This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[herenow]

No. Nowhere did she say the divorce will be finalized by the end of the year. It's just what's she's HOPING for. It's what she expects. But I will be very, very surprised if he even files by then. You watch. Here's how it's going to go down...this is the "script."

 

"baby be patient...all good things come to those who wait" (and wait, and wait, and wait...)

 

"Oh baby, summer is not a good time for me to proceed with things what with the kids out of school for the summer. Let's wait until they're back in school."

 

"Sweetie, I know what I said but now school has started and it's hectic. The wife is in school now too and I don't want to disrupt evryone's lives..just be patient"

 

" Darling, Halloween is coming and it's my kids' favorite holiday...I can't do this to them now. Be patient, baby."

 

"Yes, I know what I said but the holidays are coming up. You wouldn't want me to do this during the holidays and ruin those poor kids' time now would you? I know you're a good woman and you understand. Be patient, baby."

 

"I know it's the end of the year now but a little more time won't hurt. It's almost New Year's. I couldn't possibly start the year off by moving out. Patience love of my life."

 

"I'm not THAT cold..it's almost Valentine's Day. That would be cruel...just a little more time, ok cookie puss?"

 

" oh not during St. Patricks Day dear..."

 

And on and on it goes...months turn into years, the kids leave, the H can't leave his wife alone...it's empty nest syndrome and she's depressed...

 

You get the picture.

 

Brilliant! Just remember that the wife has a say as well. And if she is smart, he won't be given that opportunity. Let's hope the wife takes control of the situation and does what is best for her.

[Touche]

Brilliant! Just remember that the wife has a say as well. And if she is smart, he won't be given that opportunity. Let's hope the wife takes control of the situation and does what is best for her.[/QUOT

 

Uhm, yeah thanks but that's the way I've heard the script goes. Why do women fall for this? I really would like to know.

 

And you're right. Really the wife is who controls most of this as I've said before. OP's fate is really in this woman's hands. If she decides to keep this gem of a man, I don't believe he's going anywhere. That's why I said, she'll be SECOND choice if he ends up with her...it will only be because the wife "through the bum out."

[JMC]

Perhaps their view of "support" is closer to some of the other posters here than yours?

 

I'm not going to guess at the veracity of this thread or not...I'm simply going to say that the content of the thread doesn't quite match the title...the situation isn't over yet, nor is it RESOLVED in the way that everyone "hopes for".

 

It might work out that...it might not. It's waaayyy too early to tell yet.

 

Owl, it's up to you whether or not you choose to see the hostility, contempt, snarkiness, cattiness, pettiness, hopeful-schadenfreude in some of these posts.

 

This forum is so not here to help people. It's main mission seems to be to tear people down until they begin doubting themselves, or til they begin behaving like Good Boys & Girls (read: no contact) which is when they get their head-pats and cookies.

 

Anyone who's studied psychology knows that negativity is not an effective way to change behavior, or to help people better themselves.

 

Positivity and kindness work far better. That is how I know some people are not here to help. They are here to feed on the bleeding newbies.

[sally4sara]

The title was so full of excitement....I had to look! The one I've been waiting for!!!!!!

 

I am left feeling mislead.

 

Is this called foreshadowing? :confused:

[JMC]

I don't see this. There is nothing in her posts to suggest that she's in a "fragile state", nor is there any indication that she's become more fragile as a result of posting here.

 

Perhaps this is true...but boy are some here trying like hell to get her to that state!

 

It's like watching boot camp....they gonna break you down OP, whether ye likes it or not. I hope they don't.

 

Sad to me that people refuse to see the cruelty in this forum.

 

As long as it all leads to NC or end of the affair, all is fair, right?

 

Right Owl?

[Owl]

Owl, it's up to you whether or not you choose to see the hostility, contempt, snarkiness, cattiness, pettiness, hopeful-schadenfreude in some of these posts.

 

This forum is so not here to help people. It's main mission seems to be to tear people down until they begin doubting themselves, or til they begin behaving like Good Boys & Girls (read: no contact) which is when they get their head-pats and cookies.

 

Anyone who's studied psychology knows that negativity is not an effective way to change behavior, or to help people better themselves.

 

Positivity and kindness work far better. That is how I know some people are not here to help. They are here to feed on the bleeding newbies.

 

I don't agree with all that everyone posts here.

 

But I also feel that there is a lot of good that IS posted here.

 

If you feel that this forum is ONLY for those who follow the "Good Boys & Girls (read: no contact)" rule...why do you bother posting here?

 

You, like me, aren't the people who enforce the rules. Report those that you feel violate the TOS, and let the mods enforce it as they see fit.

[Owl]

Perhaps this is true...but boy are some here trying like hell to get her to that state!

 

It's like watching boot camp....they gonna break you down OP, whether ye likes it or not. I hope they don't.

 

Sad to me that people refuse to see the cruelty in this forum.

 

As long as it all leads to NC or end of the affair, all is fair, right?

 

Right Owl?

 

If you feel my posts violate the TOS...please report me.

