.

[Shadowcat]

Right now' date=' all she has is his version of what's going on. We all know MM will and do lie to keep the OW hanging on. If he's telling the truth, great for FOH. But she should also consider the possibility that things are exactly as he presents them.[b'] If he's lying to her, she stands to get very, VERY hurt. And I doubt anyone wants her to feel that pain.[/[/b]QUOTE]

 

And will her pain be less if she takes it out in advance?

[nocontact2]

Beware...I was in a wonderful relationship with what I believed to be a single man. it wasnt until after our first child did i discover he was truthfully married with children with his wife.

 

I NEVER IN MY LIFE WOULD HAVE EVER GONE OUT WITH HIM HAD I KNOWN HE WAS MARRIED. There is enough drama trying to make a relationship successful for two single people to add a married person in the mix!

 

But, after all that I was already hooked like a drug. A love drug. He is my one and only, we have chemistry, we have magnetism, we cant stay away from each other, be patient, things will change, you never know what our future holds....on and on and on...

 

well, now its 6 years later, we have 2 children and are pregnant now. He is still married to his wife. She and their children know about me and our children.

 

I attempted NC but have failed miserably. Why? Because everything this man does he knows he has a power over me, he sees how much i love him in my eyes, he knows my heart, he knows i cant say no to him...

 

If I had to compare success rates and happiness of these types of relationships I would equate it to the addict of heroine...how many make it off the drug and how many relapse?

 

I promise you, being the OW is not adventurous or exciting...its a struggle every day and the nights are the worst. Because you will spend more nights alone than you will spend together. If you have strength and courage to end it now...do it before you find yourself 6 years later with children together and your still HOPING>>>>

 

Not trying to be a rain on your parade girl...this is just one OW seeing herself her optimism in you....

 

Now its hard for me to even sleep some nights....

[LucreziaBorgia]

Take it a day at a time and be prepared for some insane ups and downs. Talking about divorce/custody/etc. is one thing - actually doing it is another. A divorcing couple can be on the same page one day and not even in the same library the next. He may not be ready to cash in a lifetime with his kids to be with someone he has only seen a handful of times. When the time for logic hits, it hits hard. Be prepared.

 

When the time comes to demote himself down to a part time parent, don't be surprised to hit the waffle wall as well. Few parents are wiling to move away from their kids like that. He may ask you to move where he is.

 

Are you willing to do that?

 

Another thing to always keep in mind: he did not choose to get divorced. He was busted and forced into it. That can make a world of difference in the end.

[herenow]

Congratulations. Sounds like he is the one for you. It just proves that MM really will leave when they are serious abut being with the OW. I wish you the best of luck.

 

I'm glad that his wife will now have the chance to meet someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. It's a win win for everyone. Just from what you wrote about the first d-day and how he continued to lie to her, I'm sure she knows that she will be better off without him.

 

Again, good luck to you.

[herenow]

Take it a day at a time and be prepared for some insane ups and downs. Talking about divorce/custody/etc. is one thing - actually doing it is another. A divorcing couple can be on the same page one day and not even in the same library the next. He may not be ready to cash in a lifetime with his kids to be with someone he has only seen a handful of times. When the time for logic hits, it hits hard. Be prepared.

 

When the time comes to demote himself down to a part time parent, don't be surprised to hit the waffle wall as well. Few parents are wiling to move away from their kids like that. He may ask you to move where he is.

 

Are you willing to do that?

 

Another thing to always keep in mind: he did not choose to get divorced. He was busted and forced into it. That can make a world of difference in the end.

 

Keep in mind that there is another person who has a choice in the matter. His wife. I was able to give our marriage a chance because my H was willing to come clean and make some significant changes at d-day. Had I found out that he was still having an affair after that first discovery, we would absolutely be divorced no matter what he said or wanted.

 

Sometimes the MM and OW belong together. Let's hope (for the sake of the BW at least) that this is one of them.

 

So bummed I have to work today.

[norajane]

Congratulations. Sounds like he is the one for you. It just proves that MM really will leave when they are serious abut being with the OW. I wish you the best of luck.

 

I'm glad that his wife will now have the chance to meet someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. It's a win win for everyone. Just from what you wrote about the first d-day and how he continued to lie to her, I'm sure she knows that she will be better off without him.

 

Again, good luck to you.

 

To me, it sounds like the only reason he is leaving, is because his wife is dumping him after finding out that he continued to lie and cheat after d-day. That if his wife didn't decide to end their marriage, he'd still be married and not making any moves to leave.

 

So, I don't think he proves that MM will leave if they are serious about the OW. I think it proves that some BS will leave if they find out their WS is lying to them after d-day. And that MM will try to stay married even after d-day, and will only divorce if their W decides that for him.

 

I do agree his wife will be better off without him, though. Whether Full of Hope is better off with him remains to be seen. It's a long road to divorce and OW/MM getting together, especially when it's long distance.