 

If you don't like my advice...and the mods don't feel that I'm violating the TOS...put me on ignore, or deal. Or find a website that supports your viewpoints.

 

That's about all you can reasonably expect out of the internet.

[JMC]

Since infidelity is such a volatile subject, there will always be people who have been angered by it. The anger is real and IMO should not be silenced. It's a part of what happens in real life when people get involved in affairs. You or anyone else can choose to ignore it or continue to ask those who feel so strongly to hide their real emotions. How is that going to help anyone? Like is has already been said, if a person can't handle the raw emotion on a anonymous forum, they certainly are not cut out for what will happen in real life. This is just a scratch on the surface.

 

I have heard of other forums where affairs are praised and celebrated. If posters want to have discussions where they are only offered kind words of support, maybe this isn't the place for them It's not my call. As I said, I leave that to the mods.

 

 

THEN THE FREAKING NAME OF THE FORUM NEEDS TO BE CHANGED, AS WELL AS THE RULES.

 

LOVE SHACK ADVERTISING IT AS A PLACE OF SUPPORT AND DISCUSSION IS A COMPLETE MISNOMER AND DECEIPT ON THEIR PART.

 

ANY PERSON NOT CONFORMING TO THE TERMS OF USE AS STATED BY LOVESHACK ARE PARTICIPANTS IN THIS DECEIPT.

 

God this is so simple to me.........!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

[Owl]

THEN THE FREAKING NAME OF THE FORUM NEEDS TO BE CHANGED, AS WELL AS THE RULES.

 

LOVE SHACK ADVERTISING IT AS A PLACE OF SUPPORT AND DISCUSSION IS A COMPLETE MISNOMER AND DECEIPT ON THEIR PART.

 

ANY PERSON NOT CONFORMING TO THE TERMS OF USE AS STATED BY LOVESHACK ARE PARTICIPANTS IN THIS DECEIPT.

 

God this is so simple to me.........!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

 

Me too. If you feel this strongly that this site is not what you want it to be...you might check out gloryB.

[JMC]

If you feel my posts violate the TOS...please report me.

 

If you don't like my advice...and the mods don't feel that I'm violating the TOS...put me on ignore, or deal. Or find a website that supports your viewpoints.

 

That's about all you can reasonably expect out of the internet.

 

Fine, then, Owl.

 

I can't make you see what is going on right in front of your face.

 

If the way posters treat each other is OK with you, I can't change it. I've tried to offer my point of view.

 

But if you, or anyone here, is truly, truly OK with how OM/W are mostly treated here, then there is simply something wrong in paradise.

 

You don't personally know any of these OM/W. They didn't have affairs with your spouses. Yet you and others continually choose to see a blind eye to how they are attacked over, and over, and over again.

 

You say it's fair. Whatever.....this is beginning to seem like the Twilight Zone to me. Or Alice In Wonderland.

 

My personal assessment is that the angriest, most hostile posters are simply unfairly taking their personal rage out on OP they don't know.

 

That isn't right or fair. It's sick. But what I do know, right?

 

Carry on, Weird World.

[JMC]

I think there have been enough posts that gave beneficial and well supported advice to the OP, that she either skims over or ignore completely.

 

There's no point in actually continuing to expand this thread because the same things will occur: we'll continue to give her our POV's and she will overlook them and come up with explanations for so-and so.

 

She said herself that the divorce won't be finalized until the end of the year. Do we really want to argue her point for 6 months and 100 or so pages more?

 

That's right. She's not taking the bait. She's not letting some of you break her down, as you're obviously salivating to do.

 

Good for her!

[herenow]

Me too. If you feel this strongly that this site is not what you want it to be...you might check out gloryB.

 

Yes, and that seems so simple to me.

[JMC]

Yes, and that seems so simple to me.

 

 

Simpler than following the rules as stated on the pinned thread, Herenow?

[JMC]

I don't agree with all that everyone posts here.

 

But I also feel that there is a lot of good that IS posted here.

 

If you feel that this forum is ONLY for those who follow the "Good Boys & Girls (read: no contact)" rule...why do you bother posting here?

 

You, like me, aren't the people who enforce the rules. Report those that you feel violate the TOS, and let the mods enforce it as they see fit.

 

Why do I bother posting here? Because it is a forum for Other Men/Women, of which I have been in the past. So in keeping with that, why do YOU post here, Owl?

 

And I know you don't violate TOS. But your turning a blind eye to those who do is a tacit endorsement of such, in my opinion.

[Owl]

Simpler than following the rules as stated on the pinned thread, Herenow?

 

Obviously, since you're not going to be able to force a change in how others post.

 

All you can control is yourself.

 

Have you reported all of those posts that you feel violate the TOS? That's your BEST first step towards making the change you want to happen here.

 

Here's the thing...I actually AGREE with you on the venom that people tend to post...but I've also learned I can't enforce the TOS, only the moderators can.

 

Calling others out about their posts isn't going to solve your problem...use the tools that the website provides to work towards your goal. Report violations of TOS, ignore those that you don't like, and let the mods do the job.