[norajane]

And will her pain be less if she takes it out in advance?

 

If she doesn't get her hopes up as high and is more realistic about the possible outcomes, it's possible she won't fall as far if her hopes aren't realized.

[Full Of Hope]

I don't normally comment on this forum as I'm apathetic towards OW/OM situations but I'm curious to see why you think your story will turn out to be a happy one.

 

While I may not read most of the threads on here, I'm well aware how much pain certain OWs go through when divorce proceedings occur and they find the MM turning to other things rather than follow through with their so called " promises".

 

Has he contacted since plans for divorce began? What has he done recently to reaffirm you that he will want to be with after his wife releases him from married life?

 

If I didn't believe in this relationship with everything that I have, what would be the point? Is it painful sometimes? Absolutely. The pain however, is temporary. Once I can get out of the waiting room, it's rainbows and unicorns from there....

We talk alot...never miss a day. It's not always about our future together, but we definitely don't avoid the subject. He keeps me updated on his progress with the kids, his search for a new home, renting vs. buying, etc...

This is the real deal...no question.

[Full Of Hope]

IDK, FOH. Nothing in your story suggests that he is keeping his word or anything. In fact, the fact that you are long distance kind of gives the opposite impression. He can (and most will) say and do anything from that distance.

 

Have you spoken with his W ever?

 

Geography doesn't matter. We are meant to be together. As for him keeping his word, I have no doubt he is. If I couldn't trust him completely, why would I even want him?

 

And yes, I've spoken with the W.

[Full Of Hope]

Also, do you KNOW that his wife actually found this letter, and if so, how do you know this? Or do you just know that he SAID his wife found this letter? There is a big difference between the two. Don't mean to be a naysayer, but without speaking to his wife directly, all you have to go on is his word.

 

He told me she found the letter, and it was only a matter of days before she contacted me about it. Imagining her reading that letter was heartwrenching for me. After all, she didn't ask for any of this...we forced it upon her.

[norajane]

He told me she found the letter, and it was only a matter of days before she contacted me about it. Imagining her reading that letter was heartwrenching for me. After all, she didn't ask for any of this...we forced it upon her.

 

Was it as heartwrenching for him? Why would he choose to leave the possibility open of something like that happening instead of being honest with his wife, at the very least at the first d-day? It seems like her finding that letter was the most painful way for her to find out he was still lying and cheating and had feelings for someone else. If he had just been honest at the first d-day, he could have spared her that.

 

This is why I say it remains to be seen whether you will be better off with him. When he chooses to leave the mother of his children open to that kind of pain instead of minimizing the pain, you have to wonder what kind of man he really is deep down inside.

[hopesndreams]

He told me she found the letter, and it was only a matter of days before she contacted me about it. Imagining her reading that letter was heartwrenching for me. After all, she didn't ask for any of this...we forced it upon her.

 

 

I hope you get the mm, and then your life is the fairy tale romance you always wanted. You are very happy, I can tell...can even see you smirking with pleasure. Congrats, you won the prize.

[whichwayisup]

If she hadn't found the letter, then she wouldn't know about you and the affair, chances are, he'd still be married and not planning on leaving her. Hate to say it, but you've "won" him by default. Because SHE is kicking him out and divorcing him, before she found out, were there any talks of them splitting up?

 

Anyway, I really hope for the kids sake, you all act mature and put them first. Don't force them to move in with you quickly and be stepmom to them. It's going to take alot of time and patience, adjustments for them to get used to the fact their parents are splitting up to begin with, last thing they need to deal with is a new step mom.

[Full Of Hope]

When the time comes to demote himself down to a part time parent, don't be surprised to hit the waffle wall as well. Few parents are wiling to move away from their kids like that. He may ask you to move where he is.

 

Are you willing to do that?

 

Another thing to always keep in mind: he did not choose to get divorced. He was busted and forced into it. That can make a world of difference in the end.

 

Yes, I'm willing to move. This has been the plan all along. As for being busted, we had a plan of action the second we decided to be together. It was a very good plan too...just interrupted by the W finding out. As his situation changes, so do our plans. I think we're on plan D now. The goal of course is to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone involved. Divorce affects a lot of people...best to take it slow.

[White Flower]

Yes, I'm willing to move. This has been the plan all along. As for being busted, we had a plan of action the second we decided to be together. It was a very good plan too...just interrupted by the W finding out. As his situation changes, so do our plans. I think we're on plan D now. The goal of course is to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone involved. Divorce affects a lot of people...best to take it slow.

I understand flexibility is important to any R, but this is a red flag to me. Soon, it may go from flexibility to total chaos. I hope in your case it isn't total chaos.

[whichwayisup]

As for being busted, we had a plan of action the second we decided to be together. It was a very good plan too...just interrupted by the W finding out. As his situation changes, so do our plans.

 

Do mind me asking what the original plan was?