[Owl]

Why do I bother posting here? Because it is a forum for Other Men/Women, of which I have been in the past. So in keeping with that, why do YOU post here, Owl?

 

And I know you don't violate TOS. But your turning a blind eye to those who do is a tacit endorsement of such, in my opinion.

 

What you're not considering is that I've had this fight more times than I can count in my FOUR years here.

 

I've taken the same stance your taking more times than I can count.

 

And I've learned to do what I suggested in my last post...let the mods handle it.

[bentnotbroken]

What you're not considering is that I've had this fight more times than I can count in my FOUR years here.

 

I've taken the same stance your taking more times than I can count.

 

And I've learned to do what I suggested in my last post...let the mods handle it.

 

 

Great post Owl.

[JMC]

What you're not considering is that I've had this fight more times than I can count in my FOUR years here.

 

I've taken the same stance your taking more times than I can count.

 

And I've learned to do what I suggested in my last post...let the mods handle it.

 

Well I didn't know that....but Owl, it just goes on and on and on.

 

As long as I have breath and fight and care left in me, I'm going to express how I feel.

 

But I will never engage in the snark I see here. I know how much pain OP are sometimes in. They're alone, vulnerable, and need support and answers. Then they stumble in here and get shredded to bits. I was one of them. It's horrible and it's very hard to stand by and watch it.

 

I know FOH is very strong...I hope she doesn't succumb to the pressure here.

[Owl]

FWIW, I'm not the least bit afraid that FOH is going to "succumb to the pressure here".

 

She didn't post here looking for anyone's input.

 

She posted to show what she thought was an example of where "the OW wins". That was it.

 

She isn't looking for anyone's help/advice/input.

 

She made it clear she didn't care about any of those posts she got back that didn't agree with her view.

 

Odds are, we're not going to see much happen for quite a while in her situation. Not until (POSSIBLY) her MM takes true action to move the situation forward.

 

Until then...her "success story" was premature, and we need to wait and see what happens.

[Touche]

What pressure? I'm not seeing it.

 

You have NO idea whether these posts are helping her or someone else or not. None. Zero. Zip.

[SidLyon]

THEN THE FREAKING NAME OF THE FORUM NEEDS TO BE CHANGED, AS WELL AS THE RULES.

 

LOVE SHACK ADVERTISING IT AS A PLACE OF SUPPORT AND DISCUSSION IS A COMPLETE MISNOMER AND DECEIPT ON THEIR PART.

 

ANY PERSON NOT CONFORMING TO THE TERMS OF USE AS STATED BY LOVESHACK ARE PARTICIPANTS IN THIS DECEIPT.

 

God this is so simple to me.........!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

 

and later:

 

My personal assessment is that the angriest, most hostile posters are simply unfairly taking their personal rage out on OP they don't know.

 

That isn't right or fair. It's sick. But what I do know, right?

 

*********************************************

 

Last time I had to research netiquette, capitalisation was shouting.

 

I don't like to criticise others' manner of posting too much but IMHO, JMC is "the pot calling the kettle black" as they say. There's more than one way of showing hostility, anger and general rudeness.

 

S

[herenow]

Simpler than following the rules as stated on the pinned thread, Herenow?

 

And how have I not followed the rules? I have offered my congratulations to FOH and I wish her luck. What's wrong with that? Is it because I see it from the BW POV and I hope for her sake that all goes as FOH plans?

[whichwayisup]

If the original poster FOH has a problem with the posts and replies, she will deal with it. To continually point out that people are being mean and rude (maybe one or two comments in this long thread have been, but MOST have been nice and respectful. Harsh, sure, but still respectful.

 

Anyway, to keep saying that BW's or those who don't agree with affairs, or people are being mean, trying to bring down the OP, IS taking the whole thread off topic, and adding fuel into a fire that wasn't going on until some pointed out that, adding fuel to the fire. This thread eventually will get closed down, so just please stop pointing fingers, and those who don't like what is being said, alert the mods and let them handle it instead.

[Full Of Hope]

JMC,

 

Wow. You are defending the hell out of my honor! Thank you for that!

 

Just know this...

 

Posting a thread here...especially with the audacity of mine...is not a decision made lightly. Before I posted, I made damn sure I believed in my relationship as much as I thought I did. I can tell myself all day long that things are going to work out, but if I didn't really believe it...really really...I would never be able to survive in here.

 

I read every post, take it all in, then sit back and remember what it was like when I thought the same thing and confronted my MM about it in the past. I haven't always seen rainbows and unicorns in my future (that was for you, Touche )...

 

Anyway, thanks for caring. It means alot.

[Touche]

LOL on the rainbows and unicorns...and I know you like to respond and acknowledge your defenders but do know that most of us on here care. Some of us have a different way of showing it.

 

Someone told me that I should continue to try to "soften the fall." I loved that! That's exactly my aim.

 

But anyway, I'm curious...what did he say that turned your doubt into absolute certainty?